Storytime with Rachel F Hundred

Even when you keep sliding down it.

It has been a while since my last writer’s log in mid-March. Two and a half months later, here I am surfacing after what feels like two and a half months of simultaneously treading water and feeling like I’m drowning.

Last time, I acknowledged that chronic illnesses mean chronic, that I was struggling, and that has never been truer than during the last couple of months.

I once wrote that working with a chronic illness is like standing on the top of a very steep hill on a very narrow ledge where one push can see you stumble off and slide down, leaving you to crawl your way back up. Two lots of flu meant my stumble off the ledge was very bad. Having managed to crawl almost back to the ledge from the first flu, the second saw me lose my footing and slide almost to the bottom of the hill.

In mid-April, I thought I’d regained my momentum. I saw handholds and footholds and my progress upwards felt good. Only it didn’t last. I started having energy issues again and back down I went.

I made a few steps upward.

A tummy upset.

Back down I went. Not as far back as before but back down again.

I made a few steps upward.

A migraine.

Back down I went. Again, not as far back as before but still back down again.

At this point, the ledge at the top looks like it is shrouded in cloud and I still have a way to climb.

My energy has been meh.

It is a technical medical term which means it was enough to get me to my primary job most days, enough that self-care (showering, brushing teeth, getting dressed, eating) usually was OK, but anything beyond this was typically not doable.

I struggled to write most days, posting only what I had managed to get done before it got very bad, before I picked myself back up and paced myself over a few days to write the Daredevil: Born Again (2025-) second season review.

I stopped any other progress on my own business. I stopped all my social media. I stopped going out, meeting even virtually with friends. It is safe to say that life mostly stopped outside of my primary work. Since April, once my hours on the job were over, and also on the days I had no energy to do said job and had to call in sick, I simply read, watched a little TV, or napped whenever I wasn’t curled up in bed with a horrific fatigue headache unable to move.

My Dad, newly arrived back in the country (ostensibly for us to go away on a holiday which could no longer happen because of my illness), has taken care of the house and cooking and generally has seen very little of me except at dinner, because my social battery for spending time with people, even him, has been very low. I managed by clawing into the steep hill by my fingernails to take him to a football match as a combined early Father’s Day and ‘sorry I didn’t manage to be well enough to do the holiday you wanted to actually do.’

The good news is that I have managed to improve over the past couple of weeks. I managed to work my full hours for a week, and then this past week, with some time off from my primary contract, I’ve managed to get out for a walk with my Dad around a local park. Today, I managed a movie (The Sheep Detectives – great family film, I recommend it) and dinner out for my birthday. Maybe I’ll manage another outing this week and I have a spa trip with my best friend to look forward to at the end of the week to cap off my holiday.

While I’m not back at the top of the hill on a narrow ledge, it does feel like I’ve managed to find a nook to rest in along the way. A resting nook which allows me to take stock, to reset and pick up the shattered remains of my plans for this year and reshape them into something doable now.

So, what does that shape look like for my writing?

Non-fiction: I am starting my writer’s logs again – one every two weeks as I originally planned. I might review Spider-Noir (2026). I’m planning to watch it during this coming week. If I enjoy it and have the energy to do so, I’ll review. I may indulge myself in some poetry writing. My stretch goal here is to start up my Deconstruction series again but maybe with a less ambitious publication objective rather than a weekly treadmill I can’t hope to achieve at present. I may post here what I already did over on Substack.

Fiction: I really, really want to get my novel published this summer. That is going to be the focus here and the priority. I might get around to writing some short stories if I get inspired. The stretch goal here is to start writing the second book in the series.

Fan-fiction: I’m giving myself grace to simply write what I want to write in this space for June. Then, I’ll revisit with Another Dimension and see if I can finish it with the aim to get it published for August, a year behind when I originally had intended it to be posted.  

With time off this coming week, beyond the family and friends time planned, writing is my number one objective. I’m looking forward to having the energy to write again. Fingers crossed I keep climbing back up to that ledge and I don’t keep losing my footing.

End Note: Please like, comment or share if you enjoyed this writer’s log! If you would like to buy me a coffee in support of my original writing, check out my Ko-fi or my subscription/donation page.