Storytime with Rachel F Hundred

1. How many innocents he had killed

Teal’c cannot remember all the faces of those he killed – some he does not know, could never know, but he remembers the numbers.

Teal’c had once told Tomin that they would never forgive themselves for the atrocities they had committed. They would fight for innocents and gain forgiveness from those they had wronged, yes; redemption, no.

He knows this as he feels his life seep from his body breath by breath.

He counts each one as he creeps towards death.

2. How close he had come to ignoring O’Neill

He had been going to kill them all.

As intrigued as he was by their technology, so unlike the Goa’uld and yet so advanced. As much as he admired the spark of independence that they had shown.

He had still been going to kill them.

Teal’c really does not know what changed within him when O’Neill had begged. Perhaps because his old friend had not begged for just his own life but for all those in the cell. So different from the Goa’uld who sought only to destroy.

‘I can save these people!’

Teal’c had known that O’Neill could not but he had also known that he could save O’Neill and the others.

Teal’c knows he can no longer save himself.

3. How he had promised Sha’re he would kill her

It had been a rare moment alone with the pregnant Sha’re. They had regarded each other with identical guarded expressions.

‘Do not hesitate.’ Sha’re had said suddenly. ‘If the demon threatens my Daniel in any way; promise me you won’t hesitate to kill me, Teal’c.’ Her eyes blazed at him. ‘You owe me this much!’

He had owed her so much more. A year later, he had kept his promise.

Teal’c regards Daniel Jackson as his brother but he has never told him and never will.

As Daniel finds him and clutches his hand, he makes Teal’c promise to hold on; to live…Teal’c cannot bring himself to tell Daniel that it is a promise he will not keep.

4. How much he had loved Samantha Carter

Her heart and spirit had belonged to O’Neill.

Teal’c had known that from the beginning perhaps before they themselves had realised the feelings that bound them to each other.

But he had loved her.

Not just as a friend. Not just as a sister. But, as he had once heard O’Neill confess, more than he should.

He could never have hurt her or O’Neill, or his own Ishta, in pursuing something more, not even when they had been trapped in a time bubble and so many years had passed. He had always been content to be no more than her cherished friend. It had been no sacrifice to save her.

It still isn’t.

Teal’c wishes he had the breath left to tell her as her tears wash over his face.

5. How he fears Apophis really is a God waiting for him in the afterlife

Teal’c is certain Apophis is a dead False God.

But there is a tiny, infinitesimal grain of doubt. Intellectually, he knows it’s just too many years of being ruled by the Goa’uld that has planted such a seed but as his body gives up the fight, Teal’c feels his fear rise up to choke him.

His life flickers out and the world recedes into nothing but light.

And Teal’c knows he is wrong.

For there is nothing but love that surrounds him and, finally, there is redemption at last.

fin.