Storytime with Rachel F Hundred

Living with a chronic illness means it never goes away.

I have struggled over the past three weeks. I’m still struggling.

When last I blogged, I was celebrating finding time to write, carving out space even if it was a small amount almost every day to keep writing. I’d succeeded in making my plans for Evil Author’s day and International Fandom day a reality.

Three weeks on and I’m reminded that pride goeth before a fall and that there is a reason why they call it chronic fatigue.

That weekend, I had suffered with another bout of flu but I had thought I was getting better, only I really wasn’t. I tried going back to work and failed utterly, having to take more time off because I was ill, in pain, and totally exhausted. I have been crawling slowly (very, very slowly) back along the road to health since. I’m not there. I’m nowhere close. But every day I crawl a little bit further forward.

A week ago, I was seriously considering exiting my contract because I felt so unwell I couldn’t write and work. Well. I couldn’t really do anything other than work for a few hours and then I had no energy to do anything else. Like cook, clean, exist…

There was effectively no balance. And I am so determined to keep writing, to keep finding the balance so I can write.

So, here I am crawling back to health. I’m part-time, phasing back to work, still trying to find a balance.

Luckily, I had already finished my Big Moxie fic when I fell ill so I was able to post Risk Assessment on schedule at the beginning of March. I decided last weekend to ignore the cleaning and simply rest and write so I managed to finish the second fanfic which had popped into my brain around a Fix-It which was A Better Plan. I’ve managed this weekend to write around 3k on a third fanfic in the series which I’m hopeful to get finished and posted before the end of March.

During the past few weeks, I’ve paused on some of my social media, my Deconstruction series over on Substack. I also postponed this writing log, and I haven’t really progressed anything which isn’t work, writing or simply the key aspects of living (cooking, eating, sleeping, etc.).

As a result I haven’t managed to get back to Another Dimension. That’s on the schedule for this week, although it is going to be a tough week with a major workshop delivery planned. I’m hoping that even if I don’t get the rest rewritten by the end of March, I will still be able to finish it up and post in early April. After all, we have the Easter weekend which will give me some time back.

Above all this week, I’m going to be kind to myself. Pushing myself at this stage will only just set me back even further. I guess I do have a little bit of trauma associated with the last time I bordered on severe with my CFS. I need to make the best decisions for my health over the next few weeks while I continue crawling forward, and that is going to be my main focus. If I do that, then I am going to be more successful at finding that time to write because I’ll have the energy to do it.

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