Storytime with Rachel F Hundred

Why posting original work is terrifying

It is terrifying to publish a story.

Art of any kind is created from the imagination of the artist – whether a painter, writer, poet or videographer.  In many ways we all pull from ourselves to create art, whether our emotions, or past experiences, or an inspiration from the world around us.  You could say that it shares our DNA.

Sometimes there is art that we create and destroy or discard.  Sometimes because the end product does not match up with what we wanted to create (quite honestly this was every single picture I drew in Art class – what was in my head was so much better than what I drew).  Sometimes the inspiration is not long lasting or strong enough to fully create what we first imagined.  So, the delete button is used and to the trash can the story goes. 

Admittedly I find it very difficult to let of my stories.  There are plenty half-finished stories in my folders where the muse left before the end or where I just think ‘I am bored so why would my reader not be?’ and stop writing.  Sometimes I know the story will remain unfinished because life interrupted and I lost the thread of the inspiration.  There are also the completed works which for whatever reason, I cannot bring myself to destroy or discard, even though I don’t think it is not good enough to publish.

My ‘declutter’ series was very much born out of the realisation that I was never going to rewrite this one story I had felt could have been written better, or finish this other story at all, and that keeping them in my folders was just depressing and causing me anxiety.  So having published some stories under the ‘declutter’ label back in 2021, I tell myself I should declutter more often because it is a way of clearing the decks and focusing my writing on what I want to write.

I’m always nervous posting a story.  Will anyone read it?  Will anyone like it?  Because as much as on one level I’ve accepted that not everything is going to be liked, or everything that I post will get a huge audience, there is still that desire to post something and have someone else enjoy my creation. 

There are a couple of fanfiction stories which I think are great stories, but they garnered very little response when posted.  Sometimes it’s not a show anyone has particularly watched, or a show which generates fanfic typically, or sometimes it’s a pairing or a character POV that puts people off.  In such cases, it’s always a little disappointing, but I shrug it off and continue.  Invariably a couple of people find it sooner or later and those brief comments and likes/kudos are all the more treasured because of that.

Professional writing is perhaps not as nerve-wracking for me because the motivation is different.  I’m writing for a specific purpose – to set out how to do a strategy or how to plan change benefits – to impart information, hints and tips.  The articles are not meant to be enjoyed per se; there is nothing in them to move people to tears or laughter (although some people might be frustrated enough at the idea of change benefits to do both).  I hope people read the articles and that they get some helpful insight.  It is satisfying to get views, comments and likes on my professional writing, and my intent is always to produce a good article, but I’m not as emotionally invested in my professional creations as I am in my storytelling.

Posting my original fiction, The Case of the Vengeful Ghost, was very terrifying in a way I didn’t expect given how much fanfic and professional writing I’ve posted. 

I’ve come to understand this past week that the emotional investment is very different. 

This story is entirely my creation whereas professional writing draws on known subjects and fanfic draws on existing material out there in the world – I don’t own the characters, the settings, the world.  I may play with all of those things a lot – take characters from one world and put them in another, or change up the world-building, or divert the characters onto a different path than canon.  Fanfic is a great sandpit to create within and there is always the security of knowing other people like the sandpit even if they don’t like the castle you built.

Creating an original story is building the sandpit and hoping someone even comes into the sandpit never mind whether they like the castle you’ve built there or not.

So, I released the story, and it was terrifying waiting to see if anyone would come to the sandpit.  Would anyone like the sandpit?  Would anyone like the castle?

It has been heartening to watch the view count and know that some people who’ve come to my website have given the story a chance. Maybe more than a few click on it and click straight out, but even if only half stayed to read it, that’s heartwarming.  I’ve treasured the few likes I’ve received on the story too.  It’s a great encouragement and I want to say a big thank you to everyone who has checked out the story.

I’ve got a busy writing month ahead.  I’m working on the second original story in the prequel series, finishing up my fanfic Big Moxie Q3 offering, and there is a lot of professional writing I’m doing.

In the meantime, my original work is out there and as terrifying as that is, it’s also incredibly satisfying to have my own sandpit.