Author’s Note: Inspired by WILTY’s hilarious story of how Rory Reid was once in an ongoing feud with a cat who walked a hundred miles to torment him and The Proclaimer’s excellent “I’m Gonna Be (500 miles).”
Content warning: Animal humour.
When I need food, I’m gonna be the cat who steals the food from you.
When I need sleep, I’m gonna be the cat who steals a bed from you.
If I need a fight, I’m gonna be the cat who fights your cats and you.
And if I shelter, I’m gonna be the cat who’s sheltering with you.
But I would walk one hundred miles
And I will find your house once more
Just to be the cat who walked one hundred miles
To walk in through your door.
When I’m trapped, I’m gonna be the cat who travels far from you.
And when I’m poorly, I’m gonna be the cat who’s worrisome to you.
When there’s freedom, I’m gonna be the cat who travels home to you.
And if I’m snoring, I’m gonna be the cat who’s snoring next to you.
But I would walk one hundred miles
And I will walk in through your door
Just to be the cat who walked one hundred miles
To feud with you once more.
I’m a black cat, and I’m gonna be your very own dark menace
And you will name me, I’m gonna be your very own Mark Dennis.
When I break in, I’ll do what I’ve always done to you.
And when I break in, I’m laughing, and you’ll soon be laughing too.
So I will walk one hundred miles,
And I will feud with you once more.
Just to be the cat who walked one hundred miles
To be the cat that you adore.
Storytime with Rachel F Hundred 
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