Storytime with Rachel F Hundred

Part I: Delivered

Dear General Hammond,

If you’re reading this letter than my lawyer has delivered the package that I have arranged in the event of my death. It seems weird to write this sitting here in my office at the SGC, but the recent attack on the Alpha site has proven that we can never know what will happen and I have realised that I need to make sure that things are said.

The letters to my family the lawyer will send, and truthfully I find that there isn’t a lot to say to them. I know my mother, a woman who raised five children alone, knows that she was my role model in all things; that I love her and loved the memory of my father. I know my sisters understand that I wish we could have been closer but that I have love and affection for the years we spent growing up and getting into mischief together.

It’s strange really to know that the letters I need to write are to the people I see every day; talk to every day. I’m sure the psychologists and psychiatrists on staff would have a field day with that.

You, sir, are the best commanding officer I have ever had the privilege of working with. I don’t believe that we would have survived everything that we have faced if you hadn’t been in charge at the SGC. I recall all those times we stood together waiting for our teams to return. There is nobody I trust more to deliver the rest of my letters. I leave them safely in your hands.

It has been an honour to serve with you.

Major Janet Fraiser, M.D

George Hammond gave a sigh and looked heavily at the door to Janet Fraiser’s office. It had remained locked since her death two weeks previously and the person most appropriate to take care of the clear out – Samantha Carter – wasn’t on base. SG1 had been placed on stand down due to the injuries Jack O’Neill had sustained in the same battle that had felled their CMO. All of them had taken the opportunity with Hammond’s consent to spend time with Janet’s daughter, Cassie.

Hammond felt his throat close up and he reached for his security card without thinking. He opened up the door and stepped inside. The coffee pot on the side was half-full; the stale bitter odour permeating the small space. Hammond made a note to get it removed. He wandered towards her desk and picked up the prominently displayed photo of Cassie. It wasn’t recent; it didn’t show the self-assured young woman who three days before had accepted the folded flag from Hammond’s hands with dry angry eyes. Instead, the picture was of the young girl who had been rescued from Hanka; red-brown frizzy hair a cloud around her freckled face as she smiled shyly into the camera, her arms around her newly acquired dog.

‘What are you doing…’ The sharp tone dropped away immediately as Hammond turned to look at the woman in the doorway. He attempted to place her as she flushed brightly and raised a hand. ‘Apologies, General, I thought you were an intruder.’

‘No need to apologise.’ Hammond said smoothly, replacing the picture and tapping the letter he carried, restlessly against his leg. ‘It’s Doctor Heightmeyer, isn’t it?’ The dove grey pant suit with the pretty lilac blouse and the shoulder length blonde hair worn down rather than up, gave away her civilian status.

She smiled warmly at him. ‘I didn’t expect you to remember me, General. And please, call me Kate.’

Hammond lifted a hand dismissively waving away her admiration. He made it a point to recognise everyone in his command – civilian or military.

‘I’m sorry to disturb you,’ Kate said softly, ‘I’ll leave you to it.’

‘It’s OK, Doctor,’ Hammond gave a huff, ‘I’m not sure what I’m doing here.’

‘Remembering a friend.’ Kate murmured, brushing her hair away from her eyes which gazed at him compassionately. ‘We often seek out the places they inhabited most to saturate ourselves in what’s left.’

She wandered up to the desk and picked up the photo Hammond had set down. Hammond resisted the urge to yank it away from her.

‘When my father died I used to spend hours in his study curled up in his chair.’ Kate confessed. ‘The room reminded me so much of him.’ She replaced the photo. ‘I miss Janet already. I can’t say we were friends beyond being colleagues but I respected her very much.’ Her lips lifted in a rueful smile. ‘She always fought fiercely for her patients.’

Hammond found himself smiling back. ‘Yes, she did.’ He sighed. ‘I believe she would have taken on the Commander in Chief himself if he stood in her way regarding patient care.’

‘You worked with her closely for a long time.’

It wasn’t a question but Hammond nodded anyway. He looked away, pale blue eyes scanning over the battered chairs and worn furniture; the cold serviceable filing cabinets; all shadowed and dark in the dim lighting. ‘Almost since the very beginning of the SGC.’ But no longer. He struggled with the ache of loss that thought evoked.

‘If you need to talk, General…’ Kate offered, sympathetically.

‘Thank you, Doctor.’ Hammond took a deep breath and collected himself again. ‘But no.’ He would deal with his grief in his own way. ‘I’m sure recent events have given you a full schedule.’

Between the attack on the Alpha site, the loss of the alliance with the Tok’ra and the rebel Jaffa, and Janet’s death, the SGC had been hit hard.

‘Excuse me, but what…’ Anna Brightman stopped her furious accusation mid-breath and pushed her hands into her white lab coat pocket. ‘Sorry, General; Kate.’

‘My fault,’ Hammond drawled easily, ‘I stepped in for a moment and Doctor Heightmeyer came to investigate the open door.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Actually, I was on my way to find you, Doctor Brightman.’

Anna frowned at him. She didn’t have Janet’s natural warmth but Hammond valued her cool composure and competence. She nodded briskly and he couldn’t help but note the shadows under her eyes. He made a mental note to check in with more of the medical staff; he felt Janet’s loss so keenly himself he was in danger of losing sight of the fact that her department had lost its formidable leader.

‘I’ll leave you to it.’ Kate said diplomatically. She smiled and placed a comforting hand on Anna’s arm as she passed.

‘Perhaps we could take this to your office, Doctor Brightman?’ Hammond suggested kindly.

Anna nodded, casting a haunted look around Janet’s small domain. They stepped out, locking the door behind them, and she led the way further down the corridor to an office which was slightly smaller but no less crammed. Hammond closed the door.

‘Would you like a seat or some coffee, sir?’ Anna offered crisply. She hovered in front of her desk nervously, barely holding to a position of attention remembered from basic officer training.

‘At ease, Doctor. And, no, thank you.’ Hammond declined politely. He cleared his throat. ‘Firstly, I’d like to inform you that the Pentagon has approved your selection as Chief Medical Officer.’ He saw her flinch as though absorbing a blow; her composure slipping for an instant. ‘You were Doctor Fraiser’s deputy and her recommendation to succeed her.’

‘I never thought…’ She seemed to think better of what she was going to say and drew in a long breath. ‘This isn’t something I’ve wanted, General, especially like this. I always thought that Janet would be here forever.’

‘Me too, Doctor.’ Hammond admitted softly. He hesitated and made a decision. ‘If you would rather not accept the assignment, I can consider other candidates but I would need you to continue in place until one is assigned permanently.’

Her fingers reached up and played with the stethoscope around her neck. ‘I appreciate that, sir. Would it…’ her breath caught, ‘would it be possible to have a couple of days to think about it?’

‘Of course.’ Hammond demurred. ‘I can hold off a formal announcement for a short while.’

She nodded gratefully and he was aware that tears hovered in her eyes on the brink of falling.

Hammond lifted the envelope in his hand and turned it over before handing it to the doctor. ‘Doctor Fraiser left letters. This one was addressed to you.’

Anna’s eyes widened. She took the letter and stroked her fingers over her name, written in Janet’s neat handwriting. ‘We were friends but I didn’t expect a letter.’

‘You knew she had written them?’ Hammond asked interested to know the answer. The existence of the letters had taken him by surprise. It wasn’t unusual for military personnel to leave letters behind but he hadn’t considered Janet would do it.

‘We talked about it a few days after the attack on the Alpha site, sir.’ Anna said simply.

‘Well, I’ll leave you to it, Doctor.’ Hammond replied diplomatically hearing the warning tone in her voice not to question it further. ‘Let me know as soon as you’ve reached a decision about the position.’

‘Of course, sir.’ Anna agreed quickly.

Hammond left without ceremony, closing the door behind him to give her some privacy in which to read the letter. He couldn’t deny he was curious about what Janet had written to others. The heartfelt sentiment of her words in the letter he had received had touched him deeply; soothed and inflamed the hurt of her death simultaneously.

The walk to his office seemed longer than normal. Everything seemed longer; tougher; harder. Hammond wandered through the conference room and stared out at the Stargate. He had lost count of the times that he had stood by the window keeping vigil waiting for teams to come home. He had lost count of the times he had stood with Janet…

‘Sir.’

Hammond looked over his shoulder and found Jack behind him. ‘Colonel.’

Jack walked up and stood beside him. ‘Don’t worry; I haven’t walked out of my interview with Bregman.’ He waved a hand behind him. ‘We’re taking a break while they play with the lighting. Or the sound. Something.’

Hammond shot him a look. He knew Jack had only taken part in the filming because he had asked the other man as a personal favour.

‘He showed me the film.’ Jack rocked back a little as he pushed his hands into his pants’ pockets. ‘It’s good.’

‘That’s what I thought.’ Hammond sighed and rubbed a hand over his bald pate. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever felt so old as I do right now.’

‘I hear that.’ One of Jack’s hands snuck to his side. He’d taken a hit on the field; stopped breathing; his heart had stopped beating. Sam had saved his life with CPR until he could be stabilised by medics. Jack had come away with deep bruising and a cracked rib but he’d lived.

Janet Fraiser had not.

Jack hummed. ‘So, Walter said you wanted to see me, sir?’

‘Come into the office, Colonel.’ Hammond gestured and led the way into the small cosy room. He sank into his leather chair with relief while Jack closed the door and moved to stand in front of his desk.

‘How are you all doing, Jack?’ Hammond asked.

Jack’s jaw tightened but he didn’t evade the question. ‘Cassie’s angry. Carter’s…devastated. Daniel isn’t talking to any of us. I thank God for Teal’c because he’s…’ he cut himself off with a sharp hand wave. He took a breath and wet his lips. ‘I might not be doing so well either.’

Hammond pointed at a chair. ‘Have a seat, Jack.’

Jack collapsed into the seat more than sat. He rested his head against his clasped hands for a long moment; Hammond let him take it.

‘I don’t think any of us is doing so well.’ Hammond admitted softly.

Jack raised his head and looked over at Hammond questioningly.

‘I keep expecting to see her.’ Hammond confessed in response to Jack’s unasked query. ‘She was such an integral part of my day here; of my command.’

‘I know you don’t need me to say it, sir, but this wasn’t your fault.’ Jack said. ‘The reports indicate the Jaffa got off a freak shot. The inserts should have protected her.’

‘It never hurts to hear it, Colonel.’ He rubbed a thumb over his right temple. ‘Woolsey has requested to see you again. I’ve informed him that you’re still officially on medical leave.’

Jack grimaced. ‘I can’t believe that son of a bitch Kinsey won the election.’

‘Hayes is OK.’ Hammond thought out loud. ‘But I’m sure we can expect trouble once they’re sworn into office.’ He shook his head and sat forward, reaching for the envelope. ‘That’s not the reason I asked to see you. Doctor Fraiser’s lawyer contacted me today.’

‘I thought the will was all sorted.’ Jack said sharply.

‘It is.’ Hammond agreed, understanding Jack’s concern was for Cassie. Janet had left everything but a few small bequests to her daughter. Cassie would want for nothing for the rest of her life, although most of it was held in trust until she was older. ‘This was a recent addition to her last instructions.’ He tipped the envelope and pulled out a stack of similar sealed letters to the one he had delivered to Brightman.

‘I didn’t realise she’d…’ Jack eased back in the chair and motioned at the letters with a sigh.

‘I gather from the letter she wrote to me that it was a recent decision.’

‘Ah.’ Jack sighed, his hand rubbing through his short grey hair. He stared at the stack with trepidation.

They’d both delivered too many of these letters in their careers, Hammond mused. He pressed his lips together and picked up the one that bore Jack’s name. He reached across the desk and Jack took it with an expression that wouldn’t have been out of place if it had been a live grenade.

Jack turned it over in his hands. ‘Are they…’

‘Mostly for SG1.’ Hammond confirmed.

‘Do you want me to…’

‘No,’ Hammond said quickly, ‘but thank you for the offer. She asked me to deliver them and I want to honour that as much as I can. There’s one for Jonas Quinn. I was hoping to ask Teal’c to deliver it.’ He frowned. ‘If I were to travel to Langara…’

‘I understand, sir.’ Jack waved away the explanation that Hammond would require an escort and it would be a big deal for the SGC base commander to go off world. ‘Teal’c will appreciate the opportunity to see Jonas.’

‘Are you all still at the Fraiser house?’ Hammond asked.

Jack cleared his throat and gestured with the letter. ‘I know all of us being there is unorthodox, sir, but…’

‘You’re Cassie’s family.’ Hammond stated firmly. ‘There’s no issue as far as I’m concerned, Jack.’

Jack nodded and got to his feet, gingerly placing a hand on his aching side. ‘I should get back before Bregman sends out a search party.’

Hammond sighed and gently tapped the letter for Janet’s daughter. ‘I’ll head over to deliver these letters in a few minutes.’

‘Cassie’s not going to take this well.’ Jack murmured, fingering his own letter.

‘It might bring her a measure of peace.’ Hammond countered. He wasn’t sure he believed it but he hoped it would.

Jack raised his scarred eyebrow in a move that telegraphed his silent thought of ‘don’t say I didn’t warn you’ before he cocked his head at the door.

Hammond dismissed him with a nod. He picked up his phone as soon as Jack was gone. ‘I’m going out, Sergeant. Inform Colonel Dixon that he’s in command until I return. I’ll be back in a couple of hours.’ He placed the phone back into the cradle and gathered the remaining letters. Janet had requested this of him and he had a duty to perform.

o-O-o

Dear Jack,

I know this is probably the last thing you want to read, Colonel, so I’m going to make it short and sweet.

I never did say thank you for recommending me for the position, did I? I’m not sure how you remembered me. It had to have been almost two years since our paths had crossed and I patched you up. But I’m so grateful that you did remember me because, no matter how my life has ended, I would not have missed this job or the past few years for the world.

I know I don’t need to ask you to take care of Cassie; I know you’ll be there for her so I’m going to leave you with one last piece of advice from your doctor: don’t ever forget that you’re a good man, Jack O’Neill, and that you deserve to be happy.

It has been an honour to serve with you.

Major Janet Fraiser, M.D

PS. I still don’t forgive you for the dog.

‘Just a few more questions, Colonel.’

Jack tried not to glare as Emmett Bregman smiled. Make nice, Jack told himself briskly. He had promised Hammond that he would cooperate fully and he would. And, after seeing the preliminary cut of the tape Bregman had made, he could even justify it to himself that it was a worthwhile endeavour.

‘Let’s talk about your team.’ Bregman said, clutching the clipboard he held in one hand and raising the mug of coffee he had in the other to his lips.

Jack bristled defensively. ‘What do you want to know?’

‘You first met Daniel Jackson; that’s correct, right?’ Bregman’s sharp brown eyes flashed with intelligence. ‘On the first mission through the Stargate.’

‘Yes.’ Jack briefly argued internally with saying more before he gave a sigh of defeat. ‘Actually, we’d met for the first time a few days before that when it took him less than five minutes to correct the translation on the cover stone.’

‘Your first impression?’ Bregman asked, looking genuinely interested.

‘Geek.’ Jack replied immediately, not even having to think about it. ‘An intelligent smart ass geek.’

‘Some would say that it’s hard to believe that a military man such as yourself would be impressed by that.’ Bregman commented.

Jack smiled dangerously, making Bregman aware that he knew he was being led. ‘I wasn’t, but then he saved my life.’ He pointed at Bregman. ‘That impressed me.’

Bregman nodded, evidently pleased at the answer. ‘I’m curious as to why you agreed to leave him behind on Abydos.’ He said. ‘From everything I’ve heard you in particular have an ironclad policy against that.’

Jack smiled genuinely amused at the idea that he’d left Daniel. ‘It was Daniel’s decision to stay.’

‘Because of his relationship with Sha’re.’ Bregman noted.

‘You’d have to ask Daniel about his reasons.’ Jack answered, annoyed at Bregman for bringing up Daniel’s personal life, but he kept it out of his voice.

Bregman glanced at his clipboard. Jack assumed it was for effect, for the journalist to have a moment to gather his thoughts rather than any real need. He tried not to fidget under the gaze of the Airmen who were operating as Bregman’s camera crew or the friendly support of the press liaison officer, Tom Rundall, standing at the back of the room.

‘Let’s move on to Teal’c.’ Bregman said finally. ‘Both Major Carter and Doctor Jackson credit you with convincing Teal’c to help save the people in the prison that day.’

Jack shrugged and winced when his ribs ached in protest.

‘Many people would never have taken the risk of inviting an alien, the leader of your enemy’s army, to return with you.’ Bregman pressed.

Jack waved a hand. ‘The guy helped us escape a man he thought was a God. It wasn’t that much of a risk and he’s more than proven that since.’ He paused. ‘He’s a legend among his own people because he was the first to fight for their freedom. I think that says everything.’

Bregman nodded briskly. ‘And what are your thoughts about Major Carter?’

He had to admire the guy, Jack mused disgruntled. Bregman had a way of getting his subjects off guard. ‘What about her?’ He said lightly.

‘She was assigned to your team by General Hammond.’ Bregman noted. ‘You didn’t choose her?’

‘No, I didn’t,’ Jack acknowledged, ‘but I’ve never regretted her assignment to my team. The Major is one of the most dedicated and honourable officers I’ve had the pleasure of working with. And smart; I mean, genius smart, a national treasure.’ He shut up. God, he was babbling. He hoped to hell Carter never saw what he’d said.

‘And beautiful.’ Bregman smiled again. ‘I have to admit I’m not sure I could work with her for so many years and not fall completely in love with her.’

‘Well,’ Jack hid his flinch behind a smirk, ‘we have rules against that kind of thing in the military.’

‘Are you saying your relationship with Major Carter is the same as any other military relationship? You’ve worked together a long time.’

‘That’s true.’ Jack resisted the urge to squirm under the penetrating gaze. ‘I would say my relationship with the Major is closer than usual military relationships but it’s the same for my relationship with Daniel or Teal’c.’ He lifted his chin; a dare to question his relationships further. ‘We’re family.’

‘Thank you, Colonel.’ Bregman signalled the cameraman and the light went off. Filming was over.

Jack breathed out in relief, reaching for the mike even as the other Airman in the room darted to his side to help him.

‘I really do appreciate your coming in.’ Bregman said. ‘I understand that you’re on medical leave.’

Jack straightened up as the Airman moved away and saw Bregman hovering nervously. ‘You should thank the General. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.’

Bregman gave a huff of laughter.

‘The documentary’s good.’ Jack said, giving in and telling the guy the truth. ‘It’s…good.’

‘Not too smaltzy?’ Bregman asked, worriedly. ‘At the end there…with Doctor Fraiser’s memorial, I was concerned…’

‘No.’ Jack fought with his emotions for a moment. ‘It puts her at the heart of it.’

‘I got the impression that’s where she was when she was alive.’ Bregman said quietly. ‘I didn’t spend much time with her but what little I did, I got the impression she was a remarkable woman.’

Jack nodded, unable to speak about Janet to Bregman. He gestured at the door. ‘We done?’

‘Yes, yes, of course.’ Bregman moved aside to let him out.

‘Jack.’ Tom said formally, although his eyes twinkled.

‘Tom.’ Jack replied. He walked out of the door and paused a moment in the corridor to take a breath as his ribs complained.

‘I think he’s nuts.’ One of the young Airmen said.

Jack stiffened and was a hairsbreadth from turning around and dressing the kid down.

‘I mean, why would you want to have dinner with Mary Steenburgen when there’s Major Carter?’

OK, so the kid had a point. Jack grimaced and hurried away to the locker room. He was relieved to find it empty and he lowered himself to the bench with a groan. He felt old just like Hammond had said earlier. God, it had been two weeks and he still felt like he’d been hit by a truck. Everything ached right down to the bone.

He stared at his closed locker door. Hammond would have finished delivering the letters. God. It was going to be a disaster.

Cassie was going to throw a fit. She was angry. Angry at Janet for dying. Angry at Sam for being alive. Angry at him for taking Janet off world. Angry at Daniel for not being around even though he was sleeping in the den. The only person she wasn’t angry with was Teal’c. Somehow the Jaffa defused her. Or maybe she knew she just couldn’t get away with the crap she was throwing at the rest of them with Teal’c. She’d been angry enough to refuse to attend the memorial. Angry enough to declare in loud tones that she was never going near the fucking – her word not his – Stargate again ever. If it hadn’t been for Teal’c he wasn’t sure Cassie would have attended the funeral.

Carter was struggling. She was practically drowning in her own grief over losing her best friend. It was so close to how she’d been with Daniel that it made Jack’s heart ache because there was no reprieve with Janet. No Ascension. No way for Janet to come back and visit them when they were scared or lonely. And there was a boatload of guilt Sam had stored up for saving him and not Janet despite the fact that they hadn’t been close to Janet’s position; had no way of knowing Janet had fallen; that it wouldn’t have made a difference if Carter had been right beside Janet because the insert hadn’t worked for her and she’d been blasted right through her vest.

Jack had no idea how to comfort Carter. She’d let him hug her, hold her. But he had no right to do that.

She hadn’t called the cop. The cop hadn’t called her as far as Jack could tell. Maybe she’d asked Shanahan for space while she concentrated on Cassie. Jack could believe that.

It was his own tiny reprieve from losing Carter.

She was happy with the cop, Jack reminded himself. Just because she was grateful that Jack hadn’t died out on the battlefield, just because she was glad he was alive enough to tell him and seek out his comfort in flagrant disregard for the regulations for once…it didn’t mean anything. Jack couldn’t let it mean anything. They were still in the same team; still bound by the same regulations.

And there was the cop.

Jack pushed himself to his feet and started to undress. Daniel was taking Janet’s death just as hard as Carter. Daniel was avoiding everyone, trying Jack assumed to deal with his own grief and guilt at being unable to save Janet. Daniel had managed to reach out to Simon Wells though, Jack mused with a pang of jealousy. He just wished Daniel would talk to him.

Clearly Hell had frozen over.

But the truth was Jack knew Daniel. He knew that his friend was suffering. He knew that Daniel’s usual way of dealing with grief was to shut down, and the last time Daniel had done that, Daniel had pushed them all away and Ascended. Jack couldn’t let that happen again – wouldn’t let that happen again.

Thank God for Teal’c, Jack mused as he pulled on his jeans and reached for a clean t-shirt. He winced as he pulled it over his head, ignoring his multi-coloured torso.

The Jaffa was grieving – Jack had no doubt about that. It was written all over his features if someone knew what to look for but Teal’c had been an oasis of calm in what felt like chaos.

The locker door opened and Dave Dixon entered.

‘Jack.’ Dave greeted him wanly; his laconic humour missing in action.

‘Dave.’ Jack reached for his jacket and shrugged into it. ‘You done for the day?’

‘Yeah, Hammond got back ten minutes ago.’ Dave grimaced as he stripped down efficiently. ‘I don’t know what he was doing off base but he looks like someone ran him over with a dump truck.’

‘The doc left letters.’ Jack told him quietly. ‘He went to deliver them.’

Dave sucked in a breath as though Jack had punched him in the gut and his face lost all vestiges of colour. ‘Crap.’ His knees buckled and he sat heavily on the bench, naked except for his boxers, his BDU pants crumpling in his fisted hands. ‘Crap.’

Jack’s eyes raked over his fellow Colonel’s face. Dave was a great strategist; a good guy; one of the best officers in the SGC. Jack sometimes thought his late friend Kawalsky would have ended up like Dave if he’d lived. He hadn’t seen Dave since the memorial. Dixon had been as stoic as Jack; trussed up in the dress blues to honour a woman who had died on the battlefield where they had survived.

‘It wasn’t your fault, Dave.’

‘It was my mission.’ Dave argued.

‘I was the senior officer on the field.’ Jack countered.

‘I had command.’ Dave tossed back, his angry eyes shooting to Jack’s.

‘Are we really going to do this?’ Jack asked bluntly.

Dave glared at him for a long moment and blew out a breath. He tossed his pants on the floor. ‘I guess not.’ He sighed. ‘Shame because I could really do with hitting something right about now and you were looking good for it.’

‘If it makes you feel any better I already have several hundred bruises.’

‘Not really.’ Dave snorted.

Jack sat down beside him and clasped his hands together loosely. ‘You know she wouldn’t want you blaming yourself. Or me blaming me. Or me blaming you blaming me. Variations thereof.’

Dave crumpled. Tears sprang into his eyes. ‘She saved Wells. His kid will grow up knowing her Daddy because she saved him, Jack, and the only reason Wells was down was because I fucked up. I should have brought them home the minute that probe hit the ground.’

‘You couldn’t have known.’ Jack said, knowing the words wouldn’t ease Dave’s guilt but saying them anyway. ‘You had back-up. The ruins could have been important. It wasn’t just your call. She died doing what she was there to do; saving someone’s life.’

‘Shit.’ Dave swiped at his face angrily. Jack placed a hand on the back of Dave’s neck; a silent show of support.

The locker room door opened and a young Marine barrelled into the room, and the sound of footsteps indicated the rest of his team weren’t far behind him. The kid’s young face was a picture of surprise as he took in the two senior officers.

‘Out. Now.’ Jack ordered briskly. ‘And take your team somewhere else for the next ten minutes, Lieutenant.’

‘Sir, yes, sir.’ The baby Marine turned tail and slammed the door shut.

Dave gave a choked laugh. ‘Sorry. Guess the gossip mill’s going to have something new to discuss, huh?’

Jack shrugged, gave Dave’s neck a friendly squeeze and dropped his hand. He doubted the kid would say anything. Ford had a good reputation for being a decent guy around the base. ‘Why don’t we go get a beer? You can get very drunk and I’ll drive you home.’

‘Helen will be pissed.’ Dave murmured even as he stood and started dressing.

‘Your wife will take it for the opportunity it is to blackmail me shamelessly into babysitting your hellions one night.’ Jack stated. He ignored the rush of envy. Dave’s wife was a great lady; his four kids hell on wheels.

‘I’m not going to stop her.’ Dave commented dryly as he dragged on a t-shirt. He grabbed his jacket and closed his locker. He paused and looked over at Jack. ‘You get a letter?’

‘Yeah.’ Jack admitted, standing.

Dave looked at him curiously.

Jack pushed his hands into his pockets. ‘She told me she wouldn’t have missed it for the world.’

Dave’s lips twisted as he registered the depth of Jack’s own lingering guilt. ‘The doc had class.’ He clapped a hand on Jack’s shoulder. ‘Come on. Let’s go get me very drunk.’

It sounded good to Jack.

Part II: Opened

Dear Teal’c,

I’ve heard so many times the story of how you coaxed Cassie from the bushes where she was hiding, how you took her hand and brought her to safety. I owe you my daughter, Teal’c, and it is a great comfort to know that you will be guarding over her when I cannot.

I have never thanked you for the times that you were simply there for me; for Cassie. I think you know you are the rock on which we all lean. They will all need you and I know you will not falter.

It has been a great honour to be your friend.

Your “Doctor Fraiser”

Teal’c heard the front door open and shut softly. The quiet fall of footsteps padding down the hall gave away the identity of the late arrival. Teal’c had been waiting for him. He roused himself from his study of the letter Doctor Fraiser had written for him, sliding the single page into the envelope with care. He placed it into his backpack and snuffed out the single candle he had been using as a light. He made his way to the kitchen.

As he suspected, the late arrival was O’Neill. His friend stood illuminated only in the soft light of a lamp Major Carter had switched on earlier. He was pouring a glass of water from a bottle from the refrigerator and staring out of the glass doors at the figure of the Major in the garden.

Jack cast a look over his shoulder as though noticing Teal’c’s presence for the first time. ‘How long has she been out there?’

‘Almost one hour.’ Teal’c replied.

Jack placed the bottle on the counter and lifted the glass to his lips. ‘The letters?’

Teal’c inclined his head. ‘Cassandra Fraiser was angered and tried to destroy her letter. Major Carter prevented her from doing so. Cassandra has been sulking in her room since dinner. It has been most trying.’

‘Daniel?’

‘He departed the house shortly after General Hammond and he has not made contact since.’ Teal’c informed him briskly. He did not ask where O’Neill had been but the question with its overtones of accusation hung between them regardless.

‘I took Dixon out for a drink.’ Jack grimaced as he swallowed down a gulp of water. ‘He was singing when I left him. I had to promise two nights of babysitting.’

Teal’c raised an eyebrow. ‘You will require back-up.’

‘Yep.’ Jack’s eyes strayed out to the garden again.

‘You should collect Major Carter before the night becomes too cold for her to remain outside.’ Teal’c instructed gently.

‘Yeah.’ Jack did not argue. He slipped out and Teal’c watched as he sat beside the Major and began to talk with her.

He knew of O’Neill’s feelings for the Major; of her feelings for O’Neill. They had both decided to place the mission first rather than pursue them. Teal’c could not argue with their choice. He had made a similar decision when he had left his wife and son to fight the Goa’uld. But he felt for them nevertheless, especially since Major Carter had begun a relationship with another man.

Teal’c resisted the need to frown heavily; to glower at the thought of Detective Shanahan. The police officer was not worthy in his opinion of a warrior such as Major Carter. The fact that he barely knew the man, beyond a brief acquaintance while they waited for an ambulance to transport her and the injured detective from the scene of capturing Osiris, did not factor in Teal’c’s mind. He had taken one look at Shanahan and made his determination. He was looking forward to the day when he would expressly warn the detective against harming Major Carter.

Not that the Major had been in contact with the detective during the time the team had stayed with Cassandra Fraiser. It was a source of relief to Teal’c. He knew O’Neill was hurt by the idea of the Major seeing another man despite O’Neill’s own refusal to pursue her or challenge the detective for her. The absence of Shanahan was preferred.

Outside in the garden, O’Neill pulled Major Carter into a one-armed hug; her blonde head resting on O’Neill’s shoulder. The last time he had seen O’Neill comfort her in such a way, they had almost lost the Major to a super soldier sent by Anubis to hunt her and prevent the completion of the only weapon that could stop it. They had saved the Major then; they had failed to save Doctor Fraiser in their most recent battle.

Teal’c felt again the great sadness that had engulfed him on first hearing the news of her death. The petite doctor was a warrior in her own way and Teal’c had held her in the greatest of respect; the warmest regard. She had saved his life countless times. It had been Doctor Fraiser who had tirelessly worked to keep him alive when his team-mates had been kidnapped by Hathor; who had saved his life when he had been shot by a Jaffa weapon. The latter injury was far too close to the one Doctor Fraiser had sustained; the one that had led to her death.

He had been too far away to prevent her from being shot; too far away to take revenge on the Jaffa who had taken her life. In the end, he had only been able to ensure the safe evacuation of the life Doctor Fraiser had saved. He remembered the words she had written to him in the letter and pledged again to care for those who grieved in the wake of her death.

He stirred as O’Neill helped Major Carter to her feet and they started back. She shivered violently as she walked into the heat of the house.

‘Would you care for some hot chocolate, Major Carter?’ Teal’c asked solicitously.

‘Warm milk.’ O’Neill said decisively, clapping his hands.

‘Warm lactose is not pleasant.’ Teal’c said firmly, moving to guard the refrigerator.

‘I’m fine.’ She smiled at both of them weakly. Teal’c could see the trace of her tears on her pale skin; the redness of her bottom lip where her teeth had worried at it. ‘I’m just going to bed.’ Her cold hand briefly clasped Teal’c’s forearm before she shifted past. He watched until she disappeared from view. She seemed as fragile as glass such a contrast to Cassandra who burned with fury.

Teal’c turned back, unsurprised to find O’Neill stood staring worriedly in the direction the Major had disappeared in.

‘I will watch for Daniel Jackson if you also wish to retire O’Neill.’ Teal’c agreed solemnly.

Instead, Jack reached for the water he had previously discarded. ‘You know I keep forgetting to ask: how are you doing with…everything?’

‘I will miss Doctor Fraiser and I grieve for her loss.’ Teal’c replied honestly, appreciative of the question. ‘But others are in far greater need than I of comfort.’

Jack sighed. ‘Cassie’s a mess.’

‘She has suffered much loss in her life.’ Teal’c murmured, placing his hands behind his back.

‘Too much.’ Jack brushed a hand over his face, his hand catching on the stubble along his jaw. He pushed away from the counter. ‘I’m going to hit the sack.’

Teal’c nodded and followed him out. O’Neill peeled away to head upstairs for the spare bedroom Major Carter had insisted he use because of his injuries. The Major was using the small study with its pull-out sofa bed. Everyone avoided the master bedroom that had belonged to Doctor Fraiser. Teal’c made his way back to the den and set out the sleeping bags that he and Daniel Jackson were using.

He used the downstairs bathroom before making a final circuit of the house, checking the windows were secured; the doors to the garden. He cocked his head at the sound of a car pulling up outside. It was Daniel Jackson.

Teal’c returned to the den, knowing that his friend would lock up when he entered. He lit the candle again and settled cross-legged on his sleeping bag. He waited patiently as he heard Daniel enter. He tracked Daniel’s path to the bathroom, to the kitchen, and was prepared when the door opened and Daniel slipped inside of the den.

‘Sorry, Teal’c.’ Daniel apologised.

‘You have no need to apologise.’ Teal’c said, careful to keep his voice low so not to disturb those who slept.

Daniel sank onto the comfortable sofa and placed his hands in his head. ‘I bailed on you earlier.’

‘Your assistance in dealing with Cassandra Fraiser would have been appreciated.’ Teal’c agreed calmly. ‘But it was not expected.’

‘I know how she feels.’ Daniel said, removing his glasses and rubbing tiredly at his eyes. ‘I don’t want to read the letter the General gave me either but…’ he sighed and crossed his arms tightly over the rumpled green checked shirt he wore. ‘I keep thinking it’s Janet’s last words to me and that it’s what she wanted.’

‘Then you have read the letter?’ Teal’c asked carefully.

‘No,’ Daniel laughed weakly, ‘I just drove around for hours and thought about it.’

‘You should read it when you are ready to hear her words.’ Teal’c pressed his lips together briefly. ‘Major Carter gave this advice to Cassandra Fraiser.’

‘It’s good advice.’ Daniel shifted, placing his glasses carefully on a coffee table and began to undress.

Teal’c uncoiled and did the same. They stripped down to their underwear and climbed into their sleeping bags without talking. Teal’c reached over and blew out the candle.

‘I went to see Simon Wells yesterday.’ Daniel murmured into the darkness.

Teal’c clasped his hands over his chest and looked up at the ceiling. Daniel’s friendship with the young Airman Doctor Fraiser had saved was clearly a source of comfort for him.

‘His wife had a daughter.’ Daniel continued. ‘They’ve named her Janet.’

‘It is a good way to honour the woman who saved her father.’ Teal’c said.

‘I don’t have a daughter.’

Teal’c raised an eyebrow. ‘Perhaps in the future you will have a child of your own.’

‘Maybe.’ His tone gave away how unlikely he considered the idea.

‘For many years I did not believe that I would have a child. Now Rya’c is himself almost a man.’ Teal’c offered.

‘The baby isn’t important. I mean, she is but it’s more important that Wells is alive to see her grow up, you know?’ Daniel answered, his words soft but fervent. ‘It gives…it gives Janet’s death meaning.’

Teal’c felt that was true. ‘Indeed.’

There was a long silence but Teal’c knew Daniel hadn’t gone to sleep; his breathing was too erratic.

‘Jack’s pissed at me, isn’t he?’ Daniel asked eventually.

Teal’c debated what to say and decided on the blunt truth. ‘He is concerned that you blame yourself for the death of Doctor Fraiser.’

‘Oh.’ Daniel waited almost a full minute. ‘He might be right about that.’ There was a weary acceptance in his friend’s tone; a sigh weighted down with guilt.

‘It was not your fault.’ Teal’c said firmly. ‘No more than it was Major Carter’s or O’Neill’s.’

‘Or yours?’ Daniel rejoined, not missing how Teal’c had left himself out of the litany.

‘Or mine.’ Teal’c said reluctantly. ‘Doctor Fraiser’s death should not have occurred. Her insert should have worked as O’Neill’s did.’

‘If I had kept watch…I should have kept watch.’ Daniel berated himself. ‘I just…I was so focused on Wells and that damn camera.’

‘He was recording a message to his wife.’ Teal’c countered. ‘You kept his mind occupied, provided him with a focus while Doctor Fraiser stabilised him. You helped her save him.’

‘At the cost of her life.’ Daniel remarked bitterly.

‘I believe Doctor Fraiser would have given her own life many times over if it saved her patient.’ Teal’c pointed out.

It was something that Daniel Jackson couldn’t argue against. Teal’c heard his friend sigh and turn over in his sleeping bag restlessly. The conversation was over.

Teal’c repressed the urge to sigh himself. He feared that just as Daniel Jackson was not ready to read Janet Fraiser’s last words, his friend was also not ready to hear the truth regarding her death. Just as Cassandra was not ready to accept that there was anything but her anger. It did not matter; Teal’c would be there for them when they were ready. Satisfied with his last thought, Teal’c closed his eyes and let himself sleep.

o-O-o

Dear Jonas,

After writing my letters for Sam, Jack, Daniel and Teal’c, it didn’t feel right not to write you one too. I remember you telling me once that you wanted to make a difference, and I tried to tell you that you already had. But I don’t think I tried hard enough to say what I really meant.

What I really meant to say was that you saved them. I know you blame yourself for Daniel, for the loss they – we suffered, but the truth is that Daniel made his choice when he Ascended. When you joined SG1, you healed them by being you, and by finding joy in everything you did, you helped them rediscover it – even the Colonel.

And you helped heal Cassie, which brings me onto the other reason for this letter.

The truth is that SG1 will always be on the frontline. I don’t want to think it but I have to face the possibility that they won’t make it one day and if I die with them, I need you to be there for Cassie. You’ll be all that’s left of her family, Jonas. She’s going to need you. And if by some bizarre twist of fate I go and they survive, she’ll still need you. You perhaps understand her better than any of us. Never doubt that and never forget you make a difference every day.

It has been a pleasure to be your friend.

Janet Fraiser

Jonas tucked the letter back into its envelope and placed it in his pocket, ignoring Teal’c and Daniel. He didn’t need to look at Daniel to know the other man’s face was alive with curiosity over the contents of the letter. Jonas could already feel his own curiosity stir at the idea of what Janet had written to each member of SG1. He doubted that anybody was going to share though. He knew he would have difficulty sharing her words for him with anyone else.

He looked out of the conference room window at the Kelownan city, the one recently adopted by the Langaran Council as the central seat of the joint government. It had been his home all of his life except for the one year he had spent on Earth with SG1 and, if he was honest, the months since he had returned. His doomed relationship with Kianna Seer before the revelation that she was possessed by a Goa’uld had helped him gloss over the isolation of his position for a time. Langara needed his knowledge and expertise but very few trusted him; befriended him. The weeks that had passed since Kianna, free of the Goa’uld, had transferred from his projects to others had shown him that.

Loneliness suffused him. His colleagues respected him but there was a cautious distance between them. Apart from Errold, his young aide, who viewed him with something closer to hero worship that simply made Jonas feel uncomfortable. He was no hero. He was just trying to atone for his mistakes and that meant staying on Langara and helping the Council build a world that worked together. Even if Langara was the last place he wanted to be; even if his family was a whole other world away.

And Doctor Fraiser – Janet as she had requested he call her off duty although he’d never quite had the nerve – had been right; SG1 and Cassie were his family.

‘You OK?’ Daniel’s patience had apparently expired.

Jonas turned away from the window to look over his two guests. He could see the evidence of lack of sleep and grief in the tension they carried; Teal’c’s stony visage which told a story of its own, Daniel’s shadowed eyes. Guilt curdled in his gut but it was washed away by a rush of resentment.

After Jonas had delayed his return to Langara a couple of times to visit with members of SG1, the Council had determined Jonas was too close to Earth to represent Langara objectively in the negotiations for an alliance between their two worlds. Teal’c had sent word of Janet’s death with the Langaran negotiator but Jonas had been refused permission to travel to Earth himself and had only been granted leave to send a message via the same route. He doubted Teal’c and Daniel would have been allowed to see him if it hadn’t been for Teal’c’s glowering insistence.

‘How’s Cassie?’ Jonas asked evading Daniel’s question.

Daniel shot him a look. ‘Not good.’ He removed his glasses and rubbed at his eyes. ‘She’s so angry.’ He gave a half-hearted smile. ‘I can’t say I blame her.’

Jonas perched on the edge of the polished conference room table. ‘What happened?’ He asked plaintively, crossing his arms over his beige Kelownan tunic. ‘Leron only told me that Doctor Fraiser died in the line of duty.’

Daniel flinched and moved away. He stared out of the window.

Teal’c cleared his throat, drawing Jonas’s attention. ‘SG13 found ancient ruins on were attacked by a Goa’uld probe. Unfortunately the probe sent a communication, and SG13 and SG3 were ambushed by Jaffa. We believe it was Anubis.’ He paused. ‘SG1, SG5, SG7 and a medical team including Doctor Fraiser were deployed to assist.’

‘Jack, Teal’c and Sam were trying to secure the gate with the SG teams and Dixon.’ Daniel added, without turning around. ‘Janet and I went to help Simon Wells who’d been injured. She was…’ he shook his head, ‘she was brilliant. She got him stabilised. We were just about to move him and there was a freak shot…’ he lifted a hand and made a vague gesture, ‘it came out of nowhere and…’ his voice cut off on a choke.

‘Doctor Fraiser was hit.’ Teal’c concluded. ‘Her vest failed to absorb the blow and she died instantly from her injuries.’

Jonas swallowed around the lump of emotion that had settled into the back of his throat. He pushed off the table and went over to Daniel. ‘I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked…’

Daniel waved away his apology. His blue eyes were shining with unshed tears. ‘It’s OK. Well, not OK OK, but you know…’

Jonas placed a hand on Daniel’s shoulder and squeezed comfortingly.

‘No matter how many times I’ve told the story, it doesn’t feel real.’ Daniel admitted, blinking hard and tilting his head up to the ceiling.

There’s nothing Jonas could say to make it better. He glanced at Teal’c who gave an imperceptible nod of understanding.

‘Is there, uh, a bathroom near?’ Daniel asked suddenly, whirling around.

‘Sure, down the hall.’ Jonas said.

Teal’c stepped forward when Daniel did.

Daniel froze and frowned at the Jaffa. ‘I think I’ve got this.’

‘O’Neill was most specific regarding the matter of you being alone while off-world on Langard.’ Teal’c said mildly without backing down.

Jonas hid a smile. He could guess that the Colonel had told Teal’c that Daniel was never to be left alone. Given that Daniel had died saving everyone on Kelowna from a naquadria explosion the last time he’d been left alone on Kelowna, Jonas could appreciate why. He gestured at the guard at the door.

‘Officer Braken, can you escort Doctor Jackson to the visitor’s bathroom and back, please?’

‘Yes, sir.’ Braken looked expectantly at Daniel.

Daniel shot Jonas a grumpy look but headed off with the young guard at his heels.

Teal’c waited until the heavy wooden door was closed behind his team-mate before he sagged. To anyone else, the Jaffa’s expression barely altered but Jonas knew his friend. He could see the minute changes that altered the weight of his gaze, the shape of his mouth.

‘Teal’c?’ asked Jonas gently.

‘It is the first time I have heard Daniel Jackson speak of what occurred.’ Teal’c said. ‘He has refused to do so on every other occasion. I believe he has only spoken about it to General Hammond and the investigator sent by Senator Kinsey.’

‘Really?’ Jonas snapped his mouth shut. He wasn’t certain what he was most shocked about; that there had been an investigation that he’d known nothing about or that Daniel had opened up to him rather than the other members of SG1. ‘Sometimes it’s easier to talk with a stranger than someone you’re close to.’

Teal’c inclined his head in agreement.

Jonas’s eyes raked over his friend again. ‘It can’t be easy for any of you.’

‘It is not.’ Teal’c allowed. He held Jonas’s gaze. ‘It is a most difficult time.’

‘Sam?’

‘She is devastated and feels guilty that we survived where Doctor Fraiser did not.’ Teal’c confirmed. He frowned. ‘O’Neill feels guilty for not deploying more men to guard Doctor Fraiser.’

‘And you?’ Jonas pressed, unable to stop himself from asking.

‘I also feel guilt that I was elsewhere on the battlefield.’ Teal’c acknowledged, tilting his head so the light bounced gently off the smooth dark skin. ‘But our guilt will not return Doctor Fraiser to Cassandra.’

‘Cassie blames you all.’ Jonas guessed.

‘Indeed.’ Teal’c accepted.

Jonas sighed and stepped away to stare out of the window again. ‘I wish I could have attended the funeral or the memorial but…’

‘Ambassador Leron explained that your presence was needed on Langara.’ Teal’c assured him, moving to stand beside him. ‘We understood.’

‘I don’t.’ Jonas grimaced at his reflection. ‘I mean, I do, and it’s all politics. They think I’m too close to you guys.’

Teal’c’s face darkened with anger. ‘They are preventing you from using the Stargate.’

‘Yes.’ Jonas admitted. He reached out a hand to calm Teal’c. ‘They have a point, Teal’c. I shouldn’t be involved with the negotiations; I am too close.’ He shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes. He swept it back. ‘And unfortunately, we don’t have the power capability to keep dialling the Stargate for me to make personal trips.’ He gestured. ‘I’m working out a way to use the naquadria core we’ve established as a power source but frankly the instability worries me. I’m hoping once the treaty is established the Council will let me work with Sam and Rodney on it.’

‘Why is Doctor McKay involved?’ Teal’c asked brusquely.

Jonas held up a hand as though to ward off Teal’c’s bad temper. ‘Rodney’s worked on both the 302 and 303 engines. He has the most experience with naquadria calculations outside of myself and Sam.’

‘He is most disagreeable.’

‘I realise he almost got you killed,’ Jonas conceded, ‘but from an intellectual point of view, I would have agreed with his initial conclusions that your pattern would be degraded beyond viability after forty-eight hours.’

Teal’c stared at him.

‘Sam’s theory that the gate crystals didn’t conform to the properties of other crystalline structures was guess work. Brilliant guess work but guess work.’ Jonas said with an unconcerned shrug. He liked Rodney despite the other man’s strident personality. There was no pretence around Rodney. ‘And you know Rodney’s never been part of a SG team. He doesn’t understand the bonds that develop. Before I got my place on SG1, I didn’t understand it.’ He sighed. ‘The Council don’t understand it either that’s why…’

‘Perhaps we should explain it to them.’ Teal’c said. ‘I would appreciate your presence on Earth during this difficult time.’

Jonas felt humbled; the Jaffa barely asked for anything for himself but he was asking for Jonas to return with them and Jonas knew he couldn’t refuse his friend. He’d work something out; he had to.

Teal’c cocked his head abruptly, his gaze shooting to the door. Jonas wasn’t surprised when it opened and Daniel walked back in.

Daniel paused inside the doorway and waved a hand. ‘Sorry, Jonas, but we have to head back.’

Jonas nodded understandingly. ‘I know.’

‘Will you be returning with us, Jonas Quinn?’ Teal’c asked bluntly.

‘I need a day to organise things but I’ll be with you day after tomorrow at the latest.’ Jonas said firmly.

Daniel sighed and his shoulders dropped. ‘That’s good.’ His lips twisted. ‘Maybe Cassie won’t be angry with you.’

Jonas wasn’t sure about that; he figured Cassie was angry at the universe for taking her mother away from her after everything else she had lost. He walked them out to the Stargate and watched as they disappeared into the blue. He turned toward Dreylock’s office with a set jaw.

Dreylock’s aide made Jonas wait for almost an hour before he was ushered into her office. Jonas wasn’t surprised to find Leron already there.

The tall blond Ambassador smiled at Jonas smoothly. ‘Professor Quinn.’

‘Ambassador Leron.’ Jonas lifted an eyebrow at Dreylock stood behind her desk, looking smartly elegant as always in a green dress. ‘I take it you’re anticipating my intention to request a return to Earth.’

‘Then you don’t deny that’s what you’re here to do.’ Leron said, amused. He folded himself into a visitor’s chair and smirked at Jonas.

Jonas ignored him and focused on Dreylock. ‘A good friend of mine died. Her daughter was like a younger sister to me when I lived on Earth and I understand from Teal’c and Doctor Jackson that she needs all the support she can get. They need all the support they can get and they are in many ways the only family I have. I want to take a week’s leave and spend some time with them.’

‘Jonas…’ Dreylock began regretfully.

‘I realise this is a purely personal visit.’ Jonas continued, holding her gaze. ‘But I can go through with Ambassador Leron when he returns to Earth to continue the negotiations in two days’ time so this won’t use additional power. My projects can all be delayed a week.’

Dreylock sat down and clasped her hands on top of the desk. ‘You say that as though it were that easy.’

‘I haven’t asked for anything since my return but I’m asking for this.’ Jonas said forcefully.

‘And if you had asked, what makes you think we would have given anything to you?’ Leron countered before Dreylock could speak. ‘It’s your fault that we were attacked.’

‘I saved this planet from blowing up not so long ago.’ Jonas argued. ‘And if the Kelownan government had told the truth and honoured Doctor Jackson’s sacrifice, I would never have left. If they had agreed to stop working on the naquadria bomb, I might not have left.’

Dreylock sighed, her expression shifting into sympathy. ‘Jonas, your continued interaction with your former team only serves to worry people about your allegiance. Don’t you see that?’

And Jonas could see her point; he really could as much as he didn’t want to. He sighed. ‘What do you want in exchange?’

Dreylock threw Leron a look.

Leron brushed imaginary dust from his pants. ‘If you take this week, when you return you will not travel to Earth for two of our years.’

Jonas supressed the wince and the accompanying hurt. They were asking him to self-exile. He’d be alone apart from any fleeting visits Teal’c and the others could arrange. ‘One year.’ He offered.

‘Let’s say one and a half.’ Leron conceded with a smile that told Jonas that had been his aim to begin with.

Jonas glared at him. ‘Fine.’ He crossed his arms. ‘If that’s all, I have some arrangements to make…’

Dreylock gestured for him to wait. ‘Leron, leave us for a moment, please.’

Leron stood and swept from the room.

‘I’m sorry, Jonas,’ Dreylock said as soon as Leron was out of the room, ‘I wish this wasn’t necessary.’

‘It isn’t.’ Jonas pointed out bitterly. ‘But don’t let that stop you.’

‘Jonas.’ Dreylock sighed and took a deep breath as though reconsidering what she had been about to say. ‘Have you considered that the reason why you struggle to find a place on Langara is because of the hold Earth has on you? Perhaps if you take the time to properly say goodbye, you can move forward with your life here.’

‘Perhaps.’ Jonas said diplomatically. He motioned with his entire body towards the door.

Dreylock’s lips thinned with annoyance but she nodded her dismissal and Jonas walked out. He didn’t stop until he reached his lab. He closed the door and sat abruptly on a stool, heedless of the scattered projects with their multitude of paperwork stacked up around the benches.

The pain of what he had agreed to swamped him for a breathless moment. One last visit and then…

No more Earth.

No more team nights playing team chess.

No more family.

Jonas closed his eyes and shook himself mentally. He could indulge in his self-pity later. He carefully extracted Janet’s letter from his pocket and reread her words.

His family needed him and he would be there for them. Everything else could wait.

o-O-o

Dear Daniel,

There’s so much that I want to say to you and so much that I think would be incredibly unfair to say when I’m not there anymore to deal with the consequences that I don’t know what to write.

Let me start with the easy stuff: I love that you’re my friend. I missed you when you were gone. I’d come to rely on you to listen to me when I was down; to hold my hand through parenting decisions; to be there if I needed someone to talk to. You’ve been there for me in ways that I never expected but I’ve always appreciated. I know you’ll continue to be there for Cassie.

The rest I struggle to say because is it fair to tell you that I hated that you left, that we weren’t enough for you? Is it OK to say that if I also tell you that I’m so glad you came back?

Because I think you know that I loved you as a friend and that sometimes I wished for more than friendship. But I don’t want you to feel guilty or sad about that. It just wasn’t meant to be. I know you love Sha’re but I hope you find someone else to share your life and your heart with, Daniel.

Remember that our friendship was special to me and I cherished it.

It has been a great joy to be your friend.

Janet

Daniel brushed the tears from his eyes and slipped the letter into his jacket pocket. He picked up his glasses from the grass beside him and nudged them back into place. He blinked as the cemetery came back into focus. The rows of monuments and gravestones went from fuzzy to clear; the scent of grass and dirt filled his nostrils; the sound of a mower on the far side disturbed the reverent silence and the heavy air of grief.

He shivered. It was sunny but cold. Too cold to be sitting cross-legged on the ground beside Janet’s grave. She’d wanted to be buried in Colorado Springs because that was where she and Cassie had built their home; where the rest of Cassie’s family was based. Loose flowers covered the turf that had been laid over the fresh grave; roses, freesias and carnations. Their perfume drifted over Daniel and made his sinuses hurt. He gazed at the blinding white marble.

Janet’s name was simply inscribed with ‘loving mother’ and the year of her birth and death. She’d been a few years older than Daniel. Nothing substantial. They’d spent too many hours debating the music of their youth and old TV shows they’d caught as teenagers for Daniel not to know that. Too many evenings of dinner and helping Cassie with her homework or lending an ear to Janet while she debated some aspect of motherhood; too many lunches caught with Janet in her office or his office or in the mess with everyone.

‘I’m so sorry.’ The words were out of his mouth before he was even aware that he was speaking but it felt right to talk to her so he continued. ‘Everybody is telling me it’s not my fault but I was right beside you and I should have done…something. Saved you.’ His hand reached out and rearranged a flower stem gently into perfect alignment. ‘I’m sorry.’

The silence was almost more than he could bear.

‘I’ve been avoiding…everyone.’ Daniel murmured. ‘Well, apart from Simon Wells because he was right there with me and I…I wanted, needed to make sure he made it. He called his daughter Janet, did you know that? I hope you know that.’

A breeze caught him by surprise, cutting through his jacket and chilling him to the bone.

‘Cassie’s so angry with all of us.’ Daniel continued gruffly. ‘We’re all hoping she talks to Jonas when he arrives – and thank you for whatever you said to him because it made him arrange to come and she needs him, I think.’ Because Cassie blamed them for not saving her mother and SG1 were no longer her heroes.

‘I knew.’ The confession sounded loud in the silence. ‘I didn’t know I knew but I knew about…’ He waved his hand rather than expand on the thought. ‘I thought about it, us, sometimes. You were never the reason I didn’t…you were a beautiful woman, Janet. It was just…I wasn’t ready.’ He wasn’t sure he would ever be ready to move on from Sha’re; to love another woman.

He stayed beside the grave for a long while despite the cold, letting the silence soak into him. It was soothing, sitting there, pretending that he had no other place to be; nobody else to care about. The sky was beginning to turn colour when he finally pushed off the hard ground and got to his feet. He turned for the path and stopped at the sight of Jack sat on a bench a couple of hundred yards away.

Daniel wanted to be pissed about being tracked down but guilt smothered any hint of anger. They were all ignoring the fact that they’d almost lost Jack on the battlefield too. But looking at Jack’s tired impatient face as Daniel closed the gap between them, Daniel could see the etched lines of pain; the forced rigidness in the way Jack held himself. Jack didn’t get up and Daniel sat down beside him. Jack made an abortive move to turn and Daniel frowned as Jack grimaced.

‘Are you OK?’ Daniel asked, concerned.

Jack shot him an astounded look.

‘OK, so no; not OK.’ Daniel said with a short laugh. ‘God, that was a stupid question.’ He shook his head. ‘None of us are OK.’

‘Glad you realise it’s not just you.’

Daniel settled back against the hard wooden slats and pushed his hands deep into the pockets of his coat. His fingers grazed the letter. ‘I deserve that.’

‘Look, Daniel, we know you got a shitty deal here.’ Jack bit out caustically but Daniel heard the sympathy regardless. ‘You were with her. There was nothing you could have done to save her. It sucks. It sucks big time. But Cassie needs all of us right now…’

‘Cassie blames all of us right now.’ Daniel shot back.

Jack sighed exasperatedly. ‘She needs to know we’re not that easy to push away.’ His gaze snagged Daniel’s and didn’t let go. ‘You need to know that.’

Daniel yanked his gaze away from Jack’s. Trust Jack to deliver a sucker-punch, Daniel mused, hoping the chill breeze could be blamed for his reddened cheeks.

‘I let you get away with it after Sha’re.’ Jack said quietly.

And Daniel had chosen to Ascend. He wanted to defend himself but Janet’s words were fresh in his mind.

‘I hated that you left, that we weren’t enough for you…’

Jack was right, Daniel mused; he’d pushed everyone away after Sha’re’s death, walled them out in a futile attempt to stop them from getting too close because he’d hurt from loss too many times in his life and he hadn’t wanted to lose them. Hadn’t that been part of it, Daniel thought bitterly. Better to push them away – to choose to isolate himself – than to be with them and risk being hurt when they left anyway?

And here he was doing it again – only Jack had decided Daniel wasn’t being allowed to do it again. He knew Jack’s presence was as good as a declaration; Daniel had been given space – two weeks of it – but that was over.

‘I read Janet’s letter.’ Daniel said.

Jack remained silent and Daniel got the message; it was up to Daniel to talk.

‘I never realised…’ Daniel waved a hand vaguely out toward the grave, ‘Janet had written letters.’

‘Most people don’t write them.’ Jack said, hunching against the sharp bite of the wind.

Daniel sent him a questioning look.

‘Used to.’ Jack answered. He shrugged, wincing when the movement pulled at his sore body. ‘One for Sara. One for Charlie. Got rid of them when I retired the first time.’

Daniel blew out a breath and searched for a change of subject. ‘You know I sometimes thought about asking her out.’ They both knew the ‘her’ was Janet.

Jack looked at him with raised eyebrows. ‘Really?’

‘We were friends,’ Daniel said, ‘and sometimes, just sometimes, I could imagine it being…more, you know.’

‘Yeah, I know.’ Jack said softly.

‘I wasn’t ready.’ And suddenly Daniel wondered if that was the reason why Jack had never pursued Sam; maybe Jack wasn’t ready. He felt blindsided. He’d never considered that in all the times he’d wondered about the two of them. But it made sense because the last time Jack had been seriously involved, he’d lost his whole family. Maybe Jack didn’t even know he wasn’t ready; that he was holding back because he was as scared as Daniel was about moving forward.

Daniel’s brow creased. ‘I missed my chance.’

‘If you’re not ready, you’re not ready.’ Jack said firmly. ‘What’s worse? You feeling slightly regretful you didn’t ask the doc out or you asking the doc out and ruining your friendship because you couldn’t make it work?’

Daniel stared at him.

‘Don’t look at me like that.’ Jack snapped. ‘This isn’t about…’ his hand weaved in the air, ‘this is about you and the doc.’

‘Right.’

Jack shifted on the bench. ‘She’s with Shanahan now.’

‘Is she?’ Daniel asked pointedly. ‘Because I haven’t seen him around.’ In fact, the more he thought about it, the more he was wondering where the hell Sam’s boyfriend was. Sam was grief stricken over Janet. Shouldn’t Shanahan have at least checked in with her? Although, maybe he had and Daniel had missed it. He hadn’t exactly been around much.

Jack made a huffy sound and stood up. ‘Come on. Teal’c will give us the eyebrow if we miss dinner again.’

Daniel didn’t argue. He glanced back one final time at the grave and followed Jack out of the cemetery. It didn’t surprise him that Jack’s truck was parked next to his car. Jack motioned for Daniel to lead the way.

The Fraiser house seemed quiet when they pulled up. Both of them got out of their vehicles and paused at the bottom of the path. Jack straightened his shoulders, winced, and waved Daniel forward. They stepped in to the welcome heat and shucked off their outerwear, pausing to pet the dog who greeted them with a happily wagging tail. The fragrance of Chinese take-out wafted through from the kitchen.

Teal’c sat alone among a small army of white cartons. He was using chopsticks with great dexterity plucking beef out of the carton he held.

‘Hey.’ Jack picked up the nearest carton, peeking inside it like a kid with a Christmas present. Evidently it was one he liked because he reached for chopsticks.

Teal’c glowered. ‘You are late.’ He lowered the chopsticks. ‘There was…a disagreement.’

Jack paused, chicken dripping with some sauce balanced precariously in the hold of his sticks. Daniel froze, hunched down and in the middle of scratching the dog’s head.

‘Cassandra is out with friends from college.’ Teal’c informed them briskly. ‘She failed to inform Major Carter of the arrangement until after the food had arrived.’ He glowered at the carton. ‘They argued heatedly and Cassandra said many things regarding Major Carter that I believe she will regret later.’

Jack shoved his chopsticks into the carton. ‘Where’s Carter now?’

‘She retired to her room when Cassandra departed.’ Teal’c said evenly. ‘She claimed that she was not hungry.’

Jack made to leave the kitchen and Daniel lurched upward, grabbing his arm. Jack looked down at Daniel’s restraining hand and back up at him sharply.

‘My turn?’ suggested Daniel.

Teal’c raised his eyebrow. But his dark eyes gleamed with approval at Daniel finally stepping up to the plate.

Jack pressed his lips together, and Daniel knew Jack wanted to be the one to comfort Sam, but he waved a hand towards the door as though to say ‘have at it’ and sat back down. It didn’t escape Daniel that it was a sign of how much Jack trusted him that he trusted him with Sam of all people. Daniel hurried through the house and knocked gently on the study door. He didn’t wait for an answer but opened the door and poked his head around it.

Sam sat on the pull-out bed with her back towards the door. She was curled in on herself, crying. He didn’t hesitate. He was through the door, closing it behind him, and beside her within seconds. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and tugged her into a hug. Sam went with it, wrapping her own arms around his waist and tucking her head into the crook of his neck.

‘Teal’c blabbed.’ Daniel said, tightening his hold on her.

‘I figured.’ Sam’s voice was choked with tears. She managed to swipe at her face.

‘You know she’s lashing out at you because she loves you and knows you love her and that you’re not going anywhere.’ Daniel told her gently.

Sam pulled away and rubbed at her face with a tissue. ‘It just doesn’t make it any easier when she’s yelling at me that I’m not Janet.’ Her voice cracked on Janet’s name.

Daniel rubbed her shoulder. ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t here.’

‘It’s OK.’ Sam shifted, turning to look at him through red-rimmed watery eyes. ‘I know it’s been hard on you.’

‘It’s been hard on everybody.’ Daniel commented, unwilling to let her make it easy for him.

‘Daniel,’ Sam touched his shoulder gently, ‘it’s the first time you’ve lost someone you cared about in the field since Sha’re. We understand.’

‘I lost Robert.’ Daniel pointed out.

‘But he wasn’t right beside you when he got hit.’ Sam squeezed his shoulder. ‘God, when the Colonel went down…’ she blinked heavily. ‘I think my heart stopped beating.’

‘I feel guilty.’ Daniel admitted. ‘I don’t mean about Janet although, I mean I do feel guilty about not being able to do anything to save her, but I feel guilty because I know this…this loss that I’m feeling right now, seeing you all grieve for Janet…I know this is how you guys felt when I died, Ascended, and I can’t believe I put you through that.’ The tears that sprang up caught him off guard.

‘Hey.’ It was Sam’s turn to wrap an arm around his shoulder.

‘And I don’t understand,’ Daniel admitted, refusing to let himself cry, ‘how I got offered Ascension but Janet didn’t? Because if anyone deserved it, she did.’

‘Maybe it happened too fast.’ Sam said with unfailing logic. ‘Maybe she couldn’t do it.’

‘Maybe.’ Daniel repeated. ‘I just wish…I know she left us these letters but I really wish I could talk to her again.’

‘Me too.’ Sam drew away from him and blew her nose.

Daniel’s stomach rumbled.

‘Hungry?’ Sam asked, a smile lifting her lips momentarily.

‘Yeah,’ Daniel pointed over his shoulder, ‘you coming?’

Sam looked as though she was about to refuse but he stared at her expectantly and she caved, nodding her acquiescence. They made their way to the kitchen. Daniel slid into the chair beside Teal’c, leaving the one beside Jack for Sam.

Jack nudged her arm gently. ‘Duck?’

‘Yeah, thanks.’ Sam offered him a shy smile.

Daniel helped himself to the remainder of the beef that Teal’c had discarded and accepted the beer Jack handed to him. For the first time in days he felt the churning inside of him ease as warmth slowly spread through him from simply being with his team – his family. But he wasn’t unaware of the two empty chairs at the table and he wasn’t the only one.

Jack cleared his throat and stabbed his chopsticks into the carton. ‘Well, this is weird.’

Daniel agreed with him. He’d only ever been in the house with either Janet or Cassie present.

‘I know but Janet…she would have wanted us here.’ Sam said firmly. ‘For Cassie.’

‘Maybe we should tackle Cassie as a team.’ Daniel suggested, surreptitiously feeding the dog under the table. ‘Jonas arrives tomorrow.’

‘Good idea.’ Jack said, pointing a chopstick at him.

‘You mean stage an intervention?’ Sam sighed and picked at her duck. ‘I guess it couldn’t hurt.’

‘Indeed.’ Teal’c agreed. He picked up another carton and began eating what looked like noodles.

Daniel looked around his team as they began to discuss it. He’d tried to push them away and it hadn’t worked. Maybe it was time to be there for them; to be there for Cassie. His lips firmed with determination. He could do this; he would do it in memory of Janet and their friendship.

Part III: Read by Heart

Dear Sam,

Of all the letters I’ve written I think yours is both the easiest and the hardest. You’re my best friend and I love you. I have valued your friendship every day and don’t ever doubt that.

The hard part, of course, is Cassie. You and I both know that the only reason why I got the chance to be her mother is because you weren’t ready for the job…well, you’re going to have to be ready now because – congratulations; it’s a girl.

My Mom will be there if you need advice. She considers Cassie a Fraiser and I’d be grateful if you make sure Cassie stays in touch with her.

But you’re going to be great, Sam. You were great from the moment you saved her. She’s going to be hurting and angry and she’s going to need you in her bunker. I know you’ll stay and won’t let go of her because you’ve always been there for her.

I envy you. I envy you every moment you’ll get to see that I won’t. Her college graduation. Her wedding. Her first child. But I’m so glad it will be you if it can’t be me. Tell Cassie…tell Cassie that all I ever wanted for her is to be happy.

And that goes the same for you: I never had the courage to try for what I wanted and that’s the one regret I’ll die with. Be happy, Sam.

Love, Janet

Sam stared up at the dark purple canopy of the sky above her head and breathed in a lungful of crisp, sharp air. She’d wandered onto the deck after dark the first night she’d stayed at Janet’s after she’d brought Cassie home and somehow every night since she’d found her feet taking her outside. She knew why; her time on the deck was her only escape from the reality of Janet’s death; from a house filled with SG1 which only seemed to emphasise that it was empty of the one person it needed.

She let her gaze roam over the tiny pinpricks of light; stars so far away that most of them were dead and gone already, their light in the sky nothing more than afterimage. It was a depressing thought. She scrubbed her hands through her hair, uncaring that it left the blonde strands mussed and messy. She had no-one to impress; the guys had already seen her at her worst.

Thank God for them because Janet had been wrong. She was in no way ready for Cassie and Cassie’s grief which was a whole other animal in the room. Sam rubbed her upper arms through the heavy wool coat she’d thrown on. The wind was biting enough to get through the denim of her jeans. She sat down on the edge of the deck anyway.

They had spent dinner strategizing on how to deal with Cassie. It had been good if only for the fact that Daniel was with them instead of somewhere else. Sam was almost a hundred per cent sure their plan wasn’t going to work but it was a plan. It was the only one they had. God, she missed Janet and her level headed advice and support. She wondered again if she shouldn’t call Janet’s Mom. Maggie Fraiser had been insistent at the funeral that she was there for Cassie and for Sam any time they needed her. She heard the door open behind her and didn’t turn around; she already knew who it would be.

‘What is it with you and this deck?’ Jack complained loudly as he walked over and lowered himself gingerly to sit beside her.

Sam shrugged, her shoulders barely rising and falling.

‘Yeah, me too.’ Jack said, understanding without her saying a word what drove her outdoors. He rubbed his hands together to warm them.

They sat in silence for a while and Sam inched closer to him, dropping her head to rest against his shoulder; the puffy nylon of his winter coat cold under her cheek. Some nights, the ones where he’d found her with tears sliding down her cheeks, he’d put his arm around her. The other nights he’d let her do this; just simply lean on him. She needed him and he was there for her. She was too aware that she was getting used to it; hoarding the precious time they spent out on the deck in her heart, every touch, every word.

It was such a mess, Sam thought tiredly.

She didn’t doubt Jack loved her as a friend but she had to stop hoping that it meant more than that; that his presence beside her on the deck was anything more than one friend looking out for another friend, especially since he thought she was with Pete. She knew Jack felt a responsibility toward her especially after she had all but broken down on him, trying to explain how grateful she was that she hadn’t lost two of the people she loved. It had been embarrassing how quickly she’d dissolved into tears but the hug he’d given her had been great. Jack gave the best hugs.

Damn it.

There she went again. She couldn’t just be satisfied with their friendship. She had little doubt that friendship was all Jack wanted. He hadn’t protested Pete after all.

Pete.

There was another mess that she just couldn’t handle on top of everything else. She hadn’t resolved anything since she’d asked him for space after his confession of running a background check on her, following her to the stake-out and initially lying about it. Her talk with Janet when Sam had stayed to recover from being hunted by a super soldier had only led Sam into delaying talking to Pete. They were in limbo land.

Or rather according to Sam’s brother, Mark, Pete was in Colorado Springs tying up some loose ends from the case he’d been working. Sam wasn’t sure how Mark had gone from being completely on her side about Pete’s behaviour to pleading with her to give him another chance. He’d stopped when she’d told him Janet was dead and she wasn’t up for dealing with anything else.

Her mind slipped back to Janet’s letter. She figured the note to have the courage to go after what she wanted wasn’t about Pete. When they’d discussed it Janet hadn’t been amused by the background check, even less so by the stalking. Janet had conceded that if it were her she’d probably give Pete a second chance if she’d been the one going out with him but she’d also noted that as Sam’s friend she’d prefer it if Sam didn’t.

No, if Janet was referring to anyone with that note, it was Jack.

Who had told her he was happy she was happy; who’d accepted she was with someone else with a lot more equanimity than she had ever had about accepting Jack with someone else. Who did that if they were interested in someone – if they loved someone? But what if Jack did love her more than he should? What if he was letting her go because he wanted her to be happy? What if he thought moving on was what she wanted?

She should talk to him. Do what Janet said: pluck up the courage. But hadn’t she tried that already? After she’d come back from the Prometheus with the knowledge that she wanted a relationship in her life, wanted love in her life? And hadn’t her courage failed her just because Jack had received a call from his ex-wife?

Sam hated not knowing what the status of things was between Jack and Sara O’Neill. She was fairly certain Sara had remarried – hadn’t Jack said so a while back? Sam winced at how jealous she sounded in her own head.

She sighed heavily and let it go.

‘You don’t think the plan is going to work.’ Jack stated with total confidence.

Sam latched onto the subject with relief. ‘Why’d do you say that?’

‘You were wearing your ‘with all due respect this isn’t going to work, sir’ look right there at the end.’

Sam’s head whipped up and she shot him an amused look. ‘I do not have a look.’

‘Oh, you so do.’ Jack bantered back easily. She could see his brown eyes twinkling at her despite the poor light. His knee nudged hers, reminding of how closely they were pressed up against each other. ‘You really think this won’t work?’

Sam bit her lip, her fingers fiddling with the laces on her boots.

‘Carter?’ Jack prompted gently, nudging her again.

‘When my Mom died,’ Sam caught Jack’s wince as he realised what he’d asked of her, ‘no, really, it’s ok.’ She stopped the hand he’d waved towards her as a silent permission to forget he’d asked and tangled their fingers together unthinkingly. ‘When my Mom died, I was angry at Dad; furious. Mark was worse though. He blamed Dad completely; he would never listen, never let him apologise or explain. You know what he said when he stormed out the last time? That he wished it were Dad who’d died.’ She pressed her lips together and told herself she wasn’t going to cry on him again.

‘Cassie said the same thing to you, didn’t she?’ Jack sounded furious.

Sam stroked her thumb over his knuckles to comfort him rather to deny or confirm it. Cassie was angry and Sam knew, hoped, she hadn’t meant it. Sam had a whole new appreciation for why her Dad had stayed away from Mark for so long though because the hurt…the hurt was soul deep. ‘It’s just…’

‘If you’re wishing it had been you and not Janet…’ Jack started heatedly.

‘Aren’t you?’ Sam shot back.

He glared at her but broke off with a sigh of his own. ‘Carter…’

The door behind them opened up with a clatter and they both turned, dropping their clasped hands so automatically that neither of them noticed.

Daniel gestured with a faint air of apology but his eyes held a frantic urgency. ‘Cassie called: she’s been arrested for hitting a cop.’

Sam shot to her feet before she remembered Jack couldn’t move too well with his injuries and she offered him a hand to yank him upwards.

‘I’ll drive, Carter.’ Jack declared as they followed Daniel inside briefly, pausing to lock the kitchen door behind them.

‘I drive faster.’ Sam pointed out, annoyed. She marched through to the hall. Teal’c and Daniel were already there, pulling on outerwear with brisk efficiency.

‘And we don’t need to get stopped for speeding.’ Jack shot back.

‘I will drive.’ Teal’c said firmly. ‘You have all been drinking.’

‘Fine.’ Jack conceded grumpily, throwing him the keys.

Sam appropriated the front seat, staring down Jack and Daniel until they got in the back. The drive was quiet. All of them were too tense to discuss anything. Sam berated herself for allowing Cassie to go out again. But Cassie had been right when she’d thrown her age in Sam’s face; Cassie was eighteen and she wasn’t a child. Sam wished, not for the first time, that Cassie’s boyfriend Dominic wasn’t at college on the other side of the country. She had no idea who the friends were that Cassie had gone out with; a Kyle and a Poppy. She should have asked more questions rather than getting into an argument. Or instead of crying and feeling sorry for herself maybe she should have used her laptop and ran checks on the two of them…she closed her eyes briefly. OK, her running a check on Cassie’s friends was not, not, the same thing as Pete running a background check on her.

Teal’c had barely pulled into a parking space when Sam pushed open her door and got out. She could hear Jack cursing but didn’t stop, using the advantage of his injury to leave the guys behind and be the first through the doors to the police station. She almost skidded to a halt at the sight of the man pacing the lobby.

‘Pete.’

His blond head snapped up and he hurried over to her, hands already raised in a supplicating way. He looked good in blue jeans and a simple cream sweater. ‘Look, I know we agreed space but I overheard your name when your…Cassie, is it? Cassie asked to call you and…’

‘Is she…?’

‘She’s OK.’ Pete said quickly, reaching for her hand before moving back a step as the doors opened and the rest of her team piled through.

All three men blinked in the bright lights of the police department as though they hadn’t seen Pete before.

Sam waved a hand between the line of men behind her and the one in front. ‘Guys, you remember Pete.’

‘Sure.’ Jack said dryly as Teal’c uttered a terse ‘Detective Shanahan’ under his breath.

Pete attempted a smile. ‘I was just explaining to Sam that Cassie’s fine. Maybe a little tipsy…’

‘She’s been drinking?’ Worry escalated through Sam. Damn. Cassie had gotten drunk a couple of times after Daniel had died but she’d stopped. Sam should have thought about her starting up again with Janet’s death.

‘She’s had a couple but she’s not drunk.’ Pete confirmed, his attention returning to her. ‘The club she was in was busted for allowing underage drinking. She took exception to one of the uniforms and punched him.’

Sam raised her hand to her forehead.

‘Has she been charged?’ asked Daniel, stepping up beside Sam.

‘No, she’s been given a warning.’ Pete said. ‘After I realised she was here, I had a word with the guy she hit and told him about,’ he winced, ‘about her losing her Mom. He agreed to drop the assault charge.’

‘Thanks.’ Jack said quietly, moving up to flank Sam on her other side.

‘Her right hand’s bruised but our department doc examined her and gave her the all clear.’ Pete continued.

‘You will take us to see her now.’ Teal’c ordered, completing the wall of SG1 in front of Pete.

Pete’s eyes widened slightly but he nodded. ‘Follow me.’ He led the way through a side door and into the department. Sam followed him through a warren of corridors silently aware of the three men at her back. Her footsteps quickened as she saw Cassie up ahead, sitting on a hard plastic chair, a stark white bandage around one hand, with Kyle and Poppy beside her, all of them pale and looking like the young scared kids they were.

‘Cassie.’ Sam reached for her and pulled her into a hug, giving into her own need to hold Cassie.

Cassie’s body vibrated with tension as though she were still angry, but she didn’t pull away. ‘I want to go home.’

‘OK,’ Sam reluctantly pulled back and resisted the urge to stroke Cassie’s hair, ‘but we’re going to talk about this.’

Cassie’s lips thinned mutinously. Her eyes flickered behind Sam, widening in surprise as she was pulled in for a hug by Jack before he handed her off to Daniel and Teal’c.

‘You kids got a ride home?’ Jack asked, gesturing toward Kyle and Poppy.

‘Yes, sir.’ It was Kyle who answered.

‘Don’t worry,’ Pete added, ‘we’ll get them to where they need to go.’

Sam nodded briskly. She placed a hand on Cassie’s arm and gently steered her back down the corridor. Cassie pulled away and moved to walk beside Daniel. Sam tried hard not to feel rejected and was glad when Jack’s hand brushed over her shoulder briefly. It wasn’t long before they were back in the lobby.

‘Sam…’ Pete murmured as she headed for the door with the others.

Sam glanced at him and stopped. She owed him for what he’d done to help Cassie. She motioned for the guys and Cassie to leave as they looked back inquiringly. ‘I’ll be with you in a minute.

Teal’c and Daniel both frowned at her in varying expressions of disapproval, and Sam couldn’t blame them. She wanted to ignore Pete and head home with Cassie but she owed him a thank you and she’d rather say it without an audience. She wasn’t surprised when Jack simply nodded back at her, his face set into his professional mask, and waved a hand at her. ‘We’ll wait in the car.’

Sam watched as he hustled everyone out of the door before she turned to Pete. ‘Thank you for helping her out.’

Pete shrugged easily. ‘Mark mentioned what had happened last time I called and her Mom did help patch me up. How are you?’ His dark eyes were filled with concern and Sam felt some of her resolve to keep him at a distance crack.

‘I’m fine. Well, not fine.’ Sam blew out a breath and pushed her hands into the pockets of her jacket. ‘You know.’

Pete nodded. ‘I just wanted to say to let you know that the DA has asked me to testify and I’m going to be around occasionally in the next few months, so if you need anything…’

‘Pete.’

‘Not like…nothing to do with us us… just as a friend.’ Pete added swiftly, keeping his voice low to avoid it carrying over to the curious desk Sergeant. ‘That’s all.’

Sam sighed and shifted her weight, her mind too cluttered with arguments and counter-arguments; her heart too cluttered with the memory of Jack sitting beside her on the deck, his hand on her shoulder, to make a decision. ‘I have to go.’

Pete’s face fell but he regrouped quickly. ‘Take care, Sam.’

Sam turned on her heel and hurried out. She welcomed the slap of frigid air as she left the building. She walked over to the car and almost smiled when she saw that Cassie had been bundled into the back, sandwiched between Jack and Daniel. They’d left the front passenger seat for her.

Sam didn’t attempt to break the tense silence on the way back to the house, the weight of Cassie’s almost-arrest keeping her quiet. The warmth from the heaters and the bubble of the car in Teal’c’s competent hands lulled her into snuggling into the hard cushion of the seat and closing her eyes. She was so tired.

The car pulled to a gentle stop and Sam shook herself into getting out and making for the house that loomed over them. She stepped into the foyer, realising with a grimace they had left the lights blazing.

‘I’m going to bed.’ Cassie declared loudly.

‘Hey, not so fast.’ Jack ordered.

Cassie whirled around, her foot on the bottom step of the stair. ‘I’m tired. I don’t have to explain myself to you. I’ve had a shit night and I’m going to fucking bed.’

‘OK,’ Jack straightened his shoulders, ‘one, language, and two, when we get called to collect you because you were arrested for assaulting a cop, you do so owe us an explanation.’

Sam remained quiet but she stood beside Jack and folded her arms, supporting him without words. Daniel and Teal’c lined up behind them. They could have been stood on any number of alien planets facing down an enemy instead of inside Janet’s house facing down the girl they had once saved.

‘What’s the problem? Sam’s boyfriend made it all go away.’ Cassie bit out. ‘And it wasn’t like the other cop didn’t ask for it; he was throwing his weight around with Kyle.’

‘If Detective Shanahan hadn’t stepped in, you might have faced jail time. You would certainly have been expelled from college.’ Daniel asserted, folding his arms over his chest.

Cassie rolled her eyes. ‘Well, that didn’t happen so…’

‘We are concerned about your behaviour, Cassandra Fraiser.’ Teal’c talked over her.

As always the Jaffa’s steadfast calm defused Cassie. She visibly wilted under the Jaffa’s raised eyebrow.

‘I’m sorry.’ Cassie pushed a hand through her hair and crossed her arms defensively over her pretty blue top. ‘I just needed to blow off some steam tonight and then the club got busted. The cop grabbed Kyle and I…I just reacted.’

And they all can’t say anything because of every single one of them has taken part in defence lessons with Cassie.

‘OK, then.’ Jack said. ‘Thank you for the explanation.’

Cassie pointed up the stairs. ‘Can I go up now?’

‘You need anything?’ Sam asked.

‘No.’ Cassie looked at her icily.

Sam tried to keep the hurt out of her expression. ‘Go and get some sleep. We’ll talk about the drinking in the morning.’

Cassie didn’t argue; she turned around and stormed up the stairs without another word. The dog followed in her wake.

Daniel waited until Cassie was out of earshot before he turned to Sam with a frown. ‘Do we have to talk about the drinking? I mean, I sneaked alcohol when I was her age. I’m pretty sure Jack did too.’

‘Hey!’ Jack protested before he clucked his tongue and shrugged, rocking back. ‘OK, maybe. But this isn’t the first time Cassie’s gotten drunk underage.’

‘She did it after you Ascended, Daniel.’ Sam explained. ‘It was a reaction to her grief.’

‘Oh.’ Daniel blinked at her.

‘So I’ll talk to her like I did the last time and check that this isn’t a repeat of that.’ Sam said calmly.

Daniel nodded. ‘I think I’ll head to bed.’

‘I will also retire.’ Teal’c stated.

They exited the hall so quickly that Sam believed they left skid marks. The firm sound of the den door closing forced Sam to move. She wandered down to the kitchen, Jack following behind her. Sam opened a cupboard and took out a large tumbler. Cassie would need water to deal with the dehydration that always came with alcohol. Jack anticipated her and handed her the bottled water.

‘Carter,’ Jack began tentatively, ‘you know if you want to take a break and see Pete, we’ll manage.’

Sam ducked her head. And there he was again; encouraging her. ‘I need to be here for Cassie.’

‘She knows you’re here for her.’ Jack said softly. ‘And it’s not like she’ll be alone. Jonas is arriving tomorrow, Daniel’s finally got his head out of his ass…’

She shot him a chiding look which he disregarded.

‘…and Teal’c and I aren’t going anywhere.’ Jack completed. ‘Go on a date. Try to have some fun and forget about this for an hour.’ He paused. ‘The doc would be telling you the same thing if she were here.’

Sam made a noncommittal noise and handed him the water back. ‘I’ll think about it.’ After all, she’d been thinking about it for days.

Jack pointed at the glass. ‘Why don’t I take it up?’

Sam started to shake her head but changed her mind. She nodded. ‘Thanks.’

‘Get some sleep, Carter. That’s an order.’ Jack picked up the water and departed. Sam remained where she was – slumped against the kitchen counter. She forced herself to move, stopping by the downstairs’ bathroom to perform her ablutions before retreating to Janet’s study and the pull-out bed.

Sam undressed and pulled on pyjama bottoms and a tank top to sleep in. She paused in front of Janet’s bookcase and picked up a picture. It was one of Cassie, Janet and Sam taken soon after Cassie’s rescue from Hanka but before Sam’s own life had been turned upside down by the Tok’ra Jolinar. They were happy in the photo. Sam set the photo down.

Janet had been right. Sam hadn’t been ready to be a Mom to Cassie back then; she wasn’t ready to be a Mom to her now Cassie was eighteen. And if Cassie’s attitude was anything to go by, she would take Sam stepping into Janet’s place very badly.

Sam switched the light off and crawled into bed. It was not going to be a fun day talking to Cassie about her drinking and she needed all the sleep she could get. She closed her eyes.

‘Go on a date. Try to have some fun…’

Damn Jack anyway, Sam thought, her eyes snapping open again. Why did he have to be so reasonable about her dating another man? Was it because he was letting her go or was it because he didn’t care if she was with someone? Sam rubbed a hand over her face. She was so scared of the answer, Sam thought wearily; so scared that Jack didn’t love her that way anymore – the way she loved him. Maybe she should go back to her original plan to just move on. Hadn’t she been seriously considering putting Jack in the past and focusing on Pete before the whole background check-stalking confession?

Pete was a nice guy – OK, so he clearly had some insecurity issues, but her brother trusted him and she’d had fun with Pete. Plus he’d really come through for her with Cassie and talking the other cop out of charging her.

Sam pushed back the covers and climbed out of bed to retrieve her cell phone. She bit her lip and before she could change her mind hunted out Pete’s cell number in her contact list and called him.

‘Sam.’ Pete’s pleasure and surprise washed over her.

‘I was thinking…’ Sam began awkwardly, ‘I was thinking of coffee to say thank you.’ She rushed the words out. ‘You know for what you did for Cassie.’

‘I could do coffee.’ Pete agreed quickly. ‘Coffee sounds good.’

‘And we start again.’ Sam added, because she wasn’t letting him off the hook for the stalking that easy.

‘I can do that too.’ Pete promised.

‘OK, tomorrow then? Around ten at the café?’ Sam suggested, ignoring the churn of nerves in her belly.

‘I’ll be there.’ Pete replied. ‘And Sam? You won’t regret this.’

Sam sighed. ‘Just…let’s take this slow. I’ll see you tomorrow.’ She hung up before he could reply and tossed her phone back into her open suitcase. She fell back against the pillows and started up at the shadowy ceiling, trying to tell herself that she was fine and ignoring the tears smarting her eyes.

o-O-o

Dear Cassie,

I’ve never thought of writing letters before and I don’t know if it’s a good idea – if it’s something you would want or not. But there are things that I want to tell you and I hope I tell you them in person but if you’re reading this then I’m gone and –

I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry that I’m not right there with you.

I can’t imagine leaving you. Every bone in my body is protesting at the very idea of it. So know that if I’m not there, it’s not because I didn’t want to be, it’s not because I didn’t fight to come home to you.

I want to say you’ll have SG1 – that they’ll be there for you too but I know if I died then it was likely they were fighting right beside me. In my heart though, I know you won’t be alone; that they’ll be there for you. So, if they made it home and I didn’t – don’t blame them, Cassie. They would have done everything to get me home to you. If I didn’t make it, it wasn’t their fault.

And Grandma Maggie and your Aunts will also stay in touch with you; you’re a Fraiser. Take care of them for me.

I’m so proud of you. I am so honoured that I got to be a part of seeing you grow up into this incredibly beautiful, kind, smart, funny young woman. You are going to go on to do incredible things.

Be happy, Cassie, and never forget that I love you.

All my love, Mom

‘…and then after Sam’s got done with the whole drinking lecture again, Jack tells me that they’re leaving me alone to think about my actions like I’m a kid being put on the naughty step!’ Cassie finished, throwing herself back down on her bed and staring up at the ceiling. The dog gave her a suspicious look and curled back down at the foot of the mattress.

‘They’re just worried about you, Cass, and can you blame them?’ Dominic said sharply.

Her boyfriend’s disapproval had the breath catching in her throat. ‘You’re supposed to be on my side.’

‘I am on your side but, geez, Cass – going out, getting drunk and punching a cop?’ Dominic retorted. ‘That’s extreme.’

‘Hey, I lost my Mom…’

‘I know, Cass.’ Dominic cut in, his tone gentling to soothe her. ‘But do you really think that your Mom would have wanted this?’

Cassie ignored him; she didn’t want to hear his disapproval on top of everybody else’s. ‘Are you coming home this weekend?’

‘Yeah, my flight’s booked.’ Dominic promised. ‘I get in Friday night.’

‘I miss you.’ Cassie hated that he was so far away but he’d wanted Harvard. She’d thought about applying but in the end had chosen to stay close to the SGC. While her Mom had never pressured her, Cassie was only too aware that if there was an issue with her health, it would be easier and quicker for the SGC to step in if she remained local.

‘I miss you too.’ Dominic replied. ‘I’m sorry, I have to go. I’ll call you later.’

‘Bye.’ Cassie heard the dull tone in her ear signalling he’d hung up and she placed the phone on the nightstand. She pulled open the drawer and extracted the letter from her Mom. She’d read it so many times she could have recited it. But she read it again. Her fingers traced over the printed words and the handwritten signature at the bottom. She just felt numb.

She didn’t want a letter; she wanted her Mom. She could remember the first time she’d seen Janet Fraiser – the care she’d taken to examine Cassie after Nirrti had wiped out everyone else on Hanka. But Cassie hadn’t paid attention to her because there had been Sam. Sam who had taken care of her; who hadn’t left her in the bunker to die alone; who’d held her and told her to be brave and that they weren’t going to die. And Sam who had gently explained that it was Doctor Fraiser who would look after her.

On Hanka it wasn’t unusual for kids to be fostered out to other families if the parents couldn’t take care of them for any reason. In her child’s mind she’d simply accepted that Sam’s work took her away too much and so she’d live with Sam’s friend. Her own family had taken in Georg when his Momma had died and his Pop couldn’t care for him. She’d found Georg curled up in her own Momma’s arms when she’d run home from the forest and found everyone dead.

She rolled over, curling in on herself as her heart ached painfully at the memory. She wasn’t thinking about Hanka, Cassie thought crossly. She was thinking about her Mom; about the months it had taken her to realise that Janet Fraiser was her Mom and not Sam; that Janet wasn’t just taking care of her as a favour to Sam but had chosen to be her Mom. She’d been a little hurt that Sam hadn’t wanted her but by the time she’d realised the truth, she’d been relieved because Sam’s job was dangerous and there was every chance Cassie would lose her but her Mom…

Her Mom wasn’t supposed to die; she wasn’t supposed to leave her alone.

The flood of dark anger through her veins was familiar and welcome. Cassie latched onto it with relief. It propelled her off the bed and down the stairs. If she couldn’t go out and get drunk, there was plenty of alcohol in the house.

The silence pervading the hallway almost caught her by surprise. Theoretically, she’d known everyone had gone out but the reality of it was startling. They all have appointments; Teal’c had gone back at the SGC to pick up Jonas, Daniel in town with his realtor, Sam had a thank you coffee with her boyfriend, Jack had a physical therapy session.

The latter made her frown. She’d almost lost Jack too. Sam had saved him; she remembered Teal’c telling her that. Sam had kept Jack alive with CPR. But Sam hadn’t saved her Mom. The thought was too much and she clattered down the stairs, the echoes of her steps reverberating through the empty space.

She figured there was beer and wine in the kitchen but she made her way through to her Mom’s study where she knew she’d find a bottle of bourbon. The study bore the evidence of Sam’s stay and Cassie’s jaw tightened.

The pull-out sofa bed was out but it was made and the covers were so smooth that they looked like no-one had slept there. Sam’s belongings were neatly stacked into piles; a book, a journal, some spare clothes; her toiletries.

Cassie saw the letter on the table beside the sofa, tucked into a book. She didn’t think twice about invading Sam’s privacy, justifying that the letter was out in plain sight. She darted across and picked it up, reading through the contents quickly.

Her anger flared again as she read her Mom’s words to Sam. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that her Mom wouldn’t see all the things that she had wanted to see; that Sam would when she hadn’t wanted to be Cassie’s Mom anyway.

Cassie ripped the letter in half angrily and dropped it on the bed. She went over to the drinks cabinet and took out the bourbon.

The doorbell sounded. Her dog barked in response and Cassie dropped the bourbon on the bed. She hurried out and wrangled the dog into the den before she answered the door.

A short stocky man looked back at her with kind dark eyes, curly dark hair, and a crooked smile. The rumpled duster he was wearing over what looked like an even more rumpled suit gave him a slightly absent-minded air. ‘Oh, hi. I was…I’m Emmett Bregman. I was told Colonel O’Neill was staying here?’

Cassie frowned. Bregman– wasn’t that the name of the guy making the documentary about the Stargate? She was sure she’d heard Jack mention him. ‘He’s out.’

‘Ah.’ Bregman gestured with the package in his hands. ‘May I leave this for him?’

‘Sure.’ Cassie took it and turned over the padded envelope with interest.

Bregman stuffed his hands deep into the pockets of his coat. ‘My condolences on your loss, Miss Fraiser. I only met your mother briefly but she was a gracious lady.’

Something about his heartfelt sincerity cracked the wall Cassie had built between her and the rest of the world since Sam had broken the news to her. Her throat closed up suddenly; the threat of tears suddenly and immediately present.

Cassie took a step back from her visitor. ‘I’ll give Jack the package.’

He was smart enough to get the hint. ‘Of course. Bye.’ He extracted a hand and gave a small wave as he stepped down off the front stoop.

Cassie closed the door quickly, shutting him out. She took a deep breath, clenching her hands into the envelope she held. She peered down at it. It was addressed to Jack and sealed. She opened it without another thought.

The slim case of the DVD disc had a single white label entitled ‘Documentary Second Edit – Complete.’ It was the documentary, Cassie realised. She opened up the door to the den and went straight to the entertainment unit intending to watch it.

She spared a glance at the duffle bag and backpack in the corner, the only evidence that Daniel and Teal’c were staying in the room beyond the single candle on the coffee table. She absently patted the dog and pushed him away as she set about switching on the TV and setting up the DVD player.

Cassie had to hunt for the remote but she sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the screen. The opening introduction wasn’t all that interesting; Cassie knew about the programme and she fast-forwarded until the interviews began. It felt weird seeing everyone talk about the programme, about the events that had shaped it, about their relationships. Sam came across as nervous but beautiful, Cassie grudgingly conceded; Teal’c was stern, Daniel was like the academic lecturer he’d once been; Jack was his usual gruff self.

She stilled when her Mom appeared talking about Jack’s medical records. Her hand slowly lifted to the screen to touch the bright sparking eyes of her Mom so alive and present.

The scene shifted to Bregman explaining that soon after the interview Doctor Fraiser had been called to the gate room for a rescue mission and a warning that the footage that followed might be upsetting to some.

Cassie’s heart pounded as the film shifted to a hand-held camera and Simon Wells. She could see her Mom beside him working to save his life. She didn’t hear Wells’ words for his wife, what Daniel was saying to him. Her focus was on her Mom. Her mouth went dry. They’d told her; Sam…Jack…Teal’c; they’d told her that her Mom had been in the field saving the life of an Airman but she hadn’t really listened; hadn’t wanted to listen.

‘Simon. Simon! Look at me! You are not going to die, okay?’

‘Mom.’ Cassie leaned forward again, the sight of her Mom filling her vision; her Mom’s voice all she could hear.

‘I did not come all the way out here for nothing. Now, I’ve stemmed the bleeding; we’re going to get you on a stretcher. We’re going to get you home with your family in no time, okay? Now you hang in there, Airman!’

Pride swamped Cassie because this was her Mom; determined and fierce. She started to smile…

The blast shot across the screen; her Mom went flying backwards.

‘Mom!’ Cassie cried out. ‘No, no, no; no!’ She scrabbled forward, tears streaming down her face and pressed her hands against the screen over the fallen body of her mother as though she could heal her through time and space; bring her back to life through the power of her mind alone despite the fade-out to black and Daniel’s desperate cry for a medic echoing.

Her Mom was dead.

‘Cassie!’

Sam was suddenly there and the image froze on the words noting Major Janet Fraiser had died in the line of duty. Sam pulled her away from the screen and Cassie struggled against Sam’s strong grip momentarily before falling against her, her own arms shifting to wrap around Sam and hold onto her tightly.

Cassie pushed her face under the scratchy wool of Sam’s coat and into Sam’s neck, sobbing uncontrollably. ‘She’s dead!’

‘I know, Cassie.’ Sam murmured into her hair. ‘I know.’ She sounded choked and Cassie felt Sam’s chest heaving against her own body, crying with Cassie.

Cassie huddled closer, hiding her face.

‘Carter!’

Jack’s worried shout had Cassie clutching onto Sam.

‘In here, sir.’

Cassie ignored the sound of footsteps and the quiet curse Jack uttered. She shook badly and Sam’s hand stroked through her hair and down her back.

‘I thought you were…’ Jack began.

‘I came back early.’ Sam interjected. ‘I just…I couldn’t leave her, sir.’ Cassie felt her motion toward the TV screen. ‘I came in and she was watching the documentary.’

Jack sighed. ‘Rundall called me and told me Bregman was on his way over so I came back. I see I’m too late.’

‘Jack! Sam!’ Daniel called out, hurrying into the room. ‘Teal’c called me and said…’

Cassie peeked out through the fall of her hair and saw Daniel pale visibly as he saw the television.

Other footsteps cluttered through the hallway and into the room.

‘What’s going on?’

Her head shot up and snagged immediately on Jonas. She shifted, pulling away from Sam and Sam let her go.

‘Jonas?’

‘Hey.’ Jonas hurried to her side, dropping to the floor to hold her.

Cassie shifted from Sam to Jonas, cuddling into him. ‘They said you couldn’t come.’

‘I couldn’t but I’m here anyway.’ Jonas said quietly.

‘My Mom died.’

Jonas hugged her. ‘I know she did.’

‘Everybody leaves me.’ Another fresh wave of tears spilled down her cheeks.

‘We’re here.’ Sam clasped her shoulder and rubbed it gently.

‘But you can’t promise me you’ll always be here.’ Cassie said, brushing her wet cheeks with the back of her hand. ‘Jack almost died. Mom even said…she said in her letter that you might not make it and…’ her voice cut off with another sob.

‘Listen, your Mom was a very, very smart lady.’ Jonas said. ‘And you’re right; she knew that these guys might not be around one day too. So you know what she did? She wrote to me and told me that if that should ever happen that she knew I would be there for you.’ He pushed her away so he could look her in the eyes. ‘I promise you, Cassie. All you have to do is get word to me and I will get here whatever it takes. You won’t be alone ever.’

Cassie nodded, sniffling. ‘OK.’

‘OK.’ Jonas smiled at her, his face bright with affection that warmed her. ‘You’re a mess.’

A laugh escaped her but she sobered as she looked up at the worried faces of the rest of SG1 – her family. ‘I’m sorry.’ She reached out to Sam again and Sam pulled her in for another hug. ‘I’m so sorry. I found your letter and, and I tore it up…’

‘It’s OK.’ Sam said. ‘You can help me fix it with tape later.’ She brushed Cassie’s hair over her shoulder and cupped her damp cheek. ‘Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up.’

‘I’ll get that copy of the damn documentary out of here.’ Jack declared.

‘Wait! Wasn’t the memorial filmed?’ Jonas said, helping Cassie and Sam to their feet without tripping over the worried dog.

Daniel nodded, arms folded tightly around himself. ‘Yes, but…’

Jonas tapped Cassie’s arm. ‘What do you say? I know we both couldn’t make it but I’d like to watch it with you, if you’d like to?’

Cassie bit her lip but nodded.

‘Are you sure, Cassie?’ Jack asked brusquely.

‘I’m sure.’ Cassie said. And she was. Nothing could be worse than what she’d already seen and maybe, just maybe, the memorial would help. ‘I’ll just…’ she pointed at her face. ‘I’ll be right back.’ She moved before they could stop her, diving into the downstairs bathroom. She bathed her face and ignored the quiet murmur of voices beyond the door.

She took a breath. Without the anger that had sustained her she felt tired, drained. A dull headache throbbed behind her eyes and her throat was sore from crying. She patted her face dry and looked at herself in the mirror. Her Mom had died but she wasn’t alone and she didn’t have to handle it alone.

Cassie closed her eyes briefly. Why Sam didn’t hate her she had no clue. She’d been so mean to her but Sam had stayed with her anyway. But her Mom had known that too; hadn’t she said so in her letter to Sam?

So, maybe her Mom was right. Maybe she should stop blaming Sam and the others; start focusing on being the young woman her Mom had spoken about with pride. She grimaced at the white bandage on her hand. OK, maybe punching cops was out as an activity. And drinking. She felt a moment’s guilt about the bourbon.

She took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door. She wasn’t surprised to find Daniel hovering in the lobby. ‘Hey.’

‘Hey.’ Daniel said roughly. ‘Cassie, you should never have had to…’

Cassie walked up and hugged him tightly.

For a second, he was startled but his arms were suddenly around her as he caught up. ‘I’m so sorry I couldn’t save her.’

‘She saved Simon Wells, didn’t she?’

‘She did.’ Daniel confirmed. ‘She saved him. His wife had a baby daughter. They’ve named her Janet.’

There was a part of Cassie that rebelled against it; that wanted to rail at the world for allowing a small baby her father when it took away her Mom. But she pushed the resentment aside.

‘Maybe we could go see the baby?’ Cassie suggested. ‘Together?’

‘I’d like that.’ Daniel said.

‘We’re all set up here when you guys are ready.’ Jack said, drawing their attention. He stood in the doorway of the den, his hand pressed up against his ribs.

Cassie gave Daniel a final squeeze and moved over to Jack hugging him gently. ‘I’m really glad you’re alive.’

‘Me too, kiddo.’ Jack led her inside the den.

She hugged Teal’c before she took a seat on the sofa between Jonas and Sam. She slid a hand into Sam’s. Jack sat beside Sam on her other side, Daniel dropped to the floor to sit cross-legged beside him. Teal’c sat on the floor in front of Jonas.

‘Ready?’ Sam asked softly.

Cassie let her gaze skip to each of them one last time. There was nothing but love in their eyes for her. They would be there to catch her when she fell; to hold her when she cried; to grieve with her. It was time to honour her Mom; time to say goodbye. ‘I’m ready.’

o-O-o

Anna smiled down at the picture of the scrunched up baby and handed it back to Senior Airman Wells. ‘She’s adorable.’

‘Very adorable.’ Wells agreed happily. Anna suppressed a smile. Wells was sunk; wrapped around his baby daughter’s finger already.

‘Just wait.’ Dixon commented dryly. ‘She’ll be a hellion before you know it.’

‘I heard Doctor Fraiser’s daughter has agreed to be godmother?’ Anna said politely as she looped her stethoscope back around her neck, and enjoyed its familiar weight.

‘Yes,’ Wells nodded, ‘Doctor Jackson brought her to visit and Marci asked her. Marci thought it was right that Janet grows up knowing the daughter of the woman who saved my life.’

‘It’s a good thought.’ Anna said. Cassie was a lovely young woman and it had been good of her to agree. ‘As for your injury, two more weeks of physio and we’ll reassess but it looks good.’

Wells beamed at her.

‘Thanks, Doc.’ Dixon helped Wells down from the bed and handed him his cane. He was offering Wells more horror stories about his own children as they walked out.

Anna shook her head in amusement and picked up the clipboard. She headed for her office and was surprised to see the General waiting for her. ‘Sir, I didn’t realise we had an appointment.’

‘We don’t.’ Hammond’s smile softened the words. ‘I hate to press you, Doctor Brightman, but I need an answer.’

Anna nodded and resisted the urge to hug the clipboard. ‘I’m accepting the position, sir.’

‘That’s good news.’ Hammond beamed at her. ‘I’m pleased to hear it. I’ll get the formal announcement out shortly.’

‘Yes, sir.’ Anna watched him leave and shook herself briskly. She had notes to update, three teams to check going out, another scheduled to come in and ward rounds to make. Janet had entrusted her with the CMO position and she would do it to the best of her ability to honour her.

Dear Anna,

You don’t want the job.

You’ll have to deal with viruses that revert people to Neanderthals and bites that change people into bugs. You’ll make assumptions that get people locked up for being crazy and you’ll find that you should always check for Goa’uld symbiotes, crystalline duplicates, nanites, alien substances that cause hallucinations of people, and bombs. You’ll make house calls on other planets and have to give emergency aid under fire. You’ll wait for the teams to come home with the General and live with the knowledge that you can’t save them all. If you’re very lucky, you’ll find a daughter as beautiful as Cassie and you’ll face down a Goa’uld rather than lose her.

SG1 will drive you insane.

Take the job.

You’ll love every minute of it – I know I have.

Doctor Janet Fraiser

fin.