Storytime with Rachel F Hundred

Part 1: Pick Yourself Up

The walk to the General’s office was daunting. It reminded Jonas Quinn of the one and only time he’d made the walk to the Senior Professor’s office in his final year of school. He had been an exceptional student; two years ahead of his peers. The senior boys had talked him into participating in a prank on the Science Professor. They had needed his understanding of how to make a smelly bomb. It had exploded and stunk out an entire floor of the old building. Jonas had owned up but all he could really remember was the way his heart had pounded as he’d walked up the stairs and along the formal corridors to the Senior Professor’s room to hear what would become of him.

The parallel wasn’t lost on Jonas as he made his way with the same bitter taste of fear in his mouth and sweat on his palms. The walls might not have been panelled with beautiful old wood and adorned with the portraits of past Professors and students; the corridor may not have the once plush carpet that bore the tread of many others who had made the same walk, and the destination might be on a different planet, but Jonas knew his future hung just as much in the balance as it had done that miserable day on the planet of his birth, Kelowna.

Even the events that preceded each walk bore a remarkable similarity, Jonas mused miserably. He had, after all, been part of the science team responsible for building a naquadria bomb designed in theory to protect Kelowna from its neighbours. An experiment had gone wrong and killed four scientists. It had only been the quick thinking of Doctor Jackson that had saved the rest of the city and ensured that the accident was contained. The archaeologist had suffered for his heroism; he had almost died due to the tremendous radiation exposure before finally Ascending.

Jonas found the concept of Ascension fascinating. Just the idea of a human being relinquishing their physical form and becoming pure energy; transcending to another level of being…it boggled the mind, or at least it boggled his mind. There seemed to be an ongoing debate in the SGC whether Daniel had cheated death by Ascending but as Jonas had overheard one Airman declare bluntly, either way Daniel was gone.

He felt responsible for that.

The guilt had grown in the hours and days after the accident on Kelowna especially when his fellow scientists had claimed Daniel had sabotaged the experiment. Colonel O’Neill had been rightly furious at the falsehood when he had spoken with Jonas. Jonas doubted whether he would have continued to keep quiet even if the Colonel hadn’t intervened. He liked to think he would have spoken up regardless. In truth, his conscience had already been clamouring to confess. And so he had; he had confessed all to his government only for them to revel in the idea of how much destruction the bomb could inflict. It had been an uncomfortable wake-up call. Jonas had run to Earth with as much of the naquadria as he could gather in a wave of disappointment and righteousness only to realise he could never go back.

In many ways he had nothing to go back to – no family. His father had died when he was young, and his mother had died a few years before in a transportation accident. He had no brothers and sisters; no cousins. His work had consumed much of his time and energy. He had dated sporadically but there hadn’t been a serious relationship since his childhood sweetheart had gently ended it, pointing out that he spent more time with his studies and research than he did with her. There were only a few friends and his old mentor that he truly regretted leaving behind.

Jonas shook off the self-pity. His loss was minor compared to Daniel’s, he told himself briskly, or the loss of Daniel to those who grieved for him – the rest of the team called SG1. In the time since Daniel had gone, only Teal’c had approached Jonas with any semblance of friendship. Major Samantha Carter had kept her distance beyond some initial meetings to discuss the naquadria, as had the Colonel. He couldn’t deny that he had been relieved when he had heard that SG1 had taken a mission. They were back though and Jonas knew he would have to find a way to live with the guilt that surged up every time he caught a glimpse of them. Maybe he had redeemed himself a little by clearing Daniel’s name and bringing them the naquadria. Maybe he could do more if he worked hard to help Earth fight the Goa’uld; maybe if he helped ensure the naquadria could do more than blow things up…but it all was dependent on the meeting that was about to take place.

He swallowed hard against the lump that gathered in his throat as he reached the General’s door. He took a moment to push a hand through his hair making sure the long strands were swept back neatly. He knocked sharply and opened at the call to enter.

General Hammond stood behind his desk. He radiated authority despite his somewhat homely appearance with the stout body and round face. He was signing forms briskly – to give to the waiting Sergeant, Jonas surmised. He recognised him as Siler; Teal’c had introduced them. Jonas hovered uncertainly in the doorway. Hammond looked up and waved him forward. Jonas complied, shutting the door softly behind him.

The General picked up the forms and handed them to the Sergeant. ‘Here you go, Sergeant.’

‘Thank you, sir.’ Siler took the forms and turned to leave.

‘Oh, and Siler?’ Hammond called out as Siler reached the second doorway to the office – one that led to the main briefing room that overlooked the Stargate.

Siler stopped immediately, whirling back around to face his commanding officer. ‘Sir?’

‘You may want to take a look at the ventilation system. There was some kind of breeze in the corridor outside the elevator earlier.’ Hammond said briskly.

‘Sir.’ Siler acknowledged the suggestion as the order it really was and left, closing the door behind him.

Jonas stood awkwardly in front of the desk. ‘General. Sergeant Harriman said you wanted to see me.’

‘Take a seat, son.’ Hammond sat down himself as though to underscore the need for Jonas to do the same.

Jonas reached for the small leather chair and eased down into its comfortable cushions.

‘I’ve discussed your request for sanctuary with my superiors and others here at the SGC.’ Hammond said, immediately getting to the point of the meeting.

Jonas nodded, unable to speak; his heart hammered in his chest loudly.

Hammond clasped his hands on top of his desk and leaned forward. His cool blue eyes met Jonas’s. ‘Are you certain this is what you want?’

He wet his lips and folded his own hands across his stomach. ‘As I explained, General, I can’t go back to Kelowna.’

‘There are other options.’ Hammond said mildly. ‘We have allies and there are other planets.’ He paused. ‘There is some concern that your presence here will upset people given recent events concerning Doctor Jackson, and there may even be those who blame you.’

He’d known it already but hearing it from the General so bluntly made it feel abruptly real. Jonas nodded, nervously. ‘I realise that.’

Hammond looked at him for a long moment and Jonas tried hard not to squirm under the intense stare. The General finally dropped his gaze and picked up a report. He opened it and glanced at the contents.

‘Doctor Fraiser notes that your test results were impressive.’ Hammond commented. ‘Both physical and mental agility scored very highly.’

‘I’ve always been a fast learner.’ Jonas sat forward eagerly. ‘I can learn languages easily; I understand most scientific principles. I know I have some catch-up to do given the advancements and the technology you have but if you give me the chance I know I can contribute…’ his voice trailed away as the General raised a hand.

‘That’s not in question.’ Hammond said mildly. He closed the report. ‘What is it that you want to achieve by staying?’

There was a kindness in the blue gaze that prompted Jonas into honesty. ‘I’m responsible for what happened to Doctor Jackson. I should have been the one to go into the lab and stop the explosion.’ He paused searching for the words. ‘I know I can’t go back and make that right but if I can help here in any way to make a difference than I will feel like I’ve done something.’

Hammond sat back in his chair. ‘So you’re looking for redemption?’

Jonas flushed. ‘I hadn’t thought about it in those terms.’ He admitted. ‘But, yes, I guess that’s part of it.’

‘And the other part?’ Hammond questioned gently.

‘I know this may seem strange given how I came to be here, but…’ Jonas waved in the direction of the Stargate, ‘I want to protect my planet from these Goa’uld. If I can help you fight them, help you make use of the naquadria, maybe one day I can help protect my own people.’ He leaned forward again. ‘Please, General. I need to do this.’

‘I don’t doubt that, son.’ Hammond sighed. He pursed his lips as he considered Jonas’s words. ‘My superiors are inclined to give you sanctuary.’

Jonas felt his heart leap in hope but he banked it down.

‘They’ve left the final decision with me.’ Hammond continued. He stood up and walked around to the internal window in his office, staring out of it sightlessly. ‘I have to consider the overall running of this base and how your presence may affect others.’

Just as his heart had leaped in hope a moment before; Jonas felt it seize then in fearful dread at the General’s words.

‘I have to tell you, Mister Quinn, that my initial thoughts were to decline your request.’

Jonas’s mouth went dry but his mind latched onto the words frantically. ‘Your initial thoughts?’

‘Teal’c came to see me earlier.’ Hammond spoke as though Jonas hadn’t said a word. ‘He reminded me that I had a similar call to make five years ago regarding his being here.’ He gave a huff of laughter. ‘I assigned him to SG1.’ He turned back to Jonas. ‘So I am agreeing to your request for sanctuary.’

Jonas’s eyes went wide with disbelief and gratitude. ‘Thank you.’

‘Don’t thank me yet.’ Hammond said crisply, returning to his seat. ‘There will be a probationary period. If I feel during that time that your presence is disruptive to the base, I’ll revoke this decision.’

‘I understand.’ Jonas said quickly.

Hammond looked at Jonas seriously. ‘You’ll join the base archaeology and social science department. You’ll report to Doctor Kerry. You’ve made a request for Doctor Jackson’s office to remain intact and to study his work?’

‘If it’s possible, I believe once I’ve learned his work, I can assume some of Doctor Jackson’s duties in translating and cataloguing.’

‘I’ll discuss it with Colonel O’Neill.’ Hammond frowned as though anticipating the meeting.

Jonas nodded his assent swiftly and decided he might as well ask for everything he wanted. ‘I’d also very much like to join a SG team, General.’

‘One step at a time.’ Hammond said clearly, his face lighting up with a quiet humour. ‘We’ll see how you go. If there are no problems and you perform well during your probationary period, I see no reason why you can’t attend training and have your name go forward for selection along with others when vacancies arise.’ He picked up a folder and stood up. ‘This provides you with your cover story and identification papers should you need them. I’m afraid you’re restricted to the base for the present time; quarters will be assigned to you. You’ll report to Doctor Kerry first thing tomorrow morning at oh-eight-hundred.’

Jonas got to his feet and took the folder. ‘Thank you, General.’

‘Welcome to the SGC, son.’ Hammond gave a sharp nod.

He returned it, understanding it was a dismissal. Jonas left the office almost numb with relief. He stood outside the office in the corridor for a long moment. He had been given a chance. Anticipation and excitement, guilt and fear rose up inside him and kept him from moving forward.

A wash of air rushed over him and broke the spell. Jonas shoved his hair hurriedly back into position. He guessed Siler hadn’t had time to see to the ventilation system. He breathed out slowly and began to walk toward the elevator. He had been given a chance to redeem himself; to help his planet; he wouldn’t waste it.

o-O-o

The surviving members of SG1 had ended up back at the Colonel’s house. There had been a brief discussion on where to eat in the elevator as they had made their way to the surface of the mountain, and they had realised none of them felt like dining in public. Everything was too raw.

Sam pondered whether the Colonel’s house was any better as she pulled up behind his truck. She glanced in the mirror and saw the reassuring lights of the base car Teal’c had borrowed behind her. At least she wasn’t alone with the Colonel. She bit her lip as she switched her ignition off and made to get out of the car.

There was tension between her and the Colonel. A lot of tension. And unfortunately it wasn’t the kind that had plagued their relationship before. That had been rooted in knowing there was an impossible love and attraction between them given their military ranks and working relationship; something they’d had to put away in order to continue serving together to perform their mission. The latest tension was all anger and hurt; hard and bitter.

They’d managed to work around it on the mission or more accurately, they’d buried it just as they’d buried their other feelings. They’d focused on the mission and getting it done. In many ways, the Colonel had been right about taking the assignment, Sam mused. If they hadn’t, the Asgard might never have retrieved Thor and the Goa’uld would have discovered the lab with its important research so essential to the Asgard’s future. It had been good that SG1 – or what remained of it – had been there to help yet it didn’t change the hard lump of anger in Sam’s stomach at the Colonel’s insistence on taking the mission despite the recent loss of Daniel.

She knew the roots of her anger were in Daniel’s death – Ascension – whatever it was, and tangled more by her CO’s way of dealing with it. She didn’t doubt the Colonel’s pain. Daniel had been his friend before SG1 had existed. Regardless of his military bravado and macho front, she knew he missed him and mourned him. The problem was that he was acting like it didn’t matter, shutting her out, and that hurt.

On one level, she understood it. He wasn’t the type of man to discuss his feelings and share his pain. He preferred dealing with things on his own and she could relate to that. If it had been anyone but Daniel, Sam wouldn’t have thought twice about giving him the space he needed so badly. But it was Daniel and she needed the Colonel – Jack, Sam admitted to herself silently. She needed to lean on him, to grieve for Daniel with him. And that was all screwed up because she wasn’t meant to need her CO to comfort her over the loss of a team-mate, wasn’t meant to want him to confide his pain and to comfort him so she could feel less alone. Her needs were all upside down because she continued to love him. She had to get past it; accept he wasn’t going to turn to her and accept she couldn’t turn to him.

Her eyes lowered as though to hide that truth from him. She followed the Colonel silently into his house. He gestured for them to make their way into the den without saying a word and Sam made her way over to a comfortable chair. She felt awkward and out of place. She wasn’t entirely certain the Colonel wanted her there. She had run into him and Teal’c at the elevator. She had been with the General and she figured Jack had issued the invitation because it had been expected.

He had made it clear before the mission that he didn’t want to talk about Daniel with her. He had shut down every attempt by her to talk and he had barely spoken with her unless she had initiated the conversation. He was angry at her.

The thought brought a rush of pain and guilt. She had been unable to save Daniel. If she had been able to use the Goa’uld healing device as well as her father she would have been able to save him. But her skills were poor and she had only made it worse. Moreover, she and the Colonel had clashed over the naquadria and dealing with the Kelownans when they had been determined to accuse Daniel of sabotage. The Colonel hadn’t wanted to give any ground while Daniel’s name was being smeared; she wanted the element because she knew it was too important to let go. She wasn’t sure the Colonel would ever forgive her for that.

Maybe he had wanted to exclude her from the dinner for other reasons, Sam mused; maybe he had just wanted an evening with Teal’c. He and the Jaffa had a deep friendship and both of them had similar coping strategies. Teal’c may not have shut her out in the same way as the Colonel but their conversation on their way to the Asgard lab had revealed that the Jaffa was struggling to understand how Sam felt. It reminded her far too much of when her mother had died, how her father and her brother hadn’t understood how she felt either and ultimately, how they’d left her to deal with her grief alone. The irony of Daniel’s loss was that he was the one person who would have understood, who would have reached out to her and comforted her.

As she watched Jack and Teal’c see to the drinks, she felt more and more like a third wheel. Maybe if she wasn’t with them it would have given them both an opportunity to talk about Daniel. Her chest tightened at the idea. She had accepted the invite because she had needed to be with them despite everything, but maybe she should offer to leave and…

‘Pizza OK with everyone?’ Jack’s brusque voice broke through Sam’s thoughts as he handed her a beer.

Teal’c nodded from his position on the sofa.

Jack’s gaze bounced to her and Sam nodded quickly. She would just stay to eat, Sam decided. As soon as she was done, she would make her excuses and leave. She relaxed a little with her plan firmly in place.

‘Pizza it is then.’ Jack declared and picked up the phone. ‘Three pizzas with everything?’

‘Don’t forget Daniel doesn’t like…’ Sam stopped abruptly. She felt the warm blush flood her face; felt the pain arrow through her at her unthinking words. She was blind to their understanding faces as she got to her feet. ‘Sorry. I, uh…sorry.’ She strode out before either Teal’c or Jack could stop her.

The cold air hit as soon as she got past the front door and she couldn’t stop the tears. They tumbled down her cheeks and she swiped at them furiously as she fumbled for her car key. She barely had her fingers around the plastic fob when she dropped it. She crouched down, made what she considered a half-assed attempt to find it and, when she failed, covered her face with her hands as she sobbed.

A minute, Sam thought miserably. She would look for the key in a minute and leave, go home where she could go to pieces in private. Alone like always.

o-O-o

For a heartbeat, Jack stared at the door which Carter had closed behind her a moment before. He glanced back at Teal’c helplessly who looked back at him equally bemused. Where the hell was Daniel when he was needed, Jack thought morosely. It had always been Daniel who had been there for Carter in the past when she needed a shoulder to cry on; Jack knew that. She might talk with Jack about her professional concerns, discuss stuff with Teal’c when she needed a neutral sounding board, but Daniel had been the shoulder. Her relationship with the archaeologist wasn’t complicated by the military boundaries and the past emotional crap that Carter and he shared around their once mutual feeling feelings, nor did Carter worry about losing face as a warrior with Daniel as she did with Teal’c.

Jack pushed a hand through his short grey hair. ‘Damn it.’

Of course the problem was Daniel wasn’t there to comfort Carter. She was left with him and Teal’c, and Jack figured neither of them was handling it – her – right. Teal’c could be excused to some extent. Despite his many years with the Tau’ri, there was still a wide cultural gap that the Jaffa had to overcome. So Teal’c had an excuse for not knowing what to say; what to do.

Which left him, Jack mused darkly. And he had no idea what the hell to say to her. Not to mention he didn’t feel he had any right to comfort her. To Carter, he was just her CO; nothing more, nothing less. She may have moved on but he hadn’t. He knew he had hesitated to offer any comfort in case it revealed too much of his own feelings for her but he also couldn’t deny it suited him. He preferred to deal with his pain and misery about losing Daniel alone.

He figured Carter was angry at him about that. He could see the fury swimming in her eyes every time she looked at him. And not only that. He figured she was angry that he had been the one to let Daniel Ascend, to stand aside and let him leave them. Jack figured she was never going to forgive him for that. He wasn’t sure he was going to forgive himself yet certain he’d had no real choice in the decision. But in some ways he couldn’t help think it had been the right decision for Daniel given the younger man’s questioning of whether his place was at the SGC. At least, he was safe from the war with the Goa’uld.

Unlike the rest of SG1.

The mission to save the Asgard had been a mistake, Jack mused. Oh, it had been successful in that they’d saved the Asgard scientist and pulled Thor’s butt out of the fire too but it had been too soon. Carter had almost paid for that with her life. The sight of her holographic image collapsing as she’d taken a zat hit flitted through his mind and sent a shiver down his spine. She had been captured; tortured. That had been his fault. He had just been so desperate to get away from the mountain with its corridors fogged with loss; so determined to prove that they could do it without Daniel.

Teal’c moved so silently Jack started when the Jaffa appeared at his elbow. Teal’c plucked the phone out of Jack’s unsteady grasp. ‘You need to speak with Major Carter, O’Neill.’

Jack opened his mouth to argue and closed it again at the Jaffa’s resolute expression. There was no arguing with Teal’c when he got that look. And if he was being honest, Jack knew he didn’t want to argue about it. Maybe he had only been waiting for Teal’c or someone to insist that he go to her, Jack realised with a touch of embarrassment. He took a deep breath and walked outside.

He didn’t see her for a long moment in the patch of light from the house that illuminated the drive. His heart lifted at the sight of her car before sinking abruptly at the thought of her walking home in the cold and dark. He took a step and spotted movement.

Carter was crouched by her car door; her head in her hands. He could tell from the way her shoulders shook that she was crying. His gut clenched into knot and he hovered uncertain whether he should approach her or not. His jaw firmed as she gave a weary hiccup on another sob and he took another step toward her.

‘Carter.’

Sam stood up abruptly, whirling away from him. Jack could tell she was desperately trying to clear up the evidence of her crying jag; desperately trying to pretend she was fine.

‘Sir.’ The tears were embedded in the single word.

Jack sighed silently as he moved to stand behind her. He reached out a hand and took hold of her shoulder. She flinched at his touch and he dropped his hand as though it had been burned. She didn’t want him to touch her: fine. ‘Come inside.’ He tried and failed to keep the exasperation out of his voice.

‘I need to go home.’ Sam said, sniffling.

‘You need to come inside.’ Jack contradicted brusquely.

He could see her spine snap straight; her body going rigid. He felt a rush of frustration at his own ineptness; anger stirring. He was crap at this stuff, Jack thought angrily; what did she expect?

‘Thank you, sir, but I’d rather go home.’ Sam said stiffly.

‘Well, too bad, Carter.’ Jack bit out. ‘You’re going to come inside, have a beer and eat pizza.’

She spun to face at him and he caught a glimpse of annoyance as it rippled over her delicate features. ‘With all due respect, sir, we’re off duty; you can’t order me to do anything.’

He plastered a smile on his face and shoved his hands in his pockets. He’d been spoiling for a fight for days so if she wanted one, he was more than willing. ‘If I think it’s vital to team cohesion, you bet your ass I can.’

Sam shot him a look of furious disbelief. She bent down and picked something up from the ground. Her car key, Jack realised. On an impulse, he stepped forward and grabbed it out of her hand before she could use it to make her get away. Her lips parted on a huff of surprise.

‘What are you doing?’ Sam demanded. ‘Give it back.’

‘Give it back, sir.’ Jack corrected; more to needle her than anything. She gaped at him. ‘Oh, for crying out loud, just get inside, Carter.’ He snapped.

‘Go to hell.’ Sam snarled back.

He didn’t know who was more shocked at her response as his eyebrows shot up and he watched the mortification wash across her face. Carter just wasn’t the insubordinate type unless the safety of Earth or someone she cared about was at stake. She went pale as a ghost before she whirled away, striding down his driveway with a singular purpose. Evidently, deprived of her car, she intended walking.

Jack closed his eyes as the anger drained out of him abruptly. He couldn’t have handled it worse if he tried, he considered with bleak humour, and if he didn’t fix it and fast, he had a terrible feeling it wouldn’t just be Daniel who left SG1. He let out a long breath and opening his eyes, started out after her. ‘Carter.’

She ignored him and kept on walking, putting distance between them.

‘Carter.’ He caught her up and grabbed her arm to pull her to a stop. ‘Stop, damn it.’

Sam halted but she refused to look at him.

Jack sighed heavily. ‘Look, just…come inside.’ He wet his lips and ignored the cold that seeped through his clothes. ‘Please.’

‘Why?’ Sam blurted out without looking at him. ‘You don’t want me here.’

Jack felt as though she had slapped him. She thought he didn’t want her around? Well, he hadn’t done anything to make her think any differently, had he, Jack mused tiredly. Since Daniel had Ascended he had avoided her deliberately and he knew she had known it. He’d just needed space to come to terms with what had happened but…it had hurt her, he realised seeing her gaze drop to the road.

‘Please.’ Her choked voice interrupted his thoughts. ‘Sir, I can’t…’ she swallowed the sob but he heard it.

It tore down the last of his defences. He sighed heavily as he shoved a hand through his hair before he reached for her.

‘C’mere.’

Jack pulled Carter gently toward him and when she didn’t protest, wrapped his arms around her. He felt her shaking with cold and tears as she burrowed into him, and he tightened his hold. His own grief rose up inside; brought tears to sting the back of his eyes and choke his breath. He craved her; the safe, solid reality of her. He buried his face in her neck, breathing in her scent while one of his hands clasped the back of her head tightly. He felt her arms grip him hard. He didn’t know how long they stood holding onto each other as though each was the other’s life raft. He only knew when her tears abated and she shifted in his arms.

‘I’m so mad at him for leaving.’

It was no more than a whisper but Jack heard it and knew it was true for both of them. They’d been hitting out at each other because the person they were really angry with wasn’t around to take the punches.

He eased back to examine her damp face but didn’t let go of her. He reached into a pocket and pulled out a tissue. He always carried one and refused to consider that it was usually for Daniel and his allergies. He handed her the tissue so she could blow her nose. He took a step away from her.

‘I’m sorry, Carter.’ Jack said bluntly. ‘I was out of line.’ He handed her the car key.

She nodded. ‘I’m sorry too for…’ she gestured at him in lieu of finishing her sentence.

He could see her blush even in the dim light. ‘I probably deserved it.’

‘Probably, sir?’

Her retort was edged with humour and Jack gave her points for trying to lighten things.

The sound of a motorbike had the two of them hurriedly shifting back to the relative safety of the cars. The pizza delivery boy stopped and stared at them with obvious bemusement.

‘Uh, pizza?’

Jack waved him over and took hold of the three large boxes. Teal’c must have gone ahead and ordered. His wallet was in the house, Jack realised. ‘Carter, can you, uh?’

She pulled out her wallet from a pocket and paid the teenager who looked at her frowning before darting Jack a suspicious look.

‘Are you OK, miss?’ The teenager asked with more guts than Jack had credited him with.

‘I’m fine.’ Sam smiled, and reassured that she was fine, the teenager left.

Jack raised the pizzas. ‘We should get these inside before Teal’c gets cranky.’

Sam nodded and went to walk past him into the house.

Jack touched her arm gently as she reached for the door. ‘Carter.’

She turned to look at him quizzically.

‘About before, I, uh…’ he wondered how he told her he wanted her there and wanted to be there for her if she needed someone; how he could say it without giving away everything else he felt.

Sam smiled sadly. ‘It’s OK, sir.’ She walked away before he could stop her and he was left wondering what she thought he was going to say.

She was grieving and so was he, Jack reminded himself ruthlessly. They both needed to adjust to life without Daniel. But he could be there for her as a friend while they did, Jack determined, firmly ignoring the small voice inside that told him he needed her too.

o-O-o

Teal’c watched with satisfaction as his two team-mates fought playfully over the last slice of pizza. The tension that had between them since Daniel Jackson had departed was gone and Teal’c was thankful for that. Major Carter had been devastated by the loss of their friend and neither he nor O’Neill seemed able to provide her with the words she needed to hear. His discussion with her on the cargo ship came back to him and he winced inwardly at how badly he had misjudged his replies to her. She hadn’t wanted a warrior’s stoic adhesion to duty; she had wanted someone to acknowledge they felt the same pain. In the end, only his quiet admission that he too would have preferred Daniel Jackson to come back to them seemed to satisfy her.

He knew their team leader had not even attempted to understand the Major’s grief before their mission. Partly, Teal’c considered, because O’Neill himself had been consumed by the loss, and partly, because he believed O’Neill feared that to open up and share would be too revealing to the Major. Both had been hurting; both had needed the other and both were too stubborn to simply say what needed to be said. He had heard their raised voices after he had pushed O’Neill to tend to her and had wondered whether to intervene. His team-mates often debated and they often disagreed, but they rarely ever yelled at each other as they had done earlier that evening. The yelling had been necessary, Teal’c mused. Both had been filled with anger and that was now dissipated. It left the way clear for their healing to begin – both individually and as a team.

Teal’c continued to let them debate who should have the pizza slice for another moment before he simply picked it up and took a bite. The argument stopped immediately as both of them stared at him.

‘Well, I guess that settles that.’ Jack remarked dryly. He turned to the woman beside him. ‘Ice cream, Carter?’

She smiled tremulously back at him and nodded her agreement. Teal’c considered that she would have accepted regardless of her own desires simply to keep O’Neill happy. His theory was confirmed a few minutes later when Sam accepted the bowl and stirred the ice cream listlessly. Jack handed Teal’c a bowl and he eagerly scooped up the cold confectionary, letting it melt on his tongue. He watched as Sam took a meagre taste of hers and set it aside. He would finish it, Teal’c determined, after he had consumed his own bowl.

Jack sat down with a third bowl and cleared his throat. ‘Hammond wants us to have a memorial.’ His eyes remained on his ice cream.

Teal’c’s gaze went straight to Sam. He saw her freeze momentarily before her fingers began to worry at the edge of her shirt.

‘He suggested it a couple of days ago and I…I told him we’d think about it.’ Jack continued.

The Colonel had not informed them though. Teal’c surmised that until that evening it had probably been O’Neill’s intention to have refused the memorial without discussion.

‘So,’ Jack said brightly, ‘what do you guys think?’

‘It seems so…final.’ Sam said eventually. She clasped her fingers together over her knees.

‘That’s what I thought.’ Jack agreed. It prompted her into looking at him and they shared a small, sad smile of understanding. Jack dropped his gaze again and pushed his ice cream around the bowl. ‘Hammond thinks we need to do something to improve morale around the base.’

It was a valid point, Teal’c thought without surprise. He lived on the base and he was only too aware how quiet the corridors had been since Daniel Jackson had left them. Everyone seemed unsure what to say; whether to say anything. It was oppressive and stifling. Perhaps that was why he had been only too willing to accede to O’Neill’s decision to take the mission helping the Asgard, and perhaps why O’Neill himself had taken the opportunity to leave. From the look on Major Carter’s face she was also coming to the same realisation.

A fragment of a conversation drifted back to Teal’c. He had been talking with Jonas Quinn about those he had left on Kelowna; of his own experience in leaving Chulak.

‘I would have liked to have said goodbye.’ Jonas said, his eyes shining with regret. ‘The way I did it…my friends are going to think, well, I don’t know what they’re going to think. I just wish I’d had a chance to have a farewell party and explain it all to them.’

‘A farewell party.’ Teal’c repeated the phrase out loud, capturing his team-mates’ attention.

‘A what?’ Jack questioned.

‘If Daniel Jackson had simply left on a long assignment would there not have been a gathering to wish him well, O’Neill?’ Teal’c warmed to his idea.

‘Like a Bon Voyage party.’ Sam nodded. ‘That’s true.’

Jack grimaced. ‘Really?’

Sam hesitated for a moment before she spoke again. ‘If you think about it, sir, it could work. I mean, we don’t know for certain that Daniel is actually,’ she stumbled over the word, ‘you know…’

‘Dead?’ Jack supplied caustically.

‘He could come back.’ Sam concluded. Her blue eyes shone with poorly concealed hope.

Teal’c exchanged a look with his team leader; he knew O’Neill believed that Daniel was gone for good as did he.

‘OK.’ Jack agreed, licking his spoon. ‘A farewell party but without the guest of honour.’ He pulled a face. ‘I’ll talk to Hammond.’ He sighed. ‘There’s also the question of SG1.’

‘What about SG1?’ Sam asked bluntly.

Teal’c saw his own concern mirrored in her eyes. They had assumed the team would continue regardless. Teal’c believed both his remaining team-mates needed it to continue for constancy in the wake of their loss.

Jack set his bowl aside, nudging the spoon into the centre. ‘Hammond wants me to assign a fourth member.’

Teal’c raised an eyebrow.

‘I guess that makes sense.’ Sam said mildly. ‘All the SG teams have four members.’

‘Hammond’s going to pull together candidates.’ Jack looked at both of them sharply. ‘I want your input. We’re all going to have to work with whoever comes on board.’

‘Yes, sir.’ Sam responded automatically.

Teal’c inclined his head and reached for her ice cream. He began eating as Jack acknowledged their agreement with a nod.

‘There’s, uh, also the matter of Daniel’s stuff.’ Jack said. ‘I’m the…uh, executor.’ He pressed his lips together. ‘There are things he wanted you both to have, and…’ he stopped as though unable to continue.

Sam’s eyes were filled with tears.

Teal’c paused and lowered his spoon. ‘Perhaps it would be wise to place his things into storage until such time as we are ready to assume guardianship of his gifts to us.’

‘That would work.’ Sam agreed quickly. She shot him a grateful look.

‘Yeah.’ Jack sighed and leaned back. ‘And that just leaves telling Kasuf and Skaara.’

‘What of Nicholas Ballard?’ Teal’c asked, remembering Daniel’s grandfather.

‘Hammond sent SG3 while we were away.’ Jack said. ‘I called Catherine and his foster family when Daniel…’ he raised a hand to the ceiling, ‘so that just leaves the folks on Abydos.’

‘When do we leave?’ Sam asked as though there was no question that they were all going.

‘I was thinking tomorrow.’ Jack replied. ‘Hammond agreed.’

Teal’c nodded. Abydos was always an uncomfortable reminder of who he had once been and the crimes he had wrought against Daniel Jackson. As the First Prime of Apophis he had been responsible for invading Abydos and taking Sha’re, Daniel’s wife, and Skaara to be hosts. He had never understood how Daniel had forgiven him or how Skaara had done the same. It did not matter that Abydos caused him discomfort, Teal’c reminded himself briskly; he would go because he owed it to Daniel Jackson.

The discussion over; they all acquiesced to a movie. Half-way through The Wizard of Oz, his team-mates fell asleep. The Major rested her head against O’Neill’s shoulder, and his in turn came to rest atop hers. Teal’c watched over them. He knew their healing had only just begun; there would be a long road ahead of them.

o-O-o

Daniel watched the suns rising over Abydos. The tower in which he sat had been one of Sha’re’s favourite places. He could smell the heavy perfume of the desert flowers; the undertone of human sweat and grime; the musty odour of the animals that lived around the encampment. It was all so familiar and comforting to him.

Oma had left the evening before and he was alone for the first time as an Ascended being. He could feel everything around him; could see with his eyes closed; breathe without taking a breath. His new form was a wonder to him. He remained most of the time in his old human shape – it was also familiar and comforting – but he’d learned in the past few days how to hide himself from others and how to use some of his new powers. It was such a rush. Knowledge hovered at his fingertips; power filled his every pore.

He frowned. Did he have pores? He shook the question away. He had to admit that he loved everything about his new form. And as soon as Oma had left, he’d tested his powers. He’d returned to the SGC briefly. He’d spotted Jack, Sam and Teal’c, and sent a rush of air through the system. He figured Jack would appreciate the gesture, just an ‘I’m OK’ thing. He’d stayed with the SGC for a while viewing the comings and goings of the SG teams from afar. He’d stayed long enough to see Jonas Quinn receive sanctuary, and he’d brushed by him too – a gesture of good luck.

He had no ill will towards the Kelownan. Maybe if he’d hadn’t been dealing with the knowledge he was going to die, he might have been irked in the immediate aftermath about the whole sabotaging the experiment lie, but he knew that had not been Jonas’s doing. Jonas had gone for medical help when Tomas had turned up with the guards and shouted his false accusations. In the end, Jonas had cleared his name and the naquadria he had given Earth would open up new advancements – Sam had been right about that and Daniel knew that for certain now in a way he hadn’t before. So, he wished Jonas well and hoped Earth would be a sanctuary for him.

Daniel had finally left the SGC and looked back in on his team again. They’d been at Jack’s. Teal’c had been guarding the other two while they slept. They had all looked sad; worn – even Teal’c. He had suddenly felt the pull of their emotions; heavy guilt that he wanted to lift, the remnants of deep anger that he wanted to soothe and a sharp, bitter grief at losing him that had sent him reeling.

How had he not known how much they cared about him? Especially when he felt that way about them? It had stirred up a lot of guilt and doubt inside him. He hadn’t appreciated what he’d had; he’d taken them for granted and, in that singular moment, he had realised that they had lost him but he had lost them too.

Daniel had returned to Abydos and spent the night mourning. He had lost the three best friends he’d ever had his whole life and more, SG1 was his family. He had lost his family and it had been his choice. He had been the one to walk away and leave them behind. That thought sent another wave of guilt through him.

He’d left them behind.

Broken the number one rule they lived by.

He wasn’t sure Jack would ever forgive him; he wasn’t sure he deserved to be forgiven. He’d made his choice for purely selfish reasons.

Because he was tired of fighting.

Because he wanted to do more; be more.

He hadn’t even considered them in his decision. He’d given their words of love and compassion to him at his sickbed no more than a cursory thought. And he’d hurt them terribly; Daniel could feel each sliver of pain he’d caused; each wound he’d inflicted.

He had missed them fiercely through the long Abydonian night – enough that he had seriously considered returning to them. He didn’t know if it was fortunate or not that his first set of lessons hadn’t included making himself mortal again.

In the end though, Daniel knew he couldn’t go back. There was something within him that knew he’d made the right decision; that knew he needed to do this wherever it took him and no matter what he had lost, he had to continue, had to see it through. It was important. The sense of right filled him with peace and washed away his grief as the bright sunlight washed over the golden sand.

The Stargate was spinning. He could feel the vibration through the atmosphere; tingles running down his spine – or where his spine used to be. He tensed and focused; seeing through to the pyramid. He knew as soon as the first ripple signalled their arrival; it was SG1.

Teal’c appeared first. He studied the pyramid carefully, assessing whether there was danger. Jack stepped through a moment later. He also paused on top of the steps, getting his bearings. Sam was last. She looked pale in the desert BDUs. He felt rather than saw Jack’s rush of concern and love for her as he checked she’d made it through OK.

It staggered Daniel for a moment. How could someone love that much and hide it away? He watched as Jack turned away a moment before Sam turned toward him, and there was another rush of love and worry; this time from Sam to Jack. He had thought the two had moved on but he had been wrong. They had simply buried their feelings, he realised. He sighed and wondered whether the two of them would ever get their act together. He watched as they moved out into the desert sun; Jack putting on his sunglasses, Sam smearing herself with extra lotion and Teal’c guarding them both like a hawk. Something he’d seen so many times before and never thought about.

What were they doing on Abydos, Daniel wondered. He got his answer as they finally arrived at the encampment.

‘O’Neill.’ Skaara rushed up to greet them. ‘You have come for a visit?’ His dark eyes darted around the threesome. ‘Daniel is not with you?’ His Abydonian lilt turned Daniel to Dan-yel.

Jack shook his head. ‘Is your father around? We have some news.’

Skaara nodded, sobering in the face of Jack’s grave expression. ‘This way.’

They’d come to inform Kasuf and Skaara, Daniel realised; to tell what remained of his other family, the one he had shared with Sha’re, that he was dead. He couldn’t watch it. He pulled his senses inward until all he could see was the sand and all he could hear was the breeze that whispered through the tower.

‘They love you very much.’

Daniel’s head swivelled to the voice, and a smile crept over his face. ‘Shifu.’

‘Father.’ Shifu smiled happily back at him. ‘It is good to see you again.’

‘It’s good to see you.’ Daniel hugged him.

‘Oma thought you might want some company while you become accustomed to your new life.’ Shifu informed him as they settled again.

Daniel nodded. ‘Thank you. I’d like that.’

Shifu regarded him seriously. ‘You are questioning your decision.’

‘Yes. No.’ Daniel sighed. ‘I just miss the people I left behind.’ He pointed towards Kasuf’s home. ‘They’re telling the Abydonians that I’ve died, Ascended.’ A wave of his hand punctuated each word and gave away his internal turmoil.

‘And you feel their pain.’

‘Yes.’ Daniel sighed. ‘And know I caused it.’ He smiled sadly. ‘I didn’t have to do this.’

Shifu tilted his head. ‘I believe the opposite to be true. This was necessary for you to continue your journey.’

Daniel looked at him. ‘Maybe you’re right.’

‘Just as I wanted to stay with you but my journey had to continue on this path.’ Shifu said softly.

‘I guess that’s why we’re asked to give up our burdens.’ Daniel quipped, trying to lighten the moment.

‘Oma can return you.’ Shifu’s expression gave away his own desire to have Daniel remain.

‘I’ve made my choice.’ Daniel replied firmly. ‘I don’t know why but I think I have to do this.’

‘Then may we travel together for a while, Father?’

‘I’d like that.’ Daniel said. He smiled. ‘I think your mother would have liked that too. This was one of her favourite places.’

Shifu raised his face eager for the story and Daniel began to tell him. He felt his connection to the others dimming until they were once again a faint echo. But even as he allowed the feelings to fade, he knew he could never let them go completely; he loved them too much and somehow he knew it was something he was going to have to find a way to keep from Oma.

Part 2: Dust Yourself Off

‘Well, I guess this wasn’t the new start you wanted.’ Janet Fraiser commented wryly, as she stripped the latex gloves from her hands and threw them in a bin.

Jack glowered at her.

‘How is he?’ Sam asked, gesturing at the unconscious form of Doctor Ambrose Kerry. There was a crease of worry between her brows.

‘He’s stable.’ Janet said, scribbling her latest observations and instructions on the clipboard at the end of the bed.

‘He’s unconscious.’ Jack argued, waving a hand at the archaeologist who had joined SG1 two days before.

‘He was struck by a heavy object, O’Neill.’ Teal’c pointed out although his dark eyes remained fixed on the man in the bed. There was a large purplish bruise forming on Kerry’s white forehead giving truth to the Jaffa’s statement.

‘He’s in a drug induced coma.’ Janet corrected swiftly, replacing the clipboard. ‘There’s some swelling in his brain.’ She raised a hand at the worried expressions. ‘Which is likely to subside given enough time and rest, and if not, we’ll operate.’

Jack sighed heavily. ‘How long?’

‘I can’t say for certain.’ Janet ignored his unhappy face. ‘But I wouldn’t expect him to be back in rotation for at least a month.’

The Colonel pushed a hand through his short grey hair. ‘I’m going to talk to Hammond.’ He turned and strode away before any of them could say something.

Evidently, Doctor Kerry’s status as a SG1 team member was at an end, Janet thought with dry amusement.

‘I will remain with Doctor Kerry.’ Teal’c said solemnly.

Janet nodded. She looked at Sam and jerked her head towards the door. Sam fell into step beside her and Janet waited until they were clear of the ward before she spoke again.

‘So what exactly happened?’ Janet let her amusement colour her tone.

‘We’re not entirely certain.’ Sam admitted. ‘I was performing some soil samples, the Colonel and Teal’c were doing a perimeter check, Ambrose was examining the ruins…and the next minute, he’s yelling. We all go running and he’s lying in a really deep hole with this massive log sticking out of the wall he was studying.’

Janet led the way into her office. ‘So it was some kind of defensive mechanism?’

‘That’s what we think.’ Sam dropped into a visitor’s chair while Janet served up two mugs of coffee. Sam accepted hers with a small smile of thanks.

‘I take it the Colonel will ask for Doctor Kerry to be reassigned.’ Janet sat down and took a gulp of the hot, strong liquid.

‘It wasn’t going well before…’ Sam waved vaguely with her mug. She sighed. ‘I think it’s because he’s too like Daniel.’

‘I guess that makes sense as he was Daniel’s named successor.’ Janet remarked.

Sam nodded. ‘The problem is that Daniel could get away with being the way he was with the Colonel because he was Daniel. Ambrose…’ she trailed away unhappily.

‘Isn’t Daniel.’ Janet supplied.

‘He was arguing for more time to study the ruins and the Colonel called him Daniel.’ Sam shook her head, her eyes staring into the depths of her mug. ‘You should have seen his face, Janet.’

Janet knew Sam wasn’t referring to Kerry. ‘There was always going to be a period of adjustment. You all worked with Daniel for a long time.’

Sam grimaced. ‘Well, I guess we’ll be adjusting with someone other than Ambrose.’ She looked up sharply. ‘He is going to be OK?’

‘Head injuries always need close monitoring.’ Janet said cautiously. ‘But the signs are positive and we’ll do our best.’

‘Maybe I should try the healing device.’ Sam’s gaze dropped to her mug.

Janet sighed and leaned forward, placing a hand on Sam’s arm. ‘It wasn’t your fault Daniel died.’

‘I should have tried to heal him when he first came back to the SGC.’ Sam muttered. ‘Maybe it would have worked.’

‘And maybe it wouldn’t.’ Janet said softly. She had been the one to suggest Sam try the healing device that Sam could use occasionally thanks to her brief time as an unwilling host to the Tok’ra Jolinar. She felt a twinge of guilt at the other woman’s pain.

‘My Dad got it to work.’ Sam said stubbornly.

‘Your father is hosting a Tok’ra symbiote with years of experience in using the device.’ Janet squeezed Sam’s arm before withdrawing. ‘You don’t even remember Jolinar using it, do you?’

‘No.’ Sam admitted. She shifted on the chair. ‘I haven’t had any flashbacks for over a year.’

Janet nodded. Sam had suffered in the wake of shooting Jolinar’s mate, Martouf; the memories of the symbiote spilling over and consuming Sam. Selmak had healed her, replacing the barriers between Jolinar’s memories and Sam’s own mind. Sam had rarely been bothered by her Jolinar memories since. ‘Even if you had been able to make it work, Sam, I’m not certain the outcome would have been any different than when Selmak tried.’ She tapped her mug thoughtfully. ‘Maybe it’s better that Daniel Ascended if the alternative was him continuing to suffer from the effects of the radiation sickness in some way.’

‘I keep telling myself that.’ Sam said.

Janet smiled sadly. ‘How’s that working out for you?’

Sam gave a short laugh. ‘It’s not.’ She shook herself. ‘He’s still gone.’

‘I miss him too.’ Janet said.

Sam looked at her as though hesitant to share her own feelings before she nodded slowly. She took a gulp of her drink. ‘How’s Cassie?’

The mention of her daughter had Janet sighing loudly.

‘That good, huh?’ Sam said.

‘She’s taken this so badly.’ Janet frowned. ‘She’s acting out; staying out beyond her curfew, talking back to me.’ She shook her head. ‘This last weekend, she came home drunk.’

‘Drunk?’ Sam’s blue eyes widened.

‘Drunk.’ Janet repeated. Her free hand clenched into a fist on her thigh. ‘Thank God for Dominic. He brought her home.’ Cassie’s boyfriend had given her a stumbling explanation of a party and how he’d only realised Cassie had been drinking something other than Coke when her behaviour had gotten a little wild. ‘I spent most of the early hours of Saturday morning watching her throw-up.’

‘It’s normal for teenagers to experiment with alcohol.’ Sam murmured. ‘I remember after my Mom died drinking my Dad’s favourite bourbon.’ She pulled a face. ‘I got so sick it put me off for a long while.’

‘I know and I’m trying hard not to overreact but…’

‘But you’re her Mom. You’re allowed to overreact. You should have seen my Dad with me.’ Sam tried a smile. ‘You want me to talk with her when I play chess with her next?’

Janet nodded quickly. ‘Please.’

‘OK.’ Sam promised. She put the mug down and stood up, stretching. ‘I’d better get back to the lab.’

Janet waited until she left before she turned back to her computer to start writing up her report on Doctor Kerry.

She paused and reached instead for the photo of Cassie on her desk. She ran a finger over the glass, over Cassie’s young features. They’d been doing so well, Janet thought tiredly. But Cassie had been through a lot; Niirti, the evacuation to the Alpha site when Earth had been in danger of being destroyed, Daniel’s death…it was a lot for a young girl to deal with.

It was a lot for anyone to deal with. Janet replaced the photo. She was struggling herself. She missed Daniel too; missed his friendship and advice. Her lips twisted. He would have known what to say to Cassie, how to help her heal. Janet rubbed her nose. She had to hope Sam would get through to her. She ignored the jealousy that flickered through her at the thought. It didn’t matter if Cassie listened to Sam and not to her, Janet told herself briskly; all that mattered was that her daughter had someone who would help her through her pain. Janet reached for her keyboard and pushed away the abstract thought of who would help her through her own.

o-O-o

‘Go home.’

Jonas frowned at the slip of paper that had been placed in his locker while he had showered. He darted an anxious look around the empty locker room. It wasn’t the first note he’d received in the month he’d been assigned to the SGC. There was a small pile of them in a drawer in Daniel Jackson’s office where he had spent most of his time. They all said the same thing more or less; they wanted him to leave. The notepaper was SGC standard issue; the ink a black biro; the writing always in block capitals, non-descript and unidentifiable.

He pressed his lips together as he stared at the note. He wasn’t naïve enough to ignore the underlying threat behind the words. There was a definite ‘or else’ missing at the end of the sentence. It wasn’t the first time in his life he had bullied. He’d been a thin, scrappy child with more brains than brawn. His smarts had made him an obvious target. Usually he’d found a way to charm the bullies somehow but then he’d always known who they were. He was at a loss to identify the culprits behind the notes mainly because there were so many candidates.

He had known his remaining on Earth wouldn’t be welcomed but he had hoped with time that people would be more open to him being around. With the exception of a few, most of the personnel on the base continued to give him a wide berth. Jonas was a gregarious soul and while he may only have had a few people he could name as friends to leave behind on Kelowna, there had been colleagues and associates to socialise with. He had never realised how much he enjoyed that human contact until it was gone. Jonas sighed. He had made his decision the moment he had stepped through the wormhole and left Kelowna. And even if he could return home, he wasn’t certain he would. In any case, he couldn’t go back – something his mysterious stalker seemed oblivious to, or perhaps, simply uncaring.

Perhaps he should inform someone, Jonas considered seriously. No. The denial was automatic and a shade panicked. He had just completed his probationary period. If he brought the notes to the attention of General Hammond, the SGC commander, could change his mind and exile Jonas to one of Earth’s allies. No, thought Jonas seriously, he couldn’t risk his place. He would handle it. Eventually the perpetrators would tire of their game or he would find out who they were and discuss it reasonably with them.

At least he was putting on some muscle which would alleviate the idea he was physically weak, he mused. He had asked Teal’c to help him prepare for the possibility of one day joining a SG team, and the Jaffa had been only too happy to assist. The physical workouts were painful but they worked. He could see there was already some definition to his arms, legs and torso.

Jonas refolded the paper neatly and slipped it under a can of shaving foam to keep it safe while he dressed. He towelled dry and pulled on a pair of briefs before dragging on green BDU pants. He transferred the note to a pocket and reached for a second towel to dry his hair. The new short style still caught him off guard occasionally but it made him feel less of an outsider.

The locker room door burst open and Jonas jumped. He watched wide-eyed as Colonel O’Neill stormed through followed by Teal’c.

The Colonel barely glanced at him, snatching his ever present olive cap from his head and running a hand through his grey strands. ‘Do you believe that woman?’

‘I do not.’ Teal’c growled unhappily. The Jaffa caught Jonas’s gaze and inclined his head.

His move had the Colonel looking towards Jonas and nodding cautiously. ‘Jonas.’

‘Colonel.’ Jonas wondered what their female team-mate had done to warrant the outburst.

The locker room door was flung open for a second time and a pretty brunette stormed in, followed by a harried looking Sam.

Jonas hurriedly held up a towel in front of his naked chest.

‘Doctor Hayworth, this is the men’s locker room.’ Sam protested.

‘Colonel, I need to speak to you.’ Hayworth marched up to the military man and pointed a finger at him.

Jonas wondered at her bravery.

‘Oh for crying out loud!’ Jack snapped with annoyance.

‘You can’t simply yell at me that I’m no longer on SG1 and then walk off without an explanation.’ Hayworth argued. She crossed her arms; her green eyes flashing angrily.

‘Yes, I can.’ Jack argued as he continued undressing as though to prove that she was completely meaningless to him. ‘That’s the way the military works, Doctor.’

‘I’m not military.’ Hayworth rejoined.

‘That is painfully obvious and I would think so is the reason you’re off the team. You endangered all our lives back there.’ Jack shot back.

Hayworth stabbed a finger at him and whirled away. ‘I’ll take this up with General Hammond.’

‘You do that!’ Jack yelled after her.

‘Sorry, sir.’ Sam apologised, blowing a breath through her teeth. ‘She got away from me.’

‘Not your fault, Carter.’ Jack waved his t-shirt at her. ‘We’ll see you at the debriefing.’

‘Sir.’ Sam turned and suddenly caught sight of Jonas who gave a weak smile.

‘Hi.’ He said. He could feel his skin turning a furious shade of red.

Sam’s lips twitched although he didn’t know whether it was because of his state of undress or at his evident embarrassment. ‘Jonas.’ She closed the door on her way out.

The Colonel headed immediately to the showers and Jonas was left with Teal’c.

‘Sounds like it was an eventful mission.’ Jonas remarked as he lowered the towel and reached for a fresh black t-shirt.

‘Doctor Hayworth and Colonel O’Neill had a disagreement over how to proceed.’ Teal’c explained, satisfying Jonas’s curiosity. ‘Doctor Hayworth ignored O’Neill’s order and was captured by the natives.’ He glowered. ‘She was also ungrateful at being rescued despite the risk we incurred.’

‘Ah.’ Jonas pulled a face. ‘I guess finding someone to join your team isn’t easy.’

‘It is not.’ Teal’c agreed dryly as he started to undress. ‘What of you, Jonas Quinn? Did you not expect to hear today in regards to your probation?’

‘I passed.’ Jonas told him with a wide smile. He shut his locker. ‘I want to thank you for everything, Teal’c.’

The Jaffa nodded.

Jonas waved goodbye to him and walked out, heading for the office. He had managed to make his way through many of Daniel’s journals but he still had more to read. They were fascinating. Each was like an incredible story of adventure and camaraderie. The journals increased his desire to join a SG team. He couldn’t help but think that maybe if he did then he’d find the same feeling of friendship, of rapport that Daniel spoke about in his journals whenever he commented about his team-mates.

The office was quiet. Jonas hadn’t disturbed any of Daniel’s belongings and he was aware some of the more personal items had been removed before he had taken residence. He breathed in the scent of old books and let the muscles in his shoulders relax. He opened the desk drawer and gently placed the note on top of the others. He stared at the stack of paper for a while before he shut the drawer. He wouldn’t let it bother him, Jonas thought determinedly.

He grabbed a handful of grapes from a fruit bowl, picked up the next journal he had laid out ready and began to read. Within minutes, his mind was embroiled with the story of Seth, and the threatening notes were forgotten.

o-O-o

Sam gazed at the teenager sprawled across the floor on the other side of the chess board. They had settled in Cassie’s room after Janet had left them alone, taking their usual places on the floor with Cassie’s dog lying on the bed watching them with bemusement. Sam worried her lip with her front teeth as a fresh wave of guilt washed over her. Between missions and emergencies, it had been three weeks since she had promised Janet that she would talk with Cassie. According to the doctor, Cassie’s behaviour had continued to deteriorate. There had been another drunken incident following a movie night with friends, and Janet suspected Cassie was hitting her liquor cabinet.

The problem was that Cassie wasn’t exactly sending out welcoming vibes. When Sam had turned up, Cassie had acquiesced to the chess match with a teenager’s brisk rudeness that had Sam reconsidering whether Cassie would pay anymore attention to her than Janet. But Sam had promised Janet so she would try. Unfortunately, she had no idea how to start.

Cassie moved her knight.

Sam didn’t just want to mention Daniel or drinking alcohol out of the blue. She picked up the juice and took a long gulp. Why had she thought she would be any good at this, Sam wondered. Why had Janet thought Sam would be any good at it?

‘So how come you’re on Earth?’ Cassie asked suddenly, breaking into Sam’s thoughts. ‘Mom said yesterday you’d gone on a mission and weren’t due back.’

Sam countered with a pawn. ‘Captain Jenkins fell sick and we had to come home early.’

It hadn’t really been Alan Jenkins’ fault, Sam thought with some amusement. The local food had been a bizarre array of insects, all served with an alcoholic brew that smelled like stale urine. She pulled a face. She figured Jenkins had wanted to prove to the Colonel that he had balls by eating and drinking everything. Unfortunately, all Jenkins had proved to their CO was a serious lack of judgement especially since he had emptied the contents of his meal on the Colonel’s boots. The memory brought a smile to her face.

‘What?’ Cassie demanded as she spotted the merriment on Sam’s face.

‘I was just remembering how Jenkins threw up on the Colonel.’ Sam said. She paused as it occurred to her the story could be a good opener.

‘He really threw up on Jack?’ Cassie asked.

‘He really did.’ Sam nodded. It had gained the Captain a one-way ticket off SG1. ‘We were visiting P7Y542. The natives there are friendly but they don’t have a great deal. The meal was,’ she gave a wicked smirk, ‘interesting.’ She waggled her eyebrows.

‘Oh.’ Cassie smiled. ‘You mean interesting.’

‘Insects mainly.’ Sam continued cheerfully.

‘Yuk.’ As she expected Cassie pulled a face.

‘And then there was the drink.’ Sam motioned with her glass. ‘Some kind of potent home brew. It was green and smelled awful.’

‘Green.’ Cassie frowned.

‘Jenkins had everything.’ Sam shook her head. ‘He didn’t know when to stop.’ And maybe she didn’t either, Sam thought as Cassie shot her a look. Uh-oh. Busted.

Cassie sat up. ‘Mom told you, didn’t she?’

Sam decided denying it would only lead to more trouble. ‘She mentioned you got drunk at a party a while back.’

‘Geez.’ Cassie rolled her eyes. ‘It was once.’

‘Once?’ Sam couldn’t help the question that sprang to her lips.

‘OK. Twice, maybe.’ Cassie admitted. She glared at the chess board. ‘I don’t know what the big deal is.’

Sam raised an eyebrow, trying for an impression of Teal’c.

‘It didn’t mean anything.’ Cassie folded her arms over her chest and scowled at Sam. ‘You can’t tell me you never got drunk when you were my age.’

‘You’re right.’ Sam admitted. ‘I did get drunk. I helped myself to my Dad’s bourbon.’ She watched as a flicker of guilt drifted across Cassie’s face. It looked like Janet had been right about Cassie helping herself to the spirits in the house. She kept her eyes on Cassie. ‘It was just after my Mom died.’

Cassie stiffened. ‘This has nothing to do with Daniel.’

Sam remained silent.

‘It doesn’t.’ Cassie insisted. Her young face filled with anger. ‘Not everything is about him.’ She lurched to her feet and stormed out. The dog followed her.

‘Well,’ Sam murmured to the empty room, ‘that went well.’ She pushed herself off the floor. She headed out after Cassie. She’d heard the thump of feet on the stairs and knew they’d gone down. She made her way to the lower floor and listened for signs to where Cassie had gone. She hadn’t heard the front door so…she made her way through to the kitchen. The French windows leading out to the garden were open and Sam made her way to them hesitantly.

Cassie was out in the garden. She had walked to the end and sat on the bench beneath an old tree. She was hunched over and looked miserable. The dog sat beside her as though trying to comfort her.

Sam made her way over to her slowly. She sat down and wished for a moment that she’d stopped to throw her jacket on over her jeans and sweater. ‘You’re right.’ She murmured gently. ‘Not everything is about Daniel.’ She looked away, back toward the house, trying hard to keep her own emotions under control, before she gathered her courage again and turned back to Cassie. ‘You want to tell me why you’re drinking?’

‘Why?’ Cassie snapped. ‘It’s none of your business.’

‘You’re hurting, Cassie.’ Sam contradicted her firmly. ‘That is my business.’

Cassie squirmed on the bench. Her arms were tightly folded around her thin body and her face was turned mutinously away from Sam.

‘Is it school?’ Sam asked. ‘Or Dominic?’

‘No!’ Cassie shook her head. ‘Dominic’s been great especially since…’ she suddenly looked at Sam. ‘Why did he go away?’

Sam sighed, knowing Cassie meant Daniel. ‘I don’t know.’

‘Didn’t he want to be with us anymore?’ Cassie asked bluntly.

‘Oh, Cass.’ Sam couldn’t stop herself from reaching out and pulling her into a hug. She was grateful when Cassie responded. Sam wrapped her arms around her and held on tightly as they both cried.

‘I keep thinking he must have hated us if he wanted to leave so badly,’ Cassie sobbed, ‘he must have hated me.’

‘He didn’t hate us.’ Sam pulled back long enough to look Cassie in the eye. ‘He definitely didn’t hate you.’

Cassie nodded slowly. ‘Then why did he leave?’

Sam wiped furiously at her own damp eyes for a second. The question was one she had struggled with herself since Daniel’s death just as she had also struggled to come to terms with knowing Daniel hadn’t confided the unhappiness he had apparently felt before his Ascension to her. ‘I think it was just something he had to do, Cassie.’

‘I don’t understand.’ Cassie sighed.

Sam stroked Cassie’s hair back over her shoulder. ‘You remember when we were in the bunker and I stayed with you?’

‘Of course.’ Cassie nodded.

‘I stayed because I just knew I had to stay.’ Sam said. ‘And I think that’s how this is for Daniel with Ascension. I think he just had to leave.’

‘I felt that when I was changing with that illness.’ Cassie remarked. ‘But I was wrong.’

‘And maybe Daniel will be wrong about this.’ Sam concurred. ‘But maybe it’s something he has to try.’

Cassie sighed and snuggled into her. ‘I miss him.’

‘Me too.’ Sam kissed the top of her head.

‘You think he misses us too?’ Cassie asked.

‘I do.’ Sam said, and as she spoke the words she knew it was the truth. Daniel loved them and he had lost them all with his decision. Perhaps Ascension was something Daniel had needed to do but it had cost him a great deal. They had lost him but at least they still had each other. She hadn’t forgiven Daniel for Ascending; was still mad at him in truth but she could feel the edge of her anger draining away with her realisation. She hugged Cassie again.

‘I’m sorry.’ Cassie said. ‘About the drinking. I just…it made me forget and I felt happy.’ She grimaced. ‘Except for the, you know, throwing up part.’

‘Alcohol does that.’ Sam agreed. ‘It can help make you feel happy and sometimes it makes you feel sad. Too much and all it does is make you feel sick.’

‘I won’t do it again.’ Cassie promised.

‘You will.’ Sam laughed briefly. ‘But maybe wait until you’re legal next time?’

Cassie nodded. ‘Deal.’ She sighed heavily. ‘I guess I need to apologise to Mom too.’

‘Oh yes.’ Sam agreed fervently. ‘That you do.’

‘Can we go down to the store?’ Cassie asked. ‘Maybe I can buy her some flowers.’

‘I think she would love that.’ Sam got to her feet. ‘Go and wash your face, and I’ll drive you.’

Cassie took a step away before she abruptly spun around and embraced Sam tightly for a moment before spinning away again, rushing across the lawn and into the house.

Sam blinked back fresh tears and started across the grass. She needed to wash up too, she realised. God, she missed Daniel. She scowled at the thought. Daniel was gone but Cassie needed her. That was what she had to focus on; her grief would wait.

o-O-o

Daniel watched from the tower as SG1 approached the Abydonian encampment. He knew they had returned for a celebration of his life at Kasuf’s request. It was good to see them again, Daniel mused. He had tried to stay away from his former team-mates after their last visit to Abydos. He missed them too much. Every time he laid eyes on them, he questioned what he had done and thought about going home.

‘They come to honour your life.’ Shifu commented. He looked at Daniel. ‘It saddens you.’

‘I’m not sure my life deserves to be honoured.’ Daniel muttered sharply.

‘You are a good man. Do you not believe you deserve their regard?’ Shifu asked.

‘I’ve hurt them.’ Daniel said simply. He could feel their pain again. It was more of a deep ache than the sharp bite it had been before but it was there, lurking in each of them. He shifted restlessly.

The past month had been good. He and Shifu had explored Abydos. He’d shown Sha’re’s son the ruins where Sha’re had taught him Abydonian and he had taught her how to read the writing that covered the walls. He’d taken Shifu to the caves where Skaara and Sha’re had hidden him, Jack and the others. He’d told Shifu of how they had liberated Abydos from Ra; how he and Jack had fallen into friendship, how he and Sha’re had fallen into love. He had spent time with Shifu in the room covered with Stargate symbols and had known for the first time just how few were documented there.

The time with Shifu had given Daniel a staggering measure of peace about his time on Abydos. He had rediscovered his love for the planet, remembered his marriage with a heart filled with love rather sorrow. Somewhere in amongst the sharing, he had also started to regain his balance about what had happened to Sha’re.

He would always blame himself for unburying the Stargate but perhaps he had forgiven himself for what had come after. He knew that Apophis would have brought a ship regardless of the gate; perhaps not that day, perhaps another. But Apophis would have come. Maybe if events had gone differently, Sha’re would not have become the host to Ammonet but Daniel couldn’t shake the sense that events would have gone much the same.

Daniel’s lips twisted. Jack had told him once that he would begin to trust himself again, and Daniel was surprised to find that it had happened without him noticing. Maybe it was because he had rediscovered himself again in the sands of Abydos. He’d just had to die and Ascend to make it happen. He swallowed his laughter.

Suddenly, he wanted – needed – to see his team. He let himself shift from the tower; he centred in on Jack, and found himself in Kasuf’s tent. He stayed hidden but drank in the sight of them.

Sam looked pale but her hand was steady on the juice she drank down gratefully. Her blue eyes were watching Jack. She was worried about him, Daniel realised. He caught glimpses of her thoughts; how hard the ceremony was going to be for Jack, how he’d only agreed because Skaara had asked, how much Jack missed Daniel.

Jack’s own thoughts gave truth to Sam’s worries. He hadn’t wanted to attend but hadn’t been able to say no to Skaara, how he wanted to be anywhere but Abydos and the memories of Daniel.

Teal’c sat by Jack’s side. Guarding him, Daniel realised. The Jaffa was uncomfortable in the tent, all too aware that it had been he who had taken Sha’re’s life, who had stolen Sha’re and Skaara away to become hosts.

Daniel let his eyes drift to the fourth member of the team; his replacement. He wondered briefly what had happened to Doctor Kerry who had been his named successor. In hindsight, he wasn’t certain Ambrose would have been his choice. The man in front of him was military, Major Robert according to the name stencilled neatly over his pocket. He remembered him vaguely. He had only just transferred when Daniel had Ascended. There was an arrogance about him that stirred Daniel’s guts especially when he saw how Robert’s eyes followed a young Abydonian woman as she left the tent.

He wasn’t the only one who noticed, Daniel surmised as he caught Sam’s unhappy expression and the way she exchanged a look with Teal’c. It appeared Robert’s card had been marked. Daniel knew the glee wasn’t mature but he revelled in it anyway.

‘You do not like him.’ Shifu commented, folding his robes neatly around him as he sank to the floor.

Daniel followed his example. ‘No. I don’t.’

‘Because he takes your place?’ Shifu inquired.

‘Because I think he’s losing the fight with the evil in his subconscious.’ Daniel said with a smile, tucking his own robes around him.

Shifu smiled happily. ‘I see.’

Daniel reached out and patted his shoulder. He turned back to the quiet gathering where stories of Daniel’s exploits were being told. He winced as Jack began to regale them with Daniel’s first encounter with the Abydonian wildlife. ‘Maybe we should leave.’

‘I am staying.’ Shifu grinned at him. ‘I want to hear their stories.’

They sat for a long while listening. Occasionally, Daniel would murmur a correction in Shifu’s ear or laughingly protest when a story made gentle fun of him. A few hours passed and Daniel was stunned anew at how much his team-mates truly cared for him.

Robert suddenly got to his feet and excused himself. Daniel frowned as he watched the man leave. Galia, the young grand-daughter of one of Kasuf’s many sisters, had just departed the tent to gather more food. She was young and beautiful with dark hair that fell to her waist and dark, shy eyes.

Daniel let Shifu know he was going to leave for a moment and followed the Major. He watched as Robert followed Galia. He felt his anger begin to stir as Robert’s intent to get Galia alone became obvious.

As she entered a store for flatbread, Robert’s opportunity opened up and he took it. He quickly followed her inside and shut the door; barred it. Daniel no longer needed to worry about doors and he followed.

‘You’re a pretty little thing, aren’t you?’ Robert’s lips curved in a cruel smile. ‘Maybe the old guy will give you to me like he gave his daughter to Daniel. What do you think?’

Galia took a step back and shook her head, not understanding the words but understanding all too well the threat of him.

He grabbed her and Daniel felt the power crackle through him.

‘You cannot interfere.’

Oma’s sudden presence startled Daniel.

He stared at her before turning back to the horrific tableau that remained frozen in time in front of them. ‘You can’t be serious.’

‘You know the rules, Daniel.’ Oma retorted. ‘This is not your concern.’

‘She’s helpless and he’s going to hurt her.’ Daniel argued. ‘We can’t just sit back and do nothing.’

Oma regarded him sombrely. ‘Daniel, you cannot interfere with the lower planes.’

‘I can’t just watch him rape her.’ Daniel said passionately.

‘And what would you do?’ Oma challenged him just as passionately. ‘Would you strike him down?’

‘Yes!’ Daniel said.

‘You would kill him.’ Oma pointed out. ‘Is that a just punishment for something he only might do?’

Daniel felt the impact of the question. Was death a just sentence for an intent to do harm? He’d never been an advocate of the death penalty. He’d always believed that the majority of criminals could be rehabilitated. Yet he had been prepared to kill Robert who had not yet actually committed a crime. He had been about to act as judge, jury and executioner. He paled.

‘There is another way.’ Oma placed a hand on Daniel’s shoulder and took him outside the store.

Teal’c stood there. He must have followed Robert, Daniel considered with relief.

‘Watch.’ Oma said as time engaged again.

Teal’c’s head snapped to the store at the sound of a cry. He made for the door and listened intently for only a second before he shifted and rammed his full weight against the wood. It gave way with a resounding crack.

The Jaffa took one look at Galia, lying on the floor, with her robe torn before he turned a furious glower on Robert.

‘Hey!’ Robert held up a hand. ‘I was just being friendly and she…’

Teal’c didn’t listen; he simply moved. His arm snapped out and his hand took hold of Robert’s throat.

Galia ran out. Her cries brought other Abydonians running to the store and finally, the rest of SG1.

‘What the hell is going on?’ Jack demanded.

Skaara placed an arm around his distant cousin and listened as she babbled an explanation in Abydonian. ‘Galia says the one Teal’c holds tried to attack her; Teal’c saved her.’

Kasuf gestured angrily. ‘He must be punished.’

‘Oh, he will be punished.’ Jack’s voice was dangerously quiet. ‘Kasuf, I’d like to apologise from bringing this vermin here, but I’m afraid that I have to request that you leave his punishment to us.’

Kasuf looked from Jack to Teal’c and back. Whatever he saw in the depths of Jack’s eyes convinced him. ‘You will punish him.’ He dispersed the rest of the crowd, quickly. A woman gathered Galia up and hurried her away but Skaara remained.

‘Teal’c.’ Jack said softly. ‘Let him go.’

Teal’c released Robert who dropped to his knees and clutched at his throat.

‘What will you do with him, O’Neill?’ Skaara asked.

‘What I’d like to do is beat him senseless.’ Jack shoved a hand through his damp hair and sighed heavily. ‘What I’m going to do is take him back to Earth and put him in a cage.’ He waved at Sam. ‘Carter, have you got some restraints?’

‘Yes, sir.’ Sam pulled them out of her ever present bag and quickly tied Robert’s hands behind his back.

‘Get him on his feet.’ Jack ordered.

Teal’c placed a hand under Robert’s arm and pulled him up.

‘You can’t seriously believe the natives instead of one of your own people.’ Robert finally spoke. ‘She attacked me. I’m innocent.’

‘Right.’ Jack said derisively. ‘Because following young girls into dark storerooms and grabbing them shouts innocence like nothing else.’

Robert sneered at him. ‘You can’t tell me you haven’t taken advantage of some of the local talent when you’ve been off world.’

Jack’s eyes went black and deadly. Robert’s wisely snapped his mouth shut. Jack turned back to Skaara. ‘We have to take him back and deal with this. Tell your father that we’re sorry we can’t stay for the rest of the ceremony.’

Skaara sighed. ‘You will be missed, O’Neill.’

Jack nodded. He hugged the young Abydonian man fiercely. ‘Take care.’

Daniel watched as SG1 led Robert away from the encampment and back to the Stargate. He turned back to Oma. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘It is all too easy to interfere especially when you see an injustice.’ Oma said softening with his evident contriteness. ‘But if you use your powers as though you were a God, judge those below as though you were a God, even if you intent is good, eventually you become…’

‘No better than the Goa’uld.’ Daniel completed. ‘I understand.’

Oma nodded and smiled. ‘Then you are ready for the next stage of your lessons.’ She held out a hand to him and he took it with trepidation. He only hoped he was as ready as she believed him to be.

Part 3: Start All Over Again

The knock on the door wasn’t a welcome interruption. Jack wondered briefly if he could ignore it before it sounded again. He sent one despairing look toward the television where the screen flickered with the game playing and got to his feet, muting the sound and throwing the remote on the sofa.

The third knock landed on the door just before Jack yanked it open, fully prepared to yell at whoever was on the other side. The words froze in his throat at the sight of Catherine Langford.

The former leader of the Stargate programme smiled back at him. She was dressed smartly in a thick black wool jacket, black pants and sturdy shoes. A scarf was wound tightly around her neck and her hands encased in gloves. Jack noticed absently a black limo complete with driver parked in his drive.

‘Aren’t you going to invite me in?’ Catherine asked tartly as he continued to gape at her.

‘Sorry.’ Jack opened the door wider and ushered her inside to the warmth reluctantly. He liked Catherine enormously but he knew her visit probably had something to do with Daniel and he didn’t want to talk about him, about it. But he politely helped divest her of her outdoors clothing anyway, flinching inwardly when he caught sight of the Eye of Ra pendant hanging around her neck, startling bright against the black sweater she wore. He accepted her hug and gestured towards the living area.

He hurried in and swept up the remnants of take-away from the previous night; the clutter of a plate and mug from his lunch. ‘I, uh, wasn’t expecting company.’

‘Don’t bother on my account.’ Catherine said graciously, as she sat on an easy chair.

With his arms full of debris, Jack didn’t know how best to respond but he smiled weakly. ‘Drink?’

‘Scotch, if you have it.’

He was momentarily taken aback given he had already begun mentally dredging his memory for where he had stored some tea. ‘Scotch. Right.’ He moved into the kitchen and dumped the remains before he headed back to the den and poured Catherine a scotch.

‘You’re not joining me?’ Catherine asked.

Jack sat on the sofa and picked up his half-empty bottle of beer, showing it to her briefly.

She gestured at the game that continued to play on the screen. ‘Who’s winning?’

‘I don’t think you came to ask me about sport.’ Jack said bluntly, taking a gulp of his drink.

Catherine lifted the heavy crystal tumbler. ‘You’re right.’ Her bright eyes dimmed as she looked away from him. ‘I’m sorry I missed the farewell party for Daniel.’ She shook her head. ‘It’s just with Ernest being gone and then the news about Daniel…it was too soon.’

He softened imperceptibly. Catherine had lost the love of her life, Ernest Littlefield, only a few months before Daniel’s death. ‘He would have understood.’

‘Yes.’ Catherine smiled sadly. ‘Daniel is one of the most compassionate men I know.’

Jack registered the tense she used with a grimace. ‘So you think he’s still around?’

‘I hope so.’ Catherine took a sip of her drink and wrapped both hands around the glass as she rested it on her lap. ‘I prefer to think that maybe he’s simply away on a long journey than he’s dead, don’t you?’

Jack nodded slowly.

‘Of course the reality is that either way Daniel’s gone.’ Catherine continued.

He stared at his bottle. ‘Yeah.’

‘Is it strange that I wasn’t surprised?’ Catherine asked. She got up and walked across to his mantelpiece where she picked up an old photo of SG1. ‘You know I envied you and Daniel that first time, walking through the Stargate into the unknown.’

Jack remained silent. The trip had been a suicide mission for him not an act of courage but of cowardice.

‘When Daniel told me about SG1, I was even more envious.’ Catherine admitted. ‘All the adventures that you would have together; all the wonders that you would see.’ She took another sip of her drink. ‘Of course, the problem is that it’s not all exploration.’

‘No.’ Jack agreed.

Catherine smiled down at the picture of a young, idealistic Daniel. ‘And when Daniel realised that after Sha’re’s death, it was hard for him to feel that he belonged in the programme.’

‘He told you that?’ Jack asked surprised.

‘No.’ Catherine shook her head. ‘I just know him.’ She moved back to her seat, keeping hold of the picture. ‘Exploration drives Daniel; just as it did Ernest. They were so alike. I knew Daniel would never turn down the opportunity to explore such a unique culture as these Ascended beings. He was fascinated by them.’ She smiled. ‘He told me that.’

‘Well, let’s hope Daniel’s not stranded on some rock somewhere.’ Jack quipped.

Catherine shot him a look, equal parts admonishment and amusement. ‘And, of course, you let him go to protect him.’

A dull flush filled his cheeks. Was he so apparent? He shifted uncomfortable under her intent gaze. ‘It was what he wanted.’

Catherine simply continued to look at him.

Jack sighed heavily. Catherine had a way of making him feel like he was ten years old and being interrogated by his grandmother. He believed the two women would have been firm friends if his grandmother had still been alive. ‘OK, so maybe I think this way, he’s safer out of it.’

‘You’re a good friend to him.’ Catherine said, placing the photo on the table and took another gulp of her drink.

He shrugged away the praise; he didn’t deserve it. He was only too aware of the pain his decision to help Daniel make his escape had caused on the rest of the team.

‘How are Teal’c and Samantha?’ Catherine asked as though she had read his mind.

‘Teal’c’s good.’ Jack raised his bottle. ‘Ascension is some big deal for the Jaffa so he misses Daniel but he thinks it’s a good thing.’

‘And Samantha?’ Catherine prompted when Jack remained silent.

‘She just misses Daniel.’ Jack said simply. He and Carter had been doing better since their blow-up after the mission to help the Asgard and he was thankful that the tension between them was gone, but he was aware that she continued to grieve. He rubbed a thumb over the bottle label.

‘They were good friends.’ Catherine said. ‘And even understanding all the reasons why he left, it’s hard to understand truly why someone you love chooses to leave you.’ She made a face. ‘You can’t help but question your value to them. If I was more attractive or intelligent, a better lover or, in Samantha’s case, a better friend, would he have stayed? Because ultimately, it feels as though when the choice was you or the something else whatever it is; they chose something else. So you couldn’t have been that important to them.’

Jack frowned. He hadn’t considered that angle. It had never occurred to him that Carter would be questioning her own worth in regards to Daniel’s decision; it should have though. She tended to big on blaming herself.

Catherine smiled at him. ‘Samantha has a way of worrying a problem.’

He was certain Carter had analysed to death. He sighed. ‘Damn.’

Catherine drank a healthy measure of her scotch. ‘You’re keeping SG1 together?’

His head snapped to her at the question. ‘Yes.’

‘You and General Hammond didn’t consider disbanding?’ Catherine asked gently. She gestured at him. ‘Some would have expected it; a chance to refresh the team, for you all to move on.’

Jack drained his bottle and set it down. ‘Hammond and I discussed it.’ He admitted. It had been brief and to the point. Hammond had seen two options; either add another member or disband. Jack had given the disbanding a moment’s serious consideration but he figured there had been too many losses that year without adding SG1 to the mix. Fundamentally, he figured they needed the constancy of the team even without Daniel.

‘Have you found someone to replace Daniel?’ Catherine asked.

Jack looked at her. ‘You want the position?’

He surprised her into a genuine laugh. ‘I only wish I was many years younger because I would take you up on that.’

‘Believe me, you’d be a hell of a lot better than the last guy.’ Jack said, thinking back to the last mission. SG1’s newest recruit had been a Lieutenant George Addison.

Catherine’s face filled with lively curiosity. ‘What happened?’

‘We were in the middle of a situation with some Jaffa; in between managing to miss every bad guy, he managed to shoot Teal’c.’ The words were coated with disgust.

Her lips twitched. ‘Is Teal’c…?’

‘He’s fine.’ Jack hastened to assure her. ‘Flesh wound. Junior took care of it.’ He shook his head. ‘I can’t have someone in the team I can’t rely on to back us up in a fight.’

‘Daniel is a hard act to follow.’ Catherine soothed, finishing her drink.

It was the truth but Jack was determined to ignore it. ‘I just want someone who’ll stand up.’ Jack mused out loud. ‘It’s not my fault if no-one’s managed to do that yet.’ He sounded too defensive, he realised a heartbeat later; probably because he’d spent the better part of an hour making that same argument to his CO.

Catherine placed her glass on the table by the picture. ‘You’ve just lost a friend; it’s understandable that you’re not ready to find someone to take his place even just on a professional level.’

‘I’m not sure General Hammond’s going to be patient for too much longer.’ Jack said dryly.

‘I think you’ll find he’ll be as patient for as long as you need him to be.’ Catherine corrected. She stood up. ‘I should get going if I’m going to make my flight.’

‘Thanks for coming.’ Jack was surprised to find he meant it. He helped her back into her jacket, scarf and gloves. He hugged her goodbye and wondered at the childish urge to ask her to stay for longer; to comfort him.

‘Stay in touch.’ Catherine said in his ear, patting his back.

He eased away from her. ‘I will.’ He promised as he opened the door for her. ‘And if you change your mind about joining SG1…’

Catherine was smiling as she waved him farewell. He watched her limo drive away and slowly closed the door. Jack wandered back down to the living room. He frowned at the muted television and picked up the remote to switch it off completely.

The picture Catherine had picked up beckoned to him and he lifted it to take another look. It was SG1 just after they had formed. Daniel’s youthful shy smile beamed out at him. Jack replaced the photo on the mantelpiece. His gaze landed on the chess set he’d set aside after Daniel’s Ascension. He hadn’t played since. He took it over to the coffee table and set it up before heading into the kitchen eschewing the beer for coffee. He sat back down and began to play.

o-O-o

‘Is it true he fainted right on the ramp?’ Jonas picked up the banana and looked at it again with relish. He’d just discovered them and had decided they were the best thing ever.

Teal’c raised an eyebrow as he regarded the Kelownan across the commissary table. ‘Captain Matheson has a fear of travelling through the wormhole.’

‘The idea could be daunting.’ Nyan agreed. He scooped up more of the mashed potatoes he had drowned in gravy. ‘I am not certain that I would have attempted it that first time if it had not been for the shooting.’ His departure from Bedrosia had been abrupt given he had been helping SG1 escape at the time.

‘I find it fascinating.’ Jonas commented, gesturing with the banana. ‘Your body gets disintegrated as you step into the event horizon and reintegrated as you step out. But for the moment you’re in the wormhole, you don’t exist.’

‘That is truly a disturbing thought.’ Teal’c murmured.

‘And no doubt why the Captain panicked and fainted.’ Nyan mopped up the last of the gravy with some bread and sat back satisfied. He looked over at Jonas with bright curiosity. ‘You really want to join an off world team?’

‘Sure.’ Jonas had been training hard with Teal’c every chance he got. He’d also managed to gather as much information as he could about the nature of wormhole travel and the various aliens that Earth had encountered. He was especially fascinated by the Goa’uld. The more he learned, the better prepared he would be to help his planet, Jonas thought. He swallowed a lump of banana and looked over at Nyan. ‘You’ve never thought of doing it yourself?’

‘No.’ Nyan shook his head. ‘I have no wish to go off world. I went on a dig in Egypt last Summer that Daniel organised for me. That was adventure enough.’

‘You miss being part of a dig?’ Jonas inquired. Nyan was very much a new friend and Jonas was enjoying getting to know him better. Given Nyan’s friendship with Daniel, Jonas was touched that the Bedrosian had gone out of his way to be friends with him. And it helped with the loneliness he felt a lot of the time.

‘At times.’ Nyan nodded. ‘I spent most of my adult life on Bedrosia on digs. I enjoy the dirt and the discovery of every small clue.’ He smiled apologetically. ‘Which reminds me that I must get back to work. Doctor Kerry is waiting on my analysis of the fossils found on P6R398.’

Teal’c and Jonas murmured their farewells as Nyan departed.

‘So how many have tried out for SG1 now?’ Jonas asked, turning back to Teal’c. ‘Five?’

‘Six.’ Teal’c confirmed. His impassive face briefly reflected regret and sadness before smoothing. ‘It is most difficult.’

Jonas nodded, unsure whether to say anything else. It was evident to Jonas and the rest of the SGC that SG1 still grieved for the loss of their former team-mate and that made finding someone to take Daniel’s place much harder. It was his fault that they needed to replace Daniel, he reminded himself. He couldn’t deny though that with every failure, the small secret hope that he could join SG1 flickered a little brighter. It had been born as he had read of their adventures through Daniel’s journals. Jonas hungered to join the team that Daniel described.

It was a foolish hope, Jonas reminded himself. Even if Teal’c accepted his presence at the SGC, neither the Colonel nor Sam had attempted to seek him out. Not that they weren’t civil if he ran into one of them in the corridors; Sam always acknowledged him, at least.

Teal’c placed his knife and fork carefully in the centre of his empty plate. Jonas had a healthy appetite but he had never seen anyone eat as much as Teal’c.

‘I was thinking of hitting the gym.’ Jonas said.

‘Your physical condition has changed most impressively.’ Teal’c commented.

‘Thanks to you.’ Jonas picked up a second banana. ‘The programme you created for me is great.’

‘You have applied yourself to it.’ Teal’c returned. ‘The achievement is yours, Jonas Quinn.’

Jonas shrugged, throwing the banana from one hand to another. ‘You want to join me?’ He asked again.

Teal’c’s dark eyes flitted to the clock and back. ‘I must decline. I leave for the Alpha site in thirty minutes.’

‘Another time then.’ Jonas was aware the Alpha site was in the midst of establishing a new initiative and housed a number of the rebel Jaffa Teal’c led. Both Teal’c and Colonel O’Neill spent time there between missions. ‘I’ll see you when you’re back.’

Teal’c inclined his head and Jonas stepped away from the table. He stowed his dinner tray and headed for the locker room to change. He opened his locker and stared at the new slip of paper. He picked it up and read it.

Haven’t you got the message yet? You’re not wanted.

The urge to cry surprised him but he blinked back the tears and took a deep breath. He was just feeling lonely and they were just notes; just words. If he cried he’d be giving the bullies exactly what they wanted. Jonas crumpled the paper in his hand. He pushed it back into the locker and continued to change.

He made his way to the gym. It was empty and he wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or depressed to find himself alone. He began his exercises. He tried not to think of the balled up piece of paper and focused on his routine. He was done when a group of Airmen barrelled into the room.

Jonas looked over at them briefly. Finkleman, Gregory and Locke; part of the security detail. There was a moment to envy the camaraderie between the three men before he finished the last set of repetitions. He climbed off the weights machine and picked up his towel from the floor. He wiped his face off.

Shower, Jonas thought longingly as he began to walk across to the door. He needed a shower. Then, maybe he’d go back to Daniel’s office and read through another journal before he called it a night.

A shoulder slammed into him with enough force to drive him to the ground. Jonas landed on his rump on a landing mat, and looked up startled as he tried to catch his breath.

‘You should look where you’re going.’ Finkleman sneered, his dark eyes gloating with pride.

‘Sorry.’ The apology was automatic even though Jonas knew he hadn’t walked into the other man. Still, he didn’t want any trouble. He held up a hand in a placating gesture. Finkleman backed off. Jonas got to his feet, suddenly all too aware that the three men were ranged around him and he was alone in the gym. He took a step toward the door.

Locke hit him from the side, sending him sprawling to the mat. ‘Oops. Look at that. You’ve done it again.’

Jonas rubbed his ribs gingerly as he righted himself for a second time. It looked as though he’d found the authors of his notes. ‘Can’t we talk about this, guys?’ He took in their grim faces. There was an eagerness to hurt in their eyes. For a long moment, Jonas assimilated the fact that he was going to take a beating – a bad one.

Gregory took a step toward him and stopped abruptly as the gym door opened and Sam poked her head through.

‘Have any of you seen Colonel O’Neill?’ She asked.

They all shook their heads mutely.

She frowned suddenly as her eyes swept over their positions and a suspicious look entered her eyes. ‘Everything OK here?’

‘Yes, ma’am.’ Locke answered with an easy smile. ‘We were just sparring.’

‘Isn’t that right, Quinn?’ Gregory prompted with a glower.

‘Sparring.’ He confirmed with a brisk nod.

Sam nodded slowly but her gaze searched Jonas’s expression for a long moment. ‘Actually, Jonas, if you have a couple of minutes, I could do with asking you some questions about the naquadria.’

‘Sure.’ Jonas wasn’t about to turn down the escape hatch that she’d opened up for him. ‘We were just about done here.’ He picked up his abandoned towel and bounded for the door. Sam walked with him to the locker room, asking him various questions about the naquadria. He suspected that she already knew the answers; that they’d already spoken about it before but he babbled back to her happily.

They stopped outside the locker room door. Jonas looked at it warily; he couldn’t help the darting look back down the corridor towards the gym. He’d grab a change of clothes and wash-up in his room, Jonas decided. Stay out of the way of the three men as much as he could and avoid being alone for the near future. He felt a touch on his arm and he turned with surprise to Sam. He’d forgotten that she was there.

‘Is everything OK, Jonas?’ Sam asked bluntly.

There was a compassionate glint in her blue eyes and Jonas got the impression that it was the first time since he had arrived at the SGC that she had looked at him and seen him, not Daniel or more disturbingly, the naquadria. He almost blurted everything out; how lonely and homesick he was, the notes and the attack. It was as though the words trembled on his lips ready to spill over. But if he confessed, Jonas mused, he risked losing his place at the SGC. He gave an overly bright smile.

‘I’m fine.’ He said and seeing the disbelief in her expression continued hastily. ‘Really. Fine.’

‘Jonas,’ Sam seemed to hesitate over her words but she continued gamely, ‘you know if something’s wrong you can tell me,’ a thought occurred to her brightening her expression, ‘or Teal’c.’

‘Like I said I’m fine.’ Jonas insisted.

She held his gaze for a long moment and looked as though she was about to say something else when SG3 clattered into the corridor. They all absently acknowledged Sam and Jonas as they streamed into the locker room.

‘I’d, uh, better get in there.’ Jonas said hurriedly.

Sam waved at the door. ‘Go ahead. I’ll see you later.’

He didn’t wait for her to leave. He entered the locker room and swiftly showered, taking advantage of SG3’s presence. He was done and out before any of his tormentors appeared. He headed for his office, closed the door and carefully placed the crumpled paper on top of the others.

Jonas sat down on a stool and finally let himself crumble. He leaned back, and covered his face with his hands. What had he done in coming to Earth, Jonas thought miserably?

He missed Kelowna terribly; missed the bland food of his childhood; missed his favourite books; missed his tiny apartment and the smell of the gagaria blossoms that hung outside his windows. He rubbed his damp eyes tiredly. He had nothing on Earth. No home; no place that was truly his. The office was even Daniel’s.

Enough, thought Jonas sternly as he physically shook himself as though to shake sense into his body. He had made the right decision. He had cleared Daniel’s name and he had given the naquadria to people who could do more with it than simply make bombs. It had been the right thing to do. He could handle a little bullying. He picked up the book he was studying and tried to focus on the words; tried to ignore the fear that hovered within him.

o-O-o

The wormhole winked out behind them and the iris slid back over the open Stargate. Teal’c carefully placed Doctor Jenny Lerrick onto the waiting gurney and stepped back as Janet ordered the medics to get her to the infirmary.

Hammond watched with a resigned expression. He turned back to the Colonel stood at the bottom of the ramp with an amused smile. ‘Do I want to know how Doctor Lerrick came to be zatted?’

‘Probably not.’ Jack agreed cheerfully. His brown eyes slid to Teal’c who stiffened.

‘I regret to inform you that I will not work with Doctor Lerrick again, General Hammond.’

Hammond looked to the remaining member of SG1 for an explanation.

‘Doctor Lerrick imbibed some of the Jaffa brew when we arrived at the Alpha site to join Teal’c, sir.’ Sam said. Her own gaze drifted towards the Jaffa, and warmed with amusement. ‘She seemed to have an unusual reaction.’

‘She tried to seduce Teal’c.’ Jack added gleefully.

Teal’c remained stoically silent.

Sam’s expression was only a tad more sympathetic. ‘Unfortunately, she wouldn’t take no for an answer and became, uh…’

‘Aggressive.’ Jack jumped in as Sam hesitated. ‘Teal’c zatted her in self-defence.’ He patted his pocket. ‘We got it all on tape.’

Hammond’s lips twitched but his face otherwise maintained a serious demeanour and held out his hand. ‘I should take custody of that, Colonel.’

Teal’c allowed his shoulders to relax as the SG1 leader unwillingly gave up the video evidence. He trusted General Hammond not to share it with others for amusement.

‘Debriefing in an hour.’ The General nodded and walked out with the tape.

SG1 handed over their weapons and walked out of the gate room together.

‘It’s a shame about Doctor Lerrick.’ Sam sighed as she pushed the call button for the elevator. ‘I thought she was a real possibility.’

‘I don’t know why we have to have a fourth member anyway.’ Jack complained. ‘We’re OK just the three of us.’

Teal’c remained silent. He understood O’Neill’s position. They were all finding it difficult to accept someone else into the team, especially someone who assumed their missing team-mate’s place. Yet Teal’c also believed that SG1 needed a fourth for balance; someone to provide a different viewpoint.

They needed time, Teal’c mused, as they entered the elevator; time to adjust to accept Daniel Jackson’s departure from their lives and time to accept that they needed to let someone else in. He entered the infirmary alongside his team-mates and took his place beside one of the beds for their post-mission check-up.

‘Teal’c,’ Sam shifted to lean against the other side of his bed as Janet began her examination of Jack, ‘can you come by my lab after the debriefing? I need to talk to you about something.’

‘I am at your disposal, Major Carter.’ Teal’c said solemnly. He was pleased when she gave a quick smile. He had rarely seen her smile in the last few months. Perhaps the incident with Doctor Lerrick had been worthwhile if for no other reason than it had made her laugh. She missed Daniel Jackson terribly. He hoped he and O’Neill had become better at understanding her grief and giving her support, and wondered whether she would agree. Perhaps, Teal’c considered, they had all become better at supporting each other.

He waited patiently through the examination, checked on Doctor Lerrick – he had intended her no permanent harm – and made his way to the showers. He made it back to the briefing room for the debriefing where he suffered through O’Neill’s continued amusement. He was relieved when it was over and the three of them were released, more so when O’Neill departed to write his report and Teal’c fell into step beside Major Carter as they made their way to her lab.

Sam looked at him sympathetically. ‘I’m sure Doctor Lerrick will be mortified when she wakes up, Teal’c.’ She grimaced. ‘I know I was after the whole Neanderthal thing with the Colonel.’

‘It will be awkward.’ Teal’c commented.

Sam pulled a face in agreement. ‘Oh yeah.’ She patted his shoulder. ‘At least she didn’t shoot you like Addison.’

Teal’c rather thought he would have preferred to have been shot.

They entered her lab and Sam gestured for him to take a seat. She remained standing and leaned over the bench.

‘I wanted to talk to you,’ Sam began.

Teal’c was surprised to see nerves gleam briefly in her eyes. He inclined his head.

‘About Jonas.’ She rushed the words out as though she was a child taking bitter medicine.

Teal’c could not stop the slight frown that deepened the lines around his wide mouth. He had noticed that he had been the only member of SG1 to befriend the Kelownan. Perhaps his friendship with Jonas Quinn was difficult for his team-mate. But if Major Carter wished him to end his friendship he could not. Although, Teal’c told himself briskly, it would be best if he did not anticipate her remarks. He sat up straighter. ‘I am listening, Major Carter.’

She bit her lip. ‘A couple of days ago, just after you left for the Alpha site, I was looking for the Colonel and I stopped by the gym.’ She clasped her hands together and stood back from the bench. ‘Jonas was there with three of the security detail; Finkleman, Gregory and Locke.’

‘They work the night shift.’ Teal’c murmured, wondering where she was going with the story.

‘Yes.’ Sam grimaced. ‘I kind of got the impression that they were ganging up on Jonas.’

Teal’c’s eyebrow shot up.

She waved her hand hurriedly at him. ‘They said they were sparring and Jonas confirmed it so I don’t have any proof that they were causing trouble, but,’ she sighed, ‘it just seemed…off.’

‘I see.’ Teal’c glowered.

‘I asked Jonas for some information on the naquadria to get him out of the gym,’ Sam continued, more confident with the worst of her news delivered, ‘but he wouldn’t talk to me when I asked him if something was wrong.’ She reddened. ‘Not surprising, I know. I mean, I haven’t exactly welcomed him.’

Teal’c softened as grief entered her eyes again. ‘It is understandable that you wish to keep your distance. He reminds you of what you have lost.’

Sam shrugged. ‘This isn’t about me.’ She said, dismissing her own feelings. ‘It’s just…whatever the circumstances that brought him here, he doesn’t deserve to be bullied.’

It was so like her, Teal’c mused. She had always had a soft, compassionate heart that hated any injustice especially one inflicted on someone who she believed needed defending. He remembered that she had often defended his presence at the SGC during the early days of the Stargate programme. ‘Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Major Carter.’

Sam nodded. ‘Teal’c.’ She stopped him when he made to leave. ‘Before you do your thing, maybe you should talk with Jonas.’

Teal’c inclined his head. He was about to walk out when Jack strode in and shut the door behind him.

‘O’Neill,’ Teal’c said, ‘I was about to depart.’

‘Give me a minute.’ Jack asked. He looked serious and Teal’c saw the Major straighten automatically.

‘What’s wrong, sir?’ She inched closer to him.

Jack raised his hand and waved a slim piece of note paper at her. ‘I was walking by Daniel’s office…’ he stopped abruptly and his eyes flickered away with chagrin at his revelation. Teal’c empathised. He had often found himself walking to the office without thought; his feet merely taking him there as they followed the familiar route. His friendship with Jonas allowed him to make the journey without any other reason being apparent.

‘Why is not important,’ Jack declared, trying to cover himself, ‘but I saw Jerry Finkleman coming out of the office, acting like he was school girl playing a prank. So, I went in.’

‘Is Jonas OK?’ Sam immediately asked.

Jack’s eyes shot to her. ‘He wasn’t there. But this was on the desk.’ He handed her the note. ‘I was hoping you would have an explanation.’

Sam read it and her mouth fell open. She handed it to Teal’c silently.

Your bitch Carter won’t save you next time.

‘I was actually just telling Teal’c, sir.’ Sam ran through the events at the gym again succinctly. ‘I didn’t report it because I didn’t have any proof, sir.’

‘Well, you showing up and spoiling their fun at the gym explains that note.’ Jack tapped the note Teal’c had placed on the bench.

Teal’c scowled. ‘I will talk with Jeremy Finkleman.’

‘No offence, Teal’c, but your talk is likely to end up with you spending time in solitary confinement.’ Jack retorted. He shuffled awkwardly and gave a heavy sigh. ‘I’ll handle this.’

Teal’c raised an eyebrow. The Colonel had been even less welcoming of Jonas Quinn than the Major.

‘Don’t give me the eyebrow, Teal’c.’ Jack sighed. ‘Finkleman’s crossed a line with this.’ He picked up the note. ‘When Hammond sees it, Jerry and his friends will be gone before the end of the day.’

Teal’c nodded slowly. The Tau’ri had their own rules and while he was a member of SG1 he would abide by them. He would have preferred to punish them personally but he trusted O’Neill would follow through on his word.

Jack motioned at Sam. ‘You’d better come with me and tell the story to Hammond yourself.’

‘Yes, sir.’ Sam agreed readily.

‘You,’ Jack pointed at Teal’c, ‘find Jonas and take him off somewhere out of the way for a couple of hours.’

He knew O’Neill had given him the assignment to keep him away from Finkleman and the others while the official wheels were put in motion but he acquiesced. He went in search of Jonas and found him in the mess with Nyan. He gathered some food and joined them.

‘Hey, we heard about Doctor Lerrick.’ Jonas commented as he bit greedily into an apple.

‘Is it true that she attacked you?’ Nyan asked.

‘She was not herself.’ Teal’c said diplomatically.

‘I take it she’s off SG1.’ Jonas grinned. ‘That’s seven now.’

‘Indeed.’ Teal’c agreed.

‘I heard Colonel O’Neill got the incident on tape.’ Nyan said with a teasing smile. ‘Perhaps it should be the subject of our next movie night.’

‘General Hammond has possession of the tape.’ Teal’c said suddenly even more grateful to General Hammond for his discretion.

‘What movie should we go for?’ Nyan asked, changing the subject much to Teal’c’s relief.

His mood lightened. ‘Jonas Quinn has yet to watch Star Wars.’

‘Star Wars it is.’ Nyan agreed. He was as much a fan as Teal’c and happy to rewatch the films endlessly.

‘Star Wars?’ Jonas questioned. His face was alive with curiosity.

‘It is a story of good versus evil situated in a space environment.’ Teal’c said enthusiastically. ‘You will enjoy it.’

Jonas nodded. ‘OK. I’m in.’

Nyan grinned at Teal’c. They were always pleased at the opportunity to convert another fan. They talked for a while filling in Jonas on the history of Star Wars before Nyan departed.

Teal’c set his drink down and regarded Jonas thoughtfully. ‘Have you practised your defensive training recently, Jonas Quinn?’

Jonas shook his head. ‘No.’

His honest answer gave away that his sparring session with Finkleman and the others had not been the truth. ‘I will be happy to assist you if you wish to practice.’ Teal’c said mildly. ‘It is important to keep your skills fresh if you wish to one day become a member of a team.’

‘You’re right.’ Jonas gave an apologetic smile. ‘But not today. I have to get back to work. SG8 brought in this unusual translation and Doctor Kerry wants me to take a look at it.’

‘Tomorrow then?’ Teal’c asked as they both got to their feet and made their way out of the mess.

‘Sure.’ Jonas smiled.

Teal’c kept silent and followed his friend into the elevator. Jonas threw him a curious look when Teal’c got out at the same level.

‘Uh, Teal’c, are you following me?’ Jonas asked with a laugh as they made their way down the corridor.

‘Indeed I am.’ Teal’c confirmed.

The truth halted Jonas in his tracks. ‘Why?’

‘I am to keep you occupied while Airmen Finkleman, Gregory and Locke are arrested and escorted from the SGC.’ Teal’c did not see the point in lying.

Jonas stared at him in shock.

Teal’c regarded him for a long moment. ‘Should we not continue this discussion in the office, Jonas Quinn?’

‘Uh, right.’ Jonas whirled around and headed for the privacy of Daniel’s office. The door was barely shut when he spoke again. ‘How did you know?’

Teal’c clasped his hands behind his back. ‘Why did not tell me, my friend?’

Jonas slumped onto a stool. ‘I didn’t want to bother anyone or make trouble.’

‘You were afraid you would lose your place here.’ Teal’c surmised.

‘I’m an alien here, Teal’c.’ Jonas sighed. ‘Why would anyone believe me over them?’

‘Because they are cowards.’ Briefly, Teal’c allowed some of his anger toward them to show on his face before he regained control and smoothed his expression.

Jonas folded his arms over his chest. ‘Are they really going to be gone?’

He looked Jonas directly in the eye. ‘Yes.’ Teal’c knew O’Neill would keep his word.

Teal’c saw the sheen of tears that the young man could not quite hide. His heart stirred with sympathy. The Kelownan had left his planet behind; betrayed his people and had few friends on Earth. Teal’c understood exactly how lonely Jonas Quinn felt because he had felt the same. Only it had been different for him, Teal’c thought. Apart from his additional years of experience, of life, he’d had SG1. That was probably what drove Jonas Quinn’s desire to join a SG team; to gain that camaraderie and friendship; to erase the loneliness. Teal’c was not unaware that Jonas Quinn wanted to be part of SG1 for that reason but he also knew it was unlikely O’Neill would ever agree. He reached forward and clasped Jonas’s forearm warmly.

‘You are not alone, Jonas Quinn.’ Teal’c promised and was rewarded as Jonas smiled widely back at him.

o-O-o

Saying goodbye to Abydos was hard. Daniel looked out at the golden sands and wondered at the emotion that filled him. The lessons were over. He had control of his form and of his powers. Oma had told him he learned quickly. He had found the lesson of non-interference hard. The incident with Major Roberts had only been the start of that particular lesson – and he had understood when Oma intervened. To sit in judgement was the act of a God and if he put himself in that place, pretended that he knew best, he was no better than the Goa’uld.

The second part of the lesson had been harder; Har’li, a woman the same age as Sha’re had been bitten by a tavka spider. Sha’re had warned Daniel about them. They were small and poisonous although rarely fatal. Har’li had reacted severely to the poison…

Daniel watched as she suffered; her dusky skin sheening with fever, her dark eyes wide and frightened. She reminded him too much of Sha’re, he mused, but he knew he would have felt the same for anyone. The knowledge and ability to save her was within his grasp yet as he wavered Oma had appeared by his side again.

‘You care for her.’ Oma said gently.

Daniel’s lips tightened. ‘She’s suffering.’

‘And you could save her.’ Oma sighed. ‘We have had this discussion, Daniel.’

‘Is saving one life so bad?’ Daniel asked.

Oma frowned. ‘And what of the next life which is threatened by a fall or an illness? Will you save them all?’

Daniel looked away from Har’li. ‘I could try.’

‘You cannot save everybody, Daniel.’ Oma touched his arm and he felt the age of her power flow through him, around him. ‘And it is not the way nature works. Death is a necessity; a renewal. It restores energy to the universe; fuels the creation of something new. Without death, the universe itself would cease to exist.’ She paused. ‘It is why I choose to Ascend only a few.’

‘And why the Others believe you shouldn’t.’ Daniel completed. ‘If I saved her they would know, wouldn’t they?’

‘They would punish you.’ Oma said.

Something flickered in her eyes and Daniel frowned. ‘And you.’ He realised with a heartfelt sigh. He let out a slow breath. ‘When do I meet these Others anyway?’

‘They will come to you when they are ready.’ Oma grimaced. ‘I helped you, Daniel, which means there are some who will never recognise you.’

Daniel shrugged and looked at Har’li again. ‘So I can’t do anything?’

Oma smiled. ‘Perhaps there is something.’ She swept a hand across the room and a stack of herbs collapsed. The elderly woman tending to Har’li muttered under her breath and began to clear up the mess. She stopped suddenly as her wizened and deformed hands held one herb and a startled look appeared in her eyes. She called for her grandson and within minutes a poultice was placed on Har’li’s ankle where the spider bite swelled black and seeping.

‘So you cheated.’ Daniel commented, folding his arms around his body.

‘I walked a line.’ Oma countered. ‘Har’li will live because she was saved by her own kind.’

‘And your nudge?’ Daniel remarked.

‘Will be tolerated.’ She admitted. ‘But it cannot be done for all and it cannot be done all the time. You will be watched by the Others.’

Daniel nodded in understanding. He watched as Har’li’s colour improved as her breathing evened out. She would live.

He had learned his lesson well. He could save one life occasionally by smoke and mirrors but he could never use his ability to save millions. Daniel pondered that for a long moment.

He had left the SGC to Ascend partly to escape, partly to explore and learn as an Ascended being, but partly because he had believed that he could do more if he was no longer there. He wasn’t certain the latter was true anymore and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He only knew that he had to see what he’d done through; there was something important for him to learn, he just had to discover what. Whatever happened, his initial lessons were over and it was time to leave Abydos.

‘You will miss this place.’ Shifu said quietly, appearing by his side silently.

‘Yes.’ Daniel didn’t bother to deny it.

Shifu gathered his robes and looked curiously at Daniel. ‘May I ask you something, Father?’

Daniel nodded without thinking.

‘Why did you unbury the Stargate if not to leave?’ Shifu asked.

The innocent question sent a rush of pain and guilt through him. ‘To explore but I always intended to come back.’

‘Your life here was not enough.’ Shifu said sagely.

‘No, I guess not.’ Daniel made a face. ‘I wanted it to be. I wanted it to be because the love I shared with your mother should have been enough.’

‘I didn’t mean to make you unhappy.’ Shifu slid his small hand into Daniel’s.

‘Not unhappy.’ Daniel murmured. He looked around. ‘I once thought this was everything I wanted even as I made choices that showed the complete opposite. I can see that now.’

‘Yet it remains special to you.’

‘Abydos will always be special to me.’ Daniel agreed.

‘Because of Mother.’

‘We loved each other very much.’ Daniel felt the truth of that for the first time in a long while. ‘But not only because of her.’ He continued. ‘Because of Skaara and Good Father; everyone here.’ He looked East toward the pyramid, beyond to the caves. ‘Because this was my first alien planet and that experience means something to me.’

‘This will be my home now.’ Shifu informed him.

Daniel turned to him surprised. ‘You’re not coming with me?’

‘It is your journey.’ Shifu breathed in deeply. ‘My own is at an end; Abydos will be to me as Kheb is to Oma.’

Shifu had found his destination, Daniel realised. ‘And I have still to find my mine.’

Shifu smiled. ‘Where will you go?’

Daniel wrinkled his nose. ‘I don’t know.’ But he knew he needed to make one small diversion before he began his journey in earnest. He said goodbye to Shifu and left him on the sands where Daniel had once danced with Sha’re. He travelled back to Earth with a single thought and made his way to the SGC.

It seemed the same. The same personnel buzzed the corridors; the same smell permeated the air; familiar sounds and sights of people coming and going through the Stargate as the programme continued its work to protect Earth.

Hammond was in his office talking with Colonel Chekov; the two seemed animated. No doubt the agreement to share technology was under discussion again. He watched as Hammond made diplomatic noises before ushering the Colonel out and making his way to the control room. Daniel observed the encouraging nod the General gave a new lab technician and the praise he offered to Sergeant Harriman. He wore the mantle of a leader with an easy authority but underneath, Daniel saw a good man with a generous heart and spirit.

Daniel left the General and made his way through the corridors to the infirmary. Janet strode confidently into her office with a nurse, reviewing a patient’s treatment. He knew she was fierce as a physician; as protective of her charges as a tigress with her cubs. She had tried so hard to save him. As soon as the door shut, Janet picked up the phone and called Cassie to check on the results of a test. Her face lit up as she began to praise her. His attention turned to the photo of her daughter and he felt a pang. He missed Cassie; missed her badly.

He let himself out of the office and made his way to his own. It was such a familiar path, one he must have walked every day he had been at the SGC. Jonas sat on a stool by the central bench. He was absently eating grapes as he read one of Daniel’s journals, the weather channel on in the background. Jonas hadn’t changed much about the room, Daniel mused, unsure whether to be grateful. He gave one final look around, saying goodbye, but there was one more goodbye to make.

His three former team-mates were in the commissary. Daniel kept himself hidden from their sight but sat in the fourth chair beside Teal’c, opposite Jack. He watched the three of them with a heavy heart. Sam spooned up blue Jello and tried to hide a smile at one of Jack’s sly remarks. Teal’c’s eyebrow rose in comforting familiarity as he made inroads to the huge slice of pie in front of him. Jack waved his fork in the air and gestured at the other two.

They were discussing a failed mission with the latest candidate to join them, a Doctor Williams. Apparently the scientist had failed to make an impact when he had incorrectly translated a language and gotten them trapped in a cell for an hour until Sam had worked out how to undo it. They didn’t really want a fourth, Daniel realised, but they were complying with Hammond’s order. It comforted Daniel that they missed him. His ego was too healthy for him not to acknowledge it.

He missed them too.

Every day.

It was a yearning he was learning to live with but the presence of them, the sight and sound of them, pulled at him. For a brief moment, the urge to reveal himself, to simply say ‘hi, here I am’ was almost overwhelming. But he resisted. It would be too cruel.

He could feel their grief had lessened; acceptance taking its place. They missed him and felt his loss but they continued to live without him; they had to, he had given them no other choice. To reveal himself would bring them a moment’s happiness and another wave of renewed pain when he left again.

No. It was better that he remained hidden. Besides, Daniel mused, maybe popping into a lower plane to say hi and have cake constituted interfering; he wasn’t sure. The three beside him moved from the subject of candidates to their plans for New Year’s Eve.

A New Year, Daniel thought. In a few days, it would be a New Year and SG1 would travel through the gate with somebody else as their fourth team-mate. They would continue their journey without him. He should leave, continue his own journey.

Daniel remained sat at the table unable to move.

His journey could wait while he stayed one more moment with SG1.

fin.