Storytime with Rachel F Hundred

Part 1: On the Edge

Everything was white.

It was Daniel Jackson’s first cohesive thought after what seemed like an eternity in a void. He could feel his form snapping back with a sharp tug, leaving him weak. How long, he thought almost panicked; how long had he been…he struggled for a description. Gone? Exiled? Scattered across the universe? Wherever it was Oma had sent him when she had forcibly yanked him away from Anubis; whatever she had done to stop him from using his powers to destroy the half-Ascended Goa’uld.

He tried to centre himself. He took a deep breath and let his energy settle into its most familiar form: his human body clothed in white cargo pants and a white sweater that glowed faintly with his Ascended energy. His very spent Ascended energy. Until he rested and allowed it to replenish, Daniel figured he would be hard pressed to light a candle never mind do anything else.

Not that he was allowed to do anything else or anything at all.

Frustration and anger that Oma had stopped him from destroying Anubis bit into him hard on the heels of more panic.

Abydos. What had happened to Abydos?

And where was he? Some kind of Ascended prison? He certainly had no way to leave wherever it was he had landed; he couldn’t see a way out and he knew on some fundamental level he couldn’t explain that he would need all of his power to break free from the nothingness.

Maybe it hadn’t been Oma; maybe it had been the Others who had stopped him. Oma had warned him that interfering would have consequences and there was no doubt that Daniel had stepped over the line.

‘Remember that fine line we were talking about?’ Daniel looked at Jack O’Neill, aware of Samantha Carter watching them with expectation, of Jonas Quinn quietly observing, of Teal’c outside the pyramid fighting.

Jack didn’t hesitate to answer him. ‘Cross it.’

It was an order from the SG1 team leader to a team-member; a plea from one old friend to another.

But Daniel hadn’t crossed the line for Jack when he had begged him during his torture by Ba’al; hadn’t crossed it for Teal’c as he lay dying at Kresh’tar; hadn’t done it for Sam during her nightmare with the Goa’uld at Steveston or her experience with Nirrti…

But it was Abydos in the balance; so many more lives than just one.

A memory flickered through Daniel’s head; of standing in front of Jack with a staff weapon, Ra behind him and the flash of light in the crowd. He remembered the way Sha’re’s eyes had met his regardless of the distance between them and the strange sense of belonging that had made his heart ache; how rebellion had flickered to life in his belly as he activated the weapon, turning and firing at Ra, at the alien who would pretend to be a God…

Daniel had chosen Abydos then; how he could he not choose it again?

He stepped over the line.

Daniel began walking.

Worry chafed at him with every step. He had promised he would allow no harm to come to Abydos. Had Oma stopped Anubis from destroying Abydos? Or had Abydos been destroyed after all? The thought sent a shudder through him. He had promised them. He had promised Jack…his promise seemed so arrogant in hindsight.

And what of his team, his family? Had SG1 made it home to Earth? Were Jack, Sam and Teal’c OK? Jonas? Had they managed to take the Ancient tablet with them that told of the lost city; the city of power that would give them an advantage against Anubis with all his half-Ascended knowledge?

And how had that happened?

How had the Others allowed a Goa’uld to Ascend?

Or maybe they’d had no choice. Maybe anyone could actually achieve Ascension if they knew how to do it. His mind skipped to what he had learned; of an entire race achieving Ascension; the Ancients – the Gate-builders. They were the fabled Others.

Ascension was clearly not what Daniel had believed it to be – a reward for achieving a certain level of wisdom or goodness, or a higher state of being with a responsibility that went with the power. The idea that anyone could Ascend disturbed him on a profound level. If anyone could achieve the power of being Ascended not just those who were essentially good in nature…

A building appeared before him like a mirage in a desert and Daniel hurried towards it, eager to get out of the endless white mist that surrounded him, that left him alone with too many thoughts. He covered the distance quickly and frowned as he recognised it: it was a diner.

An old fashioned sign hung above the door and another in the window proclaimed the pie of the day was apple. He grasped the cold metal of the handle and opened the door, absently hearing the jangle of bells as he closed it behind him. The diner was warm and he was startled to realise how cold he was as the heat seeped through him. There was a smell of bacon, fried oil and baked goods mingling in the air, stirring his senses back into life.

His stomach grumbled and his mouth watered. He was hungry, Daniel realised with shock: he hadn’t been hungry during his Ascension before. He rubbed his belly and looked around for a table. The faded orange leather booths were all empty. He made his way to one and sat down. He plucked the laminated menu off the Formica table and read it with a frown.

Everything seemed so familiar and his memory stirred again.

‘I’m sorry, Daniel.’ The heavily accented voice of his grandfather rolled through him.

Daniel kept his eyes firmly fixed to the waffles.

‘I can’t care for you.’ Nicholas Ballard continued. ‘It will be better for you to have a family.’

He’d had a family; his mother and father. They’d died. They’d buried them. He didn’t want another family. He wanted his mother and father back. But he could tell the old man didn’t want him. Nobody wanted him. He didn’t belong anywhere.

‘Daniel.’

Daniel kept his eyes on his waffles and blinked hard as they blurred.

The jangle of the doorbell had Daniel jerking back to the present, his gaze shooting up to look at the newcomer. It was a fifty-something man; balding, overweight and wearing a badly fitted suit. He was red-cheeked and grinning.

‘Wow, it sure is dead in here today.’ The stranger’s jovial tone contrasted with his cold eyes. He pointed at Daniel. ‘You’re new.’

‘Is it usually busy?’ Daniel asked politely.

‘No.’ The man smiled again. ‘Not usually.’ He pointed at the seat across from Daniel. ‘May I?’

Daniel nodded. ‘Sure.’ He took the moment the man slid into the booth to study him. There was something about him that set Daniel’s teeth on edge.

‘Hey!’ The guy shouted to the back of the diner. ‘Can we get some coffee out here?’ He looked at Daniel with a ‘what can you do’ gesture. ‘Service is terrible.’

‘What is this place?’ Daniel asked.

‘It’s a crossing place between the planes.’ The man eyed him speculatively. ‘You can call me Jim. You’re Daniel Jackson, right? The guy who just tried to take out Anubis?’

Daniel reared back in shock and put the menu back down carefully to cover himself. ‘You know about that?’

‘Hell, everyone knows about that.’

‘Really?’

‘Well, everyone around these parts.’ He winked at Daniel and leaned over the table as though to impart a secret. ‘Someone should stop him.’

‘So why don’t they?’

‘Nobody can.’ Jim spread his pudgy hands out over his side of the table. ‘Oma knows that.’

Daniel’s gaze sharpened inquisitively. ‘You know Oma?’

‘Sure, I know Oma.’ Jim grinned at him again as though he knew a secret Daniel didn’t. He leaned back and called out for coffee again before waving a hand at the empty serving counter. ‘I should just go help myself.’

Daniel settled back in the booth, determined to find out as much as he could from the strange man. ‘Why can’t anybody stop Anubis?’

‘Because,’ Jim said with a smile, ‘they literally can’t. They left him with just enough power that even someone Ascended can’t stop him especially when you consider the power boost he gets from the lower planes.’

‘Power boost?’ Daniel asked, folding his arms.

Jim slid out of the booth and walked over to the coffee pot. He lifted it in a wordless invitation and Daniel shook his head. Jim poured himself a mug and walked back. ‘All those worshippers Anubis has thinking he’s a God? It creates power.’

‘So if I had fought him…’

‘An eternal fight.’ Jim said. ‘Both of you unable to win; unable to do anything but fight each other.’

‘At least he wouldn’t be killing anyone else.’ Daniel muttered.

Jim laughed. ‘The more important question is why the Others allow Anubis to exist at all.’

Daniel frowned.

‘Come on, you have to wonder.’ Jim said. His eyes glittered suddenly; a faint hint of smugness. ‘Ah, maybe you should ask Oma.’

‘Oma?’ Daniel felt his stomach knot.

‘Oma.’ Jim smiled but it was devoid of any humour. ‘Don’t you wonder how someone like Anubis could Ascend in the first place?’

‘Get out!’ Oma stated firmly.

Daniel looked over his shoulder at where she had appeared as though by magic by the door. He almost did a double-take at her waitress outfit; the pale blue overall with red-brown trim almost making her lush brunette looks plain.

Jim gestured with his mug. ‘I haven’t finished my coffee.’

Oma glared at him.

Jim smirked at her.

Daniel looked back at him, the disparate pieces of the puzzle suddenly falling into place. ‘Oh my God.’ The realisation sank into him with horror. ‘You’re Anubis.’

Jim’s grin widened and he toasted him with the coffee.

Daniel moved, springing from the booth, his hands fisted – he had to stop him, had to do something…

And suddenly, Oma was in front of him. She stopped him with a look; part pleading, part admonishing.

Jim laughed. ‘Got to hand it to you, Doctor Jackson. You’ve certainly got fire in your belly.’

Oma spun on her heel to face the Goa’uld. ‘I said get out!’

Jim sighed and set down his mug. ‘You’re just no fun anymore, Oma.’ He blinked out of the diner before either Daniel or Oma could say anything more.

Daniel cleared his throat angrily. ‘You’re going to explain. Now.’

Oma looked at him.

‘Everything.’ Daniel said firmly.

She waved him back into the booth and moved to the counter. She set down a mug of coffee and some pie in front of him. ‘You need to replenish your energy.’

He ignored the food; the sickly sweet smell of the apple and the rich aroma of coffee. He was more interested in the truth. ‘You stopped me.’

‘Yes.’ She didn’t deny it.

It infuriated him. ‘Why?’ He held up a hand before she could speak, fury tightening his chest like a vice. ‘And don’t give me any bullshit about the rules.’

Oma sighed. She clasped her hands on the table top. ‘Anubis is my mistake.’

Daniel’s heart sank. ‘You Ascended him.’ It wasn’t a question although he wished it were; how had Oma let Anubis Ascend?

‘He came to me in the body of a small boy.’ Oma sighed. Pain flickered in her brown eyes and Daniel felt a faint urge to reach across the table to take her hand; he ignored it angrily. ‘He told me that he was seeking enlightenment; that he wanted to leave behind the evil of the Goa’uld; leave behind the burden of his genetic memory and embrace a new path.’

‘That’s why you knew you could suppress it in Shifu.’ Daniel realised. ‘You’d already dealt with a Goa’uld before.’

‘Yes.’ Oma said. Her thumbs stroked over each other nervously. ‘But I could not suppress his memory if he continued to live on the lower plane.’

The non-interference rule, Daniel surmised silently.

‘I had to Ascend him to help him.’ Oma shifted imperceptibly. Her jaw tightened. ‘But unlike Shifu, Anubis had no intention of following through with it.’ She looked away from Daniel, staring at the windows and out into the nothingness of white mist. ‘As soon as I realised my mistake, I was horrified…’ her gaze moved back to his, ‘and that’s when the Others stepped in.’

Daniel absorbed what she had told him into his being like a sponge soaking up water. It explained a lot and yet it explained nothing. He sighed. ‘They stopped him.’

‘They bound him and undid his Ascension to a point.’ Oma corrected. ‘They placed constraints on him. He isn’t allowed to use any knowledge or power unless he otherwise would have gained it as a Goa’uld.’

‘But why not just descend him?’ Daniel questioned. He read the answer in her eyes and sat back in disbelief. ‘To punish you?’

‘I broke the rules.’ Oma said simply.

‘So, what?’ He demanded, his hands gesturing wildly. ‘They force you to watch as Anubis destroys whole civilisations? Whole planets?’ His throat closed up suddenly as she flinched and he stared at her. ‘He destroyed Abydos, didn’t he?’

‘I did what I could.’ Oma said quietly. ‘Abydos as you knew it is gone. The Abydonians will continue their existence on another plane of reality.’

Daniel blinked back tears. He stared up at the ceiling, crossing his arms tightly over his chest.

‘I’m sorry, Daniel.’

‘Not your fault.’ Daniel said bitterly. It was his. He should have just had Kasuf send everyone to the caves; should have just let Anubis find the Eye of Ra. The Goa’uld probably would have left Abydos intact. Probably. He could have alerted Jack about the weapon afterwards. He should never have confronted Anubis. He’d been so certain of his power; he’d had no idea of what he had truly been facing. The truth was, Daniel mused, that he had acted with all of the arrogance of the Goa’uld; tried to use his power as though he was a God and he had failed.

‘I should have told you about Anubis.’ Oma said softly.

‘Why didn’t you?’ He wondered out loud. He looked at her again. ‘You knew I was tracking his movements.’

She grimaced. ‘Your path has always been yours to choose.’

‘Right.’

Oma’s eyes dropped to the table in response. ‘My sister accused me once of Ascending you for my own purposes.’

‘And?’ prompted Daniel, curious to know the answer.

‘I told you once that I Ascended you for balance.’ Oma regarded him with an even look. ‘I spoke truthfully.’

‘You’re trying to make amends for Ascending Anubis by Ascending others who you truly believe are worthy to balance the scales.’ Daniel realised.

‘You have such a truth of spirit.’ Oma said passionately. ‘You don’t even know how rare you are, Daniel.’

He felt a flush creep up his neck at her words, and he ignored it. ‘So you didn’t Ascend me so I could stop Anubis?’

‘No.’ Oma smiled sadly. ‘You would be condemned to an eternal fight. I could not ask you to do that.’

‘What if I wanted to do it?’ Daniel asked. He leaned forward. ‘What if I volunteered?’

‘The Others would not allow it.’

‘Because they’re punishing you with his existence.’ Daniel bit out. He pushed the apple pie away as he placed his elbows on the table edge and leaned forward across the table to take her hand. ‘It’s unfair. What about everyone else who’s suffered at his hands? Haven’t you been punished enough?’

‘I still do what I do.’ Oma said. ‘I still Ascend people.’

‘So stop.’ Daniel suggested.

‘It wouldn’t solve the problem. Anubis would still exist.’

Daniel felt the bubble of frustration rise up again and steal his voice. Was there no way of stopping the Goa’uld? What was the use of so much power if it couldn’t be used for good? He closed his eyes briefly. Hadn’t he just chastised himself for thinking he could act like a God? There was no doubt that the non-interference rule existed for a reason; a good reason.

Oma sighed. ‘Ascension is not what you envisaged.’

‘I wanted to make a difference.’ Daniel said, wincing at the defeat in his voice. He withdrew his hand, sinking back into the uncomfortable orange faux leather cushions.

‘You do.’

‘No.’ Daniel shook his head. ‘I don’t.’

‘Do you want to return to your previous existence?’ Oma asked carefully.

‘I don’t know.’ Daniel answered truthfully. Where would he go if he did? What would he do? Was there even a place for him on SG1 any longer? Jonas had seemed to have settled in well. And would his team want him back after he had failed them so badly? After he had left them? His heart ached at the thought that they wouldn’t want him.

The old feeling of not belonging filled him up and kept him silent.

Oma slid out of the booth. ‘I’ll be here when you decide.’ She nudged his apple pie back toward him. ‘Eat your pie.’

Daniel sighed but he picked up the fork and began to eat.

o-O-o

Jack kicked the door shut behind him and heard it slam into place. He haphazardly threw his keys on the table by the door, snapped on the lights and made for the den with the six-pack he had picked up on his way home. He set it down on the low table in front of the sofa before he shrugged out of the leather jacket he wore, and stalked over to the stereo. He turned it on; stabbing a finger at the play button. Classical opera boomed out of the speakers, loud and passionate; fury made sound.

Jack headed back to the sofa and picked up a bottle, knocking the cap off on the edge of the table uncaring about the damage to the wood. He raised the bottle to his lips and lowered it again without taking a sip. He set it on the table slowly.

What the hell was he doing?

Drowning his sorrows? Trying to blot out the day’s mission to Abydos and the truth that Abydos was gone with Skaara and the rest of the Abydonians living – if it could be called that – on some other plane of existence? Shouldn’t he be celebrating that? They were gone but not gone, exactly. Sure, he’d never get the chance to visit them again, or stand beside Skaara as he pledged his life to the young woman he had become betrothed to; would never dance with Carter at the wedding party and pretend they were more than friends attending a wedding together…but Skaara was alive; the Abydonians lived. Wasn’t that a good thing?

It wasn’t something to be mourned.

But he would miss them. He would miss Skaara; the young boy had grown into a fine young man. They had shared a bond ever since the first mission to Abydos. It had been a suicide mission for Jack and instead it had been his salvation; Skaara was part of the reason why.

And he was gone. Abydos was gone.

Sadness filled him. Memories, half-forgotten, rose to the surface of his mind: the smell of the Abydonian camp that first time; spice, musk and animal with the heat of the fires warming the desert night, and the feeling of shared camaraderie that warmed from the inside out. He remembered the disgusting armadillo thing Daniel had eaten…

Daniel.

Abydos hadn’t been the only thing to save him that first mission out.

‘I don’t want to die. Your men don’t want to die. And these people here don’t want to die. It’s a shame you’re in such a hurry to.’

Another memory: Daniel being hit by a staff weapon blast meant for Jack. It had been the first time Jack had seen Daniel die but it hadn’t been the last. The last was etched on his brain with the light from Daniel’s Ascension bright and glowy in Jack’s mind’s eye. Fear tickled the back of Jack’s throat, dried it up so badly that he had to moisten his mouth, sweep his tongue over his chapped lips.

Was Daniel dead?

He stared at the beer; a muscle in his jaw tensing.

Skaara hadn’t known what had happened to Daniel; hadn’t seen him. Jack knew deep down in his soul that Daniel had meant what he had promised, that Abydos wouldn’t be harmed. That Daniel hadn’t been able to prevent it…he’d said Anubis was half-Ascended or something like that. What if he’d gone up against him and failed? Or had been punished for crossing the line – a line Jack had forced him to cross?

He rubbed his hands over his face as though to erase the thought.

Damn it.

Deep down, he knew Daniel would have crossed the line without the encouragement anyway. If Abydos had meaning for Jack, it held ten-fold of that for Daniel. It had been the other man’s home for over a year; the place where he had met and married Sha’re. Daniel might not have crossed the line for an individual, for Jack – and he tried not to feel resentful about that – but Daniel would have crossed the line for Abydos with or without Jack’s push.

He could also remember the look on Daniel’s face in their last conversation. The new information Daniel had uncovered about Anubis and the Ascended beings had changed things for Daniel, Jack mused. Daniel hadn’t been prepared to put with the rules when it was clear the Others weren’t who he had believed them to be; when it was clear Anubis had been Ascended. Had that led to them punishing Daniel? Or had Daniel been defeated and killed by Anubis?

Renewed grief surged through him, painful with all of its sharp edges and he reached for the bottle again.

For a long moment, he stared at the brown glass and the way the light caught the dull colour; at the feel of the cold smooth surface and the rough edge of the label under his calloused fingers. He could almost taste the bitter liquid; feel the way it would slide down his raw throat. He set it down again and got to his feet.

He snapped the music and lights off, snagging his jacket from the sofa before he made his way out of the house. He walked around to the ladder and climbed up to the roof and the look-out spot he had created for his telescope. He sat down in the comfy chair with a huff and reached over to look through the scope. He adjusted its position; changed the zoom and looked out into the dark night.

Abydos.

Jack had spent a lot of time looking up at the stars and into the night sky the year he had been retired after the Abydos mission. He had wondered how Daniel had fared with Sha’re; what kind of young man Skaara had turned into; whether they had buried the Stargate.

He sat back in the chair and rested his head against the cold soft cushion. He closed his eyes. He didn’t want to believe Daniel was dead. Just the thought that he might be hurt too much. He wanted to believe his friend was fine, was out there, somewhere. He’d already grieved for Daniel too many times to do it again. So had Teal’c. So had Carter.

It wasn’t just him; Jack knew that.

As though he had conjured her up, the dull roar of a motorcycle turning into his driveway had his eyes opening and his head turning to see the single headlight cutting a beam across the dark asphalt. He turned back and waited. Carter would figure out where he was.

It took her a few minutes.

He heard the ladder squeak as she climbed up. The air shifted and sent a breeze with the scent of her shampoo drifting across his face. She paused at the top, clearly waiting for him to speak but Jack held his tongue.

He didn’t want to send her away; he didn’t want her to stay.

It was so damn complicated between them.

He loved her, but he had a duty to protect her so he had tried to move on from their mutually declared feeling feelings and although he had failed, he believed she had no idea that he felt the same way about her anymore. There were days when he let himself believe she still loved him but there were days when he believed that she had moved on too; that she deserved to move on; to find happiness with someone else. In the meantime, he was determined they could be friends, and friends comforted each other.

He’d pushed her away when Daniel had Ascended; Jack wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice.

‘You going to stand there all night, Carter?’ Jack asked dryly.

‘Sorry to disturb you, sir.’ Sam approached cautiously. ‘I was out, uh, on my bike, and, uh…somehow ended up here.’ He could see her lips twist in the moonlight.

Jack shuffled up and patted the seat.

She sat down, easing into the tight space tentatively. She gestured at the telescope wordlessly; a request to take a look. He waved a hand at her in silent acquiescence. She stared through the lens into the sky for a long while and he knew she knew he’d been looking at the space in the sky where Abydos would be located.

She sat back eventually but didn’t speak. He could feel the warmth of her along his side; the soft press of her thigh against his; he ignored the unspoken opportunity to place an arm around her and stayed where he was.

‘Do you…’ her voice was unsure and vulnerable; so unlike Carter.

He knew what she was asking: did he think Daniel was really gone; had died.

‘No.’ Jack replied firmly. Daniel wasn’t dead: he wasn’t.

She nodded jerkily.

Jack sighed. ‘He’ll be back.’ He hoped.

Sam didn’t reply. She snuggled deeper into the chair and simply rested her head on his shoulder.

Jack didn’t move; didn’t breathe momentarily. He could do this, he told himself brusquely. He could be the shoulder she leaned on. She had grieved so badly for Daniel; missed him so much. For a second, a wave of anger toward Daniel suffused him. If Daniel was fine why didn’t he show up and put Sam’s mind at ease? Put his mind at ease? Why the hell had he Ascended and left them in the first place? Had things really been that bad?

Sam shifted beside him. ‘He’ll be back.’

He let out a slow breath at her words; a repeat of his to her but they soothed him anyway. He let himself shift, his head turning so his chin brushed her hair. The urge to bury his face in the clean scent of the blonde strands almost too strong to resist…

The growl of a car engine broke the silence. Jack glanced down to the driveway, a flicker of disappointment running through him as Carter moved her head to do the same. The sight of Teal’c and Jonas climbing out of the base car they had obviously appropriated greeted them both. They were carrying pizza boxes.

Sam’s stomach rumbled hungrily.

Jack’s lips twitched at her mortified expression. ‘Come on, Carter.’ he said. ‘You should eat.’

Sam flashed him a smile and eased out of the chair. He pushed up and stood for a second, letting his muscles relax from their cramped position. Jack waved for her to head down the ladder. Daniel would come back; he’d be fine. He had to believe that because anything else was just unacceptable. Jack sent one final look up into the night sky towards Abydos and went to join the rest of his team.

o-O-o

It was freezing.

Daniel felt the barren ground of Abydos beneath his feet and looked around at the desolate planet. Anubis’s weapon had obliterated all life; sent the planet into an ice age that would last centuries. There was ash falling from the sky which was thick with clouds of it.

He focused, closed his eyes and breathed in; searching for the right plane of existence, for the life Oma had protected…

Sand dunes formed around him; the air became hot and dry. Scents of lurao bushes and gata flowers swamped him with their sweetness.

He opened his eyes again and blinked hard at the transformation.

Ahead of him, the Abydonian settlement bustled with people; men, women and children walking about their everyday business with no sense that anything was wrong.

He glanced down at the ground, at the thick golden sand beneath his feet; and up again into the brilliant blue sky with its two suns.

‘Father!’ Shifu called out to him and Daniel turned in time to sweep the young boy up into a hug.

‘We were worried.’ Shifu said quietly, his words muffled into the Abydonian robes Daniel wore.

‘We?’ Daniel questioned.

‘Uncle Skaara and I.’ Shifu pulled away from his embrace but caught hold of his hand and tugged him through the crowds. ‘Grandfather said you would return.’

‘You’re living among them now.’ Daniel realised.

Shifu nodded. ‘It is better this way.’

They made their way to Kasuf’s tent and Daniel entered a little warily. The last time he had been inside he had promised Kasuf that no harm would come to Abydos.

‘Good Son!’ Kasuf leaped to his feet to greet him as others came forward to do the same. In less than a minute, Daniel was welcomed into the tent, offered food and drink to celebrate his homecoming.

Skaara entered at a run a moment later. ‘Daniel.’ He said it with the same Abydonian lilt that Sha’re had always had and Daniel felt his heart seize in his chest.

His brother-in-law hugged him. ‘You have returned to us.’

‘I came to check that you were OK.’ Daniel corrected. ‘After…’ he waved a hand.

‘We are fine.’ Kasuf said before Skaara could answer. ‘Skaara has explained everything.’

‘Which is?’ Daniel prompted because he had to check and make sure.

‘How your friend Oma was able to shift us into a parallel dimension where we can live safely without fear of the Goa’uld ever again.’ Kasuf said firmly. ‘How you kept your promise that Abydos would be safe.’

Daniel’s gaze flickered to Skaara who kept silent as Kasuf called for more food and a celebration.

It was near sunset that Daniel went in search of his brother-in-law. He found him in Sha’re’s favourite watch tower, watching as the first golden globe sank into the horizon; pinks and oranges flooding the azure sky and painting a picture on the sand below.

Daniel sat down cross-legged beside Skaara and waited.

‘Father was right.’ Skaara said softly. ‘We are safe.’

‘All the others are not truly Ascended, are they?’ Daniel didn’t know why he was asking; he had already worked it out for himself. Oma had shifted their spirits onto another plane of existence, parallel dimension, whatever it was, but she had left the Abydonian society alone in all other respects. Just enough balance between non-interference and interference to satisfy the rules, Daniel thought bitterly.

‘Only Shifu and I are Ascended.’ Skaara explained. ‘The others are unaware; their spirits will live and die as they would have had their physical bodies not been destroyed. Shifu and I are guardians; we will watch over Abydos. ‘

There was a question – an invitation – in his words that Daniel didn’t want to acknowledge. He didn’t know where he belonged but he didn’t deserve to stay on Abydos.

‘Does Good Father know?’ Daniel asked quietly.

Skaara shook his head. ‘He believes what I told him. And he only knows that your friend returned Shifu to us; that I was the one she spoke with.’ He looked out onto the sands. ‘Shifu and I are agreed we will live among our people for as long as possible.’ He glanced in Daniel’s direction finally. ‘What of you, my brother?’

‘I don’t know.’ Daniel gave a harsh laugh. ‘I’ve made so many mistakes.’ He shook his head. He couldn’t help feel but his own Ascension had been one. ‘I was so arrogant to think I could keep Abydos safe from Anubis; that I could make a deal with him.’

‘You acted to protect us, Daniel.’ Skaara said. The stubborn set of his jaw gave away that he would not countenance another view.

‘I got drunk on my power.’ Daniel contradicted anyway. He grimaced. ‘Just like the Goa’uld.’

There was a beat of silence.

Daniel stared out into the darkening sky.

‘O’Neill and the others were here.’ Skaara informed him.

Daniel’s guilt stirred again. ‘Are they OK?’

‘I allowed them to see the truth; that we lived.’ Skaara said. ‘They asked about you.’ He looked at Daniel. ‘Will you see them again?’

‘Oma told me it was time to let go of my burden.’ Daniel said simply. It had been her last piece of advice – or maybe it had been an order – before he had left the diner after his power had been replenished. And as much as he hated to admit it, she had a point. ‘Maybe I should really try this time.’ Maybe his power would be easier to handle if he attempted to leave his old life behind finally. The thought of never seeing Jack, Sam and Teal’c again hurt but perhaps it was for the best; it would allow them to move on and live their lives too. He probably couldn’t take the risk of seeing them so soon after his attempt to destroy Anubis anyway.

‘Where will you go?’ Skaara asked.

There was worry in his voice and Daniel tried to smile back reassuringly. ‘I don’t know.’

Skaara looked back at him; fondness gleaming in his dark eyes. ‘You will always have a place here, my brother.’

Daniel smiled sadly. Abydos had never been his destination; he was sure of that. As much as he loved the place and the people; he didn’t belong there. There had been a time when he had believed that he did, when he had been married to Sha’re and had revelled in her love. But even then he’d wanted to leave, to explore. He had unburied the Stargate. He’d forgiven himself for that at least…maybe one day he would forgive himself for Anubis destroying Abydos even knowing the Abydonians had lived through it in some way.

Daniel moved to his feet and was unsurprised when Skaara followed. They hugged goodbye and Skaara left without another word. Daniel turned to look out of the watch tower as the second sun disappeared and turned the night sky purple. His eyes narrowed through the darkness to where Earth would be thousands of light years across the galaxy. He couldn’t go back; he couldn’t stay.

He shifted form, turning into light.

He could only move forward.

Part 2: Step Forward

The mood in the gate room was solemn as befitted the occasion. There was only a small group gathered for the memorial for Doctor Kieran, Jonas’s mentor. SG1 were all in attendance with the military officers in their service blues. General Hammond and Janet Fraiser had also turned up in uniform as had Doctor Mackenzie. Teal’c knew Jonas was simply pleased that anyone had turned up at all. He glanced over at his young friend.

Jonas was pale but his eyes were clear. He looked good in a dark charcoal suit that Major Carter had helped him select. He held onto the small wooden box containing the remains of his professor with care and reverence. Kieran’s death had been swift, a series of major strokes in a matter of hours that his brain had not been able to endure. It had not been entirely unexpected given the damage done to his body and mind from the naquadria radiation he had been subjected to but Teal’c knew Jonas felt the loss keenly.

‘Perhaps you’d like to say a few words, son.’ Hammond prompted softly.

Jonas started as though in surprise but nodded. He cleared his throat. ‘I know you really didn’t know Doctor Kieran all that well but he was a good man. He was a good friend. I will miss him.’ His voice broke on the last word and Teal’c watched Samantha Carter inch closer to their young team-mate.

Hammond nodded up to the control room in a silent signal. The Stargate began to spin. A moment later the wormhole blossomed in the centre, a rush of blue and white that punched outward until it settled back into its usual shimmering circle. The address was to a planet in the last throes of its life. The box would be incinerated by the heat as soon as it passed to the other side.

Jonas walked up the ramp and quietly pushed the box into the event horizon. It disappeared but he stayed, fixed to the spot, as the wormhole winked out.

‘Dismissed.’ Hammond said softly. He and the medical staff walked out, leaving SG1 alone.

Teal’c looked over at his human team-mates; O’Neill and Major Carter were both looking with concern at Jonas stood at the top of the ramp, his head bowed. They looked back at Teal’c. Silently, they all agreed Teal’c would take point. Although the others had forged their own relationships with the Kelownan, Teal’c shared the closest bond with him.

Teal’c stepped forward. He made his way up the ramp almost silently. He stood just behind Jonas and waited.

Jonas stared up at the silver Stargate and Teal’c caught the glimmer of tears in his eyes. ‘I can’t believe he’s gone.’

Teal’c remained silent. He knew Jonas’s relationship with Doctor Kieran was not unlike his own with Bra’tac. The loss of the older man was a blow for Jonas. More than that, it was the loss of one of the last remaining links Jonas had with his home planet and former life.

Jonas shook his head. ‘I only saw him the day before and he was fine.’

‘Doctor Fraiser said it was sudden.’ Teal’c concurred.

‘He was fascinated by the idea of the tablet.’ Jonas pressed his lips together. ‘He gave me some good ideas about how to go about translating it.’

And had given Jonas renewed confidence to keep trying despite his lack of success in the week since they had returned from Abydos, Teal’c mused. He had seen how Jonas had set to work with more enthusiasm in the wake of his visit to his mentor.

‘Speaking of which,’ Jonas sighed, ‘I should get back to it.’ He looked back at Teal’c and past him to where their other two team-mates waited. He started down the ramp and Teal’c followed him.

‘Want to grab some cake?’ Jack asked as Jonas came to a halt in front of their team leader.

Teal’c raised an eyebrow and shot a look toward Major Carter who had ducked her head to hide her smile. Cake was O’Neill’s usual response to a difficult situation.

Jonas shook his head. ‘I was planning on getting back to the translation.’

O’Neill’s eyebrows rose a little and his gaze went sharply to the Major beside him. She shifted subtly, drawing Jonas’s attention.

‘You know no-one expects you to do that today.’ Sam said gently.

Jonas shrugged. ‘Honestly, I just want to stay busy.’

Another silent look passed between the three original members of SG1; understanding that they had to let Jonas handle his grief in his own way competed with their concern.

‘OK,’ Jack said out loud, ‘but cake first.’ He held up a hand before Jonas could protest. ‘You have to eat, right? Energy for all that brain exercise?’

Jonas acquiesced with a sigh.

They all headed to their quarters to change before meeting up in the mess. The afternoon snack was welcome. Teal’c demolished a sandwich and a large slice of cake before finishing with a selection of fruit. Jonas’s appetite seemed non-existent. He forced down the cake but only Teal’c suspected because Jonas feared disappointing their team leader if he had refused it. The Kelownan excused himself as soon as he could and the others let him leave, watching his exit with worried eyes.

‘He left some of his cake.’ Jack sounded scandalised.

‘He’s upset, sir.’ Sam said succinctly. She picked up her mug and dunked the tea-bag again before setting it aside.

Teal’c swallowed an orange segment. ‘You are worried, O’Neill.’

‘Don’t get me wrong,’ Jack began, ‘but this couldn’t have happened at a worst time.’ He sighed, motioning with his coffee mug. ‘We kinda need him focused right now.’

‘I believe Jonas Quinn understands the importance of translating the tablet.’ Teal’c said stiffly, unhappy at the implied criticism in O’Neill’s words.

‘I’m not saying he doesn’t, and I’m not even saying it’s his fault if he is a little distracted.’ Jack said firmly. ‘Just…,’ he waved his mug again, ‘not a good time.’

Teal’c inclined his head accepting the sincerity in O’Neill’s words.

‘I think Jonas will be fine, sir.’ Sam said. ‘If anything it’s clear that he wants to, uh…’

‘Bury himself in work?’ Jack supplied.

There was a pause while they all thought about whether that was a good thing or not.

‘He will need someone to replace Doctor Kieran as a sounding board.’ Teal’c said eventually, returning to his thoughts as he had waited with Jonas at the top of the ramp.

He was not surprised to see O’Neill immediately look across the table at Major Carter.

She lowered her mug and frowned. ‘I’m not sure I’m the right person, sir.’

‘He respects you.’ Jack argued. ‘And you’re both scientists…’

‘With completely different disciplines in this case.’ Sam retorted. Her fingers traced an idle pattern on the table-top. ‘You two have more experience with Ancient than I do.’

Teal’c refrained from pointing out that she and Daniel Jackson had often acted as sounding boards for the other, and he could see O’Neill making the same effort not to say something similar.

‘He requires a mentor.’ Teal’c said mildly.

‘He needs Daniel.’ Jack muttered, saying what they were all thinking.

Sam’s gaze fell to the table.

Teal’c felt her anxiety as palpably as his own. They had heard nothing from their former team-mate since their departure from Abydos just before Anubis had destroyed the planet. They were all concerned that he had not survived whatever confrontation had taken place.

Sam took a sip of her tea. Her blunt fingernails tapped the ceramic. ‘The reports coming in about the power of Anubis’s super-weapon are disturbing.’

‘The Jaffa report that two more of the System Lords have fallen.’ Teal’c concurred, not questioning the change in subject.

Jack grimaced. ‘I should have blown it up when I had the chance.’

‘And undoubtedly we would be dead.’ Teal’c replied.

‘Your point?’ Jack replied.

Teal’c tilted his head in response. They may have died but perhaps it would have been better for the rest of the galaxy if they had destroyed the Eye of Ra.

‘The Tok’ra are working on leads to understand how the weapon works.’ Sam continued. ‘If we can establish that then…’

‘We can blow it up.’ Jack said. He drained his coffee mug. ‘It’s a plan.’

And one that did not require them to be dependent on the translation of the Ancient tablet, Teal’c considered dryly. It was not that they did not have confidence in Jonas Quinn – he was certain of that – more that they all knew that it would be wise to have a fallback in the event that such a translation of the tablet proved impossible.

‘Team night.’ Jack declared as he got to his feet. ‘You bring Jonas. I’ll bring the beer.’ He left before either of them could respond.

Sam sighed heavily as she watched him stride out of the mess.

‘You are worried about him.’ Teal’c observed quietly.

‘You mean Jonas?’ Sam tried unsuccessfully to cover her discomfort that he had guessed her concern for O’Neill.

Teal’c simply stared at her.

‘I think he feels responsible for Abydos.’ Sam mumbled, lowering her gaze.

It was an astute observation, Teal’c realised. O’Neill would feel the weight of his decision to follow Daniel Jackson’s instructions to hand over the Eye; for the destruction of Abydos that had followed; for the way Anubis was destroying the galaxy in the wake of completing his weapon.

‘And he’s worried about Daniel.’ Sam sighed again.

Teal’c waited a long moment. ‘Perhaps it would be wise to take additional cake this evening.’

Sam smiled and Teal’c was pleased to see it. She had been unusually quiet since the mission to Abydos. She fiddled with the handle on her mug for a moment as though debating something.

‘Teal’c, can I ask you a question?’

He nodded, reaching for the apple he still had to consume.

‘Why didn’t you tell me you’d seen Daniel?’ Her words spilled out in a rush.

Teal’c set the apple down and held her gaze. ‘I did not wish to upset you.’

‘You thought it would upset me to know he was OK?’ Sam asked, confusion settling over her delicate features.

‘I believed it would bring back the memory of his passing and the grief you then experienced.’ Teal’c explained. He waited until he saw understanding enter her blue eyes before he continued. ‘I also wondered briefly whether I had merely dreamed of him.’

She nodded slowly. He could see the intent to change the subject before she opened her mouth and asked him about Bra’tac and Rya’c. His mentor and son were travelling, spreading the word of the Jaffa cause to bring more warriors to the fight.

‘Rak’nor reports that they have moved on again.’ Teal’c informed her.

‘How many warriors have they convinced so far?’ Sam teases him.

‘Twenty-one.’ Teal’c replies; the pride coated his words.

Sam nodded and set down her mug. ‘Well, I should get back to work.’ She stood up and stretched before reaching for her tray. ‘See you later.’

Teal’c watched her go and reached again for the apple. He wondered briefly how Bra’tac and Rya’c were faring. Rya’c was young but he was a good warrior. Teal’c knew Bra’tac would ensure Rya’c’s safety as much as he could. A nagging worry had him frowning though.

Teal’c could feel the lack of strength in his own body from using tretonin. He had struggled in the fight at Abydos; had barely made it back to the pyramid and had little strength to prevent the deaths of the young men around him. He feared his weakness was also shared by Bra’tac. He suppressed his sigh and disregarded his worry. He could do nothing but hope they would remain safe.

o-O-o

Daniel had no idea why he felt drawn to the planet he had ended up on after what seemed like days of drifting around the universe trying to find anywhere that didn’t remind him of Earth or Abydos or any of the planets he’d visited with SG1.

Everything on the planet he’d landed on was dark, cold and dismal. Desolate. Maybe it played to his state of mind, he mused. He was hidden from the natives but he had assumed human form again; clothing himself in dark robes rather than white. His Ascension had lost the shiny perfection of angelic colours.

He began to wander through the slave camps and was surprised by the number of Jaffa but the knowledge of why skipped into his mind easily; the atmosphere was too harsh and toxic for humans to survive the conditions for long. He stared up at the ha’tak in the sky; partially built and hanging over the slave camp like a predatory eagle.

He shivered.

The name of the planet caught his ears as he made his way through the camp: Erebus. It seemed appropriate. If he remembered his Greek mythology correctly, Erebus was the place the condemned passed through on their way to die.

A burly white-blond Jaffa who was clearly the overseer yanked a weak slave out of the line and into the centre of the camp. Daniel froze, watching as the slave was strapped to a post and whipped. The young boy was about Rya’c’s age.

He shivered again.

The sound of gliders had him jerking his gaze upwards and the sight of so many filling the sky had him automatically ducking for cover despite the knowledge that they couldn’t see him. Ba’al’s troops, Daniel realised. They had come to take control of Erebus.

Something else tugged at his senses and he focused, shifting through space easily until he found the source: Bra’tac. Daniel felt a surge of horror at finding the Jaffa hiding on the planet and it increased again when he realised Rya’c was huddled beside him, along with some other Jaffa they had evidently liberated from the camp and recruited to their cause.

The old Jaffa grimaced as they watched the troops descend on the camp.

‘What do we now, Master Bra’tac?’ whispered Rya’c beside him.

‘We must leave immediately.’ Bra’tac said sharply.

One of the Jaffa pointed back towards the forest. ‘We are cut off from the ship.’

‘Then we go through the Stargate.’ Bra’tac said. ‘We will be able to lower the iris.’

Iris? Daniel frowned. He hadn’t heard of the Goa’uld using an iris over their Stargate but it made sense that they would. They scavenged everything.

He would stay with them, Daniel mused, just until they were safely away from the planet. He watched as they made their way to the gate.

Bra’tac deployed his men in a pattern that Daniel recognised and he silently held his breath as they successfully took the Stargate, zatting the guards with ease. Bra’tac dialled the Alpha site but before they could move, Ba’al’s troops surrounded them. Daniel watched helplessly, his keen eyes seeing Bra’tac silently sending a signal with the iris deactivation code before the wormhole winked out. If the Alpha site registered the signal; if they knew what it was or were curious, Bra’tac, Rya’c and the others stood a chance.

There were too many ifs. Daniel felt his frustration rise up again. He couldn’t help them, he reminded himself brusquely. He had promised Oma that he would let go of his burden; that he would not interfere as he had done on Abydos. And who was he to interfere anyway? If he believed he could his power in that way, it made him no better than the Goa’uld.

But it was painful.

He couldn’t stay and watch. He spent a night wandering aimlessly; his mind returning time and again to Bra’tac and Rya’c’s plight. By the next day, Daniel couldn’t bear it. He went back and watched as Bra’tac was whipped to spare Rya’c.

Daniel knew he could spare them both; whisk them away from the planet in a heartbeat – save them and the other Jaffa that were being held.

He readied his power.

‘Are you really willing to risk it?’ Morgan Le Fay’s cultured tones asked behind him and he turned to find her watching him a few meters away.

Daniel deflated at the sight of the Ascended woman. ‘You’re here to stop me.’

Morgan shook her head. Her brunette bob was styled back into a classic chignon and she wore similar robes to his rather than her usual white. ‘I thought you might have need of a friend.’

‘Are we friends?’ Daniel asked bluntly.

She seemed amused more than anything. ‘I wouldn’t call us enemies.’

Daniel walked over to her and they sat on a large rock, both of them keeping watch on the camp.

‘I’m not sure I can do this anymore.’ Daniel admitted. He gave a hard laugh. ‘I’m not sure I ever could.’

‘You cannot let go of your burden.’ Morgan said softly. She waved a hand toward Rya’c and Bra’tac. ‘Of the bonds of your past.’

‘I Ascended because I thought I could do more.’ Daniel said. He shook his head. ‘Instead, I’m doing nothing.’

She waited patiently as he gathered his thoughts.

‘I understand.’ Daniel said quietly. ‘I understand why I’m not supposed to use my powers. I know that to use them, to interfere with the lower planes gives me too much power over life and death. I’m not a God. I get that.’

‘But.’ Morgan said.

‘But,’ Daniel’s lips twisted, ‘what use is it to have this power if I can’t use it for good?’

‘Do you remember when we met on the Isle of Apples?’ Morgan asked, seemingly changing the subject although Daniel believed she wasn’t; that she was attempting to answer his question.

‘You asked me if I Ascended for knowledge or power.’ Daniel sighed heavily. ‘I said I wasn’t sure; that sometimes it felt like I Ascended for neither and sometimes it felt like I Ascended for both.’

Morgan smiled. ‘And if I asked you now?’

‘It’s become all about the power.’ Daniel ruminated aloud. ‘And the fact that I can’t use it to save the people I love.’ He grimaced, unhappy about the revelation. How was he any better than Anubis when all was said and done?

‘Anubis Ascended for power.’ Morgan agreed as though she had read his thoughts – he wasn’t sure she hadn’t. ‘He had read stories of how the race that called itself Alteran had Ascended and become pure energy. More than that, he had discovered an Ancient scroll which contained some of the early thoughts of a rival religious sect that had caused the Alterans to flee their galaxy for another. It detailed how an Ascended being acting like a God could generate more power through the devout worship of his followers. Ascension was all about power for Anubis.’

‘Why is he allowed to continue to exist as…as what he is?’ Daniel asked furiously. ‘Why not send him back? If it was to punish Oma I think she’s learned her lesson…’

‘But she hasn’t.’ Morgan said firmly. ‘She still continues to Ascend those who cannot Ascend themselves.’

Daniel’s anger flared again. ‘And so what? The rest of us don’t matter?’ He was oblivious that he had counted himself among the non-Ascended. ‘All those on the lower planes just have to suffer because Anubis is what he is? You don’t care at all?’

‘He can be stopped.’ Morgan said firmly.

‘Oma wouldn’t let me.’ Daniel argued, gesturing at her wildly.

‘Because it’s not your destiny to stop him.’ Morgan held up her hand. ‘The Others would have stopped you if she had not.’

‘It’s not fair.’ Daniel stated brusquely.

‘You’re disappointed in us.’ Morgan noted. ‘You had placed those who had Ascended into the realms of angels only to find that we are as fallible as the human form we once wore.’

Daniel flushed at the truth of her words.

Morgan smiled sympathetically. ‘Do you remember what else you said to me on the Isle of Apples?’

‘Does it matter?’ Daniel snapped, uncaring about his rudeness.

‘That all that it took for evil to triumph was for good men to do nothing.’ Morgan repeated. She adjusted her robes as though cold. ‘My friend Moros would have agreed with you.’

‘Moros?’ Daniel questioned.

‘You knew him as Merlin.’ Morgan’s gaze took on a distant look as though she was seeing the past. ‘He believed for so many years that non-interference was the way; held to the principle so tightly.’

‘What changed his mind?’ Daniel asked, his curiosity aroused by the mention of the infamous wizard of Arthurian legend.

‘A vision sent to him warning him of a great evil.’ Morgan sighed. ‘Once he had seen it, he could not stand by and do nothing.’

‘Wait, a vision? Of great evil?’ Daniel questioned. ‘In the past, right?’

Morgan smiled grimly. ‘Do you really want to know?’

Daniel winced and shook his head.

‘Moros Descended.’ Morgan continued. ‘He gave up the power because he knew he could do more as a human to ensure that evil did not triumph.’

‘But he kept his powers.’ Daniel commented. ‘He used them to help Arthur.’

‘Did he?’ Morgan questioned. ‘There’s so much that’s lost in time and myth. I rather think what Moros retained was his knowledge.’

‘But you think I should do the same.’ Daniel realised. ‘Descend.’

Morgan gazed at him with more empathy than he wanted. He felt his face redden under her knowing stare.

‘Those seeking Ascension for knowledge and only knowledge are those who find true peace in this form.’ Morgan murmured. ‘Because there is no burden in leaving behind the life lived before; no need or want for the power; no reason to play God.’

‘But what use is knowledge even if you cannot share it with anyone?’ Daniel recalled the words Ernest Littlefield had said to him on Heliopolis.

He had never let go of his burden because his bonds were too important to him; sharing his knowledge was part of who he was. The memory of how close he had been to staying with the Ancient device on Heliopolis on the pretext of learning shot through him. And it had been a pretext because ultimately his main motivation had been escape. Escape from the loneliness he’d felt after losing Sha’re to Apophis; the torment of searching for her never to find her; the war they were embarking upon with the Goa’uld.

Hadn’t he used Ascension for the same reason? When Morgan had last questioned him over his Ascension, he’d even joked with her that he didn’t know whether he had Ascended simply to escape his former life; the constant losses that the war wrought in its wake; the sense that he was losing himself in the fight against the Goa’uld; the fear that he didn’t belong with SG1; wasn’t making a difference. In truth, he hadn’t Ascended for power or knowledge, although he’d believed he would have both, but to escape; to find a way to make a difference when it seemed he failed so often to do so as a mortal.

It was galling to realise the truth.

Because he would never make the difference he so wanted to make if he remained Ascended; he would always have to do nothing. And evil would triumph.

Perhaps he couldn’t destroy Anubis as an Ascended being but perhaps there was another way to destroy him if he was human.

Daniel glanced over at the camp; at where Bra’tac and Rya’c toiled. And perhaps in his former life, he could save his friends.

‘Then you have your answer, Doctor Jackson.’ Morgan said softly.

He turned to Morgan to thank her only to find her gone as though she had never been there.

He gathered his power a final time. He would need to find Oma.

He knew his destination.

o-O-o

Jonas blew out a frustrated breath and threw the pencil he held down onto the bench. He stretched his arms up, arching his back, pulling the green t-shirt he wore taut over his torso and briefly showing the outline of the muscles he had developed.

‘Damn it.’ He muttered. He shook his head. He was getting exactly nowhere with the translation. Nowhere.

He ripped the latest page of his scribbling from his notebook and threw it toward the pile around the bin. He’d stopped trying to get them into the wire basket around the third or fourth day he’d been focused on the translation, just after he’d gotten back from seeing Doctor Kieran for the last time.

A wave of sadness rushed through him. He missed his professor. The older man had known him in a way none of his team-mates did and understood him in a way they didn’t. He had worked for so long with the other man that they had developed a way of communicating that was innate – a bit like the way the original three – four if he included Daniel – members of SG1 were able to talk to each other without words. He sighed and ripped out a second page, balled it up and sent it in the same direction as the first.

Sam walked in just as the crumpled up ball missed the pile and landed by her foot. She nudged it towards the bin and continued into the room. ‘Hey, how’s it going?’

‘It’s not.’ Jonas said, softening his blunt statement with an attempted smile. Sam looked good, dressed in the usual green BDU pants and the long-sleeved black shirt. Her silver dog-tags glinted against the black. ‘How about you?’

‘I’m kind of stuck trying to figure out what exactly the device SG8 found on P9Y745 does.’ Sam said, wandering around to lean on the bench beside him.

‘Well, I’m no further forward with this.’ Jonas said bleakly.

Sam stared at him for so long Jonas began to wonder if he’d accidentally smeared pen on his face or had something between his teeth.

‘What?’

‘Come on.’ Sam patted his shoulder. ‘Let’s get out of here.’

Jonas looked back at the tablet. ‘I should…’

‘Follow me.’ Sam said with a bright smile.

He heard the insistent order in her tone and carefully packed away the tablet before following her out. She made a stop to the mess to pick up some sandwiches and drinks. Jonas’s stomach rumbled hungrily and he realised he’d skipped lunch and possibly dinner; he’d kind of lost track of the time. She made him grab a coat while she grabbed hers and led him into the elevator.

Jonas watched as the floor indicator ticked away steadily. They finally made it out to the top of the mountain into the darkness. Sam nodded an acknowledgement at the guard before she led the way to a patch of grass illuminated by the artificial security lights and sat down, gesturing for Jonas to do the same.

‘I don’t…’ Jonas began.

She threw a pack of sandwiches at him. ‘Eat first.’

Jonas sighed but he gratefully unwrapped the food and sank his teeth into the turkey sandwich. The sharp tang of lemon mayonnaise made his mouth water and he chewed briskly, ravenous. He demolished one half before he looked up at the sky. It was dark; the stars dotted the heavens like sequins on blue satin. It was beautiful.

Jonas felt his muscles unknot for the first time in days. He breathed in the fresh air as though it was water and he was thirsty. He ate the second half of his sandwich with more finesse.

Sam handed him another pack when he was done along with a bottle of apple juice. He drank half the bottle before he started in on the second sandwich.

‘These are great.’ He commented.

‘They’re Teal’c’s favourite.’ Sam said. She screwed up the plastic wrapping and dropped it beside her. He knew she would pick it up before they left. Littering was a strict no-no.

‘He has great taste.’ Jonas murmured around a mouthful of sandwich.

Sam leaned back on her arms and threw her head back as she looked up to the stars. ‘Daniel and I used to come up here sometimes in the early days.’

Jonas paused; the sandwich half-way to his mouth. He took a slow bite, chewed and swallowed it before he answered her. ‘Really?’

‘We’d both work late, be here at some crazy time and we’d have forgotten to eat something.’ Sam explained. Her eyes were on the sky; her sight lost somewhere in the past. There was a fondness in her expression, in her tone, that made Jonas ache a little. ‘One of us would go searching for the other and we’d end up…out here, having an impromptu picnic and using each other as sounding boards.’

Jonas brushed some crumbs from his t-shirt. He wondered if he had missed some cue. ‘You want to use me as a sounding board?’

‘Actually, I was thinking you might want to use me as a sounding board.’ Sam replied, looking over at him. ‘I know I’m not a linguist but…’ she shrugged.

‘Two heads, right?’ Jonas completed. He was fairly certain the Colonel had put her in charge of keeping him motivated and supported during the translation and he felt a moment’s resentment that her gesture was probably no more than her following orders. Which was a mean thought, Jonas berated himself. Sam might have been ordered to help him focus but she was his friend and he knew that her sharing something of her friendship with Daniel with him was special.

He finished the sandwich and screwed up the plastic, setting it aside as she had done. He picked up his drink. ‘I think I’m beginning to get how you felt when the Stargate was about to blow up and everyone was looking to you for the solution.’

Sam shifted to sit cross-legged; she rested her elbows on her knees, propping her chin up on her clasped hands. ‘Tell me.’

Jonas sighed and launched into his explanation; how nothing made sense, how he barely understood Daniel’s journals on Ancient, how the syntax didn’t seem to work, how the rules in the journal didn’t seem to match the Ancient on the tablet. It all tumbled out in a rush. ‘…I’m no further forward than I was the day we brought that thing back and people are dying out there from Anubis and this super-weapon.’ He finished passionately.

Sam was silent.

‘Sorry.’ Jonas grimaced. ‘I didn’t mean to dump that all on you.’

She waved away his apology. ‘So, to recap,’ she paused with a glint of amusement in her eye that should have warned him, ‘it’s not going well.’

Jonas laughed. The tension that had wound up again as he had talked, disappeared. ‘That about sums it up.’

Sam smiled at him. ‘You shouldn’t feel guilty about not making progress, Jonas. We all know it’s going to take time.’

‘I talked through some of this with Doctor Kieran before he, uh.’ Jonas stumbled to a halt before he gamely tried to continue. ‘Before he died.’ His throat closed up.

‘You miss him.’ Sam stated sadly.

Jonas knew it wasn’t a question but he nodded anyway. He looked away into the sky and sighed. Sam placed a hand on his arm, comforting him.

Jonas dragged his mind back to the translation. ‘I’ve tried the things that Doctor Kieran suggested but I still can’t make any sense of it.’

Sam removed her hand and shifted on the grass beside him. ‘You said that the rules in Daniel’s journal didn’t work on the tablet?’

‘Maybe I’m just not reading them right.’ Jonas said quickly, trying to dispel any notion that he had been criticising Daniel. ‘I mean, he must have spent weeks translating the Ancient writing on the time machine and in the Heliopolis device. The rules must be correct.’

‘Maybe not.’ Sam murmured. She shrugged at Jonas’s questioning look. ‘You said yourself that the tablet is one of the earliest forms of the Ancient language.’

‘Right.’ Jonas agreed.

‘So maybe some of the rules that worked for the Ancient language Daniel translated actually don’t work for the tablet.’ Sam pointed out. ‘Language drifts over time, right?’

‘Right.’ Jonas said again, thinking over her words. ‘I guess it’s a possibility it’s just…I’m not a linguist.’ He blurted out. ‘I mean, not in the way he was. I mean, face it: we completely mangled the translation of Goa’uld on my planet. If he was here…’

‘Don’t assume that Daniel’s work was completely correct either, Jonas.’ Sam cautioned him. ‘You’ve worked with us enough to see we all make mistakes.’

He probably did have Daniel up on a pedestal, Jonas considered. The other man had saved his people; saved him. And the work Daniel had done was brilliant; there was no question of that in Jonas’s mind. But Sam was right. He had to consider that Daniel might have made a mistake. If the rules didn’t work…maybe the rules weren’t right.

‘And use whoever you need to.’ Sam instructed gently. ‘We have a whole department of linguists who should be able to help you.’

Jonas nodded. He gave a small smile. ‘I still wish Daniel was here to help me though.’

Her smile faded and Jonas could have kicked himself. ‘Sorry.’ He gestured at her. ‘I know you’re worried about what’s happened to him.’

‘I think it’s the not knowing.’ Sam said eventually. She motioned up at the stars. ‘When he Ascended, he was gone but we knew he was OK even if he wasn’t with us but this time…’ she sighed, ‘I just wish he’d turn up.’

Jonas stopped himself from making the observation that there was a possibility Daniel couldn’t just turn up. The other man had seemingly broken some major rules to help them. Sam didn’t need to hear that.

Sam sighed again and looked over at him. ‘So, about the translation…’

‘Thanks. This helped but I should probably get back to it.’ Jonas said.

He pushed off the ground and snagged their litter as Sam climbed to her feet. He watched her walk back to the door and followed her reluctantly, the pressure of expectation subtly crawling back up his spine. Jonas cast a look toward the sky. Maybe he wasn’t Daniel Jackson but he’d do his best; that’s all he could do.

Part 3: Falling

The diner was busy.

It was the first thing that hit Daniel as he entered. The booths were filled with people of all shapes and sizes. One man sat in the corner reading a newspaper and eating waffles. A couple of old women took up another, drinking coffee and knitting.

Daniel frowned and hesitated on the threshold, assailed by the noise and chaos, the smell of peach pie and strong black coffee.

Oma caught sight of him and waved him forward. She ushered him into a booth, snagged a pencil from above her ear and smiled at him as she readied her notepad. ‘So what’ll it be today?’

‘I, uh…’ Daniel shot another look around the busy diner, wondering who the other customers were – people Oma had Ascended or the fabled Others themselves?

‘Don’t worry about them.’ Oma said quietly, her expression becoming serious for a moment. ‘They won’t acknowledge you.’

‘So they’re…’ Daniel let the end of his sentence dangle enticing like bait.

‘Others.’ Oma nodded and he caught the flicker of nerves in her sherry brown eyes. She pinned on a smile. ‘So, you were saying you wanted…’

Daniel shifted on the leather seat, uncomfortably feeling like he was the floor show. He cleared his throat. ‘I’d like to go home.’

The diner went quiet.

Oma stared at him and he saw genuine surprise skate across her features before she schooled them into her usual calm mask. ‘I thought you said,’ she began.

‘I did.’ Daniel confirmed. He held her gaze and ignored the silence. ‘I’d like to,’ he made a diving gesture with his hand, ‘go back.’

Oma shot the customers around them a look to mind their own business and a hum broke out across the diner, a whispered hush. Oma slid into the booth opposite Daniel and set her pad down on the table.

‘Have you really thought about this?’ Oma asked seriously.

‘I’ve thought about nothing else.’ Daniel gave a pained smile. ‘I thought,’ his throat closed up suddenly on a wave of unexpected emotion, ‘I thought I wanted this more than anything.’ He waved his hand around the diner. ‘I mean, what could be better than knowing the meaning of the universe?’ He took a breath and looked at her. ‘But all I’ve ever really wanted is to make a difference. Maybe I thought I could do that here but I can’t.’

Tears stung the back of his eyes as he continued to look at her, needing her to understand his decision. ‘I want to help my friends.’ He said passionately. ‘I want to stop the Goa’uld from hurting people.’ He stabbed the table with a finger. ‘I want to make a difference.’

Oma clasped her hands on the table. ‘And you think you can do that by Descending?’

‘I can’t do it if I stay here.’ Daniel shot back. ‘I have no power here, not really.’

Oma looked away from his intent gaze; from the truth that he spoke.

‘There are consequences of Descending.’ Oma said softly. ‘If you go back…I can’t guarantee that I will be able to help you Ascend again.’

‘I realise that.’ Daniel said. ‘I wouldn’t ask you to.’

Oma pressed her lips together. ‘There’s more.’

‘More?’ Daniel raised his eyebrows.

‘You haven’t been Ascended long enough to Descend on your own.’ Oma said. ‘I would need to help you.’

‘Is that a problem?’ Daniel asked, surprised. If she wouldn’t help him…maybe Morgan would.

Oma waved a hand at him. ‘It means that you wouldn’t be able to keep any of the knowledge you’ve gained during your Ascension.’

‘Knowledge?’ Daniel questioned tentatively.

Oma licked her lips briefly. ‘Your memories of your Ascension, everything you have learned here would all be erased.’

‘All of my memories?’ Daniel winced at the sound of his voice rising.

‘Your brain wouldn’t be able to handle the information.’ Oma said implacably.

‘Like Jack when he had the Ancient information downloaded into his brain.’ Daniel realised.

Oma looked momentarily confused before she seemed to understand his reference. She nodded slowly. ‘Something like that only more.’

‘More?’

She smiled enigmatically. ‘One is an ocean; one a lake; one a garden pond.’

‘So, humans are pond life?’ Daniel said amused.

Oma’s lips twitched. ‘Your race is young.’

Daniel felt something loosen inside of him at her words; his race. ‘So we’ve been told.’ He dragged his mind back to the subject. ‘So I’d lose my memories.’ Which would mean he couldn’t save Rya’c and Bra’tac, he realised. He wouldn’t remember that they were in trouble. And he wouldn’t remember the truth about Anubis.

Her eyes narrowed on him. ‘Some memories may come back to you in time.’ She tilted her head. ‘If you deemed them important enough.’

So he could try and hold onto the information about Bra’tac and Rya’c, Daniel mused. Could he risk it? Risk going back and losing the opportunity to just to drop in on Teal’c and tell him? But what if he was stopped from doing that? Wasn’t it better to go back and try to help them rather than run the risk of not being able to help them at all?

‘Nothing is without risk, Daniel.’ Oma murmured.

‘I’m getting that.’ Daniel muttered. He pulled a face. He had to go back; he had to try to save Rya’c and Bra’tac. He had to make sure he remembered them somehow.

‘You really want this?’ Oma murmured.

There was a catch in her voice that surprised him into looking at her closely. Her face was calm; whatever feelings she had were hidden.

But he nodded and gave her a half-smile. ‘I do.’

Oma breathed in deeply. ‘Then we will do it.’ She rose from the booth, changing form; her waitress outfit giving way to the white suit that she usually wore in human form.

The bell tinkled and Oma stiffened. The diner went silent again.

Daniel didn’t need to look behind him to know who had entered. He stood up anyway to face Anubis.

The Goa’uld wore the form of Jim, the pudgy human man that he had taken on his previous visit to the diner. There was a smirk playing across his reddened features. He clapped his hands. ‘Rumour has it that you’re on your way back, Danny-boy.’

Daniel felt the hairs stand up at the back of his neck. An atavistic warning to fight or flee. He straightened his shoulders and stared down the Goa’uld. ‘I’m going back where I can stop you.’

Anubis laughed. ‘Give it your best shot.’ He grinned. ‘No human can touch me.’

‘No, I can’t touch you as an Ascended being.’ Daniel said firmly. He took a step toward Anubis. ‘And that’s what you counted on at Abydos. You knew someone would stop me.’ He took another step forward in the tense silence, his footstep echoing on the tile. ‘Because everyone here is so intent on letting you exist to punish Oma for trying to do the right thing, which, by the way,’ he turned to say to the on-looking customers, ‘is unfair to a good person who was only trying to do a good thing, and really unfair to the rest of us.’

Anubis’s cold eyes glittered at him dangerously as Daniel’s gaze returned to him.

‘But when I’m human again…’ Daniel smiled; his own blue eyes hardening in determination. ‘I will find a way to stop you and nobody here will be able to stop me.’ He took another step forward almost toe to toe with the Goa’uld. ‘Because they don’t interfere with the lower planes.’

Anubis’s face darkened; a purple flush staining his florid cheeks and neck. ‘I’ll destroy Earth like I did Abydos.’ His hands fisted by his sides.

‘You can try.’ Daniel said calmly. He folded his arms around his torso. ‘Of course, you’ve tried to destroy us before and…’ he gave a half-smile, ‘we beat you. SG1 beat you. And we’ll beat you again.’

They stared at each other for a heartbeat.

Anubis tore his gaze away from Daniel to glare at Oma. ‘I hope you put your boy somewhere safe, Oma.’ He smiled nastily. ‘I’ll be waiting for him.’ He turned around and walked out.

The diner broke out into a cacophony of noise.

Oma placed a hand on Daniel’s arm as he breathed out, trying not to show how much the confrontation had shaken him.

‘There’s somewhere I need to go first.’ Daniel said as their forms began to disintegrate; their energy mingling.

Oma simply smiled. ‘I know.’

And Daniel knew she did: they were going back to the beginning for him, back to Abydos; it was time to say goodbye.

o-O-o

‘It was a shame Jonas couldn’t stay.’ Cassie said as she helped her mother clear the table.

Sam sent an amused look Janet’s way and her friend rolled her eyes in response. ‘You didn’t mind me bringing him along?’

‘It’s cool.’ Cassie gave a shrug but her eyes gave away her pleasure. ‘He’s OK.’

‘I’m glad you think so.’ Sam said dryly. She remembered a time when Cassie hadn’t been that fond of the Kelownan.

Cassie handed another plate for her mother to load into the dishwasher. ‘So why’d he have to leave?’

‘He’s working on an important project right now.’ Sam picked up her glass and took a sip of diet Coke. The project that still wasn’t getting anywhere despite the hours Jonas was putting in. She’d finally dragged him out of the mountain to have lunch with the Fraisers. She and Cassie had a standing arrangement that they played chess on Saturdays when Sam was Earthside, and she had hoped that the young woman wouldn’t mind him gate-crashing. As it was, Cassie had seemed much more excited to see Jonas than she had to see Sam. Sam suspected a crush. Her lips twitched.

‘So no hot date?’ Cassie probed less than subtly as she cleared the last of the plates.

Oh, yeah, Sam thought, controlling her expression with difficulty; huge crush. ‘No hot date.’ Sam said lightly.

The doorbell rang.

‘Won’t that be Dominic?’ Janet interrupted the exchange, looking at her daughter pointedly.

Cassie’s eyes went to the clock on the wall and she gave a surprised huff. ‘I’m late!’ She hugged Sam hard before she whirled away to plant a kiss on her mother’s cheek. ‘See you later!’

Janet sighed as her daughter rushed out, the front door slamming behind her to punctuate her departure. She glanced over at Sam who refused to hide her amusement any longer. Janet wagged a finger at her. ‘It’s not funny!’

Sam slid off the chair, smoothing the wrinkles from the skirt she wore and walked over to stand beside Janet by the counter. ‘You have to admit it’s a little funny.’

Janet grimaced. ‘She talks about him all the time.’

‘She’s still dating Dominic.’ Sam pointed out, trying to reassure her friend.

‘Yes,’ said Janet dryly, ‘and she mentioned how immature he is compared to Jonas just the other day.’

Sam laughed. She handed her empty glass to Janet. ‘If she’s going to have a crush on someone, Jonas is a good choice. He’s a nice guy.’

‘I know.’ Janet sighed and closed the dishwasher. She pointed at the coffee pot and Sam nodded. ‘I just wish you’d forewarned me you were bringing him.’

Sam winced at the subtle reprimand. ‘Sorry.’ She waved a hand at Janet. ‘It was a last minute thing.’

Janet filled the machine with water, efficiently adding a filter and freshly ground coffee before setting it to work. She leaned back on the counter. ‘It was a good thought.’ She admitted, crossing her arms over the pale green sweater she wore. ‘He needs to get out of that office occasionally.’

Sam regarded the concern in Janet’s eyes with a frown. ‘You think he’s working too hard.’

Janet paused as though considering her words carefully. ‘I think he’s under a lot of pressure for someone who had brain surgery less than a month ago.’

Sam pulled a face; Janet had a point.

‘I know your Dad and Selmak helped to accelerate his healing so he was fit for duty sooner than normal but…’ Janet sighed, ‘I can’t help feeling that he should be taking things easy rather than having the weight of the world on him at the moment.’

‘You’re probably right.’ Sam agreed gently. She turned away from the counter to stare out at Janet’s backyard. The patch of lawn seemed vibrantly green in the sunshine. ‘But we don’t have a choice since Daniel…’ she stopped abruptly.

For a second, neither woman spoke.

‘I meant to tell you that I’d told Cassie about Daniel turning up.’ Janet said softly.

Sam shook her head, remembering how the teenager had fired question after question at her. Was he OK? Did he seem happy? Did he miss them? ‘It’s just…,’ she struggled for an accurate description, ‘hard,’ she said finally. ‘As great as it was seeing him on Abydos, we don’t know if he’s OK now.’

Janet reached over and squeezed her arm gently before moving away to check on the coffee.

Encouraged Sam shifted to look at her friend fully. ‘I just wish if he is OK that he’d show up and let one of us know.’ She grimaced and crossed her arms. ‘Not that he’d probably choose me for that.’

Janet looked at her sharply.

‘Sorry,’ Sam muttered, ‘it’s…everyone saw him but didn’t tell me.’

‘I didn’t see him either.’ Janet said, raising her hand. ‘And I’m sure the reason why the others didn’t say anything is probably a combination of uncertainty and,’ she gestured vaguely, ‘you know…’

‘Not wanting to upset me?’ Sam nodded. ‘Teal’c said as much when I asked him.’ And it made sense. She hadn’t asked the Colonel but she figured his reasons would be similar and given when she believed the Colonel had seen Daniel – during his time with Ba’al – she could understand him not wanting to talk about it.

‘It’s OK to be hurt that they kept it from you.’ Janet observed astutely. ‘I’m not thrilled myself.’

Sam flushed but nodded. But that wasn’t the only thing that hurt. It hurt more to think that Daniel had chosen to appear to the others but not to her. She sighed heavily at Janet’s sympathetic look and figured her friend had guessed at her thoughts anyway. ‘I know it’s stupid to be jealous that he showed up to be with the guys and not with me but…’

‘I understand how you feel.’ Janet said. She smiled. ‘I didn’t get a visit either, remember?’

Sam nodded, feeling more than a little foolish. ‘Like I said it’s stupid.’

‘And natural to feel left out.’ Janet countered. ‘I know I do.’ The machine beeped and Janet moved swiftly to pour out two mugs of coffee. She handed one to Sam and kept the other before she led the way back to the dining table.

Sam sat down and wrapped her hands around the mug, letting the stinging heat warm her palms. She breathed in the rich scent and took a scalding sip. She set the mug down gently on a coaster. ‘On one level, I get why he appeared to the guys: they were in trouble, alone and he was there for them. And I understand that I was never in such an extreme situation as they were.’

‘You know Cassie’s determined to believe that dream she had of Daniel telling her it wasn’t her fault about Nirrti was really him paying her a visit.’ Janet commented.

‘Maybe it was.’ Sam acknowledged.

‘So maybe,’ Janet theorised, looking at Sam over the rim of her mug, ‘maybe Daniel visited you, maybe even me, in a dream; we just don’t remember it.’

Sam grimaced. It was certainly better than thinking he hadn’t cared enough to look in on them as he had done with the others. And that was unfair to Daniel, Sam mused. Daniel cared about them all; she knew that. If anything his problem was that he cared too much; wanted to make a difference too much. She recalled what the Colonel had told him when he had debriefed them after Daniel’s Ascension; of Daniel’s unhappiness, of his belief that he could do more as an Ascended being.

Guilt bubbled up inside her again. Sam couldn’t help but feel that she hadn’t been a good friend to Daniel the year before his Ascension. She had been so caught up in her own problems and issues before the incident on Kelowna, she thought tiredly.

‘I just hope he’s OK.’ Sam murmured. ‘He broke some pretty big rules to help us.’

Janet studied the depths of her coffee intently. ‘Do you think they’ll punish him by sending him back?’

It was a thought that had occurred to Sam. Part of her wanted Daniel back – a selfish part that simply wanted her friend back in her life. Part of her knew Daniel had Ascended for a reason and didn’t want him back if it wasn’t what he wanted.

‘Sam?’ prompted Janet with a laugh.

Sam looked over at her ruefully and shrugged. ‘I don’t know, Janet. If he comes back…’ she gave a sad smile, ‘I’d rather he came back because it’s what he wants, not because he’s being punished.’

Janet nodded. ‘Me too.’

Sam was relieved as Janet changed the subject and they began to discuss the latest about the device SG8 had found on P9Y745 which Sam had discovered was some kind of medical scanning device similar to a MRI but pocket-sized.

But as Janet enthusiastically recalled the latest experiments, Sam’s mind wandered back to Daniel.

Was he OK? He had seemed so angry with everything when he had told them to give Anubis the Eye; so determined to save Abydos. All the revelations about the Ancients being Ascended; about Anubis being partially Ascended…there had been disappointment in his tone.

Maybe Daniel would want to come back, Sam thought; her hope rising in a way that it hadn’t done for a very long time. Maybe knowing the truth would make him decide differently…

‘Sam?’ Janet waved a hand in front of her face and Sam jerked back into the present.

‘Sorry.’ Sam smiled apologetically and her mind searched for the last thing she remembered Janet saying. ‘So they think they might not be able to replicate the power source?’

Janet looked at her knowingly but she continued to talk. Sam took a sip of her coffee and continued to think about Daniel.

o-O-o

Daniel stood in front of Sha’re’s grave. Oma stood some distance away, waiting patiently. He stooped and gently rested a hand in the sand, his heart and mind full of memories. He blinked hard against the tears that sprang up, shivered despite the warm air.

Sha’re’s death had hit him harder than he had ever wanted to admit, Daniel realised. Losing her; losing his search for her had left him untethered and drifting. He’d been looking for somewhere to belong; a new mission. He’d gone looking in the wrong place; travelled such a long way to find that his destination was where he had begun: SG1. What had Oma said to him once? That if he immediately knew the candlelight was fire the meal was cooked long ago? Well, maybe he’d just worked it out.

Of course there was the snag that he was going to lose that knowledge when he went back to his human form. And he would lose the memory of saying goodbye to Sha’re one last time. It was important. Too important; he hoped he could hold onto it.

‘I love you.’ Daniel whispered in Abydonian. ‘I always will.’

There was a faint breeze that caressed his cheek and he closed his eyes briefly, wondering if he could scent the perfume Sha’re had worn; the brush of her fingers against his skin.

He opened his eyes again. ‘Goodbye, Sha’re.’

Daniel straightened and looked over to where Oma stood. She was clothed in white robes similar to the ones he had assumed when they had appeared on Abydos. As though his mind had conjured them up, Skaara and Shifu shimmied into being beside his Ascended mentor.

Daniel walked over and came to a halt in front of them.

‘You have discovered your destination, Father.’ Shifu said approvingly. His young eyes gleamed with a wisdom beyond his age. Daniel wondered if the young boy had always known where Daniel would end up.

‘I have.’ Daniel said softly.

Skaara nodded unhappily. ‘We cannot convince you to stay, my brother?’

‘Abydos will always mean more to me than you can know,’ Daniel said passionately, ‘but I can’t stay here knowing that SG1 is facing danger because of what I told them to do; because of Anubis.’

He felt Oma’s flinch rather than saw it but he ignored it.

‘I need to be where I can make a difference.’ Daniel finished.

Skaara nodded again.

Shifu moved first and Daniel wrapped the small boy in a fierce hug. He would miss Sha’re’s son; the son they might have had together if Sha’re hadn’t been taken by Apophis.

‘I will miss you, Father.’ Shifu’s voice was thick with tears and Daniel felt his own emotions tighten his chest; clog up his throat.

‘I will miss you too.’ Daniel said solemnly.

Shifu moved away and Oma rested a hand on his young shoulder comfortingly. Skaara moved forward and Daniel found himself in another hard embrace.

Skaara moved back before he spoke. ‘When you want to come home, our Stargate will work for you, Daniel.’

Daniel could only nod; too choked up at the gesture to speak. He knew it would be a one way trip if he did; just as much a suicide mission as Jack’s that first time.

Skaara reached out and clasped his shoulder. ‘Sha’re…’ his voice shook and he took a breath, ‘My sister would have been proud of you, Daniel.’

Daniel watched as Skaara stood back and held out a hand to Shifu. The young boy took it eagerly, looking up at his uncle with a hero-worship that reminded Daniel of the way Skaara had once looked at Jack O’Neill. They transformed in front of his eyes and disappeared.

Oma stepped forward to stand beside him. ‘They love you very much.’

‘I love them.’ Daniel said sadly. He realised it was unlikely that he would ever see them again. Maybe Abydos would be his last journey through the Stargate one day, Daniel considered tiredly; maybe.

‘You can still change your mind.’ Oma said softly. ‘If you want to stay…’

‘No.’ Daniel said firmly. ‘I’m ready.’

Oma’s dark eyes filled with sadness. ‘We’ve disappointed you.’ Her mouth twisted. ‘I’ve disappointed you.’

Daniel shook his head. ‘You saved my life.’ He took hold of her hand. ‘And I’ll always be grateful for the opportunity you gave me.’

‘I created Anubis.’

‘No,’ Daniel corrected, ‘you tried to do a good thing and you made a mistake.’ He smiled wryly. ‘I’ve made plenty myself.’

‘If I could erase what I did, I would.’ Oma said sincerely. For a second, she looked lost as though she wished she could stop him but didn’t know how.

Daniel squeezed her hand. ‘Maybe you won’t have to.’ SG1 would find a way to defeat Anubis, Daniel thought determined.

Oma’s fingers tightened around his. ‘Are you ready?’

‘Yes.’ He grimaced. ‘I can’t say I’m looking forward to losing my memories.’

‘I will do what I can; hold onto those you most wish to remember.’ Oma promised. Her dark eyes held his. ‘I will ensure that you are safe, Daniel. That which you wish to remember will come back to you in time.’

Daniel nodded. His nose wrinkled. ‘So how do we do, uh, this?’

Oma smiled. ‘Give me your other hand.’

He placed his free hand over their clasped hands. She did the same.

‘Close your eyes.’ Oma instructed.

Daniel smiled at her; a last goodbye before he followed her order. His eyes shut out the bright Abydonian suns; the golden sand.

Hold onto me, Oma said in his head. I will keep you safe.

Thoughts and memories whirled in his head. Anubis, Daniel thought panicked; he had to remember Anubis: Jim! He had to remember that name. And Bra’tac and Rya’c – he had to remember they were in trouble – had to remember that! And Sha’re…always Sha’re…

He could feel his body start to form; it was fire, burning hot and bright around him as bone and muscle and sinew formed.

He tried to cry out but couldn’t; his voice frozen in his throat.

Senses fired up, nerves alight and overloaded with feeling…he panted through the pain and agony of rebirth.

Everything was bright; too bright and just when he could not stand it any longer…

Darkness.

Slowly, consciousness filtered through the fog. He could hear his heart beating; his breaths punctuating the silence raggedly; air filling his lungs.

There was ground beneath his naked body. Every nerve tingled; every sense was overwhelmed. Smell of dirt and grass in his nostrils; he could taste iron blood in his mouth. He was cold, so cold; he was shivering violently. He couldn’t see past the blur in his eyes…and in his head, a void.

He couldn’t remember…there was something he needed to remember…

But there was nothing.

Not even a name…

fin.