Storytime with Rachel F Hundred

It was crazy.

She loved Jack O’Neill, Samantha Carter thought wildly, almost panicking. She loved him, and it wasn’t the love of a team-mate, or a close friend but the scary, butterflies-in-the-pit-of-stomach in-love love of a woman for a man; the crazy type of love…

Crazy because he was still a superior officer.

Crazy because they were off-world on Edora in the middle of a rescue mission to bring the Colonel home almost four months after a meteor had buried the Edoran Stargate.

Crazy because the way he was holding hands with Laira; the way they stood together, signalled in some subtle manner that his relationship with the Edoran woman had progressed beyond mere friendship in the time he had been stuck on the planet.

Crazy.

But true.

She loved him.

The thought zig-zagged like a lightening bolt through Sam’s stunned mind as she breathlessly turned away from the sight of Jack saying goodbye to Laira. Sam tried to focus on whatever her team-mate Daniel Jackson was babbling about – something to do with the returning refugees and the future treaty – as the realisation careened around her head.

Breathe, she instructed herself harshly; just breathe.

She couldn’t be in love with Jack, Sam thought desperately; she couldn’t. She had a crush; he was an attractive man – a very attractive man. Smart although he didn’t like to let people know how smart. And funny; he always made her smile – she’d missed that during the longs months he’d been gone. She’d missed him with all his quirks and foibles; his grumpiness and quick remarks, the way he’d drop by her lab and distract her. Her heart ached; a physical pain that tightened her chest and tied her stomach into knots. God, she’d missed him.

She nodded absently at Daniel, her blue gaze on the earnest archaeologist while her attention remained rooted to the Colonel. A brief glance brought a flush to her cheeks. He was hugging Laira; one of the patented Jack O’Neill hugs Sam herself loved where he’d hold on tightly and she’d feel so…loved. Like the one he’d given her when she’d first arrived on Edora once the engineering team got the Stargate stable.

She shook her head a little. It was none of her business if Jack and Laira had become – she shied away from using the word ‘lovers’ – closer. That was a good word. He’d been alone and she knew she should be glad he’d had someone to help him through the experience; that he had found a little happiness in his situation.

Jealousy churned sickly in Sam’s stomach.

She had missed Jack but evidently, he hadn’t missed her – at least, not that way. Tears unexpectedly pricked the back of her eyes as Jack walked over to rejoin them and she ducked her head, hiding her reaction from him. She had her emotions under control enough to acquiesce with a nod to his quiet suggestion it was time to leave and began walking like an automaton behind him and Teal’c. Daniel filled the silence with chatter about the plans to help Edora rebuild as they made their way back down the path toward the Stargate, through the devastation left by the burning meteors that had scorched the ground around them.

She worked so hard to bring Jack home, Sam mused tiredly. She’d felt so guilty about leaving him behind. No-one got left behind. It was a promise they had made as a team and they had broken it. They’d had no choice; hadn’t wanted to break it; had hated doing it; had waited until the last possible moment but the outcome had been the same. They’d left him. Left him with nothing but the desolation of the grey rocks in front of her…no wonder he had turned to Laira, she thought bitterly.

The engineering team they had left by the gate were hard at work, reinforcing the structure in its resumed upright position. Captain Calloway approached them to report and Sam forced herself to listen as he explained they were still securing the Stargate. Calloway launched into a detailed description and Jack glanced over at her. She read his plea for help and the repressed impatience to get going in his brown eyes and suddenly it was as though the past months hadn’t happened and she was back to being a Major under his command; his team-mate; his friend.

Sam cleared her throat. ‘Captain Calloway, perhaps we can discuss the best method to move the Stargate to a better location another time.’ She wondered at her ability to speak; to form a coherent sentence.

Calloway halted with a chagrined smile. ‘Sorry, ma’am; sir.’ He looked apologetically at Jack. ‘You’re probably anxious to get home.’

‘No problem, Captain.’ Jack smiled and patted the young man’s arm. ‘I’m sure you’re doing a wonderful job.’

Calloway moved off and Jack gave Sam a grateful smile. She felt a rush of pleasure and couldn’t help smiling back.

‘Why don’t you dial us home, Carter?’ Jack prompted.

‘Yes, sir.’ Sam walked over to the newly uncovered DHD; started to press the symbols. So. It wasn’t a crush; she loved him. Maybe deep down she’d known that, she considered, her heart beat beginning to slow as she adjusted to the idea. Maybe she’d just tried telling herself differently because she wasn’t supposed to love him. He was her CO and would be again when General Hammond reinstated him to SG1…she couldn’t love him; she wasn’t allowed. There were regulations…oh God, the regs!

She would have to leave SG1…transfer to another team…she couldn’t stay on the same team, report to him if she loved him. It was against the rules. Her heartbeat sped up again with her rising panic. What the hell was she going to do? The wormhole blossomed in front of her and she stood staring unseeingly at the blue circle, frozen at the idea that her time on SG1 was over.

‘Major Carter?’

Teal’c’s anxious voice finally broke through her preoccupation and she looked over at him. ‘Hmmm?’

‘Colonel O’Neill has gone through.’ He informed her.

Daniel packed away his GDO. ‘Are you alright?’ His blue eyes scanned her worriedly.

She gave a weak smile. ‘Just tired.’

‘Well, that’s not surprising.’ Daniel remarked as he walked with her and Teal’c to the Stargate. ‘You’ve barely had any sleep during the last few months.’

‘I needed to finish the particle beam generator.’ Sam responded automatically. She’d had to work night and day to fully understand the physics, to design the machine and make the advanced technology work. Her only thought was to bring him home. She barely acknowledged the wonder of her own achievement; at succeeding at something that the rest of Earth’s scientists still considered impossible. She stepped hurriedly into the blue puddle with her team-mates and through onto the ramp in the SGC.

Sam was oblivious to the wormhole winking out of existence and the slide of the iris over the mouth of the Stargate. Her eyes were transfixed on the Colonel laughing and smiling as General Hammond welcomed him back. She had done it, Sam thought, contentment and satisfaction stealing through her; Jack O’Neill was safe and he was home.

And she loved him.

o-O-o

‘It’s good to have you back, Colonel.’ General Hammond beamed at Jack and his pale blue eyes twinkled with genuine happiness at the younger man’s safe return. ‘You were missed, son.’

‘Thank you, sir,’ Jack said lightly, ‘and may I say there’s no place like home.’ He looked around the familiar gate room and shook his silver head in disbelief. He could hardly believe he was back on Earth after the past few months on Edora. It seemed surreal.

Hammond’s attention shifted to the rest of SG1 and landed on Sam. ‘Everything alright, Major?’

Jack turned to look at the young blonde Air Force officer and belatedly acknowledged that she had probably been officially in charge of the rescue mission; he felt a wave of pride.

‘Everything’s fine, General.’ Sam replied. ‘The engineering team are continuing to make the Stargate safe.’

Hammond nodded and Jack gave a smile as the General’s attention returned to him. ‘I guess you thought you were stuck there.’

Jack tilted his head. ‘The thought had crossed my mind, General.’ He admitted. More than once, he mused, and lately, it had been his only thought as hope of an early rescue had faded and then disappeared.

‘Well, we had a couple of options. The Tollan would have been able to rescue you in about a year, the Tok’ra a little sooner, but we weren’t prepared to wait that long.’ Hammond nodded at the rest of SG1 who were standing behind the Colonel. ‘Your team in particular.’

Jack slapped Teal’c on the back of the neck fondly.

The Jaffa gazed back at him with equal affection.

‘I know I owe Teal’c a great deal, sir.’ Jack noted, his hand moving to rest on his friend’s shoulder.

Teal’c frowned a little. ‘As I mentioned, O’Neill, I would not have been able to dig through to you if Major Carter had not successfully created the particle beam generator.’

Jack looked over at the Major; he remembered Teal’c telling him about something Sam had built to melt the hardened barrier that had formed over the Edoran Stargate but internally acknowledged he hadn’t been paying much attention – he’d just been so relieved to see the big guy.

He vaguely remembered Sam had spoken about it herself before he had noticed that Laira was stood alone waiting for him. He flushed as he suddenly realised he had rudely walked away from Sam while she had still been speaking. He cleared his throat. ‘A…partition beam what?’ He teased her softly, hoping she’d hear the apology buried in the words.

‘A particle beam generator, sir.’ Sam replied briskly.

Daniel motioned, capturing his attention when Jack looked at her blankly. ‘You remember the thing that Sokar used to melt the iris?’

‘Right.’ Jack gazed back at her. He seemed to remember her saying after the whole Sokar incident that building one was a long way off. He was impressed anew at her genius. ‘You built one, huh?’

‘Well, me and a whole team of people, sir.’ Sam replied evenly, downplaying her own efforts.

He rocked back on his heels as he grinned at her. ‘Cool.’

‘Well, you should all report to the infirmary. When you’re done there, Jack, report to my office. I’m sure your debriefing will be fascinating.’ Hammond nodded at the team as he dismissed them.

Jack gave a small salute as he acknowledged the privacy Hammond was offering him by requesting he report alone. He was grateful for it; he wasn’t sure he wanted to go through the intimate details of his time on Edora with his whole team. His eyes landed on Sam again as he followed the rest of the team out of the gate room and to the infirmary.

She was as beautiful as ever, he mused resignedly, disturbed to realise that his time on Edora hadn’t altered his attraction to her despite his relationship with Laira. He had hoped in some small way that what had happened between him and Laira would have dulled the edges of it. He had been unable to hide his delight and relief at seeing Sam step through the wormhole; her bright blue eyes and her wide smile had sent him across the clearing in two big strides to hug the hell out of her. He’d missed her so much. He had only stepped away when Daniel had coughed discreetly, drawing Jack’s attention. He’d reluctantly let go of Sam and grabbed the archaeologist in a similar hug to the one he had given Sam although in a more manly, brotherly way.

He’d missed them all, Jack considered as he gazed at them fondly as they entered the elevator together. His eyes strayed back to Sam. He’d been so wrapped up in the sheer joy of being with his team again that he had completely forgotten about Laira as they had set about ushering the Edorans back to the village. His gaze dropped to the floor in remembered guilt. Standing next to Sam, as she had talked animatedly about how they had rescued him – an explanation he freely admitted he hadn’t listened to; he had just enjoyed the sound of her voice technobabbling at him again – he had been happy. Happy to be with her and the guys again; happy to be going home. He’d suddenly had the strangest sensation of being watched and when he’d looked past Sam across the clearing, he’d seen Laira looking back at him; waiting.

He shook himself as the elevator deposited them on the infirmary floor. Guilt had been the reason why he had walked away from Sam without a word of explanation, pure and simple. He cared about Laira enough to try and pretend a regret he didn’t quite truly feel at leaving; to try and keep the commitment he had tentatively made in accepting the physical relationship she had offered the night before, something they had been gradually growing towards in the previous weeks and months. He hadn’t intended it to be one night; had known she had expected a more formal bonding to follow, and in the belief he would be stuck on Edora for years before a rescue, if not for the rest of his life, he had counted himself lucky to find someone he cared about and who cared for him, who he could live out his days with comfortably.

Laira was a good woman and he definitely hadn’t intended to hurt her – she had done so much for him. But he had been relieved when she had declined his offer to return with him with a knowing look and he had admired her grace in accepting their relationship was over. He was pleased they had parted on good terms, although he guessed things would probably be a little awkward when he returned for the treaty. He gave a sigh of chagrin. In some ways perhaps it was better they had only been together together one night.

His brown eyes alighted on the small figure of Janet Fraiser and he shrugged off thoughts of Edora. ‘Doc!’ He greeted her with a huge smile.

‘Colonel.’ Janet smiled back at him and she touched his arm gently. ‘It’s good to see you again, sir.’

Jack was a little surprised when her dark eyes moved from him to Sam. He followed her gaze. Sam seemed fine to him; a little pale, a little tired but nothing to engender the concerned look in Janet’s eyes or the way Teal’c and Daniel were hovering close by the tall blonde. They’d done the same on Edora, he realised belatedly. Neither Daniel nor Teal’c had moved from Sam since she had walked through the Stargate onto Edora. He frowned.

‘If you’d like to follow me, Colonel, I’ll take you through for your tests.’ Janet said, patting his arm and regaining his attention. ‘We need to do a full work-up given your prolonged absence.’

‘Lucky me.’ He quipped. He glanced back at his team, unwilling to leave them.

‘We’ll see you after, Jack.’ Daniel reassured him quickly.

‘OK.’ Jack said slowly, ignoring the sudden feeling of being excluded as he accompanied Janet out of the infirmary room. He suffered through the MRI scan, the battery of physical tests and shots before she started on the more intimate examination.

‘Any recent sexual activity?’ Janet asked briskly.

Jack found himself blushing and he was suddenly grateful he was out of the communal area and in a private room with the doctor. ‘Ah…that would be yes.’

Janet looked up briefly from the clipboard before she made a small notation. ‘Did you use any protection?’

‘And that would be a no.’ Jack admitted shamefaced. He opened his mouth to explain Laira’s request for a baby and shut it again. ‘I…it…I was with someone I trusted.’ He said eventually. He gestured at her. ‘I was fairly sure she wasn’t infected with nanites.’ He quipped.

‘Well, the blood work will reveal any STD or anomaly.’ Janet said crisply and he was suddenly grateful for her professionalism. ‘Was there any form of birth control, do you know?’

‘I don’t think so.’ Jack sighed and rubbed a hand over his face as though it was possible to wipe away the embarrassment.

Janet nodded in understanding. ‘I assume the relationship was serious?’

‘It could have been.’ Jack said quietly. ‘If I’d stayed.’ He looked down at the floor.

‘You should mention the possibility to General Hammond, sir.’ Janet advised. ‘If there are any…consequences later, it will make it easier to…’ she hesitated, ‘it will make it easier.’ She finished awkwardly.

Jack nodded. He was so looking forward to that conversation, he mused wryly. ‘We all done here, Doc?’ He asked.

‘Not quite.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I’d like you to attend a session with Doctor Mackenzie.’

Jack sighed in resigned exasperation. ‘Is that really necessary?’

‘Colonel, you’ve spent over three months away from the SGC and I’m sure the initial experience of finding yourself cut off from everything familiar on another planet with what must have seemed like little hope of rescue was traumatic.’ Janet pointed out. ‘I’m also equally sure that you will have some adjusting to do now you’re home. Doctor Mackenzie can help you come to terms with the situation.’

‘I’ll be fine.’ Jack insisted.

He could see the urge to argue flit in and out of her eyes. Janet clicked the pen off and stuffed it into her pocket. ‘OK but if…’

‘I know where you are, Doc.’

She wrapped her arms around her clipboard. ‘As far as your physical condition goes, I have to say you’re in excellent health; a little under-nourished probably due to the lack of variation in your diet but I’m sure a few good meals will sort that out. Otherwise, you’re free to go.’

Jack slipped off the bed. ‘Great.’ He picked up his Edoran jacket. ‘I guess I should change.’

‘And shower.’ Janet suggested with a teasing smile.

‘Right.’ Jack hesitated.

‘Was there something else, Colonel?’ Janet asked, slipping straight back into her medical mode as she registered the serious glint in his brown eyes.

‘I, uh,’ Jack gestured with his jacket, ‘I noticed you were concerned about Carter before. What’s going on?’

Janet’s face smoothed into an expressionless mask. ‘I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t discuss Major Carter’s medical situation with you.’

‘Why not?’ Jack demanded. ‘I’m her CO, for crying out loud!’

‘Sir, you know that I’m not obliged to share medical information if I don’t think it’s pertinent and actually, until General Hammond officially reinstates you, you’re not her CO.’ Janet gently pointed out. ‘I can’t tell you.’ She held up a hand when he made to argue. ‘I’m sure Doctor Jackson will fill you in on what happened while you were away.’

He took her hint. She couldn’t tell him but Daniel would. He nodded. ‘Thanks, Doc.’

She nodded. ‘And Colonel?’

He turned as he made to leave.

‘It really is good to have you back.’ Janet said softly. ‘Cassie’s thrilled you’re home.’

‘Me too.’ Jack smiled and spun on his heel. His progress through the SGC was quick but he noticed the changes both minor and major; the signs had changed in a couple of places; some of the walls had been repainted; the personnel in the halls were sometimes unfamiliar, sometimes not. He garnered a few looks in his hard-wearing Edoran clothes which he ignored.

He opened the door to the locker room and stared at the newly rearranged space. He made his way in slowly. More changes. The lockers had shifted; the shower tiles replaced. The mirrors gleamed brightly.

‘Hey.’

He spotted Daniel at the far side; the younger man was showered and dressed in a fresh blue BDU. The archaeologist was leaning against a locker.

Jack spread his arms wide. ‘What happened?’

‘They redecorated.’ Daniel held up a key. ‘Thought you might need this.’

Jack smiled ruefully realising his locker key was back on Edora in the vest he’d agreed for Laira to throw away. ‘Thanks.’ He took it and opened his locker with a shake of his head at the undisturbed contents. ‘I thought they might have given this to someone else.’ He spoke aloud without thinking.

‘We always knew you were coming back.’ Daniel said gently.

Jack tried to ignore the lump in his throat. He frowned as he registered the names on the lockers next to him and froze as he realised one was missing. ‘Where’s Carter’s?’ He asked, trying to keep his voice casual.

‘They built a women’s locker room.’ Daniel said matter-of-factly. ‘Down the corridor.’

‘Right.’ Jack remembered seeing the plans just before their trip to Edora. He began to strip. ‘Can you stay?’ He asked, noticing Daniel’s step towards the door.

‘Sure.’ Daniel said, nodding. He sat down on the bench. ‘I’ll wait here.’

Jack gave him a grateful smile and darted over to the showers in his worn boxers. He stripped his underwear and stepped under the warm spray of water. He sighed in satisfaction.

Showers.

He’d so missed showers. He ducked his head and reached for the shampoo, rubbing it through his hair furiously. He’d even missed shampoo, he realised with amusement. The Edorans used a soap mixture which was OK, did the job but…he’d missed his shampoo.

He took his time washing only belatedly remembering that he’d left Daniel waiting for him by the lockers. He turned the water off and reached for towels securing one around his waist before rubbing his face with another as he headed out of the showers.

‘Sorry.’ He apologised quickly. ‘It’s just…’

‘No showers on Edora.’ Daniel smiled shyly, getting to his feet and moving away from the bench to give Jack some space to change. ‘I remember.’

‘Yeah.’ Jack figured Daniel probably remembered every aspect of the Edoran culture from their brief mission before the ‘fire-rain’. He pulled on a pair of boxers and happy he was decent started to dress in a blue BDU. Maybe dressing in the same colour as his team would help him merge back in. He shivered unexpectedly as he tugged on the pants; they were a little loose. It seemed strange to be wearing a uniform again. He glanced back at Daniel. ‘So.’ He grabbed a black t-shirt and hurriedly shoved it on. ‘What’s going on with Carter?’

Daniel blinked at him and folded his arms around his torso. ‘I’m not…’

‘Daniel.’ Jack stopped him mid-sentence. ‘You and Teal’c never left her side on Edora; Fraiser looked as though she wanted to confine her to the infirmary when we got back.’ He stopped dressing and gestured at his friend. ‘What’s going on?’ He could see the internal debate playing out in the archaeologist’s blue eyes and tried to wait patiently.

Daniel pushed his glasses up finally. ‘It’s a long story.’

‘I have time.’ Jack said.

‘Aren’t you supposed to report to Hammond?’ Daniel pointed out.

Jack sighed; Daniel was right. ‘After?’

‘After.’ Daniel promised.

‘Will you tell me one thing?’ Jack asked as he shoved his feet into combat boots and tied up the laces.

Daniel’s expression softened imperceptibly. ‘She’s fine, Jack.’

Jack nodded gratefully. He stood up and gestured at the door. ‘Well, I’d guess I’d better…’

‘I’m going to join the others in the mess for some dinner and then I’ll probably be in my office.’ Daniel said quickly. ‘When you’re ready…’

‘I’ll come find you.’ Jack said.

They parted outside the locker room and Jack made his way to the General’s office slowly. The shower had revived him a little but he was beginning to feel the events of the long day; he was tired. He rapped sharply on the office door and entered at Hammond’s drawled summons. He was pleased when the older man waved him immediately into a seat.

Hammond settled back in his own comfortable leather chair. ‘So, what happened?’ He folded his hands over his paunchy stomach and looked at Jack expectantly.

Jack cleared his throat and wondered where to begin; some of his indecision must have shown because Hammond smiled sympathetically.

‘Begin at the beginning.’ He suggested.

‘The beginning, huh?’ Jack sighed. ‘Well, as you know, sir, we headed to Edora on a standard recon and mineral survey; met the locals…’ they’d met Laira and her son, he remembered. He brutally pushed the memory away. ‘Upon realising the soil was rich with naquadah, we called home and you kindly gave us permission to stay, make friends, get a trade agreement; the usual.’

Hammond smiled at Jack’s light-hearted recounting.

‘Laira,’ Jack wet his lips, ‘one of the village councillors, had mentioned that there was a yearly event beginning that night; fire-rain in the night sky. Carter wanted to see it,’ so had he; his love of astronomy prompting him into a spontaneous invitation to Sam which he’d quickly expanded to the whole team, ‘and I OK’d the team watching; Laira offered to join us and show us a good location.’

‘Which is when you discovered the problem.’ Hammond noted, inclining his balding head a little.

‘Pretty much.’ Jack admitted. He waved at the General. ‘We witnessed what Carter called a near-miss. She was concerned and so was I. She stayed on to make observations and in the morning I gave her permission to return to base so she could run everything through the base computer. Daniel went to check the geological survey in some caves. Both of them realised the planet was facing an imminent bombardment by meteors from an asteroid belt and we saw the first start to hit the atmosphere later that day.’

‘Which is why we offered to evacuate the villagers through the Stargate.’

Jack sighed heavily. ‘Some of the villagers weren’t receptive but the bombardment was bad and getting worse. I ordered the evacuation to start.’ He paused. ‘Laira realised that her son, Garan, was missing and we worked out he had probably gone to the caves. I ordered the rest of my team to the gate to assist with the evac while I accompanied Laira to recover her son; she had been good to us while we were there.’

He shifted in his chair, the memory flooding back to him; the adrenaline of the race to the caves, the zinging heat of the meteors through the air, the fires beginning to rage. Laira’s panic about her son so reminiscent of his own when he’d heard the fateful gunshot that had killed his son…a parent’s instinctive fear when their child was in danger.

‘Jack.’

Jack’s head snapped up and he registered from Hammond’s concern that he must have been zoned out for several moments. ‘Sorry.’ He rubbed a hand over his face.

‘Just take your time, son.’ Hammond said gently, leaning forward across his desk.

‘We reached the caves and found Garan there with another young villager.’ Jack recounted. ‘The meteors were coming in hot.’ He shook his head. ‘I tried to reach Carter and Teal’c on the radio but they didn’t respond, couldn’t, I guess.’

‘Major Carter noted in her report that she tried to contact you several times but without success.’ Hammond commented.

Jack nodded grimly. ‘I determined it was safer for us all to stay in the caves than risk trying to get back to the gate.’ It had been the right decision; it had kept them alive, he reminded himself. ‘When we headed back to the village about eighty per cent of it was destroyed. The remaining villagers were gathered into what was still standing.’ He shifted again, his eyes darkening. ‘That’s when we learned that the Stargate had been damaged. I made my way to the site; saw it was an impact zone. I figured it had been buried.’

Hammond got up and poured Jack a glass of water from the jug on a side table. He handed it to the Colonel. ‘That must have been a shock.’

‘I just hoped my team had made it out of there before it had happened.’ Jack took a sip of water, remembering the fear that had clutched at him.

‘They almost didn’t.’ Hammond informed him, knowing he would want the truth. ‘Both Major Carter and Teal’c waited until the last possible second to return. We almost lost the wormhole before they came through.’

Jack assimilated the news without surprise. He would have done the same for them. He gestured with his water. ‘I went back to the village and Laira spoke up for me. Some of them were convinced that I was responsible for the rest of the village effectively being lost to them.’

‘It must have been difficult.’

Jack shrugged. ‘It was clear I wasn’t wanted but Laira…she insisted that I be treated with respect and they listened to her.’

‘Sounds like she was a good ally.’ Hammond murmured.

‘She was.’ Jack gave a rueful smile. ‘Although I think she and Garan mostly felt guilty back then.’

‘They felt responsible for getting you stranded with them.’ Hammond realised.

Jack nodded again. ‘But they gave me a roof to stay under; food.’ He took another gulp of water. ‘Laira made it clear that I was expected to work for it though; the village needed to rebuild before the harvest.’

‘So you…’

‘Worked in the fields during the day; tried to dig the Stargate out in the evening until I lost the light.’ Jack reported matter-of-factly. ‘I knew if the gate was just buried then if I could reach it and the DHD…’ his voice trailed away. ‘I continued to dig every day for two weeks without progress.’ He stared at the wall trying to avoid Hammond’s compassionate gaze. ‘I didn’t even know if I was digging in the right place.’

He drained his glass suddenly and looked down into the crystal tumbler. ‘Two weeks and one day after I began digging, I uncovered a body.’

Hammond kept quiet and Jack was grateful.

‘It was a family. Husband, wife; two young kids.’ Jack shook his head. ‘We unburied them from the site…gave them a proper burial.’ He tapped the glass. He looked up reluctantly but met Hammond’s pale blue eyes determinedly. ‘That was when I really wondered whether my team made it home.’

He didn’t mention that he had gone back the next day and been unable to dig; scared to the bone that he would put a pick-axe into the ground and find his own family; his team.

‘Understandable, Colonel.’ Hammond said softly.

Jack moved and placed the glass on Hammond’s desk. He’d gone to the river instead; Laira had found him there and tried to comfort him. A part of him had wanted what she had told him he must do; to accept his situation and move on. But he hadn’t been ready.

‘I did go back to the Stargate a couple of days later, started digging again.’ Jack remembered out loud. He’d forced himself to return; pushed past his fear his team were lying in the ground and continued to dig.

‘When did you stop?’ Hammond asked gently.

‘About a month and a half ago.’ Jack replied. He gave a grimace. ‘It wasn’t really a decision.’ He rubbed his arm absently as he recalled the time in question. ‘The villagers were working the fields and rebuilding the houses during the daylight hours. Laira asked me to help out finishing one of the buildings and I didn’t see how I could refuse.’ He raised a hand in a vague gesture. ‘We’d become good friends and when all was said and done she was still putting a roof over my head.’

‘So you stopped digging to help the villagers rebuild their houses?’ Hammond clarified.

‘At first.’ Jack agreed.

‘And later?’ prompted Hammond.

Jack sighed deeply. ‘I suddenly realised I’d been digging for two months and…’ he gestured, ‘nothing. No gate.’

‘Nobody helped you?’ Hammond frowned, his rotund face beaming with bemusement.

‘Garan occasionally.’ Jack said. ‘Some of the other youngsters would sometimes come sometimes. When I finished one of the villager’s houses, he came and worked the same amount of time out in the site with me.’

‘Repayment.’ Hammond realised.

‘Yeah.’ Jack shrugged. ‘Some of the villagers believed the gate had been completely destroyed and I guess I began to wonder if they weren’t right.’ He looked down at the floor. ‘And I figured if the gate was intact, it was going to take me a lifetime to dig it out on my own.’

He looked up at Hammond again before continuing. ‘There were other houses needing to be built; crops to tend; basics to provide for the community; stuff I knew I could help them with if I wasn’t digging.’ Jack fidgeted, uncomfortable. ‘Like I said, I don’t really recall making an actual decision to stop…I think it was more a realisation that it wasn’t going anywhere. I started to help the village out more and eventually, I wasn’t digging; there just wasn’t any time.’

‘So you accepted you were stuck.’ Hammond leaned back.

‘For what I thought was the foreseeable future.’ Jack smiled wryly. ‘I did wonder if you’d asked for any assistance from the Tok’ra but I didn’t think anyone would really come all the way out to a remote spot in the galaxy to pick up one missing Colonel so…’ he shrugged again. ‘I figured I wasn’t coming home any time soon.’

‘Your team was determined to get you home.’ Hammond smiled back at him. ‘If it hadn’t been for their efforts, things may well have played out as you thought.’

Jack changed positions, leaning forward slightly. ‘Uh, General?’

Hammond gestured at him to continue.

Jack rubbed his hands together nervously. ‘Off the record, the woman I was telling you about, Laira? Well, she and I, uh, we…’ he waved a hand at the older man. ‘You know.’

Hammond’s thin eyebrows shot upwards. ‘Oh.’

‘Like I said,’ Jack said hurriedly, ‘I thought I was there for the foreseeable future and she…we…’ he motioned vaguely in the air with his right hand, ‘we’d become close friends.’

‘Evidently.’ Hammond noted.

His lips twitched as though in amusement and Jack looked at him sharply.

‘My apologies, son.’ Hammond said. ‘You were saying?’

‘Recently – very recently – we, uh,’ he made another vague gesture and kept his eyes pinned to the statue on the desk, ‘and there may be, might be,’ he winced, ‘the smallest possibility that she, uh, could be,’ he sighed, ‘pregnant.’ He paused. ‘Sir.’ He added on as an afterthought.

There was silence.

Jack risked looking at his CO to see him gazing kindly back at him.

‘I’m not sure what to say here, Jack.’ Hammond admitted. ‘You’re slightly too old for the lecture about safe sex.’

He felt his cheeks heat. ‘Yes, sir.’

‘And in your situation…without hope of returning home within a reasonable timeframe,’ Hammond sighed, ‘it’s understandable that you allowed your relationship with Laira to progress in the manner it did. It sounds as though she was invaluable friend to you above all else.’

‘Yes, she was.’ Jack said quietly. ‘Sir, if she is pregnant…’

‘Let’s cross that bridge if we come to it, Colonel.’ Hammond suggested compassionately. ‘I’m sure we could work something out.’

‘Sir, if we could keep this between ourselves?’ Jack asked hopefully.

‘I don’t see why your personal relationship with this woman needs to be mentioned in the report.’ Hammond agreed.

‘Thank you, sir.’ Jack said gratefully.

Hammond nodded. ‘You must be tired.’ He gestured at him. ‘Is there anything else you’d like to mention?’

‘No, sir.’ Jack said hurriedly.

‘Then, you’re dismissed.’ Hammond smiled at Jack broadly. ‘I’ll complete the paperwork to reinstate you.’

‘Yes, sir.’ Jack made his goodbyes and swiftly exited the office. He pressed the call button for the elevator and rubbed his head tiredly. A yawn caught him by surprise. He was exhausted. He shook himself. Daniel, first and then he’d find some temporary quarters and sleep. Now Hammond knew what had happened to him, Jack needed to find out what had happened with his own team.

o-O-o

Sam pushed the potato from one side of her plate to the other without conscious thought before she sneaked another anxious glance at the clock on the commissary wall.

‘Is there something wrong with your food, Major Carter?’ Teal’c’s low voice rumbled across the table and startled Sam out of her introspection.

She looked over at him apologetically. ‘No.’ She set her knife and fork down and pushed the still full plate of chicken and vegetables away. ‘I guess I’m just not hungry.’ She missed the concerned look Teal’c exchanged with Daniel.

‘You have to eat, Sam.’ Daniel gently admonished. He took a sip of coffee and gestured with the mug. ‘You know Jack could be hours yet.’

She nodded, realising Daniel was right. The Colonel was probably going to be tied up reporting to the General for a long while. Sam sighed. She had to get a grip. On one hand, she didn’t really want to see Jack; she didn’t know if she could bear hearing about his time on Edora and his relationship with Laira. On the other hand, she felt like a nervous high school teenager waiting for her prom date to turn up, and that was so wrong on so many levels she didn’t even know where to start with it, especially as he didn’t return the sentiment.

Sam got up suddenly, surprising the guys who looked at her with openly startled expressions – even Teal’c. ‘You know you’re right and I’m really tired. I think I’m going to call it a night. Can you tell the Colonel I’m sorry but I’ll see him tomorrow?’

‘We will convey your message to him.’ Teal’c assured her.

‘G’night.’ Daniel said with a sympathetic smile.

Sam nodded and headed out. She ended up in her lab. She left the lights out and wandered into the darkened space wearily. She slumped onto a stool in the far corner and stared into the shadows. She knew what she would see if she illuminated the room; stacks of folders with calculations; half-finished prototypes; draft plans for the finished generator…her previous three months existence dumped and scattered around the room like an exploded bomb.

It was the way she felt, she realised; a mess. All she had focused on for three months was getting the Colonel home; her whole world had reduced to one singular purpose with one singular man at the heart of it. Now she had completed her mission, she felt adrift; unsure how to continue, where to begin to pick up the pieces of her life.

She guessed with the Colonel back it was only a matter of time before the General placed SG1 back on mission rotation. He had no reason not to send them back out, doing what they had always done; exploring the galaxy, fighting the Goa’uld. But she couldn’t be part of it; not if she loved her CO. Sam felt the moisture on her cheeks before she was truly aware she was crying and hurriedly swiped away the tears that streaked down her face.

The regulations regarding relationships were in place for a reason; a valid reason in Sam’s opinion. If she really did love Colonel O’Neill she would be placing their mission at risk by serving with him. She honestly didn’t know whether she would be able to prevent her feelings influencing her decision making; she already had, she recalled sadly. She had gone back for Jack when they had been captured by Hathor; risked her mission to save him. It had worked out but it could so easily have ended in disaster. She bit her lip.

She figured she would have done the same for Daniel or Teal’c but…the thought that one day she would find herself on a battlefield and having to choose between one of them and the Colonel, deciding which one lived and which one died, scared the hell out of her. She didn’t know what she would do; if she saved the Colonel but Daniel or Teal’c died…how would she live with herself? And if Daniel and Teal’c were saved but she lost Jack…the dilemmas were why the regs existed; to protect her and to protect them.

Sam sighed and reached up to massage the back of her neck to ease the headache forming. Nope. She loved Jack and that was a problem. She couldn’t serve on SG1; couldn’t have Jack as her CO. Her smile was bittersweet as she recalled how Janet had picked up on how much Sam had missed Jack soon after work on the generator had started and wondered if there was a problem…Sam had assured her there was not but there definitely was a problem and Sam was going to have to fix it.

Tomorrow, she decided. She would see the General and request a transfer. She really didn’t want to admit her real reason though; General Hammond would probably be disappointed in her and the whole thing was just too embarrassing to have on record. Falling in love with a CO…she grimaced. That would certainly add fire to the arguments women shouldn’t serve and equally, she couldn’t live with anyone knowing about it, not even just the General. The thought Jack would find out when he so evidently didn’t feel the same way…she shuddered. She could tell General Hammond that she wanted to focus on her scientific work rather than continue with gate travel after the satisfaction of the generator project, Sam mused; he might even believe her.

She slipped off the stool and yawned. She really was exhausted but she didn’t want to leave her lab looking such a mess. She wandered over to the wall and switched the lights on. She rolled up the sleeves of her blue shirt. It was time to clear up and move on.o-O-o

Jack smiled at the sight in front of him; Daniel and Teal’c bent over the ancient game of Jackals and Hounds around the centre table of the archaeologist’s lab. His smile widened when Teal’c snatched the last of Daniel’s Jackals from the table and placed it aside. Daniel’s long suffering sigh as Teal’c won again had Jack chuckling and drew attention to where he stood lounging in the door, one shoulder leaning against the doorpost. Teal’c didn’t look surprised to see him and Jack figured the Jaffa had known he was standing there for sometime.

Daniel blinked but recovered quickly. ‘You’re finished?’

‘Yep.’ Jack pushed away from the door and wandered in. He pulled up a third stool at the head of the table and sat down. ‘All done.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Where’s Carter?’

‘Major Carter has retired for the night.’ Teal’c confirmed his suspicion. ‘She asked us to inform you that she apologises for her absence and will see you tomorrow.’

Daniel slipped off the stool as Jack reached for one of the Jackals, turning the ivory figurine over in his fingers. ‘Here.’ The archaeologist placed a slice of cake down in front of the Colonel along with a mug of coffee.

Jack’s stomach rumbled and he accepted the fork Daniel offered him, gladly exchanging it for the game piece. He started to demolish the dessert and waved with his fork. ‘So, what’s been going on with you guys while I was away?’

Daniel and Teal’c looked at each other and back at Jack.

‘Where do you wish us to begin, O’Neill?’ Teal’c asked.

‘Begin at the beginning.’ Jack repeated Hammond’s words to himself back to his team.

‘You know Sam did try telling you most of this…’

‘I know, Daniel,’ Jack cut him off. He met Daniel’s blue gaze fully. ‘I wasn’t listening then, and I know I owe Carter an apology, but I am now.’

Daniel nodded, pleased at Jack’s answer. ‘We evacuated the majority of the village as you ordered. Sam tried contacting you but you weren’t answering.’

‘Yeah. Hammond mentioned that.’ Jack said around a mouthful of cake. ‘I never got a call.’

‘Major Carter determined the meteors were interfering with the radio signal.’ Teal’c informed him.

‘Eventually Sam told me to go because one of us was needed to reassure the evacuated Edorans.’ Daniel continued. He settled back onto his stool with a mug of coffee for himself and wrapped his hands around the ceramic. ‘Teal’c and Sam stayed to wait for you.’

‘Major Carter and I waited until the last possible moment, O’Neill.’ Teal’c said softly. ‘But there was a meteor headed directly for the gate and we had to leave.’

Jack took a sip of his coffee to wash away the cake that had turned to dry dust in his mouth as he remembered Hammond’s comment. ‘Hammond said you almost didn’t make it.’

‘The wormhole was losing integrity.’ Daniel confirmed. ‘But they made it.’

Daniel’s pale face gave away the seriousness of the incident; the worry the younger man must have felt about his team-mates. Jack felt a sliver of guilt. His team would never have been placed in that position if he hadn’t gone with Laira.

‘Sam knew it was too dangerous to reconnect immediately so we waited twenty-four hours and tried.’ Daniel said.

‘We established a wormhole.’ Teal’c informed him, his massive arms were crossed over his broad chest. ‘But we were unable to send a probe safely.’

Daniel nodded in agreement. ‘Sam worked out that the naquadah in the Edoran soil must have liquefied under the intense heat of the meteor impact and then hardened like an iris over the Stargate.’ He paused. ‘Hammond had to declare you MIA.’

Jack finished the cake and reached for the coffee. ‘So, I’m guessing that’s when you contacted the Tollan and the Tok’ra.’

‘Ah…I handled that with Teal’c.’ Daniel noted. ‘Sam got permission to build the particle beam generator and started on that. She theorised the beam would melt the iris on the Edoran gate like Sokar’s beam would have done to ours.’

‘A wormhole could then be established, destroying the naquadah iris and allowing one of us to come through safely to dig to the surface.’ Teal’c concluded.

‘And she was right.’ Jack said with proud satisfaction. His grateful look to Teal’c again conveying his appreciation for the risk the Jaffa had taken to reach him.

‘Yes, but I don’t think you get exactly what Sam did.’ Daniel interjected. He lowered his coffee mug to the desk and waited until he had Jack’s full attention.

‘Why do I think you’re about to tell me?’ Jack quipped.

‘I believe you should pay close attention to Daniel Jackson.’ Teal’c advised, his dark eyes meeting Jack’s solemnly.

Jack frowned at the show of solidarity. ‘OK, so what did Sam do exactly?’

‘You know until we witnessed Sokar’s effort with the gate that the device she built was considered theoretically impossible?’ Daniel checked.

Jack nodded slowly.

‘And that when I put together that briefing document General Hammond wanted, she told me she had only just started to work out the math?’ Daniel didn’t wait for Jack to answer. ‘Well, basically, when she started, she was starting from scratch.’

‘OK.’ Jack said. ‘So…’

‘So, the best expert in the field who Hammond brought in to assist her left within two days claiming it was next to impossible and it would take Sam most of her life to achieve building the generator.’

‘What a schmuck.’ Jack commented as he fiddled with the handle on his mug.

‘Indeed.’ Teal’c rumbled.

It broke the tension between the three men as they smiled and Jack relaxed a little in the familiar camaraderie.

‘After that, Sam didn’t really do much of anything except work on the project.’ Daniel continued a little less forcefully.

‘Anything?’ Jack checked. ‘You guys weren’t going on missions?’

‘We were liaisons to the Edoran people here on Earth and I was assigned to assist with other SG teams,’ Teal’c confirmed, ‘as was Daniel Jackson but Major Carter worked solely to bring you home.’

‘We tried to help Sam but there wasn’t anything much we could do beyond act as a sounding board every now and again.’ Daniel clarified. ‘She worked non-stop for two weeks and by the end of it she’d worked out the math completely.’ He gestured at the stunned military man. ‘Her work meant that even though I had managed to get the Tollan to agree to check on Edora when their ship was next in the vicinity, the Pentagon still allowed the generator project to go ahead.’

‘It is projected to earn much money for your government.’ Teal’c noted.

‘I bet.’ Jack muttered. Finding out the military had an ulterior motive for allowing Sam to continue once there was another solution to his own predicament didn’t surprise him.

‘About a month and a half into the project, Sam completed a prototype.’ Daniel said. He nudged his glasses back up his nose. ‘The first test didn’t go well. The machine blew up. So, she started working even longer hours trying to build a second one quickly so there wasn’t too much of a delay. She, uh, she collapsed.’

‘Collapsed?’ Jack’s eyes widened. ‘As in…?’

‘Collapsed.’ Daniel looked down guiltily. ‘I found her out cold in her lab. She’d been working almost day and night on the project; not really sleeping, eating.’

‘Why?’ Jack blurted out.

Daniel took a gulp of his coffee leaving Teal’c to reply.

‘I believe you know the reason, O’Neill.’ Teal’c responded.

Jack searched for one; guilt – that had to be it. She’d felt guilty for leaving him behind. ‘It was my fault I got stranded,’ Jack said heatedly, ‘and that doesn’t explain why she was allowed to work herself to exhaustion. Didn’t anyone think to check on her?’

Teal’c glared back at him. ‘We all endeavoured to do so.’

‘Sam claimed she was fine, Jack.’ Daniel tried to soothe the waters and failed as Jack turned his glower on the archaeologist.

‘And you believed her?’ Jack shot back.

‘We let ourselves believe her because we wanted you back just as much as she did; we missed you too.’ Daniel’s voice rose a little.

There was a tense moment of silence.

Jack sighed and looked away. ‘She collapsed.’ If he’d felt guilty before about walking away from her on Edora, he felt ten times worse after hearing Daniel’s account of Sam’s hard work to get him home. He shoved his hands furiously through his silver hair and took a deep breath. ‘I take it Fraiser stepped in.’ He said calmly.

Daniel nodded. ‘Sam was confined to the infirmary for a couple of days and only allowed to resume work on the project under strict supervision.’

‘I believe Doctor Fraiser is most pleased with her progress.’ Teal’c said.

‘She looks a lot better now.’ Daniel agreed. ‘She’d lost a lot of weight before she collapsed.’ His voice gave away his own sense of guilt at allowing his friend to end up in such a state where she had required the strictures.

Jack folded his arms and stared at the ceiling. He truly believed what he’d said to Teal’c; it was his own fault he had been left behind. He’d known it on the planet. That Sam had worked so hard to get him home that she’d become ill…that was his fault too.

‘I haven’t even thanked her properly.’ Jack blinked as he realised he’d said the words out loud. But his words were true; all he’d done was made some lame quip to her in the gate room.

Daniel gestured at him. ‘You couldn’t have known, Jack.’

‘I should have been listening to her when she was telling me about it.’ Jack contradicted him. ‘Hell, I even walked off from her.’ He shook his head.

‘I think she understood, Jack.’ Daniel offered carefully. ‘We could all see that you and Laira, well, uh, what I mean is… ‘

Jack glared at him and the archaeologist stumbled into silence.

‘Are you and Laira mated, O’Neill?’ Teal’c asked bluntly, apparently unconcerned about Jack’s reaction.

Jack squirmed under the two men’s regard. ‘Not in the way you mean.’ He answered eventually. ‘I don’t really want to talk about it.’

‘I guess you thought you weren’t coming home.’ Daniel replied anyway.

‘The Stargate was buried, Daniel.’ Jack said brusquely. ‘I didn’t think you could come through, if you were still alive.’ He saw Daniel’s startled expression as the younger man took in Jack had wondered if they had survived and hurried on. ‘And I was pretty sure if any of our allies could be convinced to stop by Edora, it was going to be years rather than weeks before I got a visit.’

‘Did you not try to unbury the gate, O’Neill?’ Teal’c’s voice was devoid of anything but curiosity and Jack appreciated the lack of anything judgemental.

‘For a long while but,’ he sighed and summarised what he’d told Hammond, ‘it wasn’t going anywhere and the village needed to be rebuilt.’

Daniel nodded again in understanding. ‘I think we all understand why you would feel like you needed to move on, Jack.’

Jack got up off the stool restlessly at the other man’s words. He felt nauseous; the cake suddenly an uncomfortable weight in his stomach. ‘I think I’ll head to bed.’

‘You want me to drive you home?’ Daniel asked. ‘I’ve been looking after your place and everything’s set up.’ He smiled. ‘I even taped your games.’

‘No. Thanks.’ Jack replied almost absently, tiredness beginning to overwhelm him. ‘I’ll just crash in quarters here.’ He stopped in the doorway and turned back to them. ‘Thanks. For everything.’

Daniel smiled as Teal’c inclined his head.

Jack arranged for temporary quarters and made his way to his assigned room tiredly. He kicked off his boots and lay down on the bed without bothering to undress. He closed eyes, weary to the bone and his head beginning to pound with the hangover he’d had upon first waking hours before on Edora. He needed sleep but his body refused to cooperate.

He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. God, Sam must think he was a complete jerk. It was no wonder she’d gone to bed rather than wait for him to drag his sorry ass back from Hammond’s office. He placed his hands behind his head. His mind travelled back over events. He’d hurt her when he’d walked off, Jack realised, even if Daniel was right and she had understood about Laira – and that was an uncomfortable thought; he wasn’t sure he’d wanted Sam knowing about Laira exactly. Sam’s head had been down when he’d rejoined the group and her face had lost its animation, he remembered. Daniel had chatted all the way to the gate; she had been quiet. No doubt she’d assumed he didn’t want to hear anything more from her the way he’d just left her hanging.

He sighed. He’d find her in the morning; make it up to her somehow. It didn’t sit right with him that he’d hurt her in trying to lessen the hurt he’d caused Laira. His eyes closed briefly again at the thought of the Edoran woman. She hadn’t deserved for him to walk away from her either.

Jack turned over, pushing his face into the pillow and closing his eyes tightly. He had been attracted to Laira even before the fire-rain, and her attraction to him had been obvious enough that he’d indulged in some mild flirting. He hadn’t seriously entertained it going any further. His love for Sam was futile given their military relationship and the small issue of her not feeling the same way, and he might have acknowledged before Edora that he needed to move on, but getting involved with a woman off-world hadn’t been in his plans. He wasn’t entirely certain when he’d changed his mind.

Laira’s friendship had sustained him during his time on Edora; he believed that wholeheartedly. He dismissed her early hospitality and defence of him amongst her community as gratitude and guilt; she was too good a woman to have seen anyone left out in the cold following such a disaster never mind someone she felt responsible for getting stuck there. Equally, she had made it clear he was expected to work for his keep. In a way that relieved him; he didn’t feel beholden to her for that part of it, at least. Perhaps she had known he would have eventually grown uncomfortable at the charity she had extended in putting a roof over his head and food in his belly. No, for that part of it, his conscience could rest easy. The rest of it though…

The first time she had come to him and talked with him about her own grief at the river, he hadn’t really wanted to listen. Jack had been too caught up in his own misery and the sudden wrenching anxiety that maybe his team hadn’t made it home. He’d walked with her to be polite. It had become a regular activity; around lunch she’d come to the fields with some food for him and the others, and invariably most of the time they’d end up away from the rest and would finish their meal with a walk. At first, she would talk but gradually over the days he found himself sharing stuff from his own life with her; Sara and Charlie, how he’d met Daniel, anecdotes about some of the missions: nothing too deep or too personal but enough that it had cemented the friendship between them.

He’d always known Laira wanted more and he had carefully maintained a certain amount of distance for a long while…until one day he had realised he hadn’t been back to the site of the Stargate for four whole days. After that, with his growing acceptance that he was stuck, that he wouldn’t be going home, he’d let himself slide into a relationship with her, Jack mused. They’d started courting; holding hands when they walked, small touches as they passed each other, tentative kisses and meaningful looks. He had enjoyed the feeling of having someone care for him; being able to care for them openly. He had known it was only a matter of time before she had invited him to her bed and he’d looked forward to it. The party with its less than subtle matchmaking and Garan’s absence had provided her with an opportunity.

Jack shifted onto his back again. He had known by accepting her invitation, it was a prelude to marriage – the mention of a baby by her confirming that. He had almost changed his mind when she’d said it. He wasn’t really sure he wanted to be a father again as much as he missed being one and he had enjoyed his status as a father figure to Garan, but then he hadn’t had to worry about the discipline side of it. He had no idea what he would do if Laira was pregnant.

It hadn’t been the only thing to give him pause either. Her comment that she had seen him realise he belonged on Edora that night had startled him. Sure, he’d had a good time at the party; it had been the first time he’d truly felt they considered him a part of the community rather than a stranger they simply tolerated but in truth he still hadn’t felt like he was one of them. He’d been unsettled enough to warn Laira that a part of him was never going to let go of Earth, of his past. Jack frowned. Her reply that she didn’t want that part; maybe that should have set warning bells ringing – if he’d been thinking with his brain instead of his libido.

She’d pushed him a little on it, he realised, with the suggestion of throwing out his old uniform. He’d given into it because he hadn’t wanted to upset her; had wanted to show her he was committed to her after their night together but…in hindsight, he was beginning to wonder if the fact she would never have accepted that he would have always yearned a little for his past, the fact that he would have always yearned a little for his past despite his comfortable life with her, whether that wouldn’t have ultimately made them both miserable in the long term. Jack sighed. He guessed he didn’t have to worry about that anymore.

He stared into the darkness. The truth was he was going to miss Laira and the other Edorans he had lived with for the past three months and a part of him regretted the loss of the simple life he’d lived there; the respite from the fight against the Goa’uld. But the fact was that he pleased and thankful to be home and with his team…he just needed to make things right with Sam…

It was his final thought as he slipped into sleep.

o-O-o

‘Colonel O’Neill.’

Jack grimaced in his sleep at the insistent high voice. Who the hell was that and what the hell were they doing in his room? He opened his eyes grumpily. They landed on a familiar small grey figure. He blinked. The Asgard looked back at him with wide black eyes curiously. Jack rubbed the sleep from his eyes and checked again.

Yep. Still, one Asgard standing beside his bed. He sat up. ‘Thor.’ He greeted the alien cautiously.

‘It is I, O’Neill.’ Thor confirmed.

‘Nice to see you.’ Jack glanced at his watch and was relieved to see he’d managed almost had six hours of sleep. ‘How are you doing?’

Thor blinked at him. ‘I am well, O’Neill.’

‘Excellent.’ Jack replied.

They looked at each other in silence for a long moment.

Jack sighed. ‘So what brings you by?’

‘A matter of great urgency.’ Thor responded. ‘We have recently observed a number of thefts on the worlds protected by the Asgard.’

‘Thefts?’ Jack queried, hoping it wasn’t going to take long for Thor to get to the point.

‘Of our technology.’ Thor expanded. ‘We have traced the theft back to others of your world, O’Neill.’

Jack stared at him. ‘My world? You mean here? Earth?’

‘I do.’ Thor looked at him solemnly. ‘This is a serious breach of our treaty.’

‘Thor,’ Jack began hurriedly, ‘I can assure you that no-one in my chain of command would have authorised those thefts.’ He sighed and shoved a hand through his hair. ‘Look, I’ve been away…’

‘We are aware.’ Thor interjected.

‘You are?’ Jack asked, momentarily distracted. He frowned. ‘You couldn’t have come by and picked me up from Edora, oh say, a couple of months ago?’

‘We were confident Major Carter’s efforts to recover you would be successful,’ Thor informed him, ‘and we do not typically interfere unless there is a compelling reason.’

‘Right.’ Jack muttered.

‘Had you not been recovered from Edora by your own people, be assured O’Neill that this matter is now gaining enough urgency that we would have recovered you ourselves.’

Jack looked at him in shock before he pushed the useless information aside and gestured at his visitor. ‘Thor, before I was…away, we were aware that a rogue group was operating and we were attempting to infiltrate them to shut them down.’

‘I see.’ Thor said calmly.

‘I need to speak with General Hammond and see what’s gone on while I’ve been gone.’

Thor blinked at him and a moment later, there was a flash of light. A stunned General Hammond dressed in his pyjamas and carrying a mug of what smelled like coffee, appeared at the foot of Jack’s bed.

Hammond stared at Thor for a long moment and then at Jack. The General relaxed a little. ‘Colonel. Thor.’

‘General Hammond, forgive me for bringing you here in this manner,’ Thor began, ‘Colonel O’Neill suggested your counsel was required for our discussion.’

‘On?’ Hammond prompted.

‘The rogue group, sir.’ Jack said briskly, sliding off the bed to stand in a semi-‘at ease’ position beside it. ‘Thor says there’ve been thefts from the Asgard’s protected worlds.’

Hammond sighed and turned to the alien. ‘I’m sorry to hear that, Thor, and believe me when I say that this is not the way we operate.’

‘I believe you, General Hammond, but the activities of this group cannot be allowed to continue.’ Thor replied. ‘If they are not dealt with immediately, we will have to revoke the treaty with your world.’

Leaving the planet open for a Goa’uld attack, Jack thought grimly. He exchanged an anxious look with his CO.

Hammond gestured at Thor. ‘I assure you it will be dealt with.’

‘My team and I will get right on it.’ Jack agreed.

‘Negative, O’Neill.’ Thor turned to Jack. ‘You have been absent from your world during these thefts and can be trusted; no-one else.’

‘Thor,’ Jack motioned at him exasperated, ‘believe me; my team would not be involved in this.’

‘Perhaps,’ Thor allowed, ‘but if what you say is true, an infiltration attempt is much more likely to be successful as a solo effort.’ He raised a hand as Jack went to argue. ‘I will not be swayed on this, O’Neill.’

‘You know he’s right, Colonel,’ Hammond said forcefully, ‘and we did always plan for this to be done without your team being involved.’

‘Then we are agreed.’ Thor said.

‘No, we are not.’ Jack said hurriedly. ‘I’ve done these ops before and going in without back-up is risky and dangerous.’

‘Back-up?’ Thor queried.

‘Cavalry.’ Jack explained. ‘The guys that ride in and help make sure the hero doesn’t get killed.’

Thor nodded slowly. A stone appeared in his hand and he handed it to Jack. ‘I will be your…back-up. You may use this to contact me when you have a plan.’

Jack raised his eyebrows as he fingered the stone. He sighed and looked at Hammond briefly before turning back to the Asgard. ‘Could we have a minute here, Thor?’

‘Certainly.’ Thor said. ‘I will return to my ship. I will transport General Hammond back to his home in fifteen of your Earth minutes.’

‘That should be fine.’ Hammond agreed.

Thor disappeared in another flash.

Jack pulled a face and gestured at his CO. ‘Sir…’

‘I’m sorry, Colonel,’ Hammond shook his head, ‘you heard the man…alien…’ he sighed, ‘Thor. Your team has to stay out of it.’

‘General, I’ve only just returned…’ Jack began to protest.

‘Which gives us a perfect opportunity.’ Hammond pointed out. He sat down on the edge of the bed tiredly. ‘Nobody will be surprised if you act unsettled for a while or act as though your experience has changed your previous outlook.’

Jack’s shoulders drooped. ‘Sir, it won’t be enough.’ He looked at Hammond evenly and gestured at him. ‘You’ve seen how close my team is in the way they worked to bring me home.’ And he was going to repay that by acting like a bastard – it was going to be the only way he would be able to keep them away from him, Jack thought, his heart sinking.

‘I know this will be difficult for you,’ Hammond said sympathetically, ‘but I have to tell you, it isn’t only the Asgard who are threatening to sever ties with us.’ He motioned at the Colonel. ‘I’ve had separate visits from the Tollan and the Tok’ra within the last few days.’ He gave a short, humourless laugh. ‘I had planned to tell you as soon as you were officially reinstated so we could come up with a plan.’

Jack nodded slowly; his mind was already going over various options and discarding them. Hammond waited patiently.

‘You said the Tollan came to us?’ Jack checked.

‘Yes.’ Hammond confirmed.

‘You think they would be up for a little subterfuge.’ Jack asked.

‘Maybe.’ Hammond frowned. ‘What are you thinking?’

‘Of stealing something.’ Jack admitted. ‘I need to break the trust my team has in me and gain the trust of the rogue group fast and…’

‘Actions speak louder than words.’ Hammond nodded. ‘I’ll contact the Tollan.’

‘Just before we went to Edora, Sam and Daniel had an idea about asking the Tollan if they would give us an ion cannon if they put safeguards on it so it could only be used against an approaching Goa’uld mothership. If they agreed to hear a petition, we could visit; they could refuse and I could brazenly steal something in retaliation. You could effectively fire me for the act.’ Jack said, the rest of it falling into place in his head. ‘Once I’m free, I bet you anything they’ll approach me.’

‘You find their base of operations.’ Hammond mused out loud.

‘Send for the Asgard.’ Jack finished. ‘Job done.’

‘We need to get Colonel Makepeace at the same time,’ Hammond noted, ‘and for that we need proof.’

‘So we wait until we have something on him before we bring in the Asgard.’ Jack suggested. ‘In the meantime, we make him feel comfortable.’

‘We could put him on SG1.’ Hammond waved at him. ‘They’ll be without a CO.’

‘I thought we were keeping my team out of it, sir.’ Jack pointed out, worried for them as a conversation with Makepeace drifted back to him. The marine had spoken with disrespect about each of them; Daniel, Teal’c, Sam.

‘Can you think of a better way to throw him off the scent?’ Hammond rejoined.

Jack grimaced but couldn’t come up with a reply.

‘Then it’s settled.’ Hammond said firmly. He nodded at Jack. ‘I think you should take the next week as leave. Go away somewhere; rest.’

And let the distance between him and his team start to widen, Jack mused. He knew they’d be expecting him to stay around; to spend time with them. He sighed heavily. ‘Right.’

Hammond glanced at the clock. ‘Well, time’s up. I’ll put your leave through as soon as I get to the base later but consider it done and get yourself away, Colonel.’

‘Yes, sir.’ Jack nodded and wasn’t surprised a moment later when there was a flash of light and Hammond disappeared.

Great. This was just great. What a homecoming and now he was going to have to hurt the people who had made it possible.

He sighed and threw the stone down on the bed as he sat down wearily and dropped his head into his hands.

o-O-o

Sam hovered in front of the General’s office nervously. She’d been somewhat relieved to hear from Teal’c earlier that the Colonel had taken off to parts unknown on a holiday before he resumed his duties at the SGC. She sighed. Who could blame the Colonel if he was feeling overwhelmed and wanted to get some perspective on the last three months? She could do with some herself, she thought wryly.

She acknowledged that a small part of her was a little resentful that he hadn’t even thanked her for her efforts in getting him home, and had taken off without a word, but she dismissed her feelings as more evidence that she had definitely lost the plot where the Colonel was concerned. He didn’t have to thank her; he was her CO. It was her job to get him home and she’d done it. A Major in the Air Force shouldn’t be upset at her CO’s lack of appreciation; shouldn’t even expect appreciation. All the more reason though for her to do what needed to be done. She took a deep breath and knocked loudly.

‘Come.’

She took another deep breath, straightened her shoulders and entered, closing the door behind her. She crossed the office to stand in front of the desk and waited until Hammond looked up from the report he was reading.

‘Major Carter.’ Hammond smiled at her. ‘What can I do for you?’

Sam’s mouth was dry and she hurriedly swallowed. ‘I, uh, I’d like to request a transfer, sir.’ Her heart was pounding loud in her ears as she waited for his reaction.

Hammond looked at her blankly for a long moment. ‘I’m sorry, Major,’ he said perplexed, ‘did you just request a transfer?’

‘Yes, sir.’ Sam confirmed. Her anxious blue eyes met his.

Hammond’s eyebrows shot up. ‘Why?’ He asked bluntly.

‘Well, I,’ she was grateful she had clasped her hands behind her back to prevent herself from fidgeting, ‘I…I’ve come to realise with the success of the generator project how much I miss R&D and so I…I thought, I, uh, might transfer full time to the base science staff, sir.’

Hammond continued to stare at her. He eventually sighed and waved at her to take a seat and she did reluctantly, folding her hands on her lap. ‘You want to tell me what this is really about, Sam?’

‘Really, sir,’ Sam insisted, ‘I just think that it would be best if I transferred.’

‘You love going off-world.’ Hammond contradicted her. His pale blue eyes shone with concern. ‘This isn’t like you.’

She didn’t have an answer for him.

He settled back in his chair. ‘I know,’ he began carefully, ‘the last three months have been difficult for you.’

Sam blushed and dropped her gaze.

‘Leaving Colonel O’Neill behind was the right decision.’ Hammond said softly.

‘I know that, sir.’ Sam said quietly as she assimilated the conclusion he had drawn from her request.

‘Intellectually, maybe.’ Hammond said. ‘But I can’t help but wonder whether the natural guilt about the situation hasn’t played a part in your decision-making here and isn’t making you second-guess yourself.’

Her teeth worried her lower lip as she considered whether a partial truth might suffice. ‘I don’t think I could make the same decision again, sir.’ She finally admitted. ‘At least, not where a member of SG1 is concerned.’

Comprehension dawned in his face. ‘You think you’ve gotten too close to your team-mates to make the correct command decisions?’

His kind tone almost undid her. She looked down to hide the tears that started to gather and took a breath. She could do this without falling apart. ‘I just don’t know anymore, sir.’ She managed eventually.

He gazed at her sympathetically. ‘Sam, you’re exhausted. You’ve spent three months of your life building a machine others said couldn’t be built and dealing with the absence of your team leader, an absence you have felt personally responsible for causing. You’ll forgive me if I’m blunt but I don’t think you’re thinking clearly.’

She almost smiled.

‘Look,’ Hammond leaned forward, ‘Colonel O’Neill has taken some time and I think you should do the same. In fact, I think all of SG1 should probably take some much needed vacation time. Take a week. If, when you all get back, you still want to transfer, I’ll consider it. OK?’

‘Yes, sir.’ Sam said, wondering at the mixture of relief and disappointment coursing through her.

‘Consider yourself on leave immediately, Major. I’ll leave you to inform Doctor Jackson and Teal’c.’ Hammond encouraged.

She heard the dismissal in his words and stood up. She wandered to Daniel’s office almost in a daze. He was immersed in his work, bent over his desk, muttering as he transcribed the parchment carefully laid out in front of him.

‘Daniel.’ Sam tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

‘Hmmm.’ Daniel looked up at her questioningly and smiled ruefully. ‘Sorry.’

‘That’s OK.’ Sam said. She waved at the document. ‘What are you working on?’

‘Oh, something SG7 brought back.’ Daniel looked at it with a rapt expression. ‘It’s fascinating really. They found it in a temple on a deserted Goa’uld planet. It details an uprising very similar to the one here with Ra. I think it may be an original source which would be just incredible.’

He smiled happily and Sam couldn’t help but smile back. ‘That’s great, Daniel.’ She touched his arm gently.

His face suddenly creased in confusion. ‘Did you need me for something?’

‘Actually, no.’ Sam said. ‘I just came to tell you that General Hammond gave us a week’s vacation.’

‘Really.’

Her lips twitched with amusement; somehow she had the feeling Daniel would be staying on the base to finish the translation.

He nudged her. ‘So what are you going to do?’

‘I don’t know.’ Sam admitted. She attempted a smile. ‘I’ve been so focused on getting the Colonel home that now he is, I’m not sure what I should be doing.’

‘It’s a little weird, don’t you think?’ Daniel said. ‘Him taking off.’

She shrugged. ‘I think the whole thing is probably weirder for the Colonel, Daniel.’ She leaned a hip against the table. ‘I mean, he finds himself suddenly stuck on Edora and just when he’s settled there, we turn up and suddenly he finds himself home again.’

Daniel gazed at her in rueful astonishment. ‘I can’t believe how understanding you are about this. I mean, you worked so hard…’

‘To bring him home, Daniel.’ Sam pointed out. ‘And he’s here.’ She gave a bittersweet smile. ‘Mission completed.’

‘But…’ Daniel stopped and Sam wondered what he had been about to say; she felt a frisson of anxiety that perhaps he’d picked up on her feelings about the Colonel.

Daniel sighed, ‘I just figured, you know, that maybe he’d want to spend some time with us.’

She rubbed his shoulder. ‘I’m sure he will when he gets back. He’s probably just, I don’t know,’ she made a vague gesture, ‘getting his head together or something.’ She looked away from the archaeologist. ‘It looked like things got a little intense on Edora for him.’

‘I guess you’re right.’ Daniel said softly.

She sighed and straightened. ‘I’d better go tell Teal’c.’

Daniel nodded. ‘Sam?’

‘Hmmm?’

‘You’re incredible, you know that, right?’

She gave him a tremulous smile and left before she could confess that she was thinking of transferring. He’d be upset when she did, she realised, and she would miss him. They’d still work together, she assured herself; they just wouldn’t be going on missions together. She felt a dull ache of regret. It wouldn’t be the same…

She headed for Teal’c’s quarters and rapped quickly on the door. Teal’c’s low voice called for her to enter and she stuck her head around it. The Jaffa sat cross-legged on the floor surrounded by candles.

‘You have a minute, Teal’c?’

His face brightened. ‘Indeed, Major Carter.’

She slipped inside the room and closed the door. ‘I just wanted to tell you that General Hammond has authorised leave for us all.’

Teal’c inclined his head in acknowledgement. ‘You will be leaving the base.’

She nodded. ‘I thought I’d head home and check on things.’ She tried a smile. ‘See if my apartment is still standing.’

He frowned. ‘Is there are a structural problem with your dwelling, Major Carter?’

She did smile at his question. ‘No, Teal’c, it’s just a phrase we use when someone hasn’t been somewhere in a long while,’ the smug look on his face suddenly clued her in, ‘and you knew that already.’ She shook her head, smiling. ‘Funny.’

‘You seem preoccupied by something, Major Carter.’ Teal’c noted.

She shrugged, trying not to wilt under his scrutiny. ‘I just have some things I need to work out.’

Teal’c raised an eyebrow. ‘May I be of assistance?’

She hesitated, torn for a moment on whether to confide in the Jaffa but finally shook her head. ‘I think I have to work this one out for myself, Teal’c, but thanks.’

He bowed his head in understanding.

Sam murmured a goodbye and left him to his meditation. So, she mused wryly, as she stood uncertainly in the corridor, what was she going to do with her vacation, and more importantly, what was she going to do afterwards?

o-O-o

‘So what’s going on?’ Jack said breezily as he took the chair next to Sam. Daniel and Teal’c sat across the briefing room table from them. He had barely been back on the base for ten minutes, had barely had time to change before the summons to report had come through.

‘Not sure, sir.’ Sam replied. Their chairs were close enough that his elbow nudged her arm and he savoured the innocent contact even as he outwardly schooled his features to show a complete lack of awareness of their closeness.

‘Good holiday?’ Daniel asked, not looking up from the folder he was scribbling in.

‘It was OK.’ Jack replied briefly. He’d gone fishing at his cabin in Minnesota and had spent the entire time trying not to think about the team he had left behind. It was the first time he could remember not enjoying a fishing trip there.

‘I would have thought you would have had enough peace and quiet on Edora.’ Daniel said casually, his attention on his writing.

Jack caught the edge to the statement and glared at the archaeologist. ‘My time there wasn’t exactly a picnic, Daniel.’ He motioned at him. ‘What are you doing anyway?’

‘The Tollan have agreed to hear a trade petition when we confirm the establishment of diplomatic relations with them.’ Daniel replied.

Jack was careful to show surprise even though Daniel still hadn’t looked up and Jack figured it was a clear sign how pissed the younger man was at him.

‘Trade?’ Jack asked loudly.

‘For their technology, O’Neill.’ Teal’c supplied. The Jaffa leaned back in his chair and folded his hands over his stomach.

‘Really?’ Jack coated the word with a heavy dose of sarcasm and was rewarded a moment later when Daniel finally raised his head.

‘What?’ Daniel asked crossly.

‘You really think they’re going to give us their technology?’ Jack asked.

‘General Hammond told them about our idea to build in safeguards.’ Daniel explained. ‘He said they were intrigued.’

‘And I bet you they’re still intending to say no.’ Jack shot back, stabbing the table with a finger.

‘We have to try!’ Daniel argued back passionately.

‘It’s a waste of time.’ Jack said dismissively.

‘Why?’ Daniel gestured at him wildly and moved restlessly in his chair. ‘Why is it such a waste of time? If we could get one of their ion cannons…’

‘They won’t give us one, Daniel.’ Jack said confidently. ‘They like their technological superiority over us too much.’ He inwardly winced at the harsh words. He believed it but he would never have stated it so baldly, or without it being tempered by his knowledge that the Tollan aversion to giving less advanced worlds their technology was well-founded, since the last world where they had done so had self-destructed as a result.

‘Should we still not make the attempt, O’Neill?’ Teal’c interjected. ‘Is it not our mission to try and gain these technologies to assist in the fight against the Goa’uld?’

‘I’m just saying they’re not going to give us them, Teal’c.’ Jack responded. He frowned suddenly as he realised Sam had been unusually quiet beside him. He turned to her curiously. She was looking back towards the Stargate with a strange expression. ‘You want to jump in here, Carter?’

Sam started as though her attention had been elsewhere but was saved from having to reply as Hammond opened the office door and swiftly crossed to the table. Jack followed Sam as she rose to her feet and sat down once the General was seated.

‘Welcome back,’ Hammond said with a brief nod, ‘SG9 have informed us that the Edorans have agreed to the terms of our treaty and are ready to sign. We’ll help them with their rebuilding, exchange medicine and farming technology while they allow us to extract the naquadah.’

‘That’s excellent news, sir.’ Jack commented sincerely.

‘The Edorans have invited you all back for the signing.’ Hammond said. ‘In fact, they’ve insisted upon it. They want to thank you all for your efforts in helping to save their community. I understand there’s to be some kind of celebration…’

‘Uh, sir, I have a ton of work to do to prepare for…’ Daniel began.

‘This takes priority, Doctor Jackson. The sooner we can start extracting the naquadah, the sooner we will be able to get the naquadah generators functional.’ Hammond replied. ‘There’s still plenty of time before the Tollan petition.’ He glanced around the table. ‘You ship out in one hour. Dismissed.’ He stood up and gestured at Jack. ‘I need to speak with you in my office, Colonel.’

‘Yes, sir.’ Jack followed the General into the room and closed the door. He watched as his team filed out of the briefing room before he turned to the General.

Hammond sat down in the leather chair and regarded Jack with sympathy. ‘How was your time away?’

‘Frustrating.’ Jack said honestly. ‘I take it the Tollan went for the plan?’

‘They’re very happy to play along.’ Hammond confirmed. He pushed a folder across the desk.

Jack picked it up and started memorising the contents. ‘They want me to steal one of their weapon deactivators?’

‘They’ll disable the usual security measures to enable you to take it and the specific device in question will be completely useless.’ Hammond said. ‘I assured them that was fine with us.’

‘Sweet.’ Jack muttered.

Hammond’s expression softened. ‘We should work out a game plan for what happens on your return but that will wait until you return from Edora.’ He waved at Jack. ‘Perhaps your visit will give you the opportunity to confirm there are no other…consequences from your time there that may complicate matters.’

Jack shrugged uncomfortable with the discussion. ‘Yes, sir.’ He dropped the file back on Hammond’s desk. ‘I’ll inform Thor of the plan before I leave for Edora.’

‘Good.’ Hammond smiled at him. ‘I’ll see you at the departure time.’

Jack heard the dismissal and nodded. He made his communication to Thor before he joined the others for the pre-mission checks in the infirmary. He watched as Janet finished with Sam, his eyes following the Major as she made her way out.

Janet made her way over to him and Jack waited until the tests were done and the room had emptied before he asked his question. He cleared his throat to gain Janet’s attention. ‘How’s Carter?’

‘She’s fine, sir.’ Janet replied.

‘You want to give me a little bit more information here, Doc? I am her CO and we are about to head out on a mission. I need to know she’s up to it.’ Jack pointed out, his concern for Sam creating a certain brusqueness that saw Janet stiffening in response.

‘I wouldn’t have cleared her for duty otherwise, sir.’ Janet retorted.

Jack acknowledged the rebuke although he kept his brown eyes on hers. ‘Daniel said she’d collapsed.’

‘She did.’ Janet allowed. ‘But that was a couple of months ago, sir, and she’s made a good recovery.’

Jack nodded. ‘OK.’

‘She is still adjusting, sir.’ Janet said, seeing his lingering concern. ‘In many ways, she experienced just as much change during the last few months as you did. Her usual way of life ceased to exist as soon as she started work on the generator and returning to normal is another change that she has to deal with.’

Jack nodded again. It explained Sam’s distraction in the briefing. ‘Thanks, Doc.’

He headed for the gear-up room and joined the others, quickly catching up to them. They changed in silence and Jack did nothing to relieve the subtle tension that had permeated the small group. It was a far cry from the banter and good-humoured debates they usually exchanged. He led them to the gate room and through the wormhole to Edora with a brisk efficiency that he could see surprised them.

They stepped out, not onto the barren wasteland of the meteor impact zone but into a luscious green field.

‘Woah.’ Jack muttered in surprise.

‘They shifted the gate two days ago, sir.’ Sam told him quietly.

‘No kidding.’ Jack murmured.

She looked away from him and he regretted his short reply. He opened his mouth to apologise and was interrupted as the Edoran greeting party surged forward.

Garen gave him an enthusiastic hug. ‘It’s good to see you again, Jack.’

‘Where’s your mother?’ Jack asked, looking around for Laira and absently noting that Daniel and Teal’c were being greeted warmly by villagers he didn’t recognise; they must have been amongst the stranded on Earth, Jack surmised. His eyes landed on Sam, standing a little to the side and looking lost. He missed the way Garan’s face brightened with approval at his question.

‘She’s waiting back at the village along with the members of your SG9 team.’ Garan noted.

‘Lead on.’ Jack gestured at Garan and fell into step beside him. He let the Edoran boy inform him of all the changes that had happened in the short week since the community had been reunited.

Jack listened with half an ear; his attention mostly on Sam who was looking like she was about to face an execution squad than take part in a celebration. She was also walking slightly apart from the main group that surrounded Daniel and Teal’c. It suddenly occurred to him that Sam wouldn’t necessarily know the villagers; she had been hard at work creating the solution that had allowed them to go home while Daniel and Teal’c had taken the liaison work. He made some excuse to Garan and dropped back to Sam’s side for a moment.

‘You OK, Carter?’

Sam looked at him as though surprised he had spoken to her. ‘Yes, sir. I’m fine.’

‘They picked a great spot for the gate, don’t ya think?’ Jack said, unable to resist the urge to cheer her up.

‘It was Sam’s idea.’ Daniel said, catching up with them.

Jack was unsurprised to feel Teal’c fall in next to him a moment later. ‘Of course it was.’ Jack said out loud.

Sam kept her eyes on the path. ‘I didn’t think the Edorans would want to be reminded of the disaster every time they visited the gate, sir.’

‘Good thinking, Carter.’ Jack said sincerely. She glanced at him and smiled. Jack felt his mood brighten and it was though a collective sigh of relief ran through the team.

One day, he thought; he’d give himself one day with his team before he distanced himself again to bring down the rogue operation. ‘So, do you think they’re going to have cake at this shindig?’ He asked.

‘You’ve probably spent the most time with the Edorans,’ Daniel pointed out, ‘do they have cake at celebrations?’

Jack cast his mind back to the few parties he’d attended. ‘No.’ He remembered with disappointment. ‘No cake.’ He sighed. ‘We should have brought cake.’

They all smiled.

‘They do make a great moonshine.’ Jack remembered fondly.

‘Really?’ Daniel said. ‘How do they make it?’

‘I don’t know.’ Jack admitted. ‘I just drank the stuff. I didn’t ask how it had been made.’

‘That’s so you.’ Daniel said without heat.

Jack sighed. ‘Yeah. I missed you too, Daniel.’ His brown eyes smiled warmly at the archaeologist who smiled back at him.

They were entering the village and their conversation halted as they were besieged by people. Hugs and handshakes were exchanged and the team quickly got separated. Jack watched concerned as Sam stepped away from the crowd and headed for Captain Calloway who was working on what looked like a newly rebuilt village hall in the centre of the village. He felt a pat on his shoulder and turned reluctantly; his eyes landed on Laira.

‘Fair day, Jack.’ Laira smiled warmly at him.

‘Laira.’ Jack moved forward and hugged her gently, before stepping away. ‘It’s good to see you.’

‘It is good to be seen.’ She said lightly. ‘You look well.’

‘You too.’ His gaze ran over her trim figure and smiling face before he turned away and gestured at the new structures that had gone up. ‘I like what you’ve done with the place.’

‘Your people have been of great assistance in helping us rebuild.’ Laira noted.

Jack’s eyes strayed back to Sam who was looking over a building plan with Calloway. ‘I should go check in with them.’ He said gently.

‘Of course.’

He caught the hint of disappointment in her hazel eyes. ‘We’ll talk later?’

She nodded and managed a smile.

The day seemed to pass in a blur to Jack as he and the others caught up with the SG teams assisting the Edorans. He made a point of introducing his team to the villagers he knew from his time on Edora and he noticed it didn’t take long before Daniel clued in and started to introduce him and Sam to the villagers who had been stranded on Earth.

The signing of the treaty went without a hitch and it wasn’t long before the team found themselves installed in the hall as guests of honour at the promised celebration. Jack hid his discomfort when he found himself seated next to Laira. More match-making, he mused. She smiled apologetically at him and he was relieved when she turned to Daniel on her other side and began a discussion on the medical aspects of the treaty. It was toward the end of the meal that Jagan, an older councillor, stood up and the discussions ceased.

‘It falls upon me,’ Jagan said loudly, ‘to say a few words to mark this occasion.’ He smiled broadly, his round face beaming. ‘Firstly, we are pleased to share this moment of friendship between our two worlds with the people who saved many of us from certain death from the recent fire-rain.’

Laira smiled widely at Jack who ducked his head, uncomfortable.

‘Who helped us rebuild here when they were apart from their own kind.’ Jagan motioned with a goblet at Jack.

Jack moved restlessly in his chair as the room turned to look at him. He had done nothing but tried to survive.

‘And who worked tirelessly to reunite us with our kin.’ Jagan’s arm swept over the rest of SG1. ‘We do not understand how it was done.’ He smiled at them benevolently. ‘Only that it was and for that you have our thanks and our friendship.’ He raised his goblet. ‘To friendship.’

Everyone raised their glasses. ‘To friendship.’

Jagan gestured at Jack who looked back at him startled. Daniel leaned across the table. ‘I think it’s your turn.’

‘No-one mentioned that I had to make a speech.’ Jack hissed.

Laira gave a small laugh and Jack glanced to his other side where Sam was smiling just as amused at Jack’s horror as the Edoran woman. He stood up.

‘I, uh, don’t really have anything prepared here.’ Jack said awkwardly. ‘We owe a few thanks too.’ He turned to Laira. ‘To those who welcomed us and who offered friendship during my stay here.’

Laira blushed under his warm regard.

Jack turned away from her to look out into the room. ‘And to those who followed my team to Earth and had faith they would bring them home to Edora. Uh, to friendship.’

There was another echo and another sip from the goblets before the music began again and conversation resumed.

Laira placed a hand on Jack’s arm. ‘Walk with me.’

Jack swallowed his gulp of wine around a sudden lump in his throat and nodded, unsure how he could refuse her. He pushed his chair back and followed her from the room.

They walked from the village down the path to the riverbank in silence.

Laira looked up at the clear sky, dotted with stars and the moons shining brightly. ‘It is a beautiful night.’

‘Yes. It is.’ Jack commented, slightly apprehensive. He had no idea what he was going to say; he had no wish to hurt her but he knew it wasn’t fair to either of them to continue any kind of relationship. He had decided if there was a child, he would approach that as a separate issue.

‘I wanted to tell you in private; there is no baby.’ Laira said bluntly.

Jack stared at her. ‘I thought it would be too soon to tell.’

‘If I were pregnant, perhaps.’ Laira admitted. ‘But I’m not. My time came as usual.’ She looked down in embarrassment as Jack looked at her in bemusement before his brain made the connection.

‘Oh.’ Jack suddenly got it; Laira had her period ergo no baby. He couldn’t help the strong wave of relief that coursed through him nor the small twinge of regret. ‘I’m sorry. I know how much you wanted a child.’

‘With you.’ Laira corrected him. ‘I wanted a baby with you, Jack.’ She walked a couple of paces away from him. ‘I had hoped that when you returned to your planet you would miss us enough to want to return here.’ She said softly. ‘But I see now that was a foolish thought.’

‘Laira.’ Jack sighed. ‘I don’t know what to say to you.’ He admitted.

‘You can’t pretend something you don’t feel.’ Laira said sadly.

‘I care about you.’ Jack insisted.

‘But you love another.’ Laira smiled at the shock on his face and looked away from him again, staring into the sky. ‘Your eyes haven’t strayed from Major Carter all day.’ She sighed. ‘I don’t know how I missed it before. I think I didn’t see because I didn’t wish to see.’

Jack pressed his lips together and shifted his weight uncertainly. ‘It’s not what you think. I’m not with her.’

She turned back to him swiftly. ‘Because of what happened with us? I could speak with her, explain…’

‘Not exactly.’ Jack gestured at her. ‘She…I…’ he pulled a face, frustrated at his inarticulation. ‘She doesn’t feel the same way.’

Laira looked at him as though he was as dense as he sometimes pretended to be. ‘Those of my people who were on your planet say she worked a miracle to bring you back to her, Jack. That sounds like a woman who loves you.’

‘She cares for me.’ Jack said. ‘Just…not that way. As a friend.’

‘I hope not. If you cannot be here with me…’ Laira reached out and grasped his hand. ‘I would wish happiness for you, Jack.’

‘Well, I wish happiness for you too.’ Jack said softly.

‘You will be leaving soon.’ She let go of him and moved back toward the path. ‘We should return.’

Jack acquiesced and let her lead the way back, his mind turned her words incessantly. Was it possible she right? Did Sam feel the same way about him as he did about her? No. He shook his head. Sam cared about him; he knew that, but as a team-mate, a friend even. She couldn’t love love him…could she? He dismissed it; Laira had got it wrong, Jack thought forcefully.

He spotted Teal’c outside the hall and Jack said goodbye to Laira before he headed over to greet his friend.

‘Hey.’ Jack motioned at him. ‘Why are you outside?’

‘I am waiting for Major Carter to return.’ Teal’c informed him crisply.

Jack’s eyebrows rose. ‘To return?’ He parroted.

‘She wished to view the night sky from the location where we witnessed the fire-rain.’ Teal’c said. ‘I offered to accompany her but she refused.’

‘You should have gone anyway.’ Jack snapped.

Teal’c’s eyebrow rose. ‘Do you not believe this to be a safe place, O’Neill?’

‘That’s not the point.’ Jack said. He waved his hands at Teal’c and sighed. ‘I’ll go and get her.’

‘A wise decision.’ Teal’c murmured.

Jack shot him a look and wondered just who had been rebuked. ‘Just…make sure Daniel doesn’t wander off.’ He walked away, his long strides easily eating up the distance to the look-out point where they had first seen the fire-rain. He halted a few feet from her.

Sam sat on the ground; her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around her legs; her hands clasped tightly together. Her gun lay beside her. Her blonde head was tilted upwards to the sky. She looked incredibly miserable and Jack’s initial desire to ream her out for wandering off on her own dissipated rapidly. He cleared his throat to alert her to his presence.

‘Sir.’ Sam made to get up and he waved her back down, taking a seat next to her.

They watched the sky in silence for a long moment.

Sam glanced at him briefly and wondered why he was with her and not Laira. She wondered at the status of his relationship with the other woman and pushed the thought away, annoyed. It was none of her business. She had to stop her personal feelings from influencing her or she would have to confirm to the General she needed the transfer despite the decision she had made while she had been on vacation to stay on SG1.

It had been difficult but she had concluded that she already cared more than the regs allowed about all her team-mates and had done for a long while so things hadn’t really changed because she knew she loved Jack instead of thinking it was a crush. Still, she was questioning whether she could really do it and it suddenly occurred to Sam that the Colonel could well be the one person who could help her. ‘How do you do it, sir?’ She asked suddenly.

‘Do what?’ Jack asked, wondering what she meant.

‘Stay detached enough from the team to make the right decisions when we’re so close.’ Sam expanded as she turned to look at him.

‘Ah.’ Jack grimaced. ‘That.’ He tugged on his boot lace absently and regarded her thoughtfully. He guessed he had found the reason why she had been so distracted.

‘It’s just…this whole thing has made me realise just how close we, I mean, all of us in SG1, are,’ Sam hurried out, ‘and I’m not sure I can…if it came down to it, decide who lives and who dies.’

‘You’ll do it.’ Jack said confidently.

‘How do you know?’ Sam asked, wondering at his surety.

He kept his brown eyes steady on hers. ‘Because you’re one of the most outstanding officers I’ve served with, Carter. You’ll make the right decision, just like you made the right decision this time.’

She dropped her gaze and stared at the ground. ‘I thought you would be angry that I…we left you behind.’

Like he had been with Frank Cromwell, Jack realised. ‘You didn’t have a choice.’ He pointed out. ‘I understood that and I would have made the same call.’

‘Would you be able to make it again knowing the consequences?’ Sam asked him bluntly. ‘Knowing you might be condemning one of your…team-mates, a friend, to living out their lives on another planet?’

‘I don’t know, Carter.’ Jack admitted. ‘You just have to try and make the best decision at the time and live with it, good or bad. That’s the only thing you can do.’

‘It’s not easy, sir.’ Sam said softly, thinking of all the moments in the months he had been stranded where she had second guessed her decision to leave him; not to follow after him when he didn’t make radio contact.

Jack made a face. ‘No. It’s not easy.’ He admitted, thinking of his secret mission to uncover the rogue operation. There would be consequences to keep his team out of it and safe; consequences that might mean he would lose their friendship and trust forever. It was a hell of a gamble he was taking; a hell of a gamble Hammond was taking with the team. He dragged his mind back to the conversation and sighed.

‘And sometimes when a team is as close as we are, you’ll fail. You won’t make the right decisions and you have to live with the consequences of that too.’ He confessed.

‘Sir?’ Sam looked at him surprised.

‘Tactically, I should have sent Teal’c with Laira.’ Jack stated quietly. ‘He’s faster, he knew where the caves were, and if the kids were injured, he’s strong enough to have carried them to the gate. But I went because I knew there was a risk we wouldn’t get back and I didn’t want Teal’c or any of you getting injured during the bombardment.’ He held her gaze. ‘So, you see, it was my fault I got stranded.’

Sam assimilated his confession quietly; he had made the decision for personal reasons just not the one she had thought. The jealousy in her eased a little. ‘Did you regret it?’

‘Sometimes,’ Jack admitted, ‘but other times I would think that at least it was me and not Teal’c.’

‘I could live with that.’ Sam commented. Risk herself or risk her team-mate…that was an easy decision, she mused.

‘Me too.’ Jack said. ‘But I know there’s a harder decision out there that’s going to bite me in the ass one day.’ He gestured at her. ‘If Daniel was compromised threatening the base – threatening one of you, could I shoot him, kill him? Could you?’

Sam opened her mouth to reply and closed it again. She gave a shaky laugh. ‘I don’t know.’

‘Neither do I.’ Jack said simply. ‘I guess none of us do until we face it.’ He gestured at her. ‘The fact is that in any other command our team would have been disbanded by now; we’re too close but…’ he shrugged, ‘it works; we work as a team and if that gives us, gives Earth, a better chance against the Goa’uld…’ he shrugged again. ‘I can live with knowing I may need to make that decision somewhere down the line and try to make decisions I can live with in the meantime.’

Sam nodded slowly; she could live with it too, she decided. She loved him, and she cared about Daniel and Teal’c too much too, but if it meant staying on SG1 and giving Earth a better chance against the Goa’uld, she could live with knowing one day she might have to make that hard decision herself. She returned her gaze to the sky.

‘So, I take it this was the reason why you broke protocol and wandered off alone?’ Jack asked lightly after a moment.

She gave a small grimace. ‘About that, sir.’

He waved a hand, dismissing her apology. ‘Don’t worry about it, Carter.’

‘I’m still sorry, sir. Everyone was thanking me,’ she explained, ‘and I…uh…’ she shrugged, ‘I just felt awkward.’

Jack looked over at her astounded. ‘Why? You deserve it. You got everyone home.’

‘I didn’t do it for everyone, I did it for…’ she spoke unthinkingly, her guard lowered after their discussion and she broke off abruptly as she realised what she was confessing.

Sam looked away and Jack noted absently that she looked as shocked as he felt at her almost admission. Suddenly the truth of it hit him like a punch to the gut and left him breathless. She’d done it for him. Built a machine that others said couldn’t be built for him. Worked herself to exhaustion to bring him home to her. Daniel and Teal’c had tried to tell him, he realised, the conversation with his team-mates running through his head, but he hadn’t listened. Laira had told him and he hadn’t listened.

‘That sounds like a woman who loves you.’

Suddenly, Jack dared to believe that Sam might love him back.

He looked at her tentatively, unsure what he did next – if he did anything next. Knowing Sam might have feelings for him and doing something about it…there were the regs. If Sam did care for him and he pursued it…there was her career to consider. She had obviously no intention of leaving the team given their conversation so no intention of pursuing how she felt, and he had no idea if her decision would change if she knew how he felt – if she had any idea how he felt. She probably didn’t. She probably thought he was with Laira…

He sighed inwardly. He couldn’t do anything, he realised with deep regret. The undercover op took priority and there was every chance he would destroy whatever she had started to feel for him with what he was about to do. But, maybe there was something he could do, he thought determinedly; he cleared his throat. ‘Will you feel awkward if I say thank you?’ Jack saw the flash of her smile in the darkness at his light-hearted question. ‘Because I don’t think I’ve said it yet so…’ he nudged her knee with his, ‘thank you, Sam.’

She finally turned back to him and they shared another look, heavy with the unspoken feelings they each felt for the other. She was the first to look away, staring back into the night sky at the stars that shone brightly.

‘You know,’ Jack said softly, ‘I used to wonder which way was home. I couldn’t figure it out.’

Sam pointed toward the East. ‘Earth is that way.’

‘Second star on the left?’ Jack quipped. ‘Click your heels three times and follow the yellow brick road?’

She smiled again. ‘Something like that, sir.’

Jack felt the weight of his undercover work descend fully on his shoulders and sighed. His one day of respite was up; he had a mission to plan and execute. He just hoped he had a team to welcome him back again at the end of it; that she would welcome him back again.

He nudged Sam gently. ‘Come on, Carter. Let’s get Daniel and Teal’c.’ He gestured in the direction she had pointed. ‘Let’s go home.’

fin.