Storytime with Rachel F Hundred

Colonel Jack O’Neill stepped out of the Stargate and back into the SGC. He pulled his cap and shades off on his way down the ramp. He skirted the buggy that had transported the crystals to the planet that he had sent through before him. Only one member of his team waited for him at the bottom; the Jaffa, Teal’c. Jack frowned. When he had left an hour before, all of SG1 had been stood there in silent support, and given what he had gone through – having an alien delve into his private emotions, mimic him and watching that alien turn into the image of his dead son – he had expected that Daniel Jackson and Captain Samantha Carter would have still been there when he got back. He nodded in greeting at Teal’c.

‘Where’s Carter and Daniel?’ Jack asked.

‘General Hammond gave them a mission, O’Neill.’ Teal’c said.

Jack relaxed a little; his team-mates had been ordered away…that made him feel a little better. He pulled off the black gloves he wore.

‘He wishes to see you in his office immediately on your return.’ Teal’c concluded.

‘Guess I’d better head up there.’ Jack patted Teal’c’s arm. ‘Teal’c…’ he hesitated unsure how to thank his friend for being in the gate room, for being there for him.

‘You are welcome, O’Neill.’ Teal’c inclined his head. O’Neill had been through a most difficult experience; to lose a child…the Jaffa’s own heart seized at the thought of losing his son Rya’c. He couldn’t imagine it and he definitely could not imagine having to witness an alien transforming into the very image of his dead child, making him for a moment alive again…Teal’c wondered at the strength of his friend in having the courage to face that.

Jack gave a pained smile as though he could see beyond Teal’c’s impassive expression to the thoughts in his head and disappeared out the gate room. He took the internal stairs up to the briefing room and knocked on the side door to the General’s office, glancing through the glass partition to see if Hammond was occupied. The General waved him in.

‘Have a seat, Jack.’ Hammond said kindly as Jack entered.

Jack sat in one of the chairs on the opposite side of the General’s desk trying not to show how grateful he was to be off his feet. His whole body felt tired and achy. He shouldn’t be too surprised, he mused, he had been knocked out by an energy blast earlier in the day, slammed against a wall at the hospital when he’d gone to recover the alien by another and then there was the whole Charlie thing…he realised Hammond had started talking and he dragged his attention back to the General.

‘I realise this has been a helluva day for you, Jack.’ Hammond’s Texan accent rolled through the words. ‘It can’t have been easy…’

‘No, sir.’ Jack cut him off and waved a hand in an abstracted apology. ‘To be honest, General, I’d prefer not to dwell.’

Hammond’s blue eyes met Jack’s across the desk and the bald-headed man gave a sharp nod. ‘Fair enough.’ He cleared his throat. ‘How did it go on the planet?’

Jack’s mind flashed back to the sandy planet; the bright yellow sand dotted with brilliant blue crystals and his son standing holding his hand. Not his son. A facsimile. He pushed the image away and focused on answering the General’s question. ‘Good, sir.’ He gestured. ‘I returned all the crystals we took. The alien returned to its crystal form.’ Another flash of memory…

‘I need to go now.’ The slightly stilted words in Charlie’s voice sent a sharp pain through Jack.

‘I know.’

‘You will need to let go of my hand, Jack.’

‘Yes.’ Jack didn’t let go. He crouched down and with his other hand cupped the cheek of the young boy in front of him. ‘I wish…’ The words left his lips unwillingly but it was the truth. A large part of him wished that he could have his son back, that the child in front of him was Charlie and not some alien.

‘Charlie is always with you.’ The alien said. ‘Here.’ He touched Jack’s heart.

Jack nodded. His thumb rubbed over the smooth cheek before he dropped his hand and took a step back. He resisted the urge to beg for the alien to stay as Charlie even as the image of the small boy in front of him slowly transformed into something else – a stream of energy that drifted across the sand and into the crystal.

‘Colonel?’

Hammond’s gentle prompt brought Jack out of his reverie. He flushed a little. ‘Sorry, General. The Unity are interested in maintaining contact.’

‘That’s good news.’ Hammond noted. ‘I’ll schedule a team to go through and make the arrangements.’

‘I think it might be best if SG1 took the mission, sir.’ Jack said. ‘Carter and Daniel did the most studying of the crystals and made the initial contact.’

‘I’ll take that into consideration, Colonel.’ Hammond paused. ‘However, SG1 are on stand down for the next forty-eight hours.’

‘That won’t be necessary, General.’ Jack said quickly.

‘I believe it is.’ Hammond said simply. ‘Doctor Fraiser has recommended the stand down to allow your body to heal from the trauma you sustained during your initial encounter with the crystal.’

Jack shrugged. ‘I’m fine, sir.’

‘Perhaps but I’m taking Doctor Fraiser’s advice on this one.’ Hammond said. He didn’t need Doctor Fraiser to tell him about the tiredness and pain the other man must be feeling; he could see it for himself in the tense lines carved into the Colonel’s face. ‘You can file your mission report on your return.’

‘Yes, sir.’ Jack made to get to his feet and Hammond signalled for him to remain in the chair.

‘One last thing.’ Hammond looked across the desk sympathetically. ‘In regard to your wife’s interaction with the alien…’

Jack’s heart sank. He had hoped that by some fluke everyone would have quietly forgotten about Sara’s involvement.

‘With respect, General, hasn’t she been through enough without us sending someone round to drag her back through what happened?’ Jack said a little of his anger bleeding through into his tone.

‘I’ve sent Doctor Jackson and Captain Carter to do the follow-up.’ Hammond said evenly, ignoring the anger. ‘I thought you would be more comfortable with your own team handling it.’

Jack shifted in the chair. Daniel and Carter. If someone had to do it, he was glad it was them. Still… ‘I’d have preferred to have taken the assignment myself, sir.’

‘That was never going to happen, Jack.’ Hammond said. ‘Even if I was prepared to allow it…’

Jack nodded in understanding. He understood the security restrictions around the programme better than most.

‘I have secured agreement for her to be informed about the programme inasmuch as it pertains to her own experience.’ Hammond said.

Jack nodded again. At least Sara would understand a little, would have something to explain what had happened. ‘Is that it, sir?’

Hammond sighed. ‘If you ever need to talk, Jack, my door’s always open.’

Jack’s breath caught in the back of his throat at the kindness shining from the other man’s eyes. ‘Thank you, General.’

Hammond nodded. ‘Well, once you’ve completed the usual post-travel medical you’re free to leave the base.’

A smile flitted across Jack’s face. ‘Want to check it really is me this time, sir?’

‘I’m learning you can never be too careful.’ Hammond admitted wryly. He wasn’t going to forget that he had allowed the alien pretending to be Jack to walk right out into the world any time soon. ‘Dismissed.’

Jack pushed his way out of the chair and headed for the infirmary. The sooner he got the check out of the way, the sooner he could get home.

o-O-o

Jack woke abruptly, the sound of the gunshot that had killed Charlie loud in his mind. He groaned and rolled into a sitting position on the side of the bed while he rubbed the last vestiges of sleep from his eyes. He glanced at the clock. It was still early. He got up anyway and headed for the bathroom. He never could get back to sleep again after that particular nightmare, the one that replayed his son’s death. The fear that going back to sleep would only mean another repeat made it impossible.

He snapped on the shower, stripped and stepped into it. For a long time, he let the water cascade over him. He rolled his shoulders trying to ease the muscles that were sore after the previous day’s events. His mind drifted back to his late-night phone call with Daniel. The other man had called to let him know that the follow-up had gone well and that Sara was fine. Jack had appreciated the call, had appreciated that Daniel already knew him well enough to know he’d needed the call.

Seeing Sara the day before had been harder than he had expected. They hadn’t seen each other since Jack had left for the first mission to Abydos soon after Charlie’s death. He’d returned to her note telling him she wanted out of their marriage. He couldn’t blame her. He loved her but their marriage had effectively ended the moment the doctor had told them Charlie was dead and she had stepped out of his arms telling him without words that it was his fault. It was ironic that the first time he had held her since their separation was at the same hospital, he thought tiredly.

He knew deep down that she had forgiven him for Charlie’s death; the problem was that he had never been able to forgive himself. He had rejected her attempts to close the chasm that had opened up between them. A large part of him felt that he didn’t deserve the warm and loving wife Sara had been to him prior to the accident; he preferred her anger. She had also in a strange way come to embody everything he had lost; a constant reminder of the son that had been torn away from him and one that he couldn’t deal with. He was honest enough to acknowledge that in amongst the grief and regret at the loss of his marriage there had been relief. He sighed. It had been good to hold her again even though he figured it was going to be the last time. All of their communication was through lawyers as the formal separation of their marriage marched inextricably toward divorce. He didn’t see that changing even with the events of the previous day.

He finished showering and dressed choosing a baggy pair of old corduroys and an old jumper. He headed into his kitchen to stare aimlessly at the contents of his fridge. He’d somehow managed to have enough sense to stop by an all-night store on his way home and the basic provisions sat looking back at him. He should eat something. His stomach churned uneasily. His eyes fell on a beer and for a long moment he was tempted to grab it, start early and drink himself into oblivion. Somehow, he reached for the eggs instead. He set some coffee brewing while he whisked up an omelette.

The doorbell rang.

Jack frowned. It was very early. Too early for visitors. He lowered the heat on the pan and wandered to the front door curiously. He opened it and blinked at the woman standing in front of him.

‘Sara.’

‘Hello, Jack.’ Sara O’Neill smiled a little nervously at her husband, her fingers twisted around the straps of her handbag. ‘I hope you don’t mind I…’

‘No, no. Come in.’ Jack stepped back and let her inside. ‘I was just about to have breakfast. You want some?’

Sara followed him into the kitchen and stared at the sight of the omelette and the coffee. ‘Is this the Jack O’Neill world famous omelette?’ She asked gently.

‘Actually, no.’ Jack said grabbing two mugs. ‘Just plain ordinary omelette.’ He caught her surprised look. He couldn’t blame her. In the weeks following Charlie’s death he had pretty much disappeared into a beer bottle. He was suddenly pleased that he had resisted the temptation to drink. He poured the coffee and handed her a mug.

Sara took it with a murmured word of thanks and he smiled almost shyly at her before he turned back to the stove and served up the meal. She followed him through to the dining area and sat down as he placed the plates on the table. He went back for cutlery and condiments. For a few minutes, neither of them spoke as they concentrated on the food.

Sara pushed a piece of omelette across the plate and looked over at Jack. ‘I had some visitors last night.’

Jack glanced up and took a drink of coffee to wash away the omelette that had suddenly stuck in his throat. ‘I know.’

Of course he knew. ‘Your team seem nice.’ She laid down her fork. She hadn’t come for the food.

‘They are.’ Jack pushed his own plate away.

‘Your Captain Carter fixed the ignition on Dad’s car.’ Sara murmured. She had been working on the car by flashlight when the Captain and Doctor Jackson had arrived.

Jack smiled a little. Trust Carter. ‘She’s good at that. Fixing things.’

‘She told me she likes restoring old classics.’

‘She does?’ Jack asked a little startled. Carter seemed completely focused on her work. He didn’t think she had a life outside the programme.

Sara looked at the confusion on his face. ‘You didn’t know?’

Jack gestured weakly at her. ‘Getting to know people,’ he sighed as he met her blue eyes, ‘that was always your part of the deal.’

Sara smiled. ‘You seemed to have managed OK without me.’ The words came out a little sharper than she had intended.

Jack didn’t know how to reply to that and he kept quiet.

‘Your team…they’re not the usual military types.’ Sara commented.

Jack gave a short laugh. ‘No.’

Sara looked at him fully. ‘But I guess dealing with aliens and travelling to other planets isn’t exactly typical work either.’

He shifted uncomfortably and drank some coffee. His brown eyes settled back on her. ‘Why are you here, Sara?’

‘I don’t know.’ She raised her eyes to the ceiling. Yesterday it had all seemed so different; he had seemed different. Not the alien but him. The man who had held her in the hospital and told her they were the greatest. But today; today it felt like they back to how it had been just after Charlie died; almost strangers looking at each other across a breakfast table. What the hell was she doing here? She flashed back to the night before…

‘Doctor Jackson?’ Sara said. She had gone looking for him when he’d failed to return from the bathroom. She hadn’t expected to find him in Charlie’s room.

‘Oh.’ Daniel put the photo back on the dresser. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude only I saw the open door and the pictures and…’ his voice trailed away and he gave a rueful smile. ‘Sorry.’

‘It’s OK.’ Sara wandered into the room. ‘I come up here a lot just to talk to him.’ There was something about the younger man that invited confidences. ‘I miss him.’ Her eyes filled with tears at the memory of seeing her child again that day, whole and safe. But it hadn’t been Charlie; it had been some kind of alien. She still couldn’t quite get her head around the concept. ‘Sorry, Doctor Jackson.’

‘Please don’t apologise.’ He handed her a handkerchief. ‘And please, call me Daniel.’

She brushed the tears from her cheeks. ‘You know he came up here.’

‘The other Jack? The alien?’ Daniel clarified.

‘Yes.’ Sara shook her head. ‘I’d never seen Jack like that. Without all of his military bravado.’

‘Yeah, he does have a lot of that.’ Daniel said smiling. ‘I mean, the real Jack.’

‘Do you think anything he said was true?’ Sara said.

‘I don’t know.’ Daniel said folding his arms across his chest knowing she was referring to the alien who had pretended to be her husband. ‘The…alien said it looked into Jack’s mind. It’s possible that he was truly expressing Jack’s thoughts and feelings.’

Sara nodded, her fingers drifting over a picture of Charlie.

‘There is one way to find out.’ Daniel said.

She turned to look at him questioningly.

His blue eyes met hers. ‘You could talk to Jack.’

‘Daniel!’ Sam’s shout caught the archaeologist’s attention.

‘I should probably…’ he gestured at the door.

She nodded. She pulled herself together and headed down after him. The couple were stood by the front door. They made a striking pair; a tall, brown-haired man with glasses guarding those piercing blue eyes and a beautiful blonde woman with equally deep blue eyes and a shy smile..

The young Captain looked up at her. ‘We’ll be leaving now, Mrs O’Neill. I’m very sorry we had to take up your time and for your experience today.’

Sara managed a smile as Sam shook hands with her.

‘You go ahead, Sam. I just need a minute.’ Daniel said to his colleague.

Sam looked at him curiously but nodded and left him alone with Sara.

Daniel whipped his notebook out of an inner pocket and scribbled an address. He tore the sheet out and handed it to Sara. ‘It’s Jack’s. I don’t know if you have it…’ his eyes pinned hers. ‘I don’t know if the alien was telling you how Jack felt, all I know is that when we realised that the alien was on his way to you, Jack’s only thought was for you.’ He put the notebook away. ‘I think that kind of says everything about how he feels. Goodbye, Mrs O’Neill.’ He skipped out of the door and was gone before she could say anything else, leaving her with only the memory of a crazy day and Jack’s address clutched in her hand.

‘Sara?’ Jack almost reached out to touch her bandaged hand but as her eyes flickered to hers, he drew back.

‘I couldn’t sleep last night.’ She said her voice almost a whisper. ‘I kept thinking about what happened.’

Jack set his mug down and rubbed at his chest where the guilt pressed heavily against his heart. ‘I’m sorry you had to go through that.’

‘I just…God, Jack. He looked so much like Charlie.’ Her eyes were filled with tears as she raised them to his. ‘So much like you.’

‘It wasn’t me.’ Jack said quietly. ‘It wasn’t Charlie.’

‘I know.’ Sara swiped at the moisture at the corners of her eyes. ‘They explained about the…alien. That’s really why I’m here.’

‘Oh?’ Jack shifted uneasily.

Her blue eyes pinned him. ‘You said you had a fair idea what the other guy said but last night I realised…’ she took a deep breath, ‘I want to hear it from you, Jack. You owe me that much.’

Jack knew he owed her much more. He fiddled with the handle of his mug and looked anywhere but at his wife. He sighed. ‘What do you want me to say, Sara?’

‘I don’t know.’ Sara said exasperated. ‘That you’re sorry. That you’re angry with me for leaving. Anything.’

‘Is that what he said? That I was angry at you for leaving?’ Jack demanded.

‘No,’ Sara admitted, ‘he said he…you left because I was angry at you.’

He jerked his gaze away from her.

‘Is that true?’ She asked gently.

‘You had a right to be angry.’ Jack replied. ‘It was my fault.’

‘No.’

‘Yes.’ Jack shoved his chair back and picked up the plates. He stalked into the kitchen and threw them in the sink. He stood braced against the kitchen counter. He couldn’t do this; he couldn’t talk to her when it had all happened and he couldn’t do it now.

‘It happened in our house, Jack. It was your gun.’

Her voice drifted over to him from the doorway and he closed his eyes.

Sara swallowed hard. ‘But it wasn’t your fault and it wasn’t the reason I was angry when you left, Jack. You shut me out. I knew you were in pain but so was I. You weren’t the only one who lost Charlie. You wouldn’t let me in and I needed you.’

He could hear the tears in her voice. ‘I know.’ He whispered.

His quiet admission took her breath away. So the alien had been telling the truth. Suddenly the rest of it didn’t seem that important anymore. She went back into the dining room and picked up her handbag. When she re-entered the kitchen he was facing her, his brown eyes guarded. ‘I brought you something.’ She reached into the bag and brought out a baseball. Charlie’s.

Jack took it from her and clutched it tightly; Charlie had loved to play catch.

‘I thought…’ she shrugged, ‘you should have something of his here with you.’

‘I don’t deserve…’ The words slipped out.

There was a tense silence as he retreated again.

Sara’s blue gaze ran over her husband. ‘Is that why you pushed me away? Is that why you didn’t come after me when I left?’

Jack’s eyes shot to hers. ‘You wanted me to come after you?’

‘Of course I wanted you to come after me.’ Sara said simply. It had broken her heart when he hadn’t.

He pushed a hand through his short crop of hair. ‘Sara,’ he sighed, ‘you know I was always crap at that reading your mind stuff.’

Sara gave an unwilling laugh.

Jack leaned back against the sink and folded his arms. ‘The way I was…I understood you wanting out.’

‘I didn’t want out.’ Sara said hugging her stomach. ‘But you’d already left.’

His brown eyes remained steady on hers; he couldn’t argue with her. In every way that mattered he had left her long before she had left him. If the original Abydos mission had gone to plan, he wouldn’t have returned at all.

‘And now I really have lost you.’ Sara murmured realising the truth of it as she said the words. She’d half-realised it at the hospital the day before but Daniel’s words had somehow resurrected the buried hope she’d had.

‘Sara…’

Sara shook her head and raised a hand as though to keep him at a distance. ‘You’ve moved on, Jack. You have your new mission and your team. They’ve given you purpose again. You have another life now; one that doesn’t include me.’ She sighed as she remembered the sight of him the day before running toward her down a hospital corridor; shouting orders, commanding, being Jack.

He was surprised at how much it hurt to hear the words out loud but he knew she was right. If Charlie had still been alive, if they had still been a family he doubted that he would have ever gotten involved with the Stargate programme but Charlie was dead and their marriage was gone. The programme had become his second chance and as much as he mourned Charlie and missed Sara, he was moving one painful step at a time away from them and building a new life. He managed a half-smile. ‘I still love you.’

‘I still love you too.’ Sara replied. She closed the distance between them and her hand cupped his rough cheek as she leaned forward to kiss him softly. ‘Goodbye, Jack.’

She was gone before he could say anything, do anything else. The sound of the front door closing echoed in the silence of his kitchen. Jack held his son’s baseball tightly and bowed his head as the tears streamed down his face.

o-O-o

It was just before lunch-time when the doorbell rang again. He tried to ignore it, kept his eyes resolutely on the yellow cartoon figures on his TV screen and took another sip of his beer.

It rang again more stridently.

‘Dammit.’ He muttered. He paused the video, put the baseball on the coffee table along with the half-finished bottle of beer and went to answer it.

He flung the door open and his eyes fell on the rest of SG1. For a moment, they all stared at each other, almost in shock. Jack’s eyes drifted over the casual clothes they were all wearing and settled on Teal’c’s Chicago baseball cap.

‘Well, this is a surprise.’ Jack said dryly.

‘Hi.’ Daniel said clearing his throat. ‘Funny story; we were…’ he struggled and his blue eyes darted to Sam.

‘In the neighbourhood.’ Sam said. ‘Looking for apartments for Daniel.’

‘Right. We were looking for apartments for me.’ Daniel nodded. ‘And we were driving by so…’

‘Thought we’d visit.’ Sam said brightly. ‘If that’s OK with you, sir.’

Jack was tempted to comment that their cover story needed work. He glanced from Daniel’s eager face, to Carter’s cautiously hopeful eyes to Teal’c.

The Jaffa held up two flat boxes. ‘We brought pizza, O’Neill.’

Jack smiled crookedly. ‘Well, why didn’t you just say so?’ He opened the door wider and let them in.

fin.