Storytime with Rachel F Hundred

Captain Samantha Carter resolutely ignored the Goa’uld technology sat on the briefing room table in front of her and focused on the report her commanding officer was giving to the SGC commander.

‘…and so this huge, huge, spaceship shows up and starts eliminating all traces of the Goa’uld.’ Colonel Jack O’Neill waved his hands dramatically. ‘The ship. The Jaffa. All of them. Just plucked them right off the planet, sir.’

‘It was indeed impressive.’ Teal’c concurred, folding his hands over his stomach.

‘Was it a weapon of some kind?’ General Hammond asked, his blue eyes sharp with interest.

‘No, sir.’ Sam interjected before her CO could reply. ‘I believe it was beaming technology similar to that used to transport the Colonel and Teal’c to the labyrinth, sir, or Daniel and myself to the Hall of Might.’

‘I believe she’s right, General.’ Daniel Jackson said, supporting his team-mate.

‘Still,’ the General mused thoughtfully, ‘the discovery of that kind of technology is exactly the mission of this programme. Were you able to talk to the Asgard at all about an alliance with Earth?’

The members of SG1 exchanged a rueful look.

‘Not exactly, sir.’ Jack said with a sigh, throwing his pen down on the empty pad of paper in front of him.

‘As we explained, sir, we did speak with Thor in the Hall of Might,’ Sam said apologetically, ‘but we were focused on asking for his assistance on Cimmeria and…’

‘…and our audience was cut short once Thor realised the Goa’uld were on Cimmeria.’ Daniel added.

Hammond waved her apology away. ‘No need to explain, Captain, Doctor.’

‘Gairwyn told us that Thor had told her we were too young still to talk to him.’ Daniel said glumly.

‘I see.’ Hammond sighed. ‘That is unfortunate. I don’t need to tell you that we could do with making alliances with worlds and races whose technology matches or exceeds the Goa’uld.’

‘I think the Asgard view us very much like the Nox.’ Daniel continued.

Jack waved a hand at the archaeologist. ‘But these guys are so much better than the Nox.’

‘Better?’ Daniel repeated, staring at Jack perplexed.

‘Don’t get me wrong; I love the Nox, love them,’ Jack stressed, ‘but the Asgard are obviously prepared to fight the Goa’uld and not just sit passively on the fence.’

‘I didn’t see the Asgard fighting.’ Daniel argued passionately leaning over the table at the Colonel sat opposite him. ‘They just beamed everything away.’

‘They’re at war with the Goa’uld, Daniel.’ Jack pointed out. ‘That sounds an awful lot like they’re involved in fighting them to me.’

Daniel opened his mouth to speak and Hammond jumped in.

‘As fascinating as this discussion is perhaps we can return to the matter at hand?’ The General said mildly, his own amusement at the exchange well-hidden.

‘Sorry, sir.’ Jack said as Daniel mumbled his own apology. The Colonel shifted uncomfortably his eyes flickering briefly to Sam beside him before he gestured at the ribbon device and healing device sat on the briefing table. ‘We may have failed to secure an alliance with the Asgard, sir, but as you can see, we were able to recover some Goa’uld technology.’

‘Yes.’ Hammond stared at the objects with distaste. ‘You say they belonged to the former host you met on your previous visit.’

‘Yes.’ Daniel said. ‘Kendra died in the first wave of attacks on Cimmeria and they were left by her grave as it’s the Norse custom…’

‘Gairwyn gave us permission to take them, sir.’ Jack interrupted Daniel before he could begin lecturing in earnest on the burial rites of the Vikings.

‘And Sam can use them.’ Daniel blurted out.

Sam tried to look invisible.

‘Excuse me?’ Hammond’s bald head whipped around to look at the blonde Air Force officer.

Sam straightened in her chair and met his concerned gaze directly. ‘I appear to possess the ability to make the devices work, sir, although,’ she waved a hand at the glittering gold on the table, ‘I was only able to activate the ribbon device when I tried. I couldn’t do anything with the hand healing device.’

‘When you say you were able to activate it…’ Hammond began.

‘I was able to produce an energy blast.’ Sam felt her mouth go dry at the words as the memory pounded in her head…

The gold gleamed dully in its wooden vessel and Sam reached for the ribbon device without thinking. She was most of the way through attaching it before she realised what she had done prompted by Daniel’s wary call to her. She didn’t know how to answer him; only stared at her hand encased in the flimsy metal. A faint memory teased at the edge of her consciousness as she felt the cold metal on her skin. The crystal sat in the palm of her hand, a heavy and strangely familiar weight. Her veins buzzed with something; an itch along her skin, in her head. She turned her palm upwards and stared at the device…something…the power surged and the crystal glowed.

‘You possess the power.’ Gairwyn exclaimed.

‘What?’ Sam said panicked. Her hand had become foreign to Sam; the alien device adorning it adding to her sense of disassociation from it. She looked at Daniel who had moved to the other side of Kendra’s grave.

‘Well, that would make sense, wouldn’t it?’ He said.

Sam didn’t see it herself. ‘Why?’ She demanded.

‘Well, Kendra retained the power to use Goa’uld technology because she used to be a host to a Goa’uld. You must retain the ability because you were host to Jolinar.’

Sam’s eyes widened. ‘Yeah, but I have no control over this.’ She admitted.

‘Kendra said it took her years to master the magic of the power.’ Gairwyn said comfortingly.

Jack paused by the gathered group. ‘Are we ready to move out here?’

‘Uh, a little discovery here.’ Daniel said, gesturing at their female team-mate. ‘Sam seems to have the ability to use Goa’uld technology.’

‘Really?’ Jack’s brown eyes landed on her sceptically. ‘Let’s see.’

Sam shifted nervously. ‘Well, it seems to have a mind of its own, sir.’

‘Concentrate.’ Gairwyn encouraged.

Sam held her hand out, palm facing towards the ground and did as the Cimmerian woman asked. She focused. A pressure built in her mind; the whisper of memories not her own. She could feel the strange zinging in her veins again, the sensations of something crawling beneath her skin and the rush as the power expelled itself through the device, blasting the soil.

They all flinched; their arms went up to protect themselves from the flying dirt.

Jack lowered his arm and gestured at a frozen Sam. ‘Hey! Watch where you’re pointing that thing!’

She belatedly realised her palm was directed at him and Gairwyn. ‘Sorry.’ She muttered as she hastened to remove the device from her hand; she wanted it off her and she wasn’t sure she ever wanted to put it back on again…

‘Captain?’

Sam jerked at the sound of the General’s concerned voice and her cheeks reddened as she realised she hadn’t been paying attention. ‘Sorry, sir.’

Hammond turned back to Jack. ‘You were saying, Colonel.’

Jack’s worried brown eyes shifted from Sam back to the General. ‘As I was saying, sir, I would class that thing,’ he pointed at the ribbon device, ‘as a liability rather than an asset at this point. It could easily take us out never mind the enemy.’

Sam flushed feeling as though she had been chastised for her inability to control the device although she knew her CO hadn’t meant it like that and she couldn’t actually deny his point.

‘But if Sam learns to use them over time, they could be a huge asset.’ Daniel argued.

‘I’m not sure about that, Daniel.’ Jack said firmly. ‘Tactically, that device has limited use in the field.’

‘The Goa’uld use the device primarily as a personal weapon for their own protection.’ Teal’c added. ‘It serves no purpose in battle.’

Jack pointed at him. ‘See.’

‘The healing device would be an asset though. You can’t deny that.’ Daniel gestured. ‘Imagine if you’d had it when you guys were stuck in Antarctica.’

Jack sighed as even Teal’c inclined his head in agreement. ‘He has a point, General.’

Hammond nodded. He looked over at Sam who had stayed quiet during the exchange between her team-mates. ‘Captain?’

Sam tried hard not to squirm as all eyes turned in her direction. ‘According to Gairwyn, it took Kendra a significant amount of time to learn how to use the devices and she was a Goa’uld host for a much longer period than my experience with Jolinar. She may even have retained memories of how to use them. I’m not certain I’ll ever be able to use the devices fully as she did, sir.’ She paused. ‘Also given that Kendra and I have retained this ability, it suggests that there is a physiological reason why we’re able to use the devices and if that’s true there maybe side-effects from using the technology without a Goa’uld symbiote.’

Daniel frowned at her across the table. ‘But…’

Hammond held up a hand. ‘It seems to me that we need to understand a lot more about these devices before we begin to consider them for any field use.’ His tone had an air of finality. ‘I’ll assign one of our base scientists to look at the devices and their potential use.’ He focused back on Sam. ‘Captain, you may be needed for the odd test in determining how these devices work.’

‘I understand, sir.’ Sam said, hiding her distaste at the idea.

He sighed. ‘I also don’t have to tell you that this news is likely to convince the Pentagon to continue your restriction to base.’ The restriction had been in place since Sam’s experience with Jolinar despite attempts to convince the Pentagon it was no longer necessary given Sam’s recovery.

Sam nodded; it had already occurred to her given the past reasons why the Pentagon hadn’t lifted the restriction.

Hammond finished the debriefing and dismissed them. The team headed for the elevator with an Airman who took custody of the Goa’uld technology. Daniel and Jack picked up their discussion on the Asgard and the Nox and Sam listened to their continued bickering with amusement. The Airmen headed out to the science labs and Daniel made to leave before he realised Sam wasn’t moving. The elevator doors slid shut as he frowned at her.

‘You’re not going to the labs?’ Daniel asked surprised.

Sam shook her head. ‘It’s late. I think I’m going to head for bed.’

The three men exchanged a look of surprise.

‘What?’ She asked defensively.

‘Nothing.’ Jack denied. He held her gaze. ‘You OK, Carter?’

‘Yes, sir. Just a little tired.’ Sam explained.

Daniel’s frown deepened. ‘You think that’s a side-effect from using the Goa’uld device?’

‘I’m just tired, Daniel.’ Sam said firmly.

‘I thought you’d want to get started on working out how they operate.’ Daniel said, pushing his glasses up his nose. Sam was usually the first one ready to work on a new piece of technology.

She shrugged unwilling to admit that she didn’t really want to have anything to do with the Goa’uld devices at all.

‘Well, they’re not going anywhere, Daniel,’ Jack said mildly, stepping into support Sam, ‘and we could all do with a good night’s sleep.’

Sam smiled gratefully at him.

‘But…’ Daniel began.

‘You’re just trying to change the subject,’ Jack accused him lightly, ‘because you know I’m right; the Asgard would make better allies than the Nox.’

‘You’re not right.’ Daniel shot back successfully diverted.

The elevator slid to a halt at the floor for Sam’s quarters and she slipped out with a murmured goodnight to the guys.

Daniel sighed. ‘You guys really think she’s OK? She always loves taking new technology apart. I mean, she should be excited by this’

‘I think she’s OK.’ Jack said, covering his own concern.

‘I believe Captain Carter is disturbed by her ability to use the Goa’uld technology.’ Teal’c stated.

Daniel missed Jack’s visible wince at the Jaffa’s blunt honesty as his brow creased in confusion. ‘But why? I mean, it’s great that she can use it. It’s finally something positive to come out of her experience with Jolinar.’

‘Maybe she just doesn’t see it that way, Daniel.’ Jack commented, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

‘It is likely another reminder of her traumatic experience.’ Teal’c offered.

‘Yeah, there’s that.’ Jack agreed, remembering the look of revulsion on Sam’s face after she had activated the ribbon device.

Daniel slumped against the wall of the compartment. ‘Why didn’t she say something?’

‘This is Carter we’re talking about.’ Jack pointed out exasperated.

‘I should go and see her.’ Daniel said straightening. ‘Check that she’s OK.’

Jack and Teal’c exchanged a look.

‘Why don’t you leave it for tonight and give her some space, Daniel?’ Jack suggested. ‘She’s had a big day finding out about all this. She probably just needs some time to get her head around it.’

‘Indeed,’ agreed Teal’c.

‘I guess you’re right.’ Daniel said, unhappily folding his arms.

Jack slapped his hand onto Daniel’s shoulder. ‘Now about the Asgard…’

o-O-o

Sam had just pulled the covers back on her bed when she heard the knock on the door to her room. She frowned. ‘Who is it?’

‘It’s me, Daniel.’

Sam looked down at her attire of a t-shirt and pyjama pants and sighed. He’d seen her in less. She padded over to the door and opened it. ‘What’s up?’

Daniel pushed past her into the room and whirled to face her as she closed the door. ‘I wanted to see how you were.’ He’d gotten half-way to his apartment before he had turned his car around and headed back to the base. He’d been too disturbed at the idea that Sam might be alone and hurting despite Teal’c’s assurance that he would check in on their team-mate.

‘What for?’ Sam asked bemused.

‘Because I got so excited about the Goa’uld technology that I forgot how finding out you could use it probably made you feel.’ Daniel said as he caught her blue eyes with his own abashed gaze. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘You don’t need to apologise, Daniel.’ Sam said as she sat down on the end of the bed. Her fingers plucked at the old quilt. ‘You didn’t do anything wrong.’

Daniel grabbed a chair by the desk and sat down in front of her. ‘So; how do you feel about everything that’s happened today?’

She shrugged. ‘I don’t know.’ She said honestly. She looked down at the pattern on the bedspread, her finger tracing over it. ‘You know when we met Kendra, I thought she was a bit of a…a flake but she must have been so strong, Daniel.’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t know how she did it; living for so long as a host and surviving afterwards, learning to use the technology so she could help people.’ she rubbed her arms. ‘I wish she was still alive.’

‘Because she would have truly understood what you’ve been through.’ Daniel surmised, his blue eyes gleaming with empathy.

Sam nodded. ‘Don’t get me wrong, Daniel, you guys have been great and I don’t know how I would have got through the last few months without you all but…’

‘But we don’t really understand what you’re feeling.’ Daniel sighed.

‘I just hope this is it,’ Sam said simply, ‘that there aren’t anymore surprises because at the moment it just feels like every time I think I’m OK, something else happens.’ Her eyes caught on something in Daniel’s expression and she frowned. ‘What?’

‘Well, I was just thinking,’ Daniel began his innate curiosity surfacing again, ‘why did you put the ribbon device on? I mean, when I realised what you were doing, you looked like you were in a trance.’

Sam recalled the detachment she had felt as she had placed her hand through the metal and slipped the finger pieces on. ‘I don’t know.’ She said eventually. ‘I picked it up to have a closer look but then…I don’t know I wasn’t thinking about what I was doing exactly, I didn’t even realise I was putting it on until you said my name.’

Daniel leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. ‘Do you think that maybe you put it on without thinking because as a Goa’uld it would be second nature to you? Something you would do without thinking. I mean, I’m not saying you’re a Goa’uld because you’re not; obviously,’ he added hurriedly at her look of horror, ‘but you have the memories of one buried in your subconscious and that has to include ingrained personality traits and habits. Maybe putting on the ribbon device was one of Jolinar’s.’

It was an uncomfortable thought, Sam mused, hugging herself tightly.

Daniel took a deep breath. ‘Have you thought about exploring Jolinar’s memories?’ He suggested. ‘Maybe there’s something in them that would be explain all this. We could try hypnosis or…’

Sam felt her stomach roil at the thought of examining her buried memories. ‘I don’t think so, Daniel.’

‘You were able to pick up on the information about the use of the sarcophagus being detrimental to someone’s health.’ Daniel said. ‘Who knows what other useful information they could hold? Maybe they’ll show you how to use the devices or…or even how to find the Tok’ra.’

‘The Tok’ra?’ Sam asked taken aback.

‘I’ve been doing some research and there are a couple of ancient texts that mention a resistance to Ra led by a Queen.’ Daniel explained. ‘It’s all very vague but they do exist and the key to finding them could be in Jolinar’s memories.’

‘I don’t want Jolinar’s memories.’ Sam said forcefully. ‘It’s bad enough I was a host without all…this.’ She swept her hands through her hair and bowed her head. ‘I just want to be me. I don’t want to have the memories of a Goa’uld or be able to use their technology. All I want is just to be me.’ Her voice dropped to a whisper. ‘Samantha Carter.’

Daniel moved to the bed and put his arm around Sam rubbing her back gently. She resisted for a moment before she eased her head onto his shoulder.

‘I’m sorry, Sam.’ Daniel said. ‘I talk too much. You should just punch me or something, shut me up.’

Sam gave a short laugh. ‘I wouldn’t suggest that to Teal’c. He might take you literally.’

‘Yeah.’ Daniel agreed. ‘I don’t think I’ll suggest it to Jack either; he’d probably just take me up on it.’

She laughed then and eased away from him.

Daniel dropped his hand from her back and slipped off the bed. ‘I’d better get going.’

Sam nodded and got up. ‘Thanks, Daniel.’ She walked him to the door and opened it.

He stopped just outside and turned back to her. ‘Sam…’

She looked at him quizzically.

He smiled a little hesitantly. ‘At the risk of being punched, I think you should consider the memory thing.’ He held up a hand. ‘Think about it. If the Tok’ra really do exist then who better to help you understand everything you’re going through?’ He gestured at her. ”Night.’

”Night.’ She said belatedly as he walked away down the corridor. She shut the door slowly and walked back over to the bed where she climbed under the covers. She snapped the light off, plunging the room into darkness but her eyes stayed open staring at the ceiling as their conversation played over and over in her head.

o-O-o

She was running. Trees zipping past her, branches scratching her skin, pulling at the silken garment she wore. Her harsh pants rent the air. The Jaffa were close behind her; she could hear the clang and clink of their metal armour. She tripped on a fallen branch and almost lost her footing; she kept going. She had a cargo ship hidden in the forest…she could make it…

The staff blast heated her skin as it shot past her cheek and impacted the tree in front of her. She gave a cry; her arms going up to protect herself from the splinters that flew toward her face. She turned; they were almost on her; she could see their faces, hear their grunts.

She stopped and drew a breath. Her hand went up; palm outwards to the Jaffa soldiers…power raced through her veins sharp and sweet…the blast hit them squarely, threw them backwards…they were dead. Her body buzzed at the sight of the corpses…

Sam woke with a gasp in the darkness and fumbled for the light. The nightmare pounded in her veins, her vision seeing not the reassuring grey walls of her quarters but the green foliage closing in on her. She struggled into a sitting position and took a deep breath, then another. Her heartbeat finally slowed; reality asserting itself. She slumped back on the pillows and reached for the water by her bed. She gulped greedily, liquid spilling down her chin. She wiped it away with the back of her hand. The nightmare was already fading; the details obscured by her flight into consciousness and leaving only the faint trace of fear and danger.

She was crying, she realised in shock, feeling the wetness on her cheeks. She rubbed at her eyes. She wouldn’t cry. She was done crying about this, she thought furiously. It didn’t stop the tears and finally she gave in. She pressed her face to the pillow, covered her head with her arms and sobbed. It seemed like hours later that she stirred. Her eyes stung; her throat was raw.

She felt better.

She slipped from the bed and pulled her grandmother’s quilt around her to give her warmth before she padded over to the bookshelf and picked up the picture of her parents, her eyes drinking in the image of her late mother. She replaced it on the shelf and picked up her music box. She carried it back to the bed and clambered into the centre. A moment later she sat cross-legged, snuggled into the folds of the quilt with the box open in front of her.

The strains of the music drifted out and soothed her. Sam closed her eyes and rocked back and forth to the melody…

‘Samantha?’ Katherine Carter knocked gently and pushed the semi-open door of her teenage daughter’s bedroom open.

Sam looked up from her place in the centre of her bed, her old childhood bear clutched to her and her music box open in front of her. She swiped at the tears on her pale face. ‘Sorry, Mom. I didn’t mean to wake you.’

Katherine tightened the belt on her dressing gown and crossed the room to sit beside her daughter. ‘What’s wrong, sweetie?’ She asked, stroking Sam’s long blonde hair over her shoulder.

‘Nightmare.’ Sam mumbled. Her mother sat close enough that she could smell the lotion her mother used on her skin; the faint citrus scent comforted her.

‘What about?’ Katherine asked gently. It had been years since Sam had experienced a nightmare.

‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ Sam said, shifting position and avoiding her mother’s sapphire blue eyes.

Katherine reached into a pocket and wiped her daughter’s tears from her heart-shaped face, awed as always at the smart, beautiful child she had borne. ‘Blow.’ She advised, handing the tissue to Sam.

Sam followed the instruction.

Her mother gently brushed Sam’s bangs out of her eyes and held her gaze firmly. ‘Now tell me about your nightmare.’

Sam shook her head stubbornly.

Katherine repressed the urge to sigh. Sometimes Sam was very much Jacob’s daughter. ‘You know, Samantha, nightmares and dreams are our mind’s way of talking to us. They show us things we need to deal with and there’s no pointing hiding from them. You only make your fear worse if you don’t confront them.’ She nudged Sam’s chin until her daughter was looking at her. ‘Tell me about your nightmare.’

Sam dropped her gaze and shivered. ‘I dreamt Dad died.’

‘You dreamt your Dad died?’ Katherine repeated searching Sam’s expression.

‘There were officers who came and you tried to stop them from telling us but they said it anyway.’ Sam confessed, the words spilling out in a rush. ‘That Dad was gone; that he’d died.’

‘Oh honey.’ Katherine sighed and clasped Sam to her. She rubbed Sam’s back comfortingly. ‘I know you’re worried about your father’s new assignment.’ Jacob had left for overseas the day before. She sighed and pulled back to look at Sam sombrely. ‘I won’t lie to you, Samantha; there is going to be day, hopefully in the dim and distant future when your father, or I, maybe both of us, won’t be with you anymore.’ She cupped Sam’s cheek. ‘People die, sweetie, that’s life and you’re too smart not to know that. But you need to remember something.’

‘What?’ whispered Sam.

‘We’re always going to be with you too.’ Katherine touched her hand to Sam’s chest. ‘Right in here. You’ll never be truly alone, sweetie, because we’re a part of you.’

‘I like that.’ Sam murmured. ‘But you’re not going to die any time soon, right?’

Katherine smiled and brushed her own blonde hair back over her shoulder. ‘I’m not planning to and neither is your Dad.’ She tweaked Sam’s nose and was reassured as Sam smiled back at her.

‘Come on, trouble, back into bed. You’ve got school tomorrow.’ Katherine directed. One hand pushed Sam back towards the pillows as the other closed the music box. She placed it on the bedside table before she smoothed the quilt over Sam in a gesture her teenage daughter hadn’t let her perform for a couple of years.

Katherine kissed her forehead and smiled down at her daughter. ‘Remember; don’t hide from your nightmares, Samantha. Be brave and face them.’

Sam closed the music box. She set it aside, switched the light off and settled back on her pillows, staring into the darkness with the words her mother had spoken to her so many years before ringing in her ears.

o-O-o

‘So what’s up, Carter?’ Jack asked without preamble. He’d come directly to Sam’s lab on entering the base. The Captain had woken him with a phone call asking to speak to him as soon as he got in and the urgency in her voice had convinced him getting an early start to the day would be a good idea. He hadn’t even bothered to change into his uniform from his civvies outfit of khaki pants, black t-shirt and leather jacket before making his way to see her.

Sam turned around from her computer as Jack entered closing the door behind him. She briefly wondered how Jack managed to look effortlessly awake at six o’clock in the morning whereas she looked like she had been dragged through a hedge backwards. ‘Thanks for coming to see me so quickly, sir.’

Jack shrugged. ‘It sounded important.’ He hopped up onto the central workbench beside her, his hands automatically reaching for a gadget Carter had left lying around.

She took a deep breath and met his curious brown eyes directly. ‘Sir, I’ve been thinking…’

He resisted the urge to make a glib remark.

‘…about the memories of Jolinar that I have in my subconscious.’ She took another breath. ‘I think they should be examined to see if there is any useful intel.’

Jack’s expression had sobered completely at her words. ‘Examined?’ He asked.

‘Yes, sir.’ Sam gestured at him weakly. ‘Through hypnosis or some other means.’

He pressed his lips together as he considered his response. ‘Can I ask what prompted this decision?’

Sam dropped her gaze. She suppressed the urge to wipe the palms of her hands on her thighs. ‘It was really Daniel’s suggestion…’

‘Daniel.’ Jack sighed. He shook his head. He might have known the younger man wouldn’t have left it alone. ‘Sorry, Carter.’ He apologised as she looked at him quizzically. ‘Continue.’

‘Well, Daniel thought if I examined the memories we might be able to discover how to use the Goa’uld technology we brought back from Cimmeria or even find the Tok’ra…’

‘The Tok’ra?’ Jack asked sceptically.

‘Daniel researched them and he thinks there is the possibility that they really do exist, sir.’ Sam said hurriedly.

Of course Daniel had researched them, Jack thought dryly.

‘…and if they do exist then they might be potential allies.’ Sam continued.

Jack had his own thoughts on that but he didn’t share them. He sighed and put the gadget back down. He clasped his hands together and looked at Sam. ‘You know, Carter, I kinda got the impression you just wanted to put all this behind you. Why the change of mind?’

‘Well, like Daniel said sir…’

‘Forget Daniel.’ Jack ordered. He held her surprised gaze. ‘What do you want? Really want.’

Sam bit her lip. The conversation wasn’t going the way she had anticipated. She’d expected the Colonel to jump at the chance for them to find a way to use the Goa’uld technology or gather more intel. She shuffled a little nervously under his steady regard. She forced her gaze upwards to meet his.

‘I want to forget it ever happened, sir,’ she admitted quietly, ‘but it did.’ She gathered her thoughts. ‘Whether I like it or not I have these memories.’ She hesitated before she confessed the rest. ‘And I remembered something my Mom said to me.’

‘Oh?’ Jack said interested.

Sam nodded. ‘She told me once that I shouldn’t hide from my nightmares; that I should always be brave and face them.’ She gestured at him. ‘If I do nothing with these memories, if I hide from them, then everything I’ve been through will have been for nothing.’ She shrugged. ‘If I face the memories and find something, even something small, maybe it’ll help make it worthwhile somehow; give what happened to me some meaning. That’s why I want…’ she stopped and corrected herself, ‘that’s why I need to do this, Colonel.’

His brown eyes remained locked on hers as he considered his answer. ‘OK.’ He said simply. ‘I’ll take it to General Hammond.’

She breathed out in relief. ‘Thank you, sir.’

‘I’m sure he’ll want to speak to you himself about it,’ Jack commented, jumping down from the bench, ‘and there’s bound to be a host of physical and psych tests you’ll need to do before anything happens.’

‘Understood, sir.’ Sam said.

‘And feel free to change your mind again, Carter.’ Jack said firmly. ‘Nobody’s going to force you into doing this if you don’t want to; I’ll make sure of that.’

She nodded, reassured and convinced by the protectiveness gleaming in his eyes.

‘OK, then.’ Jack tapped the workbench and gestured at the door. ‘I’m going to find some coffee.’

‘Yes, sir.’ Sam spun back towards her computer.

‘Sam.’

She looked over her shoulder surprised at Jack’s use of her first name and frowned at the sight of him; he stood framed in the open doorway, backlit from the light in the corridor. ‘Sir?’

Jack’s warm brown eyes met her inquisitive blue gaze. ‘Your Mom would be proud of you.’ He gave her a lopsided smile and left.

Sam stared at the empty space stunned before she turned jerkily back to her monitor, a strange sense of peace enveloping her. She closed her eyes briefly, a hand drifting to press against her heart as her mother’s had once done. ‘Thank you, Mom.’ She whispered. Her eyes opened again; resolute and determined.

Samantha Carter got back to work.

fin.