Storytime with Rachel F Hundred

When she wakes Tahl knows immediately that she’s in the Temple.

The Force is calm and gentle around her.  There is Light blanketing her, healing her. 

Soft linens caress her skin, comfort her with the familiarity of their fresh scent surrounding her.

She sinks back into sleep.

o-O-o

The next time Tahl swims to the surface of consciousness, there is sound at the edges of her hearing; muffled and angry, but she can make out the who easily enough.

Qui-Gon.

Her fellow latent Sentinel is a rock in the Force; deep and immovable; steadfast and strong.

She can lean against him and know he’ll support her weight.

He was there when she lost consciousness and so was his young apprentice.

She can’t hear Obi-Wan.

Can’t feel him near either.

The idle question of where Obi-Wan is darts through her mind like a startled rabbit. 

Guide, her mind whispers.

A flash of something flickering in her memory…red hair spiky and messy, freckled face streaked with dirt, a stubborn look on his so-young face lit up with his lightsabre…and Qui-Gon’s voice angry and stern…

There is something important in the memory, but she’s tired and the idea that she should remember something more fades away as she sinks back into the bliss of sleep.

o-O-o

It’s dark when she opens her eyes.

Dark and unrelenting.

Her eyes sting badly and when she raises a shaky hand and risks a touch, she finds them bound in bandages.

Her hand is caught in another as the sob crawls out of her throat.

Qui-Gon.

Steady and strong.

She leans on his strength as her tears soak the bandages and she falls eagerly back into the depths of dreams where she sees.

o-O-o

The soup is bland, but what little flavour there is, hints of onno and salty meaty stock, bursts across her tongue.  She swallows and carefully dips the spoon back into the bowl.  She lifts another careful spoonful to her mouth, awareness stretched in the Force to ensure she doesn’t spill a drop.

Four spoons later and she is full.

She pushes the tray away, only for it to be caught by Qui-Gon and removed.

He’s at her side constantly it seems.

But no Obi-Wan.

Tahl frowns.

She can’t remember seeing or hearing or feeling Obi-Wan since the beginning of her recovery. 

It’s not like the kind-hearted compassionate latent Guide she’s grown to know in the year he’s apprenticed with Qui-Gon.

There is something she is supposed to remember.

Qui-Gon is beside her, straightening covers and checking her pillows, but something stops her from asking.

A whisper in the Force: not yet. 

She follows the whisper into sleep.

o-O-o

Two ten-days from her first stirring, Tahl feels stronger.

She walks the distance of the room with Qui-Gon hovering instead of his hand under her elbow for support.  She sits back down on the bed, an edge of breathlessness under her ribcage.

They’re going to release her soon back to her own quarters.

She’s glad.

She’s spent too many days cooped up in her sick room, recovering her senses, recovering her strength.

She’s strong enough now to ask.  “Qui-Gon?”

“Hmmm?”

“Where is Obi-Wan?”

She doesn’t need her sight to know he goes so still he could be a rock. 

The Force swirls around her and her memory flickers.

Obi-Wan, copper hair such a mess, face so dirty and tear-streaked, lit with the lightsabre glow, lit from within by the Force. 

Awakened. 

Awakened as a Guide.

A dark slick of guilt slides into the Force.

Tahl breathes in sharply.  Her voice goes hard.  “What did you do, Qui-Gon Jinn?”

o-O-o

The air is colder in the Council Chamber. 

Her thick skin prickles into bumps. 

Tahl stands tall in the centre, the Force showing her the Council members arrayed in front of her in their half-circle formation.  Qui-Gon stands beside her.

“Summoned us, you do?” Master Yoda says gently.

Someone sniffs as though annoyed at the summons.  Probably Poof; he’s arrogant that way.

“Surely this can wait until you are more recovered?” suggested Adi Gallia in the same careful tone Yoda used as though Tahl is made of glass and will break.

“Master Jinn told me his report on Melida/Daan and I am here to tell you what he said is incomplete at best, and lacking in veracity through lies of omission at worst,” Tahl said firmly.  “We must act with urgency if we are to help Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

“Kenobi?”  Someone says out loud. 

Mace Windu clears his throat in a way that Tahl instantly recognises him.  “Qui-Gon, you told us your Padawan requested to leave the Jedi because he had formed feelings of attachment to a group of friends.  Is this the truth?”

Qui-Gon ripples with guilt in the Force.

Tahl shoots him a look with unseeing eyes.  “I will give you the option again: you will tell them, or I will.”

Qui-Gon falls to his knees, repentant.  “I cannot.”

Alarm stirs in the Council. 

“Master Tahl, please provide your report,” Alxa Kress’ melodic vocoder voice said crisply.

Tahl takes a breath and ignores the ache in her chest, the tremble of her muscles.  “The Melida and the Daan have been at war for centuries.  I was sent to broker a peace agreement, but they only ever intended to hold me as a hostage, to demand the Republic provide them with weapons.  I was taken prisoner shortly after my arrival and rescued days later by Master Jinn and his Padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

“In this your reports align,” Plo Koon said soothingly.

“This is where our reports diverge,” Tahl says bluntly. 

She feels Qui-Gon flinch through the Force.

She takes another breath.  “The children of the Melida and Daan have formed a third faction in the war called the Young.  They are fighting for peace.  Obi-Wan secured their help to find me and with that help I was found.”

“Children are fighting?” Koon sounds horrified.

“Children,” Tahl says.  “What is worse is that their parents, their grandparents, raise arms against them; think nothing of killing them for daring to try and bring peace.”  She took a breath.  “Cerasi and Nield lead the Young, they became close with Obi-Wan.  When my condition worsened and Master Jinn determined I had to return to the Temple, they asked us to stay, no – they begged us to stay and help them.  Obi-Wan argued to stay.”

“Qui-Gon, is she right?  Did your Padawan choose to remain behind to assist the Young?” asked Mace harshly.  His voice was tight with tension; a shatter-point no doubt hung over all of them. 

“He did,” Qui-Gon confessed tersely.

There was a sharp intake of breath from Yaddle.

“You left your Padawan behind in a war zone to help children fight a war and reported to us in such a manner that ensured he was left there without aid or support,” Koon sounded furious.  “Why?”

Qui-Gon bowed his head rather than answer.

“Understand I do not, my Grand-Padawan, why tell us you did not,” Yoda says.

For the first time Tahl could remember Qui-Gon did not reply to his Grandmaster.

“Because he would have to admit that he ignored the plight of scared and endangered children in order to prioritise returning me to the Temple,” Tahl says brusquely.  “Because he would have to admit that he left his Padawan, a child, behind in a war zone where adults think nothing of killing children because he placed a greater value on my life than Obi-Wan’s.”

There is a horrified beat of silence.

A furious cacophony of sound erupts as the Council began to argue – some defending Qui-Gon, others condemning him.  Tahl flinches at the noise.

Yoda’s stick bangs loudly on the floor bringing order.  Silence falls.

“For abandoning those in need, abandoning your Padawan, censure you will face, Qui-Gon,” Yoda proclaims solemnly, disappointment coating every word.  “To help Obi-Wan now, more important it is.”

“Why has he not called for help?” asks Kress. “Surely he knew even if Qui-Gon had left him, he only had to reach out to the Temple and we would aid him?”

Beside her, Qui-Gon remains silent.

Tahl blows out a breath.  “Qui-Gon informed me that he gave him an ultimatum: leave the planet with us or leave the Order.  He made Obi-Wan return his lightsabre.”

Yoda’s stick banging loudly on the ground cuts off another swell of indignant shouts.

“No wonder Padawan Kenobi has not contacted us,” Koon states before anyone else can speak.  “He believes he is no longer a Jedi and our silence these past days since Qui-Gon arrived back to the Temple will only have confirmed such a belief in his mind.  It must seem to him that we have abandoned him just as much as his Master.”

Adi snorts.  “We have abandoned him!  We should have questioned Jinn more when he reported a young boy had just decided to leave the Order on a mission where we knew a Master had been severely injured!  We should have investigated!”

“But we did not and we cannot change the past,” Mace cuts in.  “We can only act from here.”

“There is one more thing about Obi-Wan,” Tahl says.  “I cannot say for certain, the memories are muddled in my mind, but I believe he awakened as a Guide.”

There is another wave of horror. 

It is rare for a Jedi to fully awaken as a Sentinel or Guide.  The Force bolsters their senses in ways that the need is rare.  But to know they have left one of their own awakened and out in the galaxy alone…

“Qui-Gon?” Mace’s voice was hard as iron; it rang in the Force.

She senses Qui-Gon shaking his head. 

“I do not know,” Qui-Gon says.

Because he had been too wrapped up in her, Tahl realises.  Because their love had blinded him to the needs of a boy he’d sworn to teach and protect.

Her heart breaks anew.

“Your training bond?” asks Mace.

“I severed it within my mind when he made his choice,” Qui-Gon says quietly.

“I propose I leave for Melida/Daan immediately to aid Padawan Kenobi,” Koon says authoritatively. 

“Go with you, I will,” Yoda says.  He pins Qui-Gon with a disappointed look.  “Return his lightsabre, you will.”

The meeting adjourns.

Qui-Gon is led away from her; he is to remain in his own quarters under guard until they establish the full consequences of his actions in leaving Obi-Wan behind.  She feels his contrition, his love, a begging in the Force to forgive him, but she cannot.

She cannot bear that the love they have shared has led to the abandonment of a child he was meant to love and teach and protect, the abandonment of children in need of their protection.

Adi escorts Tahl back to her room and stays with her while she weeps.

o-O-o

A day passes.

Then another.

Tahl moves out of the Halls and back to her own quarters.

She’s visited by a few people.  Jocasta, Cin, Micah…

None of them feel as steady as Qui-Gon.

None of them break her heart though.

A new day has broken, early morning light shimmering through the rain when Koon and Yoda arrive back at the Temple. 

Tahl is not called to the Council Chamber rather Koon visits her later in the day.  She cannot help but already know that Obi-Wan is not with them.

Koon sits beside her on the sofa.  “As far as we know, Obi-Wan is still alive.”

Tahl lets out a shaky breath. 

“When we arrived on the planet, we met with the new governor, a Mandalorian named Pil Wren,” Koon tells her.

Tahl freezes.  The history between Mandalore and the Jedi is fraught.  The Mandalorians invariably awaken and attract others to their banner: Sentinels and Guides in tribal structures which do not sit well with the Republic’s frame of democracy.  The Mand’alor is a Sentinel by right of being the strongest.

“Obi-Wan was awakened when you left,” Koon says gently.  “Without the training bond to help shield him, he began to experience the full impact of the horror around him.  They said Obi-Wan waited because he believed that his Master would relent once you were safe, or that if Qui-Gon remained too angry at him, that Master Yoda and the Council would at least send help for the Young.”

Tahl bows her head.

“They said when the Order did not return to Melida/Daan in the timeframe Obi-Wan calculated for your safe arrival to the Temple and for a rescue mission to be put together to return to the planet, he travelled to the spirit plane and sought his Sentinel to beg for help,” Koon says, his voice heavy with sorrow.

How desperate must Obi-Wan have been, Tahl wonders, blinking back tears.  How betrayed must he have felt?

Koon’s hand squeezes hers in comfort.  “The Mandalorians arrived within a mere day’s rotation and quickly took control of the planet on behalf of the Young.  The Elders agreed to peace in short order.”

Tahl snorts because of course those cowards crumbled in the face of real warriors. 

“The Mandalorians will operate the government until the Young who stayed can govern themselves.  Obi-Wan consented to bond with his Sentinel.  He is with his Sentinel’s tribe now,” Koon says gently, “Governor Wren refused to tell us which tribe, or who the Sentinel was, but assured us that Obi-Wan is safe and cared for.”

If Qui-Gon is a rock, Koon is like a warm fire in the Force.  She takes comfort in his surety that what he has been told is the truth.

“Yoda is speaking with Qui-Gon,” Koon says.  “He will face a severe censure for his abandonment of Obi-Wan and the Young.  I am petitioning the Council to bar him from taking another Padawan.  Some Jedi are not meant to be Masters of our younglings.”

Tahl nods slowly. 

With hindsight she could see that Qui-Gon’s success at completing Feemor’s training had made him arrogant.  He’d carried that arrogance into his training of Xanatos, who had ultimately Fallen to the Dark side.  Qui-Gon had only acquiesced to training Obi-Wan in the end because Yoda had manipulated him into seeing the Guide’s potential.  She wonders now whether Qui-Gon had ever really been committed to Obi-Wan. 

“We recorded a message for Obi-Wan to explain what occurred, to make our apologies, and promise him safe return to the Order if he should choose to do so,” Koon continues, “Governor Wren promised to deliver it to him along with his lightsabre.”

“You don’t think Obi-Wan will return to us,” Tahl states, reading his doubt in the Force.

Koon sighs.  “Once a bond is formed between a Sentinel and a Guide, it comes before all other things.  I cannot imagine that Obi-Wan will be different in that regard for all he always thought he was destined to be a Jedi Knight.”

“The future is always in motion,” murmurs Tahl sadly.

Koon leaves her.

Tahl sits in the dark of her room and meditates.  She tries to let go of her guilt, of her hurt.  She tries to find serenity and forgiveness for Qui-Gon’s actions, but it is so hard when she cannot lay eyes on Obi-Wan herself and be assured that he is cared for by his Sentinel.  She just needs to see…

The Force swirls around her.

The dark clears and she sees. 

She Sees.

Obi-Wan sits on a rock.  He stares out on a forested hillside, empty of civilisation.  A large sun sets on the horizon.  He looks thin and worn, but he isn’t alone. 

A boy, a teenager a few years older than Obi-Wan, sits next to him.  She can only make out his dark hair as his head bends towards Obi-Wan.  She notes the shine and paint of the Mandalorian armour he wears. 

There is already affection between them, she realises, as Obi-Wan turns to the other boy; to press his forehead against his Sentinel’s with gentle care.

A Stewjoni Fire-Cat jumps down from a nearby tree, fur the same copper as Obi-Wan’s hair and lands next to a black Mando-Wolf.  Their spirit animals, their protectors, Tahl realises when their other-worldly eyes turn to her.

She nods at them, an acknowledgement, a farewell, and slowly breathes out as she lets the vision go.

The Force has provided her with a gift.

Obi-Wan is loved and wanted.

And Tahl can be at peace with his fate.

fin.